Christmas Morning

I couldn't wait for Christmas morning!  I was so excited to watch Mackenzie and Collin as they walked into the living room to see all the presents that Santa had left for them.  I was excited to watch their faces light up and not quite know what to do with themselves.  That's exactly what happened and I have it all on video, unfortunately I didn't capture too many pictures, but here's a few.

Mackenzie finally digging into her stocking.  We never could get Collin interested in his...thus no picture.

Mackenzie with her Barbie Pet Vet Station.  This is the one thing that she wanted Santa to bring her, however there was no way, no how that she was ever ever going to tell him that or even get near him.  She told me to do it for her.  But she did say that Santa could come to her house to drop off the presents, but she didn't want to see him.  Funny girl!  And about the Pet Vet Station...she has been using all her headbands as stethoscopes (putting them upside down in her ears) to be a doctor and give a check-up to all her stuffed animals daily.  So when she saw this whole set-up on tv, she was quite excited to have an entire doctor station set-up to check all her pets.  She loves it!

The new craft table so they can quit coloring on my floors and walls.

This is my only picture of Collin on Christmas morning.  He loves balls and basketball, so this was a perfect toy.  When he realized he couldn't reach the balls, he ran to his room for a step stool so that he could play and this is where he spent a good part of his morning.

Temple Square

One thing I love about Christmas time are the magical lights at Temple Square.  They are absolutely beautiful!  We made a quick visit with the kids all bundled up so that I could get out and see the giant red tree that I love.  Even though it was short (due to Collin's impatience these days), it was still amazing.  Unfortunately I forgot my camera, so these are the only decent pictures that I took with my cell phone.

And as for me...

Collin busted our old computer a few weeks ago and we finally got our new one yesterday.  So I'm just catching up on blogging...

So as for me...I'm doing great.  My recovery is going well, no more drains, no more meds, and less and less pain each day.  Although I have realized that my body is sucking quite a big of energy out of me to heal, thus I am so dead tired by around noon or 2 pm each day, so I've been trying to get a nap in with some success.

Other than that, I'm just mentally preparing myself to start chemotherapy.  I'm starting mid-December...actually 2 weeks from tomorrow and it will run through April 1st as long as I can keep my immune system strong. 

I think I'm ready for this, as much as I can be.  I'm looking forward to April so that I can think about other things in life besides drs appts, being sick, healing, losing my hair, etc.  I really hope the doctors are right and the worst is already behind me.

Our Gingerbread House

I bought a gingerbread house kit thinking it would be a fun family activity sometime during December.  Mackenzie begged and begged to put it together, so we already made it and it is already gone.  It certainly was an adult project, with Mackenzie and Collin contributing by eating the candy so that we had less work ahead of us to put on the house.  Mackenzie continued to tell me how beautiful it was and what a great job I was doing.  It made her day to watch me make this house for her, and I quite enjoyed making it.

It did look better than this, but they already ate the icicles off the house before I even got the camera out.  I have to say those were some yummy icicles!

Collin turns 2!

Collin turned 2 finally the day before Thanksgiving.  It seems that I've been looking forward to this day forever, hoping that he'd grow out of his tantrums and I might be able to reason with him since that's when the lightbulb seemed to turn on for Mackenzie.  Well the birthday came and went and I have to say that nothing has changed.  Not much reasoning ability and still plenty of tantrums to get his way.  He had a fun birthday anyways.

The cute birthday boy!

The cake I slaved 5 hours over.  Totally worth it, he's only 2 once and in love with McQueen!

Trying to blow those candles out.

His new toys and they were a hit!

A few things about Collin as a 2 year old now:

*Did I mention he throws tantrums...a lot!

*He's the ultimate climber and jumper

*He's absolutely in love with his Lightning McQueen pjs and digs them out of the dirty clothes any chance he gets.

*He's obsessed with fire.  He was upset when he blew out the candles on his cake and there was no more fire.

*He LOVES to push Mackenzie's buttons!  He's most successful by using his high-pitched scream right in her face.

