Grudge

Holding grudge against someone is tiring, but everyone I've talked to ask me to forgive and forget. I tried, I gave it my best shot but something kept on bugging me every time I tried to do so. Maybe it's because of one sentence from the past, and it causes permanent damage to my heart. I'm not afraid because I know that some people out there still cares about me, and I'm important in someway, but what I'm afraid is about the dark side of each and everyone out there, they might be using me, or toying me around. Some people say I'm overreacting over small stuff but they are the one who does not really understand me, and they started judging me.

I might look okay , calm and crazy at times, but they doesn't know those rough roads I'm taking, because I don't want drag people around me into my moody-emo mood. Hiding emotions is perhaps my best ability. I know some people like to poke fun about me, even behind my back and in front of me. I can show that I don't even care but deep inside of me, it started bleeding non-stop, crying and begging them to stop.

I did however secretly cry when I'm alone and when no one is around. I don't want to make people feel like I'm some weakling and it is too much for me to take it. I don't wanna let people notice that my world is shattering into pieces. I know it wouldn't hurt so much as time passes.

When I wake up in the morning, what done is done.. I need to carry on with my life and I kept on telling myself not to look at the past.. and not to look at what's gonna happen.. but to concentrate on the present and do whatever it takes to be the best in hiding my fragile side from this cruel world.

Friends

Friends are always important. You might have a lot of friends, but there are some friends that you know that they're always backstabbing you. Good friends doesn't care about what you did, but best friends will always advice you, motivate you and cheer you up no matter what you did. I still remember what my lecturer told me; "People cannot differentiate friends from acquaintances". It literally means that not everyone that you know can be your friends but rather they are known as acquaintances.

I have friends which are caring, hardworking , cheerful. But this one special friend of mine, he shares his feelings with me, encourages me and we share some things in common. He has never been selfish to others. Although we have this gap in education, which he's better than me by a lot, he's never laughed nor looked down on me. Perhaps, his attitude has led me to who I am today. I can't thank him more than anything else.

Here's another friend of mine, we were together most of the time during our secondary school life. We talked, we laughed and of course we picked on teachers together too. We joked a lot about teachers, talked crap and even spend most of our time together. He's definitely a very good friend that I just can't say "Thank You" but to be there for him all the time whenever he needs me. He played a vital role in my life too.

Here's another friend of mine, we met in college. Although we seldom (or never) talk to each other during our early year in foundation, we immediately became close during our degree year. He's never shy to help others. Besides having good personalities, he's never selfish and always have the attitude to always ready to share and to make sacrifices. At times, I feel like I did not do anything to enhance our friendship but he's never complain or what-so-ever.

Friends.. is a big word. Without them, we cannot survive. That's why don't ever say you don't need friends.

The Strength To Believe

No matter what we are doing, there is one thing that we need to remember: Believe.

Attempting something without believing in yourself means pushing yourself hardly which will be very stressful. When human are under stress, they tend to have their mindset towards the negative things or event, which will lead them to failure. Believing in yourself is the first step. From there, you'll be able to have a more positive thinking; and learning is definitely an essential steps in our life. Without learning and adapting ourselves to the environment, we could easily lose our way. Like what people say "Set the path/road that you're going to take". It means that we should focus on our vision and goals. Having goals will lead us towards success. Without setting the path, we could not see our future, but people that have could. When we are stuck at a point on the way to fulfill the goal, we could take alternative ways, but people that does not have, cannot do so.

Learning from our mistakes is always important. No matter who you are, there will always be a chance of you doing mistakes. Like programming, there is no way that we would not get errors. There is no perfect human being. People who cannot accept failure will one day have their "tower tumbling down" so hard that they cannot rebuild it. Expecting for the worst is always better to than expecting for the best, because once you have your ego, it can't be stopped and like what I wrote, you cannot rebuild them.

Everything is like destined. There is a chance for us to fail, and there is also a chance for us to succeed. It depends on how you want your future to be; and believing in yourself is the first step that must be taken.

Back to Blogging

Suddenly got the feeling of blogging. I know the mood of blogging will be gone soon but let me do a quick review of my life.

