.Wednesday, December 26, 2007 ' 12:16 AM Y
=x
Mood: Sleepy.
Felt really sleepy during today's christmas service.
Well..
Pearl was pretty distracted by a lot of things. Tried not to disturb her.
She made me a card. It was nice.
Anyway...
went to 5th uncle and aunty's house, where zi-pei had some issues with chilli. it was really funny basically. heh.
played cards with joey. :)
nan gave me a new jacket. :)
rach got me and joey the chocolate that's really expensive to make coffee bean's 'pure chocolate.' :)
joey got me chocolates and stuffings. :)
mum and dad gave me cash. ;)
12 ppl sent me smses, and a couple called. thanks peeps. merry christmas to you too.
was moody at first, but I feel a lot better. stuff to smile about.
got back home and wrote stuff. am stuck now. first time i've been stuck since i started writing my fanfic.
I also found a good place to put my ShadowFighterX trilogy, so yep. :)
and my Night Phantom one. :)
rested awhile, dinner was fried rice and it tasted good.
pearl came to pine grove, and I met up with her and yi feng. talked quite a bit.
and my neck still hurts because my bike couldn't make it up the ramp so I flew and hit my face in the grass and hurt my leg. need to get rest.
so yeah, I really do care about her, I guess.
still don't know where this is going though. or what exactly i want.
haiz...
bathed and watched 'I am Legend.' more dramatic then actually packed, but interesting concept on human nature. so overall it wasn't bad.
came back, tried to write a bit and failed, and now blogging lo.
joey's got new dvd player. :)
ah well...
later.
ShadowFighterX
(so sleepy. :(
.Friday, December 21, 2007 ' 10:48 PM Y
=x
Mood: Sleepy.
Im back.
heh.
yep.
Bali was fun.
Day 1 was mostly the flight there...looked at the hotel a bit and rested a lot I guess. didn't really do much la. learnt how to do a baby freeze within an hour. later on during the trip, I kept practicing it. still not as good as pearl though.
Day 2 was spending most of the morning in the hotel. There were giant chess pieces that Joel and I played with and it was pretty even when we had to go.
The table tennis court was pretty good. The hotel also has it's own private beach, so it's pretty cool.
What I really liked a lot about our hotel was how amazingly nice looking it is.
Pretty poor description. heh. okay. lemme be more clear.
There's this Flame of The Forest trees that look really nice. I think Dad took a picture of those. They're the kinda trees I'd like to grow if I ever get my own backyard (provided I'm married and etc. oro._.).
Then there was this really lovely garden with this uber long walking path but it gets you back to the starting point eventually. It's very romantic and stuff.
And there was this indoor sand thing which is like. on the ground. married couples who get married in the hotel have their names 'engraved' there (though if someone stepped on it it would be a disaster) which is really nice-the thing I liked the best actually. making something beautifully permanent out of something meant to be so temporal.
went jet skiing. adrenaline! woot. I'm pretty good at it, I think.
Went out for village visiting. it seems everyone in Bali wants to be a painter. they're really incredible, but if you've seen one nice looking painting, you've seen them all.
Oh, and motorcycles outnumber cars in Bali by a LOT. it made me change my mind about getting a motorcycle (though I may change my mind again later. :) because it's incredibly dangerous traffic. It's like. 10 percent chance of dying.
And ppl there look pretty dangerous, even though most of them are actually quite nice.
Had a seafood dinner. You should know, I don't EAT SEAFOOD. so it was a bit of a disaster, but food nonetheless.
went back, watched tv, rested. developed my next chapter for my ff too, so I should take..some time to type it out.
Day 3 was pretty rushed, so I guess we were all grouchy, but we got over that. really glad.
after breakfast and whatnot, I finished my chess match with Joey and play darts and stuff. then we went to look for mum's market, and the ppl were very persistent in selling us stuff. kept driving in circles.
did I mention I have a new hat? it turned out to be very useful even though it cost quite a lot (the material is really good) because people in the market carrying heavy stuff would have kepy knocking my head if not for my hat, which gave me time to move away. don't know why everyone wanted to hit my head though.
dinner was a and w! and played arcade with joey for very cheap prices in some mall thing.
picked up anna at the airport. yep. she's back in singapore. :)
bought lots of cd's after that. most of them, if not all of them work. :)
watched tv, went to sleep.
This morning woke up early, as usual. bathed, breakfast (I've been having coffee these past few days...today's one was not too good) and stuff.
jet skiied again and tried para sailing. okay ba. but it was so crowded, so didnt really like it very much.
changed, had a drink, and checked out. plane flight back. had mcdonald's for lunch. :)
so..
unpacked.
and here I am. yep. pretty sleepy.
thanks to my parents for the holidays.
thanks to God for keeping me and my family safe.
I can't make it tomorrow for the cg thing so for Adeline and Uncle Alfred, God bless!!
I have a plan for christmas gifts for my family..but it's more like a package..
and will cost a lot..
so...
yep.
gifts for you all too!
not. heh.
sorry.
lolz.
well at least for tom and waik and pam.
later.
