The neck and back of it all

Friday's physio appointment was pretty exciting - much like a scene from ER, well, maybe a tamer version of it. My physio was teaching me some new exercises to strengthen my neck, when he had an unexpected patient. This man, who looked like he was in his 50s, had asked a kind soul to wheel him up to the physio clinic on a roller chair, which I don't know where the kind soul got from! From the security guard downstairs, I suspect.

The man (who turned out to be my physio's golf kaki) had earlier on come for his scheduled appointment with my physio, then left, and was chasing for the bus downstairs when he suddenly twisted his kneecap! So he returned on the roller chair, and limped really badly with an umbrella as support into one of the rooms in the clinic.

Next door, I shuddered as I heard him groan in pain as my physio hooked him up to some device to treat the pain. As in, he really groaned loudly. Damn scary man! In that same time, I saw a really old man hobble into another room to be hooked up to the pain relief machine - a device with nodes that sends warm electric pulses to parts of your body to relieve pain. And I thought to myself, growing old really is scary. I must make my body strong!!!

So anyways, since my physio sessions started, I've kinda made some changes to my everyday lifestyle. Such as:

1. Dumping my old pillow for this new firm support pillow

It was a little difficult getting used to it in the first week (even now I sometimes feel it is hard), but it has cured me of the shoulder pains I used to suffer every morning when I woke up. My previous pillows, though they felt firm, just couldn't support the weight of my head properly.

2. Getting an inclined notebook stand for my macbook

One of the big reasons for neck and shoulder aches is having to bend our heads downwards to see the laptop/notebook screen. The screen should always be at eye level so that you don't have to strain your neck/shoulders unnecessarily. At work, I use a desktop, and I've put my PC screen on a pile of past annual reports belonging to my organisation. You must also always lean back against your chair as you view the screen. With these changes, plus some neck-extension exercises that I'm supposed to do every 30 min (well, I don't do them so religiously lah), my shoulder aches have disappeared! I now only experience tension in the left side of my neck. I used to have to ask for shoulder rubs ALL THE TIME. But now, I don't need them. Super happy man.

3. Doing my stretching and strengthening almost everyday

During Friday's visit, the physio was teaching me new exercises (above) with the tube, to strengthen my neck muscles. Hopefully, they will help me alleviate the tension in the left side of my neck. My neck muscles are really weak - carrying shoulder bags make my shoulders ache real fast. I'm supposed to carry a haversack to distribute the weight evenly, but I'm vain and need to find a beautiful haversack. Then again, how to carry haversack when you wear office clothes right?

Before learning the above exercise, I was doing stretching on the thigh muscles (including hamstring), as well as doing basic pilates to strengthen the back and abs. And you know what! I can now touch the toes of one foot when I sit on the bed to stretch. You imagine a sit-and-reach position and me stretching to touch the toes of one foot. This is amazing lor, for someone who could NEVER do sit-and-reach in sec sch, and always had to settle for a bronze for NAPFA despite aceing the rest of the exercise tests. Frankly, the stretching exercises that our PE teachers used to teach us are wrong lor. Doing the gradual stretching that my physio taught me has loosened up muscles other than the hamstring, making it much easier to stretch the hamstring. I'm really happy. Apparently, my tight hamstring and other muscles near there (whose names I can't pronounce) need to be loosened, so that my body doesn't put all the weight and stress on my lower back, and hurt it further. In other words, the weight needs to be distributed among the thighs and back.

After seeing the physio, I've begun to realise how many people around me have similar problems! It's crazy because it's mostly due to our lifestyle. Eg. sitting in front of the tv and pc most times, playing guitar, carrying bags etc... My ex-cell group leader, who also used to see a physio, decided to go a step further and solve his problems altogether with his own traction device. Every time he gets aches, he lies on this device for a few minutes, somewhat like Batman hanging upside down. I tried it (see below), but was too nervous to hang completely upside down!

Christmas Eve

I was really looking forward to Christmas Eve because Mich had booked a table for a bunch of us at Timbre@Old School, to catch Alarice singing. She's an Australian-based singer who has some roots in Singapore, and she was touring together with fellow Australian-based singer Deb Fung. These people are just so talented lah. If I'm not wrong, Alarice is only 21 (right Mich?). The Timbre there has a nice vibe to it, pretty peaceful and away from the crazy crowd. Just a little peeved that Timbre didn't have our reservation, even tho' Mich booked one month ago! My friend, who also reserved a table a little later than us, didn't have her reservation registered too! Ah well, Timbre's service has never been very good, but they can afford to be proud cos their music acts draw crowds. Anyways, I still had a good time. Hoping to catch more of Alarice-type acts in 2009. She's good :)

Here's to Health

FY recently found 5 lumps in her breast, and when I read about them on her blog, I was really quite taken aback. Thoughts that ran through my mind: should I call her? But maybe she doesn't want to be disturbed cos she's anxious enough already... so I thought I'd send her an SMS. What a relief it was to know, a few days later (actually just earlier in the day), that they were non-malignant. Yes, she can live and she can watch her son grow. This is my friend from sec sch, who is the same age as me this year - 29.

That night when I had read her blog, I started going through my list of good friends, and wondering what I would do if they died. And I couldn't sleep. I logged online, found Mich (yes dear old Mich whom I can trust to be online at that time of the night), and asked her how many people she knew had women's problems. I mean, a few people I know around my age have fibroids, funny hormonal issues and now, breast lumps. And I told Mich, in jest, I felt left out. She immediately berated me and said I was to celebrate my health. And I really agree.

For 2009, I am going to be healthy. By effort.
- I am going to continue to take good care of my neck and back.
- I am going to eat more fruits and vegetables. This means at least one fruit every morning for breakfast.
- I am going to make sure I swim every Monday. And if I can, briskwalk every Sunday.
- I am NOT going to let work take control of me. It's my life that I'm living.

I really really want to celebrate my health.

physio

I had Session 4 of physiotherapy today. And I am feeling better.
No more shoulder aches, just the left side of my neck that's a bit problematic.
My flexibility in the thighs have improved. Woohoo!!! (Not being able to do sit-and-reach in sec sch and forever is linked to my bad lower back.)
Next two purchases to make my neck and back better?
New mattress - firm one. And, inclined laptop stand.
So far, the first purchase - my wonderful pillow - is working well.
Yay.

I like physiotherapy.

卢广仲 <100种生活>

I was just jio-ing people to go watch 卢广仲 (Lu Guang Zhong) at the Huayi Festival in Feb next year, when I found out that both shows were sold out!!! Oh man. So sad. I won't say I know this quirky, dorky indie Taiwanese singer very well, but I thought he was fab at the guitar and vocals. And a lot of personality too. James Porn would be disappointed at not being to watch him live. Oh well, here's an MTV of his <100种生活>...

I missed Mayday live, at dinner

Last night, SH calls me on my mobile and exclaims: "Ms D, they are REALLY here leh!!!" I was like, huh, what??? Crisis case ah??? My youth, what happened??? And then it dawned on me. Mayday was having dinner at Sin Hoi Sun, the eatery where she was having dinner that night!!! OMG. I. NEARLY. DIED. I mean, I was just joking with her before she left the office that she might so luckily bump into them. But really, I thought they'd have left Singapore after their show on Sat night. To still be in the country on Tuesday night? What are the chances??? Can die. Can die.

