MICHAEL J. FOX: BIG FAKER?

Rush Limbaugh Outs “Parkinson Poser”

(Hill Valley) If there’s anyone qualified to know when a public figure is off his meds, it’s America’s foremost friend of faith-based pharmaceuticals, Rush Limbaugh. Thus, his recent diagnosis that actor Michael J. Fox is not taking his prescribed placebo, or worse, faking his degenerative disease, was greeted as fact by all right-thinking Americans who tune in to his daily radio show. Dr. Limbaugh made his insightful diagnosis after watching Fox appear in a campaign ad for Democrat Senatorial candidate Claire McCaskill, in which the diminutive duper lauded McCaskill’s godless support for stem cell research while shaking like a Polaroid picture. “This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox,” opined Limbaugh, a man well-versed in shamlessness. “Either he didn't take his medication or he's acting, one of the two (actual quote.)”

Limbaugh’s dead-on diagnosis was lauded by titans of the medical world, including Dr. Senator Bill Frist (M.D, R-TN.) Frist, who many recall was the first physician ever to determine a vegetative patient’s chances for recovery merely by viewing a few minutes of edited video. “I believe Limbaugh’s excellent assessment will only bring more credibility to what I like to call “one-minute media medicine,” offered Frist, who will be retiring from the Senate this year to devote himself full-time to this emerging industry. Frist added that had his own study of this new field of medicine been more accepted in the past, 9/11 never would have happened. “Back in 1992 while suffering through Bill Clinton’s acceptance speech at the Democratic convention, I could tell that he was a sexual deviate. Had we been able to convey this to the American people, I have no doubt that Bush would have won the election, and that he would have not allowed, as Clinton did, for Osama and Saddam to attack us.”

Almost as if on cue, liberal Hollywood elitist rushed to “Faker Fox’s” defense. Leah Thompson, Fox’s co-star in the 1985 hit “Back to the Future,” and Justine Bateman, Fox’s vapid, whorish sister on “Family Ties” appeared on several Minneapolis public-access cable shows denouncing Limbaugh’s accusations. However, many feel their appearance was a desperate publicity ploy by two forgotten actresses, in what may be their last chance to avoid soft-core porn.