ShadowFighterX
read and review my ff!
.Monday, December 17, 2007 ' 11:26 PM Y
=x
Sleepy..
haiz.
well, been able to write my ff on love hina at last.
sorry to that guy who wanted more love hina episodes...guess I'm no longer interested, as long as the FANS can continue the story, right?
don't mind if it actually happens, though.
so anyway.
my love hina prologue, with only 1003 words, got 3 reviews, and considering there was no consideration of plotline whatsoever (so screwed in future chapters-i need a plan!) and they were all astoundingly good, meaning im between okay and above average, which is really good considering it's my first fic.
I removed ShadowFighterX...it's not complete or a fanfic..but now i know where to post it though. :)
my site. do check it out and review.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3949260/1/Love_Hina_Secret_Lovesyeah. ;)
going to Bali tomorrow evening.
whew..not up for a plane flight..
so i bought issue 12 of the love hina manga..almost complete already..
ugh..
hate that this is truly the end..
well anyway.
at least i get to continue it.
and i'm crossovering it with my own fic, the Night Phantom one...
at least, for events after Night Phantom:Rain.
tom still in cambodia..
pearl, can you pon church on sat?
sigh. rather not ask you to..
but if not i'd ask you, jean and ethan to go to yunnan corner at NTU..do tag my blog if u wanna go..it's on this sat 5pm onwards..
though i think everyone else will be busy with something.
wanted to play pool with waik today, but it was taken up. :(
well, yunnan corner has two free pool tables. :)
and transport shld be better now that we have two cars.
right then.
heh.
life's been better...
thanks god.
later then.
ShadowFighterX
.Friday, December 14, 2007 ' 11:11 PM Y
=x
Hey, world.
mm.
bought issue 10 today of Love Hina. pretty happy, i guess.
well..
went to xian yang's house. brought waik with me.
hope tom's okay. he must be tired..
the others didn't reply.
the kid really pissed me off today. but i guess i can forgive him. he is like that, after all.
confession.
I had, word being
had, a crush on chua wen hui.
and it was pretty bad, because honestly, she was a pretty cute kid when she was younger. there are some memories that remain preserved of xian yangs 8th birthday party, and well. she was there.
i figure i either don't have a lot of time left or i'd like to preserve my memories, so I thought.
'hey, maybe if i knew her a little more, it would be okay.'
guess i was just kidding myself. was pretty moody after the whole wee lin thing..
so..
dunno. after effect.
anyway, i think i hurt her somehow. being. well. me. dumbass, really.
remind you of anyone?
uh huh. yep.
so that was probably my fault. its not like i was going to confess my outmost feelings for her, so..
well i must have screwed up SOMEWHERE, so..
well. here i am.
i don't think i understand her at all. saddening.
but i guess..i sympathise. some ppl know what i mean.
i really hope she wasn't..hurt and angry.
or just playing.
i don't know.
the only thing im worried about is never being able to go back to that house.
will miss it more than nan hua.
still.
can't say.
that i hate her ba.
i shouldn't have tonight..
even though she said she hated me and it struck a nerve.
i don';t hate her.
but i don't get to pity her either, cuz it wouldn't be fair, not just to her, but...
sigh.
so im sorry for that.
and sorry for almost getting mud on your chair.
if you ever read this, the good news is that it's dry, so it can't possibly get on your chair.
and your chair is dusty and even filthier anyway, so you probably can't tell.
but that's not the point.
sorry.
i really am.
haiz.
well.
at least waik..sort of had fun tonight.
the maid was pissed.
we got locked out, our shoes stolen.
but what the hell, i guess.
it was sort of fun.
just hope no one got hurt.
and no one gets into trouble.
goodnight wen hui.;
i hope you find peace.
ShadowFighterX
. ' 4:39 PM Y
=x
Mood: Oro.
I'm back y'all!
lolz that was su's line.
she's from Love Hina. oro.
anyway..
since i haven't blogged in a while, i'll just go through some stuff..
firstly, that i got to meet angi, so im grateful. she's going back today. =/ hope she liked it here.
can't believe she got teary eyed over my angsty posts. after she said that, i compared the writings i've done when im emo and when im not.
like comparing 'flawless' (compo) to 'how i made a difference'
and well. obviously i write better when im emo. it shows in my 'ShadowRealm', 'ShadowFighterX', 'Shadow Infinity' and 'Night Phantom-'Rain'' as well, so...
the stories just looks really WEIRD with a combination of so-so writing and not bad writing. no wonder why i need to edit so much.
next thing.
'myself yourself' is officially the most emo anime i have watched in my life.
half the episodes make me want to cry.
the other half seems like a soap opera and nostalgic outlook.
i mean, just look at the characters.
Sana Hidaka, main character.
-left behind his friends and family for 5 years. thus has angst.
Syuusuke and Syuri Wakatsuki, twins.
-recently accused of being seen in a love hotel and forced to separate, thus running away from home.