So, she started describing what they were doing. Obviously, she couldn't recognise all of them, cos she's not a fan (tsk tsk). But she could count. And there were only 3, with my 老公 (yes I'm known as Mrs Shin in office, ie wife of Ashin the lead singer) absent, and another one absent. Stone was seen playing with his little son (should be abt 3 years old now)...awww so sweet right? I like these father types.

This morning, I came into the office and saw all the post-it notes stuck on my Mayday poster, and I burst out laughing. Yar, so apparently, Mayday missed me at their dinner last night. Awww....so sweet.

But of course SH had to add, a little later, to me: "They all look sooooo ah beng. But then again, you like."

Haha. Yes I do.

peace

I feel more relaxed today.

Thank you everyone for your smses and comments. Really appreciate it! :)

Ridiculous Life

For the past few days, I have been living a Ridiculous Life. It is part of the job to be on suicide alert, but I've been told that the intensity of the crisis cases I've been handling over the last 2-half years in this job, is much more than that handled by the senior staff.

The other day, my boss actually looked at me, and said: "How come it always happens to you? Have you ever wondered? Do you think God is trying to mould you or something?"

Seriously, I don't know.

But the past few days have been damn shit. 

I want to switch my mobile phone to silent mode so that I can get a peaceful sleep. But I know I can't, because my colleagues are leaving their mobile phones on so as to receive my emergency calls in the weirdest hours of the morning. If they are supporting me in this way, I must also fulfil my professional responsibility.

But, I.AM.SO.TIRED.

People say it's so noble of social workers to give their all. But really, I'm quite up to my limit. I'm doing all I can to contain it. I really hope peace comes soon.

I may be single. But I still need my space and my family.

These few days are a Ridiculous Life.

the rhythm of the heart

These are my boys, my percussion boys. Through them, I've gotten a taste of what it's like to be an artiste manager. Haha. They need a plaster for the blister on their hand (after playing too much drums), I help them get it. They need water, I help them get it. They need someone to look after their PSP, I help them do it. Their favourite phrase? Ms D, blanjah blanjah (ie treat us to food - I don't really know how to spell the word) It's been such a joy to watch them grow over the last year, although they stormed quite a bit for the first 6 months. People dropping out, people fighting (physically), people getting into some trouble. But today, they are quite grown up, though not quite there yet of course. One of them decided not to go home with his siblings because he wanted to stay back to help me carry the drums back that night. So sweet.

I don't think I've ever felt so human in any other job. Connection - that's the oft-used word by the people I work with. I never knew that connection was so important to me, and to the world out there. God created us to be connected. It is inbuilt in us, it is something we can never do without. Yet, because of connection, my own issues are triggered through the resilient but wounded mothers I talk to, the young but broken children I speak with...

Today, I woke up with great pain in my heart. God, I only want you to acknowledge that pain. Like I was telling a friend today, I'm beyond complaining and I have no need to, because I know everything happens for a reason. I'm not sure how I ever reached this stage in my life, but I know I have. It's a bit surreal, but I'm somewhere there. Yet, I hurt.

God, tell me you know.

no space

no space is back.

no space to breathe.

no space to think.

no space, no space.

even my dreams are jumping onto no space,

giving me no space for rest in the morning.

am on leave today and tomorrow.

and i still feel like i have no space.

wah liaos.

sians.

mirror or window

Back from Malacca, or Meh-LUCK-Kah, as the ferry guide says it. Chanced upon this really chill cafe called Limau Limau there, where four of us shared this really refreshing glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. Strayed into a narrow corridor connected to this cafe and found a secret...a secret mirror, or is it window? You guess. Time to rest.

of random phone calls and stuff

Today, random things happened. But all good and pleasing.

Two youths (both 16-year-old girls) called me out of the blue, and wanted to chat. One had a problem with her family, and the other, just wanted to ask how I was. Wow.

At my centre, one 14-year-old boy kept on announcing that he didn't want a birthday present even though his birthday was tomorrow. He, like, announced it a million times. Fellow social worker and I deliberated for a while if we should give him a present today or the day after his birthday (yes, we deliberate over such things cos it's very delicate business we do), and we decided he would feel more loved receiving it today.

She scrounged for a pressie while I did up an impromptu card. He loves to be called Bob, so I found a Bob Marley picture and pasted it on the front. And then I pasted his picture on the back. And he was so so so so so so happy, he shook my hand to thank me and fellow social worker.

And that really made my day. 

I love these kids.

men

I'm starting my swimming regimen today (well, I hope it does become a regimen), because I'm trying to find a solution to the worsening aches around my shoulders and lower back. Swimming is supposed to be good for the back, so I'm starting again after a one-year hiatus.

As I left the office, my colleague shouted: "I hope you find a hunk at the pool!"

Another said: "Why don't you go to the Sengkang pool? XXX (referring to my Sec 2 boy) always goes there!"

Like hello? I'm not gonna face my student in a semi state of undress. It's just weird.

Ok wait, what's my point? My post today is about men, and it takes inspiration from my colleague's hope that I find a hunk at the pool. Seriously? That's like far from my mind. My prevailing mindset about men is that they are, in essence, assholes. Even the most godly ones, in essence, may go wayward. It doesn't help, of course, that more and more men I see (Christians even), are just so easily distracted and unreliable.

Yet, even as I say that, I know that it would be nice to have a partner. I would have a love-hate relationship with men, that's how I would put it. And I would have a love relationship with God my Father, who will forever remain a constant in my life.

That's why, in the meantime, I would still entertain random phonecalls from Kartaly. Like the most recent one last month.

Kartaly (very very excitedly): Hey! W and I are thinking of holding a party for our single friends! If you come, you will have to bring a single friend of the opposite sex.

Me (quietly): errrrrr.....

Kartaly: C'mon!!! It'll be fun!!! See, there is quality control because we are bringing people we know!!! SO WILL YOU COME OR NOT??? We've got so many eligible single friends, so we thought we would to do something about it!!! You're not the only one we're gonna ask you know...

After talking a bit, she decides she would refine her plan and get back to me. And she does. And really, Kartaly, you are the only one who takes this intro-people business seriously. You say, you intro, and you follow up. You're the best. Thank you, girl. Hahahaha.

ching cheong hen party

Look at the belle of the ching cheong hen party. Sultry, sexy and a little high (over just one beer). But she sure rocked the night with her crazy dancing to Grasshoppers' 愛不怕, the one that goes wa sa pa pi li pa la ai bu pa!!! Next stop, JB. For her wedding. Too bad I've been barred from posting vids. :)

Endorphine - Thai rock band



More rocking Thai music to intro :)
As usual, I was doing my rounds on Facebook, and saw some photos put up by local muso Eric Ng. Noticed him raving over this Thai rock band called Endorphine, and decided to check out the youtube link. Wah, I like man. The music is pop-rock, musicianship very good very tight, and the lead singer is this rock chick called Da. I wish I was there at the concert!!! Very happening!!!

Endorphine is...
Thanida Thamwimon (Da): lead vocals
Anucha Boethongkhamkul (Kia): guitar
Thanat Amornmanus (Bird): bass guitar
Thapaphol Amornmanus (Bomb): percussion

If anyone knows of Endorphine performing elsewhere in Singapore, do let me know.

My superhero

I was in the living room slouching on the sofa, wondering why Calefare on Channel 5 was so unfunny today, when my mum called to me from the kitchen to inform me that she found the source of "the leak". Erm, I didn't even know there was a leak. So I trooped into the kitchen to find her squatting right next to the cabinet beneath the sink. She's so ingenious, my mother. Her troubleshooting, which meant feeling the pipes, revealed the pipes could be leaking. As she started talking about calling the plumber, I started to lose interest and decided to make my way back to Calefare. I mean, what can we do now right? Just wait for the plumber lor.