*He's so lovable... loves hugs, kisses, and squeezes.

*He loves to read books, color, play blocks, play in the car...do the regular 2 year old things (so unlike Mackenzie).

*He says 'Uh' in front of every word he says in a very dramatic way...you'd have to hear it.  It's his vocal signature and everyone knows who's talking when they hear the 'Uh' start.

We love this kid!  He's so cute and brings so much joy (along with a little frustration at times) into our lives.  We are so greatful to have him, even if he is in the Terrible 2 stage right now. :)  Happy Birthday Collin!

Recovery is Tough!

I'm getting behing on my blog...and everything else, but I wanted to write a quick update.

I had surgery last Tuesday, a bilateral mastectomy.  I don't care anymore that people know.  It was a choice I made to save my life and when all things were factored in about my cancer, it really was my only choice.  I'm glad I made that choice.  I also had a surgical port placed near my collarbone since I only have one good arm for IVs and it can't take a solid year of needle poke torture.

My whole dilemma about the surgery was not what to do, but which doctor to have do the surgery.  I finally disgarded my emotions and went with the surgeon who we felt had the most experience doing this.

The surgery took 6 hours.  First the general surgeon removed the breast tissue, and placed my port.  Then the plastic surgeon placed tissue expanders in me that will be replaced with normal implants after I finish chemotherapy.  All was supposed to go well, even though it was a pretty major surgery.  But after 2 1/2 hours in, and Tyson hadn't seen the first surgeon, he knew something went wrong.  She was supposed to be done in 1 1/2 hours.  The risk in placing the surgical port is to get a punctured lung.  We knew it was a risk, and the odds were 1 in 1000.  It turned out that I had to be that 1 in 1000.  :(

I did get out of surgery after 6 hours and spent 3 hours in recovery kind of in and out of it.  Every time I was awake I just kept complaining that I couldn't breathe.  They finally put some oxygen tubes on me.  When they were getting me ready to go to my room, the nurse bumped me and I cringed.  She then told me that it was my chest tube she bumped.  I was in disbelief.  I had no idea I had a chest tube at that point, but I knew what it meant with having one.  I just started crying, trying to hold back the tears because then I really couldn't breathe and it hurt more.

I ended up staying two nights at the hospital, which wasn't too bad.  I've been home and in bed ever since.  I had a good first day at home, but since all the anesthesia has worn off, I have just been in pain, and so exhausted, so weak, and so dizzy.  My cancer was on my right side, which feels pretty good.  But my left side is so messed up between a collapsed lung trying to mend and a port that seems that it didn't go in so well, and a tingling left arm with numbness.  I can't believe how messed up it is.  I also have four drain bulbs hooked onto a belt that I have to wear and take care of.  I have looked at myself post-surgery, but it nearly instantly makes me light-headed and nauseated.  It's weird, but it does.

We learned after the surgery that there was more cancer found in the same breast in different areas, which makes me so glad that I chose the surgery that I did.  I hope the worst part is behind us now.  I can't imagine that chemotherapy can make me any worse off.  I am grateful for all the prayers and help that we've had, especially my mom who has been so good to take care of all of us.  And hopefully this is somewhat coherent to read...and if not...well I will blame it on the drugs. 

Now back to bed...

Happy Halloween!

Mackenzie has been looking forward to Halloween, although not knowing what to expect, except that she finally gets to wear her costume. I think the Dora and Diego cartoons helped her out a little too. :) Collin doesn't really get it, but just goes with whatever Mackenzie does and didn't fight the costume at all.


We let Mackenzie decide what she wanted to be, and she said a bee. I have no idea why since she says bees are mean (she got stung this past summer) and she runs from them. She did like to fake sting us around the house though. Collin was a cute puppy dog, although he got mixed up for being a cow quite a bit too. Either way, he was cute in his costume.

