5 Love & Marriage Rules According to HBO's The Gilded Age

At Staatsburgh, we enjoy watching television shows and movies that take place during the Gilded Age. It is enlightening to see the era come alive onscreen through the clothing, the setting, and even the etiquette! While not every attempt to portray the Gilded Age onscreen is completely accurate, most Gilded Age aficionados would agree that Julian Fellowes and HBO’s The Gilded Age do a very good job recreating the era! On top of visually reconstructing the era, Fellowes also fashions characters and behaviors that reflect 19th century social mores. And of course, a television show must have love stories and romance! Many of the plot points on the show regarding relationships reveal rules and etiquette common to the era. With that in mind, we created a list of five relationship rules according to HBO’s The Gilded Age.

(*Spoiler Alert* - If you haven’t watched both seasons of the show and plan to watch it, this essay may reveal some minor plot points.)

Photo: Courtesy of HBO

The Consummate Gentleman: Winthrop Rutherfurd and Some of His Leading Ladies

The press was enamored of many dashing gentlemen during the Gilded Age, but no one quite so much as Winthrop Rutherfurd.  "Winty" was tall, handsome, and of good stock.  His father, Lewis Morris Rutherfurd, was a pioneering astronomer, but Winthrop also descended directly from Peter Stuyvesant who was the head of the Dutch colony of New Netherland, and from John Winthrop, the first governor of Massachusetts.  Edith Wharton once referred to him as the "prototype of my first novels." Perhaps she thought of him as she wrote male characters who she wanted to portray the discreet proper gentleman or ideal suitor.  Rutherfurd visited Staatsburgh multiple times and his family became connected to the Mills family when his niece married Ogden Livingston Mills in 1911.

Winthrop Rutherfurd, circa 1895

His three best-known loves span different eras of his life, but there were also probably countless others that never became public record.  How many women succumbed to the charms of Winthrop Rutherfurd?  We may never know....

Love in the Gilded Age: Successful Second Marriages

During the early years of the Gilded Age, divorce was quite uncommon and a reason for immediate expulsion from Gilded Age society. However, within a couple decades, divorce was more frequent even among families like the Vanderbilts and Astors. A few groundbreaking divorces from those high up in society, and more couples decided not to remain married to individuals they despised. Many Gilded Age marriages, especially among the upper classes, were not love matches. Parents would push for and even arrange certain marriages in order to cement a partnership, elevate social status, or increase finances, but the individuals were frequently ill suited to each other.  Many of these marriages ended in divorce, but what often resulted from these divorces was a happy second marriage.

A Titled Affair: Lady Eileen Forbes Weds the Future Marquess of Bute

Castle Forbes, County Longford, Ireland

On April 26, 1932, crowds in Newforbestown, County Longford, Ireland clamored to catch a glimpse of the lovely bride, Lady Eileen Forbes. The event was very exciting for a town with less than 1000 residents that was named after the Forbes family. The Earl of Granard had resided in the region since 1691 and the family’s residence at Castleforbes was central to the town’s identity. Adding to the excitement was the equally elevated status of the groom, John Crichton-Stuart, the Earl of Dumfries who was the eldest son of a Marquess from one of the most prominent families in Scotland. The affair was a celebration for both the family and the village.

Announcing Mr. & Mrs. Henry Carnegie Phipps...

Ruth Livingston Mills held countless functions at Staatsburgh during her lifetime, but one of the grandest affairs to happen at Staatsburgh was the wedding between the Millses' daughter Gladys and Henry Carnegie Phipps on December 7, 1907.  It was very important for young women to find a suitable match and Ruth Mills would have devoted considerable time to securing the best match possible for her daughters.  The engagement  between Gladys and Henry was rumored in October 1907 after they spent time together in Long Island and it was announced in the New York Times in November.  Family and friends tried to persuade the couple to have the wedding in New York, but both preferred the quiet pastoral setting at her family's Staatsburgh estate.