Mayday

Even after an exhausting day
The brain kept thinking
The soul is restless

Please let me find peace
Over the body that overwork
Over the brain that so much noises
Over the soul that so thirst

A closure

Perhaps this gonna be my last posting in 2018.

Will be welcoming new year with new situation and hopefully this is the best.

I could no longer able to continue there even if the offer is bigger. It no longer gives me satisfaction and enjoyment.

I am anxious and nervous. For various reasons. Almost break down.

But I hope next year is going to be much better. Yes, with big HOPE.

Screwed what other people thinks.
Please let me focus on my life, because am totally exhausted.

Welcome 2019 with bigger HOPE.

Rant

Stress. Bukan sebab workload. Sebab orang.

Dia punya stress tu tahap sakit kepala.sesak nafas.

Rasa nak berhenti, tapi tak rasa worth it, berhenti sebab orang. Huuui.

Keliru

Telah bermula perjalanan di tempat baharu dengan suasana baharu. Masih aku keliru tentang apa yang sedang berlaku. Apakah benar ini jalan yang ingin dilalui? Bisakah aku melakukan amanah ini? Tunjuk ajar diperlukan, namun sedikit yang diterima. Apakah aku harus meneka-neka dalam gerak kerja ini? Inikah natijah hasil pengalaman lalu? Aku harus berdikari. Aku perlu sendiri mandiri.

Menyesuaikan diri dalam suasana baharu, lebih mudah berbanding awal permulaan bekerja. Perbezaan cuma pada berada dalam satu komuniti dengan kaum Adam. Kekok.

Buntu apabila diberi amanah, tetapi belum diberi ruang untuk melaksanakan. Lebih-lebih lagi, untuk memahami perlaksanaannya. Aku disini, kembali belajar. Sedikit demi sedikit. Apakah sekarang aku melaksanakan dengan baik. Apakah betul tindakan ini.

Sekarang, mengikut rentak dan perjalanan disini. Kita tunggu dan lihat.

Permulaan dari sambungan

Tahun 2018.

Pernah dahulu, aku berfikir. Berapa lama lagi aku disini, bersama kerja yang bukan passion, bahkan bilakah aku bisa mengejar impianku sendiri.

Sekarang, sudah tiga tahun menghampiri empat tahun aku disini. Ya, berada dalam zon selesa itu lebih mudah berbanding membulat tekad untuk terbang mencapai impian. Mungkin, kerana situasi jua membuat aku tekad untuk keluar dari zon selesa. Pastinya ini satu rentetan perjalanan yang bisa aku lalui dalam redha. Cukup hampir empat tahun berkhidmat. Begitu banyak ilmu dan pengalaman yang ku perolehi, yang ku yakin bakal membantuku suatu masa nanti. Ia pengalaman berharga, dan aku hargai selama berada di sini. Ini merupakan satu peluang buatku untuk lebih fokus pada cita-citaku yang tak pernah padam.

Pernah dahulu aku menulis berkenaan impianku dan kepercayaanku pada jalan-jalan yang kulalui dulu akan membawa kepada aku sekarang.

Saat membaca semula coretan itu, aku kembali melihat sinar dihujung perjalanan ini. Inilah jalan yang harus kulalui. Inilah langkah yang perlu dan telah ku ambil demi mencapai impian. Bahkan, telah termakbul sebahagian impian itu. Sungguh bersyukurlah insan, demi Dia telah memakbulkan doa-doa kita. Hadir saat yang bertepatan dengan keperluan kita.

Perjalanan kita masih panjang. Banyak lagi yang bisa dilaksanakan. Barangkali, benar, memperbaharui Iltizam dan Azam itu perlu. Mengimbau dan meneroka liku-liku perjalanan lalu dan langkah-langkah sekarang. Dimanakah kita. Tercapaikah atau setapak lagi.

Akhirnya, rekod penulisan lalu memberi sesuatu pada diriku sekarang. Aku telah bergerak, dan tidak lagi terhenti.

Masa sentiasa bergerak, dahulu aku terhenti
Masa terus bergerak, aku sedang berjalan
Masa takkan pernah berhenti, aku akan terus berlari

Dan,

Rekod-rekod penulisanku bakal menjadi saksi
Aku dahulu pernah berhenti
Dalam dimensi masaku sendiri
Aku mula bergerak perlahan
Tetap maju kehadapan
Aku mengejar impian
Dalam dimensi waktuku.

Jaulah, kerja

Awal bulan November baru-baru ni berpeluang sekali lagi menjejakkan kaki ke Tanah Tinggi Cameron. Kalau tahun lepas buat pertama kalinya menjejaki Tanah Tinggi Cameron dengan En Suami. Kali ini bersama rombongan kerja. Katanya kasi lepas tekanan sebelum berjuang habis-habisan untuk minggu graduasi.

Boleh jugalah nak mengeratkan hubungan dengan teman sekerja, pecah ais (baca: ice-breaking). Heh, dah hampir lapan bulan tak habis berkenalan lagi. Walaupun dalam masa yang singkat, dapatlah juga meneroka Tanah Tinggi Cameron. Tempat-tempat yang tak sempat nak dikunjungi tahun lepas.

Agak berberbeza cuaca tahun lepas dengan tahun ini. Walaupun hujan turun seperti tahun lalu, tapi dinginnya tidaklah mencucuk tulang. Sejuknya tak sampai menggigil-gigil. Mungkin kerana kerakusan manusia menarah dan membotakkan bukit-bukit untuk mengaut keuntungan tanpa terfikir pada konsikuensi tindakan yang dilakukan itu lama-kelamaan bakal memakan diri.