Jan 2010 : Excited about the new semester, the last semester for my year 1 degree. Time flies, I was in foundation one year ago and now its my last semester for my year 1 degree.Nothing much happened except CNY. This past CNY was the most memorable CNY ever. My relatives from both side, came to visit us. The most memorable thing happened was during the steamboat session in my house and Aunt Molly house. I love you Aunt Molly, thanks for the steamboat :). I still remember my first Java lab test. Omg, I was stunned and really thought I couldn't handle Java, but thanks to Steve for his guidance, I was able to do so.

Feb 2010 : February was the most relaxing month of my life for this semester. I didn't study much and was fooling around the whole time. I did complete part of my assignments like blogging and my HCI assignment. I also did something that no one know, except Steve.. not a bad thing but something that I normally wouldn't do.

March 2010 : This is perhaps the busiest month of my WHOLE life; I have 2 projects and 1 assignments, 3 presentation lining up in a week to do. Yes, I'd really admit that I didn't contribute as much as before, most of the work were done by Steve. I did however complete the 2 major project documentation. Something really shocking happened too, I got 97/100 for my HCI assignment, which I think no one else would normally get.

April 2010 : Examination season, but my exams were from 12 to 13 April, which is the shortest of all. We got back our project mark, 95/100 for our HCI project , the highest in class, and 84/100 for our Website design, which is also the highest (I think). Not to forget our HCI Test and HTML Test, both 50/50 (..lol) and 40/50 respectively. All in all, I got average of 50% for all my coursework, the highest.. 57% :P~ I'm so proud of myself this semester. I literally passed all my subjects without even sitting for my final exam. The exam were really TOUGH, I doubt I can score an A for my Java and HTML. Ah well, lets just wait for 29 April for my result.

Quick Update

I'm currently very free but not till next week because I'll be having a Java Lab Test. Its the pain in the ass because she's going too fast, but I can still understand what she's teaching. Last week, my desktop broke down because of the Graphic card problem. It was giving me Blue Screen non-stop. I figured it must be the hardware problem but I didn't take the gfx out to check it until Friday. 3 Capacitors on the GFX exploded. No wonder I heard mini explosion few days back then.

Oh, I bought a new Motherboard.. (finally.. its working perfectly fine now!) and a new chassis for my desktop, CM Storm Scout (I'm loving it..) In fact, I think I'm very satisfied with my current CPU.

One more good news is I'll be having something new and big before new year.. well maybe and I hope it'll be! =) .

Avatar 3D - Recommended

CM's Rating : 4/5

I was planning to go to Phillip's house until he got fed up and said "Lets go to MP, I'll drive!" I drove to his house around 1.10pm and reached around 1.20pm and he was like "Come in my house first, takkan you wanna straight away go?" and then after 5minutes he went like "Come la lets go lah". LOL.

Then we both went to DP, and the parking entrance wasn't blocked; so I thought there were still parking spaces and I asked Phillip to search for parking and after 5-6 rounds , and god damn it, we found one. Phillip was reversing for the parking until one non ethical person barged into our parking. Phillip looked pissed off and he uses the "F" word for the first time. LOL!

Then we went for lunch at McDonalds. McChicken! And we're planning what to do. Since there's nothing else to do, I decided to asked him to go to the cinema and he agreed. We're planning what to watch and then he said "Lets watch Avatar 3D" it's almost time for the airing. I bought the tickets while Phillip went to buy the Popcorn for me. I was like .. OMG its RM34 for 2 tickets, Phillip was like "What?!" and I think I said "aiyah nvm la".

So we went into the cinema and we went to the wrong theater. <-- LOL!.

Then when we reached at the correct theater, the movie starts. LOL, It was like waiting for us.

About The Movie
------------------

This is a Sci-Fi Fantasy movie. The story is like a bunch of military earthlings trying to steal the resources from the planet and scientist trying to discover the secret of the planet , the resources and energy. It's because those military earthlings doesn't believe in the trees that are able to connect to each other and feels like human do, they destroy the Mother Tree which all The Peoples are staying in and where the resources are.