BUT. The next thing I know, she's fumbling in the storeroom for something, and when I next check on her, she has a red basin of cement right on top of the sink! I'm like, mum, why in the world is there cement in the house? And she says, yar, got many colours, got pink, got grey, the last time I asked the contractor guy to leave some for me. And I'm speechless. The woman has mixed water with the powder, created some cement concoction, and effectively repaired this long crack running in between the perimeter of the sink and one part of the wall. Yes, apparently, it's not the pipes that's got the problem. It's the crack. Because she didn't give up and continued to troubleshoot (this time throwing water all over the sink to see how it would drip through), and found the real cause!!!

I could only say, mum, you are truly my Phua Chu Kang. Best in Singapore and JB, and some say, Punggol. You are my superhero.

Finding art and cars in the city

My list of must-dos at the Singapore Biennale. Well, only because I took photos at those places, and need an excuse to blog them. So, really, please don't trust my list!
1. Can't distinguish between illusion and reality? Don't tear your hair out. Instead, take a breather in the barber shop. Better still, try doing a Sadako through the mirror, or the lack of it. (At South Beach Development)

2. Seems like ethan mummy and I have no patience for video installations. But we're more fond of practising our rusty photojournalistic skills instead! Hence, if you get bored at any point at the South Beach Development, look for the lightbulbs illuminating the white boards that bear the description of the artwork. Then try playing with the lighting to shoot mood shots like these. Hand model: yours truly. Stylist/Photographer: ethan mummy.

3. When you see Ikea cupboards that invite you into what looks like a summer version of wintry Narnia, step inside without fear!!! Different sizes for the young and old, bound to please everyone!!! (actually that summery landscape is taken from Xiao Guilin and the Chinese Garden in Singapore...) [City Hall]

4. Two for the price of one: Gain entry into City Hall, and you can watch the F1 cars whiz by!!! FWAH!!! But errr...not sure whether you'll get to see them practising in the day from now on. Well, still, you never know. That is, if you're interested in F1! As far as I know, cars make males of all ages tick. Just like this mesmerised three-year-old leaning eagerly on the window sill, watching the cars skyrocket past the grandstand on the Padang. Oh, and I learnt a new name from him!

Ethan: Look mummy, spike house!

Ethan mummy: Yes!

Me: Eh, what's spike house?

Ethan mummy: The Esplanade... (and nope, no one taught him that. What creative vocab he has! I can so see that name in a locally written song...)

5. My all-time favourite exhibit at City Hall - the satellite map of the island of Singapore, spread over the floor. You can get a white sticker from the volunteers, write something on it, and paste it on a significant point on the map. Ethan has found his home in the east, and is pasting it there. I found my block too!!! So fun :)

Tattoo Colour

Time to intro new music. Everybody, this is thai band Tattoo Colour. Reg&Andie chanced upon them during their holiday in Bangkok, think they heard some gals screaming or something, went over and fell in like with their music. Tattoo Colour plays a really interesting blend of music - jazz, pop, a bit of ska I think, some fusion too I think (I'm so bad at reviewing music!)...They are also technically so good. Fwah. But anyways, if I could sum up their music...it would be like this:

Perfect music on a lazy Sunday morning, when you'd want to feel perky but not so totally awake. Awake enough to bob to some funky rhythm and bass lines, yet at the same time, relish the space to watch the world go by in peace. Like a refreshing cup of tea for me.

Check out their myspace. I'm just so glad maro bought their cd for me from bangkok!!! And I'm glad my bro unwrapped it when I left it lonely on my table, in my pile of unlistened cds

half of me

Half of me wants you to acknowledge, even if you can't see.

Half of me thinks for you, and all that you want to see.

All of me sees the outside that supposedly protects.

Some of me sees the inside that surely hopes the outside would never crack,

Crack and reveal, but perhaps heals.

I think, I can only wait. And carry on to feel.

For Cement Boy.

Sara Bareilles sings Many The Miles

For some reason, I can't embed this video in blogger.

Anyways, love this unplugged rendition of Many The Miles by Sara Bareilles.

Sara composes with the piano, nice stuff.

i seem to be the crisis queen

There is joke that goes around my office, about how I always kena the crisis cases. Well, it's not a joke, it's real. The list so far is like that:

Suicidal ideation

Glue-sniffing

Aggression

Gang fights

Parent-child physical fights

Child abuse (just recently)

And even, yes, even demon possession

Recently, colleagues have been saying "it's you leh, it's you lah..."

And apparently, there's a "dark cloud" that flits in and out of my cubicle (yes feli, even when you're gone, it seems to have returned!)

I don't know if being the crisis queen is a good or bad thing, but I thank God that He always provides at least 2 colleagues to be around for support, even after office hours. It's incredible, but it's true. I don't know how I would have done it alone.

What I would really like now is to be at the beach, sunbaking, and watching the waves roll in the sun. Even typing that previous statement is so soothing.

Yet, at the same time, it's not like I crave for it, because somehow my heart can't be settled until I am sure my client is in safe hands. But, I am glad that I can think of the beach, because it shows that I know how to take care of myself.

less found

I've been experiencing a kind of restlessness within me lately...something about not being part of this world. I've always been freaked out by the concept of eternity, and I've been praying for some kind of revelation from Him up there, because eternity is not supposed to be freaky. But somehow, I just can't reconcile with the fact that nothing ends in eternity, because everything ends here, wherever I am. So, to know that there is a place out there where nothing ends, kinda scares me. It's simply, unreal. I was looking through my messy pile of cds a few minutes back, and re-read some lyrics of Brooke Fraser. Somehow, "C.S. Lewis Song", which she wrote and sang so beautifully...spoke to me, but I don't know why...I need to ponder a little bit more...

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here

If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary, then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of dawn

Mercy comes with the morning

I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?

Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?

Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb

And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here

Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it

And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you

Hope is coming for me

Hope, He's coming

The Genesis Project - A Christian Songwriting Festival

Every time I hear people say "I wrote this song after a breakup", I always think it's so darn cheesy. I mean, get a life dude. But now, I'm going to say the same. Yet at the same time, it's also not really the same. You know how when you say something and there's that uncomfortable nudge that presses against your heart? Yeah, that's how I feel when I say "I wrote this song after a breakup". I did write it after, but NOT because. And that's the difference. I wrote it because I was beginning to realise that I didn't need to belong to anyone except God my Father. Man was created to have a companion, and therefore it is only natural for us to yearn for one. However, I am starting to understand that I can only really "settle down" when I know ultimately that God is the one to whom I belong - no one else. On earth, I am only on loan to my partner, and this nugget of wisdom I gained from Darren and Mel's wedding sermon by that Methodist lady pastor (how out of the blue, but it only proves that God was speaking to me)...

