It's 8:30pm. And I'm feeling like today was a "good mom" day. I'm pretty terrible post-vacation. It feels like a super-sized Monday. I'm tired from the travel. I'm dragging my feet on being a single parent, cook, and housewife again. Consequently, I'm grumpy with little patience, my house is messy, and meals are 30% take-out. Even "Beach Day" had me seething even more than usual during the dreaded car-to-beach walk (where Beckett casually walks into the street: "What? You're in the street.") and the return (which includes prying them away from surf and friends). I did, however, enjoy the actual beach time and snapped this photo of Abigail and her bestie Caroline, so the yuckier bookends of the trip were worth it.
Well, finally, today, Thursday, I seem to have shaken free of the post-vaca blahs. Abigail woke up pretty early, which meant we snuggled and watched an HGTV show and then I went running. The boys spent the morning putting together puzzles and building an epic fort, using every chair, blanket, and pillow they could find (and that I allowed...ahem).
While they were happily occupied, I tackled the garage for an hour or so. Those last boxes are so hard to unpack! Plus, I have added more boxes due to my Grandma's house downsizing. One of the boxes had this photo:
Ah, Mama. I miss this face, that smile, her laugh. Always. I love this photo. It seems like she could emerge from it and make this fourteen-year-old empty spot in my heart full again. I will settle for feeling grateful to see her so happy and so healthy. It's how I want to remember her.
On a lighter note, I heard Hamilton's panicked cries and discovered this:
Yep, trapped in a wetsuit, another treasure to emerge from the garage clean-up. He was less than thrilled about having his photo taken (he was truly crying--rare for him), but I promised it would be funny later. It's, obviously, hilarious right now...just not for him.
After lunch (crepes!), we met friends at a splash pad and Pinkberry...and called it "visiting teaching." Awesome plan I can take no credit for.
We also hit the library where Hamilton earned more prizes for all the reading he's been doing. Beckett refused to turn his paper in because he "does not like girls" and the prize-distributer was a girl. A little frustrating and confusing, as every girl I listed that we know he agreed that he likes. What? I guess I should be grateful and hope it lasts. His handsome face could get him in a lot of trouble when he's older.
After I put Abigail down for bed, I let the boys sit on my bed for bedtime stories. The simple act of reading aloud to them while they're snuggled up beside me is priceless. I know it won't last forever. Sometimes Hamilton chooses to read his books himself, which makes me proud and sad all at once. And knowing the fact of fleeting childhoods, I also agreed to a "lay down story" once I tucked them into bed.
Sometimes being a mom is so hard. And by "sometimes," I mean 90% of the time. Hard because it's lonely. Because it leaves less "me time." Because I'm short-tempered and they are fantastic at pushing buttons. Because it doesn't always feel valuable. Because I fail so often. Because it's overwhelming.
I'm so grateful for days like today. Nothing extraordinary. Just a day where I felt like I yelled less and let them have lots of "childhood" moments...and I let me breathe in those moments too. I will have "me time" sooner than I'd wish. I know this.
2 comments:
Great pic of your mom - you look so much like her! And nice job on the good mommy day. Did you guys move? I am sad to be so out of the loop with you.
Hey Meridee! YES! We did move...about 3 blocks away last Thanksgiving. We have our own garage and oodles of more common area...plus a 4th bedroom! It's such a blessing. I pinch myself that we were able to transition to a bigger place even with that yucky house bubble bursting.
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