We went to the church for Trunk-or-Treat. It was a small occasion, but perfect for my two little animals. Once Collin found a Dum-Dum in his bag, he dropped the bag in the parking lot, sat down in the middle of the road and worked on ripping off the wrapper. Nothing else mattered at that point!

As if they didn't get enough candy at the church, we took them around our neighborhood. That was the first time we've been able to walk around with the kids without needing wagons or strollers and it was great! We had a nice Halloween!

I got Collin dressed, except for the hood.  I worked on getting Mackenzie dressed, and I turned around and found Collin trying to finish dressing himself with his basket on his head.

All ready to go!

They were thinking this is sooooo cool!

Mackenzie leading the way.

A Girls Weekend

I just had a fab, fab, fabulous 3-day weekend with two of my best girlfriends from Florida! We have wanted to get together for a while, and well, thanks to the cancer, I provided a very good reason...not to mention my friends just had new babies and needed a good getaway too!

Krishawn flew into Grand Junction and we headed over the mountain to pick up Julie. First stop...The Melting Pot! It was a first for Krishawn and me at the fondue place. We all loved it, all three hours of it. We even got Krishawn to say she liked cheese (she claims she hates it...hmmm). The best part of dinner was Krishawn's sound effects as the waiter explained the chocolate fondue menu. You can imagine, and she wouldn't stop doing it with every word out of his mouth describing the chocolate, caramel, etc. We laughed so hard, and embarrassed him so much, he quickly said 'I've gotta go take a smoke break!' and ran off before we could even catch our breath. It was great!

We really were trying to have a fun and relaxing weekend and treat ourselves. That required a fabulous hotel, The Ritz-Carlton in Downtown Denver. It was awesome! The room was super nice...hardwood, marble, bathrobes, perfect beds, etc, but I have to say I was by far most impressed with the service there. It was top-notch! We didn't have to lift a finger there and were treated like queens!

We spent most of our time shopping, but had fun doing it. We certainly wore ourselves out, even to the point we required a nap back at the Ritz on Saturday afternoon.

I loved my time spent with these great gals...all the shopping, eating out, late late night talks and laughs, sleeping in until 9 and 10 a.m. each day.  It was so wonderful!  I miss them already!

Piece the next three pictures together to get all of us...we didn't see anyone handy to ask to take a picture of us all.

Little Lily joined us for the 3-day weekend.  She was super cute and fun to have around.

Our wonderful hotel in the background.

One more note...I have to say a BIG THANK YOU to our husbands who all put their schedules on hold and stayed at home to watch our families for us.  Thank you, thank you, thank you...and we hope you are now trained and broke in for our next girls weekend! :)

My Life...updated

This cancer world is a whirlwind!  It seems since my last post about it, so much time has passed, when really it was just a few weeks.  My world has revolved around a million doctor appointments and tests and lots of stress, heartache, worry, and scheduling. 

I have learned so much about my breast cancer.  Our (Tyson too) mindset about the cancer and treatment has changed 180 degrees from when we first learned about it.  All of our decisions (there's a lot) about how to deal with this revolve around survival for me and to be able to live for Tyson and our kids.  All other plans and decisions in our lives seem quite insignificant right now.  Honestly, I'd love to get back to the insignifcant decisions! 

I did have a surgery about two weeks ago to remove pre-cancerous cells around where the tumor originally was and also to remove a lymph node for testing.  The lymph node came up negative, which as wonderful.  But the biopsy of the tissue taken from the breast revealed that there was more cancer, not just pre-cancer, and there still is more cancer in me now.  We learned a lot more about the type of cancer I have from that biopsy, and it is much more serious than we first thought.  It is now categorized as Stage 2, but the treatment is still looking the same.  We learned about the proteins attaching on the cancer cells...some good and some bad.  I will undergo another surgery probably next week, and then I start chemo about a month after the surgery.  I will do about 5 months of chemotherapy, and then there's more I.V. treatment for another 7 months.  It's a long road of treatment that looks like it will extend to about 6 years from now, but I know that all of this is to save my life and prevent this from coming back.  It does make me feel good that we are doing everything possible to fight this.  It doesn't completely prevent it, but its giving me the best shot at it.