And hence, this song started out with this verse that Chye Aik shared at a sermon...
"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13 (NKJV)

I Belong
V1
I'm just a sentimental freak
Standing at the crossroad of hello and goodbye
The further I walk the deeper I'm lost
Where do I begin
Where do I begin

V2
Give me a home where I belong
Somewhere this wild heart can stop running and breath
I need a place to end this insanity
Bring me back again
To where you begin

Chorus
Cos I belong, I belong to you
I belong, I belong to you
You've given me the sweetest hope that I could hold on to
You've given me eternity in my heart
In my heart

V3
I've found a place to lay my head
A sweet salvation for this darkest hour
I would have lost heart unless I'd believed
In your loving goodness
In this broken world

Bridge
I had to throw my faith in something I could not see
When I believed in what seemed like emptiness
You gave me security

Viva La Vida

This post appears on another blog, a private one I share with friends. SH is so not going to read it cos she doesn't read this blog, but I need a context to my post. So here goes.... Haha. :)

This song is dedicated specially to SH, by Dawn FM (pun totally intended, cos FM is for Funkie Monkies - go eric go eric go!!! Hahaha). Ahem, back to my dedication. Ngak and the Ang Mo Pais do a cover of Coldplay's Viva La Vida. At the Esplanade Outdoor Theatre. Luurve the song now!!! Thanks for buying the cd (for yourself and letting me rip the song!!! It's my ringtone now. Haha. I'm less emo now too.)

Stay kool and funky gal!!!

For the clueless:
Eric my fav ah beng on electric guit
Ngak on main vocals and acoustic guit
Brandon on drums
Clement on bass
Jim Lim (love his voice to bits) on keyboards

Presenting the Ang Mo Pais - kantangs who try to speak mandarin. And succeed to, well, some extent.

And jazzymoo...thanks for being a closet groupie with me. Haha.

I love my boys

I love the boys I counsel. They are such a fun bunch, and I often learn nuggets of wisdom from them. Like today...

15-year-old boy: "It's like there are 3 paths in front of me. One is the study path, one is the future path, one is the trouble path. Then I will think of the benefits of each path, starting from the one with the most benefits. Then I will choose which path I want to go on."

On another day, a 17-year-old boy was talking about how he would start studying harder when push comes to shove.

He said: "I choose to make my comfort zone smaller, and when that happens, I will feel pressure and feel like breaking out. But I know that only when I make my comfort zone smaller, then can I enjoy it being very big."

How profound. I had goosebumps hearing that.

Love talking with these boys. So therapeutic for me. Haha.

ethan is growing, stronger and stronger

Catch a glimpse of Ethan's power legs. They'll probably propel him to Olympic glory, like Michael Phelps' legs did.

疼傻人

My fav ah beng Eric Ng is again music director for Royston Tan's latest movie 12 Lotus, also known as part 2 of 881. When I first watched this music video last night, I was like oh man, this song is so going to be a hit. Then I bought the 12 Lotus soundtrack today, and listened to the song again, and I had goosebumps man. Love it, though I don't understand the lyrics!!! Haha. But I'm a melody person lah. I was more attracted to the soaring strings by Bang Wenfu...love his strings!!! To all you guys who snub Chinese songs, pls don't. Do, however, enjoy this song 疼傻人... (for the ang moh pais out there, English title is "Love Fools"...)

Performed by Carrie Yeo

Lyrics by Xiao Han

Music by Eric Ng

My Soul Sings

Wayne and Libby Huirua, pioneers of New Zealand's Parachute Band, visited my church again to conduct worship workshops. I had the privilege to play the synthesiser with them, as they lead worship for the congregation. But really, what ministered to me most was Libby's sharing about the song she wrote when she had to undergo an operation some weeks back, to remove 3 cysts from her throat. Being a singer (and a real good one), she was really afraid that she would lose her voice as a result of the operation. It was during that period that God spoke to her, and asked if she could still worship Him even if she could not sing anymore. In a situation like that, worship can only rise from deep within - in silence. And, it is a choice to worship. I've been wondering lately how it is even possible to shift my focus from myself to the others around me, when things have been so difficult that I feel quite overwhelmed. Frankly, I've been trying very hard to be less self-centred. And Libby's song really sums up all I've been trying to say, even if it's just so hard. This theme of worshipping God for who He is, and not what He has done, really seems to run through my life. And may probably run the course of my life.

My Soul Sings
(By Libby Huirua)

Words are not enough to describe the majesty of God
There’s a sound of worship rising up from deep within my heart
In the place of silence
I find a way to praise you
In the place of silence
I find a way to praise you still

It’s a new place from a new heart
It’s a new day
My soul sings
My soul sings
As I reach to God-alive

Beyond the words
Beyond the songs
My soul sings
My soul sings

I will be still and know
You are God
I will be still and know
You are God

down

down...

down...

down...

love

When I talk about love, I'm not referring to BGR love, by the way.

Singfest-ing on Sunday :)

Frankly, I don't know half the names of the people performing. I'm just there for Jason Mraz - and the superb company. Counting down... but before that, I've gotta endure the craziness.

My blog sounds really depressing doesn't it? But I don't feel like blogging when I have happy things to say. It's more addictive to blog when melancholy kicks in. Just addictive.

down

I have been so down lately. Torn by decision and responsibility, torn between the heart and mind, torn apart by love and...love. I think of the cute keychain hanging from some students' bags that says "drug-free" and I wonder if life can ever be problem-free. The thing about life is that what one does affects another, and another and another. Maybe if it doesn't affect another, there wouldn't be problems. But if that happens, I guess there wouldn't be love. Ah well. I guess I should give thanks for problem-free pockets, like supporting jem at sgdrumfest today, and meeting the angmohbeng. I think my eyebags are getting worse, and I'm still not used to my haircut. I find that my attire has problems matching it, and I miss my soft look. I need more time, I guess.

restless

My sweet colleagues and I were competing to exit the Losers' Club on Friday night. Yeah, we're all (well, most of us) are in the Losers' Club cos we work too much OT. Even my neighbour came back to finish up her work after she quit. How's that for loser? I didn't want to be a loser on Friday night, and I was feeling really bored and restless, and smses came from friends to meet up. Sweet. Met ethan mummy and ethan at Punggol Park for dinner. Poor ethan mummy's hubby is in Israel for work, and the family misses him badly. Aunt Lawn can't fill his place, but Aunt Lawn tries to make them happy by "racing" (yeah, at 60km/hr) with ethan mummy in Sengkang, cos ethan wants Aunt Lawn to "race" with his mummy. Erm yar, the race is even more exciting than F1 cos ethan sits up straight in his baby carseat to check if Aunt Lawn is catching up. And he waves to Aunt Lawn with a crooked smile. What a cool race :) And then, ethan mummy calls Aunt Lawn on her mobile to say "eh I don't know where I am now!!!".

Race over, I met the muso gang for drinks at Timbre. The boys are so funny. Enjoyable company all right. We need to do this more often...

assortment

1. Weird memory lapses

Even after using the same towels for so many months, I still can't remember what colour they are in. My mum has them colour-coded for each family member. Mine's green, my bro's blue. But that day, I took the blue one and used it for myself.

Even after using the same toothbrush for months, I woke up one morning and stunned myself by forgetting which was mine. I picked up the phone, called my bro to ask. Oh, it's the green one without the stripes.

2. Weight difference

My mum is 45kg. And I definitely weigh more than that. Today, she looked more chio than me in a pair of white skinny jeans. I mean, the jeans were looser on her than on me, and they hugged her body just right. This is ridiculous. I'm gonna take a picture of her in the jeans one day and post it here. She thinks I'm crazy, of course.

3. Loss

I can't believe this, but I'm losing my hairstylist AGAIN. First time, Aaron met with a motorbike accident and became a tetraplegic. This time, Gavin is leaving to manage the salon chain's outlets overseas. This is totally tragic. He threw two names up, replacements for him, assuring me that even though they were from China, they are very good. Frankly, for me, I don't care cos I don't even have time to grief over his departure!!! Totally tragic. Who's gonna cut my hair now???