Boleh berlaku tanah runtuh (na'uzubillahi minzalik), perubahan cuaca yang bakal memberi kesan pada pertumbuhan tanaman jangka masa yang panjang. Bahkan, saat menaiki bas menuju dari satu destinasi ke satu destinasi, kelihatan kesan hakisan sepertinya tanah sudah tidak kukuh melekat.

Namun, pengalaman dan kerisauan ini juga satu pendidikan buat diriku.

Sempat untuk menikmati dan menghayati sejarah dan pertumbuhan pola kehidupan di Tanah Tinggi Cameron sedari zaman sebelum kemerdekaan. Kesan dari penjajahan British dan Jepun, sedikit-sebanyak membawa budaya mereka ke dalam negara kita. Seni dan reka bentuk bangunan terilham daripada negara British. Sedangkan Jepun pula membawa masuk tanaman ubi.

Mungkin baik kiranya pemaju memikirkan untuk mengekalkan bentuk Tanah Tinggi Cameron. Datangkan dengan idea membaik pulih tanpa perlu merobek lagi. Seperti MuziumTime Tunnel, membawa kita menghayati perubahan demi perubahan yang berlaku dalam masa yang sama, mengekalkan nilai estetika Tanah Tinggi Cameron.

Mungkin, tanpa kemajuan yang berlebihan, Tanah Tinggi ini mampu menarik lebih ramai pelancong yang sekali-sekala ingin hidup dan merasa dingin embun pagi yang sukar diperolehi di bawah kota. Keheningan yang mendamaikan berbanding hiruk-pikuk kota yang tidak berhenti bergerak.

Sewing

My three-pieces of work.

My art.

Though there still room for improvement. A lot.

Alhamdulillah. Had the opportunity to sew this three clothes myself.

1-Peach Lace; my wedding reception at my hubby side 2-8-2014

2-Brown Jubah for the Solemnization of the dear friend 20-9-2014

3-Green Modern Kurung for work-attire, convocation event 9-11-2014

A peace of mind

Ramadhan is about to leave me. Us.

I keep asking myself. What have I done?

To be better. To be closer.

No answer came at me directly.

Every incidents that happen recently make me ponder, maybe there are somethings that I should let go or experienced before everything fall into the rightful places.

Truthfully, it terrifying not knowing what will happen. But, I will brace it out bravely, sometimes cowardly.

What is right? What is not? Do the decision I made is the right thing to do? Or maybe it the worse possible choice that I had made? Can you give me the answer to this? No. You can't. The only thing that I could do is to believe and have faith with the decision that I had made. He will guide me when necessary. Indeed. I will ask for His guidance constantly.

I have been thinking much. What will become of my future? My career? My dreams? My marriage. The progress of thinking is so little. At least there has been some progress.

My future will be further my study under my desired and interest course. Which I had lost long time ago. I had forsaken it and now I want to rebuild anew. I was wondering what is my interest and my desired, my passion. I keep looking and i found that I still love writing and reading. Thus maybe, I could become a writer. My study could be around this field.

I do not wish to be in my current career for a long time. Not my whole life. I would like to open a company or at least, do business. Though above all, my career path should be Writer. To this point, my two questions were answered. Partially. I need to come-out with a 'blueprint' though. Then, how long should I been living in this career? Perhaps three years, perhaps five years. I hope it would be less than five years.

Credited to Mr. Google

I have been dreaming of travelling around the world. The most place I want to go are Japan, Makkah and Madinah (To perform my Hajj and Umrah and to visit my Prophet), and Britain. My passion comes from Britain and Japan. I love the classical writers and books from Britain. I want to experience all the culture and nature of both country.

I keep falling in love with Japan through its anime, manga, and drama as well as some of the idols. Above all, their culture and sakura blooming. All these, i could learn from all the above mention lists.

The beauty of the country and the well mannered of the people in these country. I wish to experience it first-hand. Why not. I wish this dreams will come true, someday.

Credited to Mr. Google

Yes, Let me fantasized about this, let my imagination goes beyond. perhaps it will help me to achieve this dreams. Who knows. Him.

I wish to have babies and children. Be with them, looking at them growing, cuddle them and showering them with affectionate and passionate love. Those feelings, I wish and long to feel. Why want children. For mankind, that would be an ideal answer. Forgive me, for I am imperfect being. I want kids for my own selfish being. I want to cuddle them. I want to be the center of their attention, to be one of the important figure for them. To see them growing and fond of me. Yes, they will leave me one day, when they would build their own family, or perhaps I will leave them first. It is a sad feeling. But having one remembering is no dead. I will live in their memories and du'a.

I knew, raising child nothing like playing a doll. I would sometimes lose my patients, angry, sad heart-broken. But it also come with every positive feelings you could come up. Is not it wonderful. It will be my training ground. Life is training ground. We will keep on making mistakes and re-do it to make it right and perfect in our sense. I am imperfect being to begin with. I will have those feelings. Still, I want to be able to love the children. I can.

Credited to Mr. Google

Everything seems far-fetch. But I want to realize it. Within my ability, with His help and guidance. I am blessed with a family of so kind-hearten and understanding. I am blessed with having the opportunity to make my own family. My Little Family, which start from two people.

During this few days left of Ramadhan, I would like to apology for my insensitive and overly re-action and my writing  and any wrong-doing which make any of you feel offended. 

Strive for what left. Double energy!

Bless us during this Ramadhan, Ya Rabb!

Aquaria KLCC

My first time inside the Aquaria.

With kids around me.

Fun.

An opportunity which would not come if i don't work here.

To come here by myself, I would think twice.lol

24.04.2014

Re-blogging

Start a new routine as per today.

Been a housewife for almost four month and two weeks.

Yup. My status changed. Married already for four month and two weeks

Start working today, and hopefully could cope with both working and house chores.

30 November 2013-Alhamdulillah. Is bless by this marriage and is bliss.