Why is this movie good?

1st: 3D Experience
-------------------

The 3D Effect makes the movie looks cooler and realistic since it is overall a Sci-Fi Fantasy movie. If you watch the "Non 3D" Avatar, I bet it isn't as nice as the 3D one.

2nd: Colours
-------------

Since it's a 3D Movie, they are rich in colours, very colourful and very interesting.



Downside of the movie
-----------------------

1st: The 3D Glasses
--------------------

If you're wearing spec/glasses, I suggest that you be ready for it!

2nd: Short Story
-----------------

It is rather a short simple story but it took 3hours. The plot is rather simple and some places are draggy and I wish the battle scenes to be longer.

3rd: No Subtitles
-----------------

Yes, NO SUBTITLES for 3D version. Luckily they used simple English which even I can understand.


Overall, this movie is highly recommended if you haven't really try the 3D movies out (except the one in GENTING which is crappy)

My Life - Part 2

Age 13 - 17
-----------

I still remember the day I got the letter saying I'll be in SMK Tun Tuah. I cried for quite some time and went into the "Emo" mode. I was bullied in that school but luckily got transferred out. I still remember Me, Phillip and Andrew started to be real good friends but they got transferred to SFI first. I remembered the day I stepped into SMK St. Francis for the first time. My mom thought the SPBT room was the book shop and the actual real first teacher that I've met is actually Puan Chua. Everyone was shocked that I was there. They go "Eh isn't that Kee?". For some reason, I was put in 1 Putih and I remembered it was Puan Gan's period. She's teaching Mathematics during that time. I was placed beside Tang Jeng Yit. Haha. I was in the same class as Phillip and Andrew, Wei Keong and others.

As time goes, I became real close to Wei Keong. We laughed and talked about the teachers. It's fun and also during that time, Phillip and I became real good friends. We used to sing and bitch around the class laughing at those teachers. Recess was the best time. We get to bitch around at the quadrangle.

Phillip then parted ways with us, he went to 2Hijau and Wei Keong and I were still in the Putih. Form 2 was one hell of a year. I remember the first day in class. They went like "Omg! Our Class Teacher will be Puan Rita". Everyone was cursing and yelling until she appeared. Me and Wei Keong sat just in front of him and we talked about her legs and her bags.. or should I say made fun of her from her hair to her legs. Our BM teacher was funny. Her name is Puan Loh Ev-Onne. Her punishment.. can be said the best punishment to have. "Sila ambil kerusi dan duduk di luar!"; with a "SILA". Another thing that happened was when the MITC Marching thingy. I fainted because they didn't give us enough time to rest. That's the first time I was hospitalized.

Form 3, I barely made it into the Putih. Again we made fun of the teachers and others. We sat at the last row and we barely studied. I did badly for PMR. Real Bad!

Form 4, is the time we make our choice, whether to be in the Science or Art Stream. Everyone was expecting me to be in the Science class, even my close friends, but I choose the 3rd Class, which is half science and half art. I kind of regret going into that class with most of them with the childish attitude, which is why during Form 4 and Form 5, there are major changes in my attitude. I 'emo' a lot during these 2 years of my school life. I hated Accounting because it really sucks, but to be honest, it was very easy. In my F4 and F5, test and exam, I only got a B and all As for Accounting. :P~

SPM .. I always thought its the worst thing that is gonna happen in my life. Well I didnt study at all and I got really bad results.

Not A Good Day

July 28, 2009 , Tuesday - Sunny

Today isn't my day. A lot of thing went wrong. I was supposed to be in INTI yesterday but I can't drive due to the stormy weather, which I decide to drive back this morning. I had a little misunderstanding with my mom, (ok, I admit that I overreacted) and end up in quite a bad mood. While on the highway, I have major headache and my vision's super blurry (for those who have astigmatism, you should know how it is like to have 10 vision of the same thing) and I continued to drive for the 100KM journey because my class starts at 12pm.

At around 11.15am, I reached Nilai Plaza Tol. Something really bad happened then. When I was to reach the roundabout, the one after Nilai College, i literally lost my vision for 1 second and almost met an accident with a Proton Perdana. I braked immediately and heard the tyres screeching sound and I stopped there for almost 10seconds. Both my hands and legs were like jellified. I drove slowly back to my hostel then.