4. A bored kind of attitude

I'm feeling really restless. I don't know why. But playing the keyboards has alleviated the restlessness somewhat. I need to play more. I need to play my guitar too, but I'm just not doing it. Fidgetfidgetfidget...

In transit

In transit.

In Kowloon, Hongkong.

Alone, travelling from Jordan MTR station to Sha Tin MTR station. When you're rushing from one place to another to meet someone, you feel purposeful. When you have no one to meet, you become contemplative. Which is better? To be purpose-driven, or thoughtful? In a foreign land, alone, it seems like you could be a little more contemplative than you'd have liked. And it could be a good, or bad, thing.

The company was great.

The thinking, well, continues...

yum cha

After two weeks of hell, I'm off to Hong Kong. YAAAYYY!!!!! Today everyone bid me farewell like I was going on a honeymoon. Haha. So funny.

Gonna attend a counselling conference, and also meeting up with a few friends. I'm ecstatic :)

little miracles

In the midst of the madness and pent-up anger today (I had a good cry with my supe, she always says I'm a tap and I totally agree), little miracles happened. In particular, He happened.

At school today, we went up to His classroom to walk walk and He lent me his lyrics journal. In the jotter book style journal, He had penned lyrics dedicated to different friends. And they were deep, real deep. A window to the real Him. And I was grateful He offered me a glimpse. It must have taken great trust.

It is a key He has offered to me, and I'm so afraid to lose it. But I'm still grateful. What a journey it has been, and will continue to be.

i pant, but i've got it all under control

My ability to handle stress is severely tested.

And I think my threshold has increased ten-fold over the last 2 weeks.

Let's see. Take today for example.

1 groupwork session at 8.30am (So sad this is last session for me, wanna cry).

1 groupwork session at 1pm (I think I quite like the students).

Debrief and planning to be started soon after...

But, percussion boys turn up 2 hours early and badger us to open the room for them. I wanted my lunch. So, too bad.

Percussion session starts, with lots of considerations to take care of: phone rings many times cos one boy is late from soccer; one boy is MIA; the rest are just hyper, but still manageable. Need to continue to befriend some new people, that just totally zaps me.

Need to juggle attending to percussion session, new people and colleagues, plus we hadn't finished the debrief!!!

Need to sign contract agreement for a project funding. Need to open space in brain to entertain new suggestions for this project, while trying to clear the congested storeroom to look for huge groundsheet (dammit I wanted to scream, I had to move furniture!!! But good ol' colleague cheered me up.)

Need to confirm design for certain collateral.

Emo boy's mum calls to say emo boy got problem.

Emo boy calls later to cancel appointment.

Percussion session ends late, and I'm half hour late for my appointment.

I sit at the dinner table facing 2 ok faces, and 1 super tired face. But thank goodness the conversation on ang moh bengs and super-sleazy-guy-who-tried-to-hit-on-us-at-Acid-Bar perked me up. Well, for that while.

When hh asked me, so how're you coping with work, I could only say: "Like a zombie."

Yeah, I could sing...IN YOUR HEAAAAD IN YOUR HEAAAAD, ZOOOOMBIE ZOOOOMBIE!!!!!

exits

Feli my neighbour is making her exit from office. And these few days, I've been saying to her: "So good, you're making your exit...I also waaannnt...." I actually half mean it, cos I'm so tired.

This morning, as I was tucking into breakfast in the pantry, I asked my supe: "In all your years here, do you feel like you have a bigger workload now?" And she agreed. But she added: "Jia you bah."

Hmm...I'm not very sure if jia you's gonna work for me! I just think, there's too much work to do.

On Sat night, I was talking to ethan mummy, and I said: "You know, as a journo, you just chase your story, be damn good at it, and the people around you think the world of your story. And you earn the money." You don't have to do all the shit work like admin/budgeting/coordination. There are people who do it for you! You just need to concentrate on getting your story. Period.

So, you might think, am I thinking of making my exit?

Well, the truth is, thinking about it makes me wanna cry. When I think I'm gonna leave my clients behind, the ones I've journeyed with, been journeying with, whether they give me hell or not, I still feel sad man.

Last week, I asked one Sec 2 student in jest while he forced me to play pool with him: "Will you be sad if I leave?" Without taking his eyes off the pool table, he sheepishly nodded his head. Man, I feel sad just hearing his response. Sob.

I think in a big way, I am intricately connected to my work. I'm not sure I should call it work. But anyways, that's what everyone calls it. Yet, I'm so damn tired. I just need to offload some work, and I'll be fine. But I'm not sure where I can throw it. And in times like these, I try to make myself feel better by picking one of the following to say:

Life Is Short.

Lower Your Expectations.

I Am Limited.

And everyday I tell God: Lord, you are God over all of this. And I am thankful He shows me that everyday. You're amazing Lord.

Somebody by Depeche Mode (performed by Ngak&Clement)

I have been playing this video over and over again, and I regret that I did not shoot the whole song, because Ngak's rendition is so haunting man. But that's my dilemma! I relish the live performance, and hate watching it through the digital cam screen while recording it. But I also don't want to go home empty-handed, so well, I make do by recording just a little, and watching the rest of it without the camera getting in the way. I don't know why I thought of eug when I heard the song. Did one of the ACS boys sing this during IU Night when we were in Sec 3? IU = International Understanding right? Ah, my memory fails me...but anyways, eug, this song is dedicated to you, and to all who love the songs from the 90s...

Mood: nostalgic (as livejournal would have it)

I think I...

There is a Korean song titled "I Think I...". But this post is not about the Korean song, though it is about music. On Wed night, as my heart lunged towards the office exit in a bid to leave on the dot for the Ngak and Clement gig, one part of it said, return the call. Out of professional responsibility, I did, and was occupied for the next half hour. I held the phone, as I lay my head on the table, gritting my teeth and saying "mm hmm, mm hmm" in the most interested way I could.

I think that scenario sums up the dilemma I face almost everyday - the need to separate my personal life from work, the need to draw a boundary between what they want from me, and what I need for myself.

Then again, that doesn't seem to be THE problem for me. I enjoy being involved in their lives, even when sometimes, they demand so much from me. What I don't enjoy is the other stuff. The other stuff like extensive programme coordination, billing and budgeting, multi-tasking, having to come up with a system that works and having to justify your work to the people who fund it. In short, my colleagues and I are "bao ka liao". It would be so much nicer if there was more money in it for us, for sure. But of course, like how I often positively reframe for my clients, I need to positively reframe for myself too. It's been two years, but it does seem like 10 years because I have had to do and learn so much. The learning curve is much steeper than that of a journo, I feel. I have a feeling I know my inclinations, and I will continue to look out for the right fit for me. In the meantime, I will make sure I make time for the necessary music stops, whether someone leaves a message for me to return the call or not. For now, I just need a biru and some live music. Tonight it shall be!

i miss the journos

Kartaly tries very hard to be ah lian, in order to organise bird day parteh for Beng. Of cos, she fails miserably at it, while Beng, on the other hand, scores big time with his email reply. Beng, LE SI WAH EH OU XIANG!!! WEE YOU WEE!!! hahahaha!!! really made my day lor....He writes...

oei ah dawn, you very chio leh. li ai gah wah zo peng you bo? li si beh swee leh. wah buay tahan liao.

annieway, where is the your grope work? may the be we ken meet nearby dere.

cos dis flyday i intercourse, i mean i on course. but maybe bend and XXXY and HJ need to work late.

or we ken eat first and you enter us later.

anything for you chio bu but u mast wear hot pants or tight skirt ok! swee bo?!