So now I'm preparing myself for a bit of a transformation and my hair loss.  I really think losing my hair is going to be one of the hardest parts of all of this, not that I'm in love with my hair, but I know it looks better than me being bald!  I'm starting to stock up on knit caps and scarfs!  I can't knit fast enough.

So many statistics about breast cancer survival are on a 10-year time frame. We haven't seen any statistics beyond that. Ten years just doesn't cut it for me! I need plenty more than that, and that is what all this torture is all about.

Our Fall Hike

I've been wanting to go on a fall hike, and suddenly it was "needed".  It was the best getaway from reality and great therapy.  I loved it.  The fall colors were gorgeous, but I think we were a little late getting up there since a lot of leaves had already fallen off.  Still pretty though! 

Hi-ho, hi-ho, off to play they go...

There always seems to be a 'troll bridge' everywhere we go, and this was no exception. 

The Pineapple Girl

She called all the pinecones 'pineapples' as she collected them.

Boy, they love each other!

Cute treehugger!

The Mountain Men

Mommy and Mackenzie

Good News!

First of all, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for all the concern, support, offering to help, and the many prayers!  It really does mean a lot and I certainly feel at ease with all the kindness.

I went to the dr. again today with some great news.  I've had an MRI and CT scans in the last couple of days and they all came back clear of any more cancer.  What a relief!  The pathology results from the lump removed were very positive as well, confirming it is in Stage 1 (the earliest stage), and that it is acting as a non-aggressive cancer.  This is all great and we feel so good about it all! 

Down side is that next week I have another surgery to remove more tissue (pre-cancer cells) and a lymph node for some testing.  Then I have four weeks of recovery and then I'm supposed to start radiation. 

So it will be a while until this is all over, but knowing what I face makes it so much more bearable.  I actually do feel great and am not on the emotional rollercoaster that I've been riding for the last week.

Wish me luck and keep the prayers coming!

Come What May, And Love It!

Sometimes life throws us curve balls.  You never know what is going to come your way.  Tyson and I haven't really seen much adversity or roadblocks in our life until now.  About 9 months ago, I found a small pea-sized lump in my breast and immediately went to the doctor.  After seeing two doctors, having ultrasound imaging, and a "100% sure" confirmation from the surgeon that it was just a fibroadenoma, I was put at ease and was able to carry on with the rest of life.

About 2 months ago, I felt the lump growing and sometimes a bit painful.  I still wasn't worried since I was told that it could grow and become uncomfortable at which I might want to remove it only because it would be obnoxious.  So the time came when I had to go for my dreaded yearly exam at the doctor, in which I also asked about the lump again (new dr...new city).  Once again, I was referred to a surgeon to see about getting removed (which is what I wanted at that point). 

Last Monday I met with the surgeon, and then Wednesday had the surgery and watched the whole thing.  The lump was about the size of a large marble, and quite a simple procedure to get it removed.  But the next day I got the dreaded phone call that no one ever wants, with the nurse requesting that me and Tyson come into the office as soon as possible to discuss the results of the biopsy.  There is no way to explain how I felt when she called, and then as I frantically tried to get ahold of Tyson at the office.

We made it to the office and were told that the lump was cancerous.  They believe it is at Stage 1, but there is so much testing, a few surgeries, and a lot of information still to be gathered.  The next couple of weeks are going to be intense and we are anxious to know the entire story behind this, but the waiting and not knowing is hard at times. 

We both feel very positive about it, and the dr. does too.  I am certainly scared, but am also finding comfort in having Tyson by my side, the sweet blessing he gave me, and two very active little kids that will keep me busy and are too young to understand this stressful time we are going through.  This certainly is a time to draw closer as a family, and closer to our Savior. 

I hope sharing this brings some awareness to all my girlfriends out there,...and a little therapy for me and place to vent. :)  We hope this can be a chapter in our lives that we can look back on and are greatful for the growth that we gained from it. 