I reach my hostel room at 11.30pm and I found out that the stupid desktop problem is back.. Couldn't boot up.. must be the CMOS problem again.. so I have to reset it but I didn't know how (which I think I know now).

Then after that I went to the class. I'm so pissed off by the lecturer. He did not give any announcement at all about today's tutorial. Luckily, I was able to answer almost all the questions. One thing that really piss me off about this lecturer is that he's just too ridiculous. He asked us to shut up and don't make any noise. Hey, come on, we are human, not robots and is it right for you to ask us shut up?. At least you can say "Please control your voice" or "Talk softly".

I'm still thinking of the same stupid mistake I COMMITED LIKE 3 TIMES.

Profile Update

Profile Update:

College : INTI University College Malaysia - Nilai Campus

School : FOCIT - Faculty of Computing and IT

Major : BNMCI - Bachelor Sc.(Hons) in Network and Mobile Computing

Year/Sem : 1/1

Courses :

1.System Analysis and Design

So far so good, I hate the group assignment as I don't really know what is going on.

2.Computer Ethics

I hate the lecturer. Tell me how do you summarize a 5page article into 1page. Bich!

3. Entreprenuership

Business subject. I don't know why we have to take this. Lecturer is ok, but lack of confidence, she's new though, an exception, but she's nice.

4.Mathematics for Computing

So far, the best subject in this sem. Lecturer is good, love her teaching alot. Gives a lot of explaination and proving of formula rather than just following the formula blindly. That's what MATHEMATICS is all about!

5. French

Ahhh... 100% coursework.. but its fun to learn a new language.. not fun to learn French.. its a little hard to pronounce and remember the words. BTW, Malay is the easiest language in the world!

Well, thats all for now.. maybe another update at the end of this week.
I hope there'll be an outing with mahh friends at Melaka this Satordae ~

Bonsoir (Good Night)

Futuristic

Futuristic.. which means something that is going on today which is suppose to happen in the future. Maybe I'm a little obsessed with my future, but who doesn't? Sometimes I'll just sit down alone thinking about my future. "What am I going to do?", "What's next?", "What's wrong with me?". These questions always haunt me day and night, sometimes even in my dream. Speaking about dream, it has been long since I had a good dream. People say I'm pessimistic, but what's so nice about being optimistic? I don't like to be optimistic because I don't wanna hope to get something I wouldn't get and hurt myself. I rather look down on myself and do the best I can. Sometimes, it isn't bad to be pessimistic, but being optimistic is good too.

Isn't it obvious that sometimes you need to be alone and you get bugged by some pest and they would say something bad about you like "Oh, why are you so upset today?" , "What is wrong with you?","What's with the sour face?" I often get this type of comment from people. I feel like saying "Leave me alone will you?", but I rather just keep quiet because I don't want to create misunderstanding. Some people will just take the words negatively.

Everything is moving in the fast lane and I feel like I'm moving in the slow lane.. creeping. Sometimes I wish I would go back to Primary school and fix those things I did wrongly. Hmm.. maybe I would give myself sometimes to get used to what I'm doing right now.

Oh ya, Happy Birthday Wei Keong. Have A Nice Day.

Signing off,
C.M.Kee

Tired

I feel lost and unfound,

Whats all the faces and insulting noise,

Am I that annoying or am I really pissing them,

What's what now and what's later,

When everything seems to be stable,

Everything will be going sideway,

A huge wave crushing and scatter everything,

One piece by one piece is flushing away,

Parents are people who we respect?,

But how I do respect them when they kept on repeating the same mistake?,

I'm tired of this family,

Feel like giving up,

New year is coming,

All I wish is just a little peace.

Christmas Present?

At first, it was announced that my final exam results will be revealed on the 24th to 27th of Dec, but then Santa came early this time. Well, I am a little disapointed yet a had a little sigh of relief. My result's in the 'OKAY' category.