Regards,
Mr Ah Beng

ethan is destined to be an ACS boy...

Ethan my favourite naughty boy speaks Mandarin. Ask him to say "nose", and he says PI zi. Ask him to say "rat", and he (used to) say "lao shu" and not "lao2 shu3" ie there's no sheng diao at all. And I remember he asked his mummy once "lao shu is teacher (lao shi)?" Hahahah. So cute. Anyways, here in this vid, you can hear his angmohfied-ness. He's really destined to be an ACS boy. Because not only is his Mandarin erm...like that, his English is damn good lor. He can say "gi-normous" (not exactly a correct English word, but hey, for a 3-year-old to say that, I think very good lor). He can also say "camouflage", "Bruce Wayne" and "disgusting". HAHAHA. And he carries out a great adult conversation with you. Love him to bits.

SATC the movie rox becos gurrrl power rox

I wanted so much to watch Sex And The City today because I was really getting bored. It must have been one of the most amusing movie experiences for me because the audience kept going awwww - when I went awwww...

No wonder ST Life writer Tay Yek Keak said his knees were shaking when he sat in the cinema watching it. Why? Because girl power totally flooded the place. Haha.

It was deja vu when Charlotte told Carrie, during the Mercedes Benz Fashion Week scene, what she would say to Big if she saw him. I laughed when she very seriously went: "I curse the day you were born."

Well, my own girlfriends have shared their own what-I-would-say-or-do-to-him-if-I-ever-saw-him statements to me, ranging from "Sick man, I didn't even want to look at him" to "Just don't let me see him man". Haha. So sweet of them. :)

Really, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, dear girlfriends. You rock. And that's why I can be happy being alone, because I am not lonely. 

just thinking when there's no space in the brain

I am really getting tired more and more easily. Maybe it's because when I need to multi-task, my brain just starts losing steam. I was just telling a colleague today that maybe I need to have a kid to build up brain stamina, but then again.

It's 8.55pm now, and I really want to rest my brain, soothe it with sleep balm. I wonder why I'm so tired? No space in my brain, yeah. If I'm going to squeeze one more thing inside, it's just so going to fall out. I want to take leave again.

Just a side note: I visited a Drug Rehab Centre today with my youths, and when the 28-year-old prison officer (who prob has only a poly dip) said he was earning $2.5K per month, my colleague looked at me and said: "He's earning more than us." And I felt sian man.

But I know I know, I might only understand it fully much much later. But it still sucks. And that's why, I force myself to go home by 6.30pm.

i miss

i'm falling asleep on the sofa more than i like.

can stress ever be passive?

history seems to be repeating itself, and yet when i say that, i think there is something fundamentally wrong about that statement.

sigh.

what would happen if you had no problems to offer? would you be scared? would you be worried about how the other would cope?

i'm falling asleep on the sofa more than i like. and i don't know if that's good or bad.

i miss ethan mummy. faster come home leh.

i love my church

S held his wedding at CHIJMES last night, and I sat next to J. My church musicians played for him, as he sang his Chinese composition on stage. I mean, the team playing for him is the team that I play with for Sunday services, and I absolutely love them. I love them for their excellent musicianship, I love them for their heart of worship, I love them for inspiring me.

Suddenly J turned to me and said: "Don't you think RiverLife Church is blessed with such a great worship team? It's not just the musicianship, it's the synergy you know..."

And I couldn't agree more. Really, it's synergy that's so special. While we love to play and live music, we love God and we centre everything on him. We love our audience because we know that we are placed on stage to lead them into worshipping God. And then J looked at me again and said: "I really love RiverLife Church, and I've never felt this way about the other churches I've attended!" And I really really couldn't agree more. :)

So anyways, here's a video I took of S singing Mark Schultz's 1,000 Miles to his bride D. S is that wonderful singer-producer who helped me record my Chinese composition Ode to Paper Aeroplane, some time back. He recorded an album of original Chinese compositions for all the guests at his wedding dinner. How cool is that? Yeah, anyways, he sings damn good. So here it is. Click here to watch.

fresh air

fresh air. Robertson Quay. jappo food. night walk. Singapore's next top fashion designer (you know who you are dearie). ethan mummy, ethan, belle. see saw outside Butter Factory that freaked ethan out. colourful bridge. Highlander Coffee. $50 URA summon (poor belle). fresh air. fresh fresh air.

guilty pleasures

Dear dsd, olduvai and lena, I've finally used the Gramophone vouchers. Thank you. Dear bttm, I've used the Borders card. Thank you. What a wonderful set of music I have!

~ Albertine by Brooke Fraser (love her to bits)

~ Continuum by John Mayer (yum yum)

~ Untold by Marie Digby (still digesting)

~ We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things by Jason Mraz (on repeat mode!!!)

~ Plans by Death Cab For Cutie (thanks to TBK's dedication on facebook, if not I'd never have heard of them)

Whilst browsing the cds, I had plans to go shopping for clothes and shoes, the usual girly stuff. Then I thought of the earthquake victims in Sichuan, and I felt really really really bad for even entertaining such thoughts. Last night, as I watched Premier Wen Jiabao on CCTV consoling a crying young girl, my heart really went out to him. Today, as I read the news reports, I felt a huge pang of sadness and loss... Sad.

fragile things

My photo is tilting and that's a little disturbing. But it's ok. I'm on leave today and I'm feeling anxious and imbalanced. So the supposed rest is turning out to be a little disturbing, but I'll try to make it work.

I picked up Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things at the Cheng San library yesterday. Because I really need some fiction, or rather, good story-telling to make me feel alive. Sat at the kopitiam a few hours ago, tucked into my prata for lunch, and read the introduction as I sipped on my hot teh through a straw (to prevent staining of me two front teeth and the kopi auntie remembered again! great woman!).

Fragile Things is a collection of short stories, and Neil Gaiman gamely writes about the background and inspiration behind the various stories. So interesting. I always find it very enlightening reading the weird/shocking/wonderful concepts that authors, whether for literature or music, toss and turn in their heads before penning them down as a finished product.

He writes:

If you're one of the people who doesn't like poems, you may console yourself with the knowledge that they are, like this introduction, free. The book would cost you the same with or without them, and nobody pays me anything extra to put them in. Sometimes it's nice to have something short to pick up and read and put down again, just as sometimes it's interesting knowing a little about the background of a story, and you don't have to read either.

Haha.

But, back to fragile things...

He writes (and I use only extracts):

...it occurs to me that the peculiarity of most things we think of as fragile is how tough they truly are...the beat of the wings of a butterfly in the right place, we are told, can create a hurricane across an ocean. Hearts may break, but hearts are the toughest of muscles able to pump for a lifetime...Even dreams, the most delicate and intangible of things, can prove remarkably difficult to kill.

And he goes on to say the same of stories.

Fragile things are indeed peculiar. Just like you and me.

rumbling

There's a rumbling in my heart, it's weird...

How can I suddenly have time now? It's really weird...

Suddenly, spending more time with me is really really weird...

But I must!

I've already pushed away two appointments.

Do you believe you can will yourself not to fall sick?

I did, with some prayer, and it worked!

There's a funny sort of rumbling in my heart...

Strange...

Ooo...I'm so random...

Live

I run.

And the world rushes by in a frenzied blur.

I look for the end, but it seems slow in arriving. Too slow.

Or is it, that I'm running away, and not towards?

I stop.

I pant.

I heave a sigh of relief.

I look up.

And the world stops, almost.

I look around.

And the world releases its sights, its smells.