I read an article the other day that was the last talk given by Elder Wirthlin in the October 2008 conference that I love and gave me a boost of strength and perspective.  It is called "Come What May, And Love It".  Awesome and entertaining talk.  This was the advice his wise mother gave him when he faced disappointment as a young boy, but it certainly is profound.  I love it!  Take a read...Come What May, And Love It

...Now nobody freak out on me! :)

Telluride

Our last stop while on our little getaway was going over to Telluride. It wasn't exactly on the way home, but it was close enough to make a very quick trip over for lunch and to ride the only FREE gondola ride of its kind up the mountain.

Telluride is beautiful, nestled in a box canyon around 14000 ft peaks. Elevation 8750 ft and population of 2200 people. It is home to many rich and famous. We didn't see any, but you would definitely have to be rich to live there...the home prices are insane!

There were quite a few waterfalls up in the box canyon after you drive through town. These were the most interesting...my new home :).

Our first try with the leash...Mackenzie's in control.

On our way to the gondola, and Mackenzie in the background stopping to obsess about the turquoise bicycle.

At the gondola

Up, up, up...they loved it!

At the top...

This is the probably the closest I'm ever going to get to going on a 'black diamond' run. They dropped off the mountain every which way around us. Crazy people!

The World Famous Telluride below.

It was a fun trip, but too short. I definitely want to go back and stroll the streets a bit and window shop (too expensive to actually purchase anything). Then Tyson can go down the crazy ski runs.

Cascade Falls

Our last day in Ouray we hiked up to Cascade Falls. It was right outside of town and only a half mile hike. It was perfect for the kids. They loved throwing rocks and leaves in the water and watching them get washed away. The waterfall was beautiful too!

Our Jeeping Adventure

The mountains around Ouray are known for their many jeeping trails. We really wanted to go on the somewhat famous Alpine Loop...a dirt road, up in the high-country out away from everything and everyone. So I got a map from the hotel front desk of the jeeping trails, including the Loop, and their descriptions. The clerk told me the trails were rated 1-5, with 5 being the hardest and extremely hazardous. We were taking our Pathfinder, its 4x4, but certainly not a Jeep. So she said she wouldn't recommend anything higher than a 3 rating in our car. I thought she was being extra cautious, but listened to all her advice.

We got up to the start of the Loop right off the highway and the road looked quite rocky. It was rated a 3, but turned into a 5 in some parts. I definitely need new tires on my car and we did not need another popped tire from sharp rocks, so we decided to go find another trail.

A few miles further down the highway we found another trail, a 3 rating, at the start of an old mining town. It looked completely harmless at the first. Nice meadows, quaky trees, people camping. Then suddenly it turned and side-cut up the mountain for a few miles, literally. I didn't know when we'd ever get to the top. I was quite nervous at times. It wasn't so dangerous that I thought we'd roll off the cliff, but with two little ones in the back sleeping and slightly greasy roads, it wasn't the most settling of drives I've been on. These weren't just dirt roads through the mountains that people take for a Sunday drive to see the pretty fall colors. These were crazy climbing Jeeping trails!

The road quickly turned from dirt to mostly shale and rock, up above the treeline. We finally got to the top at 12, 200 ft! I couldn't believe it! The view were incredible all the way up and on top. But I really couldn't believe that we just side cut a 14,000 ft peak to get over the top of a mountain pass. Who knew there were roads up that high?! Not me...not like that!

After we went across that pass, we decided to go over one more pass since we survived the first one. It was amazing as well, and we found a lake up at the top of the pass at 12, 600 ft! This is officially the highest either of us have ever been. I took some pictures, but they in no way show how high or incredible it is up on top of the world like that.

On our way up... This is the view from behind us.

Up above the treeline from the pass at 12,200 ft.

The top of our journey...12,600 ft.

It was a little crazy, but absolutely amazing views. I think we'll stick to the 1 and 2 ratings next time though. :)