No, It's Really Not Discrimination When You're That Stupid

So I get a call from someone, somewhere in this fine state.

"Can you represent me, I have to go to a court hearing?"

"Ok, And why is that?"

"Cause I didn't complete my community service, but I really shouldn't be treated like this, cause I'm not like I'm a murderer or anything, I'm being discriminated against really."

I then get all the reasons why the community service wasn't done and how the person is being mistreated because of it and how the person had to pay $500 at the previous hearing and the magistrate wasn't very nice.

"OK, so why did you get community service?"

"I don't know, it's not like I'm a criminal or something, or did anything serious, and at the hearing the judge said she was going to make me do community service, I feel they bein' prejudiced agains' me"

"Ok, I understand that, but judges don't give people community service for nothing, what were you charged with?"

"Not doing my community service."

We continue in this vein for awhile and I finally get the person away from the fixation on community service and missing the better part thereof, and back to the question of "What were you charged with to get community service?"

"I don' know, maybe something to do with my drivin'"

"Ok, now we're getting somewhere, what is it about your driving that caused you to be charged with something that led you to get community service?"

"I don' know, maybe cause my driver's license was suspended when I got in an accident, but that wasn't my fault."

Yes, that sound you would have just heard at the time was my head hitting my desk.

I explained that yes, this person needs a lawyer for the hearing, cause they clearly can't represent themselves as they can't even answer a straight question. I named my fee, and suggested the person get going on doing the community service and having the hours done and completed before the hearing. We'll see if I actually get retained.

Do note Dear Reader that this person votes, and, Lord help us all, drives.