And the world reaches out to touch me.

Or, do I reach out to touch it?

The occasional stranger walks by.

Smiles awkwardly, chats about the weather and walks on.

I linger at that moment. Smile, and I walk on.

Light chat is nice.

Yes, I'm back at the crossroad.

Or, is it a different crossroad?

This time, I want to take it slow.

For Lord, you will lead me beside the still waters.

And lay me down on green pastures.

Amen.

guy vs gal

Recently, I went for a date that got all my colleagues hot and bothered. And why not? With no male colleague in sight since the last one left like what seemed ages ago, you can imagine how a whole bevy of women (single/married/attached) can be like.

And frankly, though the questions poured like a tap bursting with water, I really appreciated their initial hysterics and, later on, level-headed philosophies about human relationships. After all, they're all trained counsellors. How much more advice can I get right?

I think sometimes people think it's really that easy to make a decision over something that seems so very trivial. And I wish I could be guy enough to say yes is yes, and no is no. Just like my boss' husband, who provided what he called "free consultation" to me when he was waiting to fetch my boss home, only to have his "extreme" views attacked by his wife.

He said: "If you're not interested, just tell him. Simple as that. What for waste time?"

My bro nonchalantly proffered: "If you want, then go. If don't want, then don't go. Very easy what."

The females, on the other hand, say: "Maybe you should go out once more to give it a chance. Because if you strip away XXX, you actually don't mind going out with him again right?"

One friend said I was no longer a teenager who should make a judgment based on how cool I thought the date was. On hearing that, I immediately thought of Wong Li Lin's comment in 8 Days some time back: I'm not a spring chicken anymore.

I know I'm not a spring chicken anymore. But I think I deserve the dignity to cluck about what I don't like. However, you know, as I say that last line, I wonder if I really should compromise? After all, I really am NOT a spring chicken anymore. But you know what? It sucks to have to compromise.

Seriously, I never thought that I would come to such a stage where the ticking of my biological clock would blare this loud. It's quite crazy.

When having to go out on a second date with this person feels this pressurizing, is it a sign that it's not meant to be? I actually hope so. So, maybe that's my answer. If I'm willing to take it as an answer, that is. 

Mayday 回到地球表面 Concert 26 April 08

Mayday concerts are never lonely affairs for me. Because somehow, I will always discover a friend who would be at the concert as well. My phone would ring, and I would always end up standing next to my seat, waving my hands in the air, so that some friend sitting somewhere far away would locate me.

This time, I did say that I wanted to sit throughout the concert because I was tired. I WAS TIRED. But when the audience got high and crazy, I seriously felt left out seated. I made a choice to stand, and am I glad I did it. Of course, I sat during some of the quiet songs (I lao liaos lah), but that was only for a while. This year's concert was so much better than last year's, in terms of flow. I don't know how to describe it, but it just flowed and rocked man. No time was wasted, the band really interacted with the audience, and everybody went home satisfied.

I think for me, there were a few moments - some exciting, some poignant.

1. Two parallel runways were erected, linking the stage to an "aerobridge" opposite the stage. Imagine the two runways, "aerobridge" and stage forming a rectangle. Hence, when the band members took turns to run the length of the runway to the "aerobridge", everyone went crazy, especially those who were sitting just next to the runway. There were fans clamouring to tap Ashin's shoulders and back. I mean seriously, if I were sitting there, I would have touched his back, plonked my face next to his back and got someone to shoot a picture of me. Haha. It was THAT CLOSE.

2. Stone performed solo a song dedicated to his one-year-old son. It was just him on guitar singing, accompanied by the pianist. I mean, he went out of tune a bit lah, but whad'ya expect, he's not the lead singer. Nevertheless, it was just really touching seeing a hard-rocking electric guitarist singing a lullaby-like song for his kiddo.

3. Frankly, it was only when I looked at the videos I took (which have really bad quality by the way, I need to change my dinosaur of a camera), that I realised how well the band rocks the crowd. People are just swaying and jumping to the music, it's incredible. Yes, Ashin, tho you are pitchy (to quote the American Idol judges) at times, Mayday still rocks the crowd man.

My $131 ticket was worth every cent.

Watch two videos here:
The band rocks the crowd

The crowd is moved

so "haps" man

Today, after work, I decided to meet Porn for dinner and to check out the Singapore Art Cafe's xinyao open mic. As I was walking out of the office, my colleague suddenly said to me: "Your love language must be quality time, because you're always meeting your friends for meals!"

My reply: "Hmm...well, yes, my love language is quality time, but I think I'm meeting friends for meals so often cos I'm not attached!"

Then later on, I speak to ethan mummy over the phone, and she says I'm so "haps", going out again. Frankly, recently, I've been doing so many things because (1) they all suddenly just piled on and (2) I just wanted to destress from work. But the irony of it all is that I'm getting more and more tired, especially since I felt so emotionally abused by a client from hell yesterday.

I think I'm burning out. This Saturday, I'm just going to sleep in and slack, veg, whatever. Before the Mayday concert at night. And frankly, Mayday concert doesn't seem so appealing after all. Maybe for the first time in 6 years, I might just sit during their concert.

Tired.

me time

Recently, I've been feeling that everyone wants a piece of me.
Students want to talk to me.
Mothers want to talk to me.
Teachers want to talk to me.
Colleagues want to talk to me.
Friends want to talk to me.
Frankly, I want to talk to myself too. I really do.
But I don't have time to catch up with myself.
I seriously need some talk therapy.
I seriously need some me time.
Badly.

Ethan says the noise is too much for him!

Ethan watches the live recording of You Are The One at the Mediacorp TV studio. He was there to support Uncle Louis Fong, who is one of the contestants in this show that aims to find the face of Channel U. But the screaming fans prove too much for him to bear...

kindly unspoken

Kindly unspoken, a song by Kate Voegele.

Some things should definitely be kindly unspoken. Like at this point in time, it would be best left kindly unspoken. Thank you very much. I know you don't know how much I appreciate your unspoken discretion, but I do I do I do.

Yes, I really do.

just six words

I DO NOT HAVE BABY ENVY.

Wu Jiahui (伍家輝）: more than 一人一半

On Sat, I attended Wu Jiahui's "listening party", or what they call 試聽會, a mini gathering where you get to sample songs from a soon-to-be released album. You might be thinking...Wu Jia WHO??? Yes, Wu Jiahui, the unknown singer of 一人一半, that famous mandarin-hokkien ditty that made Royston Tan's movie 881 so famous (that's how I like to think of it!).

Now, how did I even come to be invited to such a "listening party"? Well, being quite a fan of the music of songwriter/musician Eric Ng, I keep track of the happenings of his indie music label Funkie Monkies Productions. So yar, then I attended the event lah! At first I felt a bit out of place, cos I went alone and many females (of the 30plus pple present, only 3 were male!!!) were pretty much groupies! I was like oh man, so groupie!!! Ok if you think I'm bad, I think they're so much more ON! Haha. But every celeb needs such groupies lah, so it's good for them :)

Anyways, we had to rate the four best songs we liked of the 10 (was it?) songs we sampled. Our feedback would actually be considered by the label in their decision to promote certain songs. So yeah, it's really quite cool to have your opinions valued :)

The album is really good by the way. Jiahui's compositions are solid, and I especially like his fast numbers. He's got really good groove on his guitar too! Not your typical Chinese pop album, something really refreshing, memorable and catchy. I'm gonna buy it when it's released on 14 April. In the meantime, read more about him here.

