What a man, what a man

Never fear, I didn't forget I was writing two posts. I just forgot I had four children. Or something. But I am pleased to announce that Jessie Lynn Warner the First has finally, officially, and irrevocably, gotten old.

This is what we were doing a year ago. When we were young. Now that crab would eat Jessie because he is old and decrepit and low on the food chain.

 

Jessie is 30! That doesn't even sound old anymore. Probably because I'm almost 30 and obviously I won't be old when I'm 30. But I want to make it clear, if I haven't with the other twelve references, that Jessie is old. Very old. But he is also pretty cool. He has done much with the prime of his life. Actually, during the Olympics we were watching some snowboarder who was 29 and Jessie got very mournful and was very bummed he hadn't won any gold medals or done anything else 'impressive'. Well, Mr. Warner, I am here to tell you that I think your first 30 years were very impressive. Super impressive. I  feel a list coming on.

 

30 impressive things about Jessie's first 30 years of life

(In a particular order, which is, the order they came to my brain)

1. Baptized a member of the LDS church
2. Served an honorable mission in Buenos Aires, Argentina
3. Married a girl almost as impressive as himself in the temple
4. Had 4 kids in five years (I give you partial credit, because we all know you didn't actually have them, but people are rightly impressed by you anyway.)
5. Bought and paid for 3(4?) cars
6. Bought and paid for a few doorknobs in a house
7. Served in at least a dozen church callings faithfully
8. Traveled to and looked hot in Costa Rica
9. Looked hot in Utah, Nevada, California, Idaho, and Texas (it is rumored that you also looked hot in over a half dozen easterly states and Argentina, but as no eyewitness testimony was recorder by anyone in this house, we cannot substantiate the claim)
10. Earned a Bachelor's degree
11. Earned an MBA (while supporting a wife and daughter who sat at home and watched reality tv and ate junk food)
12. Got a real job
13. Got more and better real jobs
14. Got promoted a lot, I'd write the number, but I forgot how many times. Honestly, Jessie, stop getting promoted. You make the little people jealous and sad. And they cry.
15. Broke both wrists at the same time
16. Got an honest to goodness, knocked out for hours concussion
17. Founded an annual White Elephant party
18. Made at least five major furniture purchases
19. Made Eagle Scout and other additional cool scouting things I don't the names of, including winning an award for being inspirational or something dumb like that
20. Won a television, ipad, gift cards, international trip, and other stuff, BUT NOT RECENTLY (hint hint)
21. Fixed a lot of household stuff and dry walled a ceiling, tiled some floors, and beyond 
22. Made my parents like you as much or more than me
23. Convinced your own mother you walk on water (I'm still searching for blackmail)
24. Watched the entire 7 seasons of The West Wing
25. Won a spelling bee (or maybe 2nd? Still impressive)
26. Had an appendectomy
27. Did I mention being a dad to 4 children? (Technically different than contributing DNA.) Good job sir.
28. Mastered the art of installing car seats
29. Beaten your parents at Pinochle
30. Put up with yours truly. For 8 years.

See? I want to know if Mr. Gold Medal can compete with that resume. Pretty impressive stuff, Mr. Warner. You don't sit around wasting time. Happy birthday and may your next 30 years be as awesome as the last. But maybe less hospitals. We love you around here.