CSC1228 : Information Technology Principles 2 A
Comment : I knew I was gonna get A for this subject. If I didn't get A for this, I'll jump down from the top of the Twin Tower. I can do all the question and from my objectives which is 25 of them, its perfect with no error. I can't believe I actually know all the answers too. I used like 5mins to finish them.

CSC1229 : Fundamentals of Programming A
Comment : Quite a shock, I screwed up my objective part but I guess GOD really helped me in Section B. I could barely survive the Objective part. Section B was moderate level. Some questions are hard, some are easy. The most important is, the lecturer used the exercises questions which I didn't really do them, but well, those questions are not as tough as the assignments. I have got 87/100 for Assignment 1 and 78/100 for Assignment 2 and 40/50 for Test.

CSC1234 : Software Application A
Comment : Is she blind or what? Let me tell you, I didn't even study for this paper.

ENL1208 : Intermiediate English A
Comment : The reason why people can't get A for English is because they screwed up the Essay part. She was providing a guide on how to write the outline, but most of them followed the guide blindly. You cannot trust that guide, and if you followed, kiss your 20marks goodbye.

MAT1208 : Intermiediate Mathematics B
Comment : I hate maths! I tried to love it, but it doesn't wanna come close to me. But I taught I was gonna get a C for Maths because I can tell you that I didn't do 5questions which cost 2-4marks.

Moral Education B
Comment : This subject is totally a stupid moron and unnecassary subject. Government just wanna play some trick in Private U thats why they say its a MPW ( Mata Pelajaran Wajib ) and INTI wanna make more money because many people will fail the MPWs.



Merry Christmas

Preparing For Next Sem

For the next sem, I'll be taking :

CSC1235 - Introduction to Database
CSC 1236- Introduction to Programming
ENL 1209 - Advance English
MAT 1209 - Advance Mathematics

Hmm~ It's a little better this sem because I only have to take 4 subject. Previously, my first and second Sem, I had to take 6subjects which is a little overwhelming for me.

Semester 1:

CSC1227 - Information Technology Principles 1
MAT 1207 - Elementary Mathematics
ENL 1207 - Elementary English
GNS 1208 - General Studies
MGT 1208 - Business Studies 1
MPW 1153 - Malaysian Studies

Semester 2:

CSC1228 - Information Technology Principles 2
CSC 1229 - Fundamentals of Programming
CSC 1234 - Software Application
MPW 1155 - Moral Education
ENL 1208 - Elementary English
MAT 1208 - Elementary Mathematics

My third sem will start on 7 Jan 09 , if I'm not wrong. My enrolment will be on 2 Jan 09. I hope my results will be 'OK'. LOL!

Quote To Share : Life is all about making choices.

Just Another Day

I have been holidaying for about 6days now, since last Friday and I'm bored. Gosh, how I wanted the final exams to end and now wanting to go back to college. Well, I did pretty bad in my final, oh well who cares about that. This morning, woke up and had breakfast with my sis and parents. Gosh, I'm very full. Lol. Funny thing is that I don't eat as much as I did before this. After that, we went to the photo shop in Bunga Raya to claim my sis's grad pics. Kinda nice.

After that, my mom went to the bank, opposite my house and she bought Mee. Gosh, My sis and I just ate 3 hours ago and now this? Mom's a little crazy anyway. My sis send me a link to Lego and I'm currently obsessed with Lego toys. Gonna go Mid Valley and Time Square to find them out on Jan 2, after my enrolment. Can't wait to go SHOPPING (can't believe I just said that). Then Lem asked me to dotA and I accepted and waited till my butt grow fungus (for chun yian). its a 3 vs 3 game (random team) and my team won, (2 times double kill =D) .

I managed to edit my layout and fix a lot of things on my blog. Oh ya, for your info, I have a facebook account now. Search for 'Kee Chia Ming', and I'll be the first on the results list. How's the header? I edit it for hours now and still look kind of weird. Alies de l'amour means Wings of Love in French.

My exams result might be released on Dec 23~26, scared. Wish me Luck!

Lastly,
Quote of the Day: Lets just be realistic and do not live in a place where you shouldn't be!