(Some people feel he sounds waaaayy too much like a girl, but well, his voice grew on me...so...)

ladida

I don't really know what to blog nowadays. Have bits and pieces of thoughts in my head, but they're not enough to pen down. Well, I guess lots of trivia's happening in my life. Life's not exactly boring, but it's not exactly that eventful too. There's that gnawing feeling that I could be doing something more interesting, but I don't know what. Weirdness. I'm currently writing a new song, an English Christian one this time, somewhat in the style of Caedmon's Call. I imagine it to be acoustic, guitarish and simple. Had my first songwriters' collaboration with a friend from church, and it turned out pretty fun. He asked me so many questions that I'd never thought about, but yeah, like iron sharpens iron, hopefully we can come up with some good songs. Ah, I still can't play my guitar and piano well tho, shucks. So it helps that he can! At least with the guit! I do like these brainstorming songwriting sessions. Keeps the creative juice churning. Yeah.

open

Open.

When I don't expect them to be open to me, they are.

When I expect them to be open to me, they are not.

When will the right ones be open then?

I guess I just gotta wait.

29

My 29th birthday was great, great, great.

Spent it with fab friends two nights in a row - into the wee hours of the morning actually (yeah dsd, listening all the way thru the last set was pretty nice, with the full moon partially hidden by leaves).

Catching up on FYP trivia, skimpy clothing and cheekopek ah peks...

Realising finally that yes we've known one another for a full decade...

Knowing that rabbits and sheep marry best on Dec 28, no chiong ah...

Realising that not only do hubbys fetch wives, wives fetch hubbys too...

Trying to preserve one precioussssss glass of water...

Having a movie director buy shots for me (rule #1: be nice to gfs of movie directors)...

Reminiscing on anal tendencies in Krabi (bathing 4x a day is still madness to me)...

Trying to figure who that mystery person on the Singapore Flyer was...

Listening to journalists' stories on SDP escapades???

 

I don't know man, but it used to be that I never cared much for my birthday. Until this year's 21 March, when I decided that I should celebrate life with superfrenz.

And it was really fun.

Oh, and I got my embarrassing moment of fame, singing Love, Me at Timbre! Can't believe it, freaked out man.

But oh well, it was still fun. Wish someone found the video-record button on my camera tho...Haha.

Luv ya guys :)

(I'm now just waiting for the Emil fans reunite and irritate eug gathering.)

Because I belong

On Saturday, I attended Mel and Mistersoh's wedding. For the first time after attending so many weddings, I felt like I went home with something to ponder over. The lady pastor was talking about how Mel and Mistersoh were on loan to each other - from God. On loan, for the other to provide love and care to him/her on this earth, only to return to God at the end of life's journey. And I thought, how true. It's only when I understand being belonged to God that I can carry on through life's downs. Because I belong, I can make it through, even when my other half doesn't survive me, even when my other half turns unfaithful, even when my loved ones pass on. May I remember that I do belong.

Ode to Paper Aeroplane (Demo)

First Chinese song I've written: Ode to Paper Aeroplane

Check it out on www.myspace.com/folksie

Thanks to all who gave feedback on the lyrics and melody. Really helped me finetune the song. Thanks to Seng for helping me record it in his home studio and directing me on the vocal arrangements. Pretty fun!

The long and short of it all

So, yesterday, my mum insisted that my brother show her the website with pix of Cecilia Cheung's nether regions. Because, as she put it, "Wong Li Lin said in 8 Days that Cecilia's hair is so long it can be braided." In disbelief, she was determined to see for herself.

I tried in vain to dissuade her, trust me, I really did. Her reaction?

Ashen-faced and in utter shock, she walked out of my brother's room saying: "WHAT??? HOW COME THEY TAKE SUCH PICTURES??? How can she let him take such pictures???"

I was like, hello? What did you think they were man?

And she was like: "I thought maybe she was just wearing some see-through night gown, not like THIS! This is porn!"

Seriously mum...so 天真...

ah lian at heart

Yes, the suicide case bits are really quite drama. Like my neighbour F was saying, there's a dark cloud hovering over our cubicles. From my point of view, I'm opening my umbrella to shelter myself from the downpour, cos the rain is inevitable.

Nevertheless, reading blog comments from my friends makes my day.

Sooty says:
you know your last line " i really need to peaceout" sounds very ah lian....seriously dawn.... haha....i think you're an ah lian at heart who just happened to be educated in rgs & rjc....hehehe...

I say:
I think I'm really an ah lian at heart too! Hahaha. Cos I love Ah Bengs. And my current fav is Singapore's biggest Ah Beng aka eric ng. Eh..Ah Bengs are talented too horkay???

Hahahahaha.

wa eh sim lai been si Ah Lian. (loosely translated: My heart inside is Ah Lian.)

:)

avalanche

Since Friday, my brain's been overworking, and probably quite confused. Not intentionally.

Let's see...

~ suicide case: major anxiety+own triggers
~ wedding rehearsal: just tired man
~ buy guitar: majorly ecstatic while trying to open puffy eyes (to Porn, I looked like shit)
~ meet K+sooty+eug+baby chloe: happy (girls always make me happy)
~ 1hr rushed nap: peace
~ watch HYR at botanics with ethan mummy: majorly ecstatic (we sat so close! Funkie Monkies are such family...)
~ wake up 6.15am to play for service: super tired+eager
~ had to cancel xinyao open mic session with Porn: sad man, I really wanted to go!
~ fix drumming sessions during my off: irritated
~ too tired to watch my new guitar instructional dvd: more irritated
~ couldn't wake up for work: pissed
~ groupwork: apprehensive and busy
~ suicide case: own triggers

in short, I'm superbly trauma-ed these few days. I think my brain has turned schizo.

I'm sososo damn tired.

I really need to peaceout.

exhausted but happy

I finished my first-ever Chinese song yesterday. Felt so sick of it, yet was pretty happy with it. It's an achievement, really. Decided to mail it to S, and he gave me both compliments and constructive criticism. Really made my day. I hope he will carry out what he offered to help me with - to lay tracks for me and record it as a demo at his studio. I would die of happiness! So far, it's always been Porn nudging the shy/lazy/all-too-contented me to write and record stuff. I guess now that I've let more people know that I'm interested in composing, maybe I could really be inspired so much more. It's like a chicken and egg thing? You need people to offer to accompany you on this songwriting journey in order to be encouraged to write even more.

Actually, writing this post is a way of being accountable to myself too. That I would not just talktalktalk and do nothing, which is what ALWAYS happens. I mean, I'm beginning to understand the importance of being in a community of likeminded people. We will keep inspiring each other to do stuff, and when we collaborate, we do even better stuff. It's like what HYR says about finding the right partners.

Just a few days back, Drearie talked about Wayne and Libby visiting our church from NZ again. And that she hoped to have a set of orginal compositions ready for them to hear. I hope that I can get some stuff out by then. It would be really cool to let touring recording artistes like them hear my stuff. I mean, even if the songs are not that great, at least I tried. Wanna do some Missy Higgins, Brooke Fraser-style stuff, just need to get deep lyrics.

And guess what, I'm going guitar shopping this Sat. All thanks to Porn. Let's see if I will really get a guit. I've promised myself, if I do spend a bomb on it, I really need to practise. It's really different composing with a guit as compared to on the keyboard. Somehow tho' my fingers are stiff on the guit, I get more inspiration strumming it.

Wow, I've typed so much! I hope I don't read this post one year later and say to myself, oh man, it's just all talk! Good luck to me :)