-their mother is dead and replaced by a whore using their father for cash.
thus has angst.
Aoi has no angst. wth.
Hinako is an innocent 10 year old who's been rejected by the love of her life at such a young age, thus she has angst.
Nanaka, female lead.
lost her memories and parents from a arson incident, thus has angst. lots of angst.
the rest have no angst.
well, except the most important character, Asami Hoshino!!
-first Nanaka gets really angry at her because she thinks Asami likes Sana!
-and then after that she gets stabbed.
-and then it turns out shes leading a double life
-and then it turns out she's a lesbian and she confessed to SHURI.
WHY?!
WTH.
(based on personal experience this knowledge has totally crushed me._.)
so anyway.
yep. it's so sad la. one day, i shall write an emo scene fron there.
next.
mm.
my sms bill is killing me.
next.
I don't need a girlfriend, least of all you-know-who. think i should really move on.
again..
next.
hope pearl's feeling better.
happy birthday wee lin.
sorry ming rui,im not free on the 17th../
Shana is cute. =/
lastly..
tomorrow and the day after that..
what am i supposed to do..?
until i start feeling emo, i don't have inspiration for my new Love Hina fanfic...
or my novels..
so bored.
anyone got recommendations?
on what to write first?
well just post la.
i should really get back to writing.
ShadowFighterX
.Sunday, December 09, 2007 ' 10:28 PM Y
=x
Mood: Haiz..
today..
is..
undescribable.
wrong spelling. shit.
my english sucks now.
met angie for the first time today. after knowing her for 4 years via msn, rightfully so.
so many thoughts on my mind now..
i remember people being more and more harsh on people like me. somewhat too mature, i guess. society doesn't condone smartasses (won't name obvious examples).
so i changed. not only because of them but from the emotional damage i had taken so far from just about every painful breakup.
just remembering clearing out the ppl with so called crushes..you can't love someone like that..
you cant claim to love someone just because you're touched by the devotion that is shown by that person to someone else..because in truth you really want to be loved like that, but not necessarily by the person showing that devotion/.
so i was really hurt. tsk.
remember cheryl telling me during my first youth camp..
"you may or may not know this but when someone you love tells you that they don't have time for you, it will really kill you,"
and it did, and it does..and...
so confused..
junice.
huh.
i was really..so happy when i got over her.
because i was always upset at myself for hurting myself because of her..
i admired her.
thought about her endlessly.
loved her beyond limits.
i wanted to see her all the time because looking at her each time had some thrill of both obvious desire and pain.
probably worshipped her at some point of time.
if i ask myself.
why was i so pathetic back then..?
the answer would be..
because..
the kid who loved her still isnt' dead yet..
and for that reason i can't be..'luke ho' around her.
even though i know myself now.
and my future self now.
i am still.
never.
going to know her.
to see her.
to love her.
because i am not free of my desires..
and that makes me afraid...
dear God,help me to let go.ShadowFighterX
.Saturday, December 08, 2007 ' 7:09 AM Y
=x
Mood: Um.
well youth camp was tiring of course, but GREAT. AMAZING. YEP.
the camp com did a good job as usual, food was crappy but can't be helped since they're paying for everything else so it's okay if you consider that (plus it's food i guess.) and the lessons were yep.
worship was obviously the BEST.
but there are some things that should be kept in church of course.
mm.
it's always good to be around Gods' presence, i guess. that's about it.
faith works.
soo..
well not so depressed la. just really, REALLY SLEEPY.
i got back yesterday. at 3 plus./
fell asleep at around 3 45 i think.
then after that i woke up at 6.50-7...
AM.
OMG LA.
i was like. woot, in time for dinner!
and then sudden;y there's this sunrise.
and then i was like, 'oh shit.'
sure enough, several missed calls and messages.
I'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR 17 HOURS. MUST HAVE BEEN DEAD TIRED LA.
WAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
okay.
still tired actually.
mm.
wonder if nick and i can go over today?
ehh. scarely the girls not up yet.
hmm.
well, we'll see! ;)
later!
ShadowFighterX
heh, im back. :)
.Sunday, December 02, 2007 ' 9:01 PM Y
=x
Mood: haiz..
but..you can have what's left of me.cant get the spammer of my blog.
do tag b4 you leave. i guess.
haiz. patheticness is catching...
so basically the whole 'love hina' series is over. ugh. that sucks. i really regret reading the ending already...
oh, and I didn't mean anything I said yesterday. i think.
mm..
never thought I would say this..
but I guess I really don't have anything going on for me..
so I've lost my confidence.
for one day, I'd just like to be me.
and not this person..
that I exist in...
going to camp anyway...till friday.
studying plan and bballing plan takes into effect after i get back, I guess.
hope I can see angi on sat or something.
I need some time away, I suppose.
this camp better help...
ShadowFighterX
just watching my life...pass me by.
.Saturday, December 01, 2007 ' 8:51 PM Y
=x
Mood: Desperate.
They say that girls can smell desperate guys from a mile away. (in order to keep away from them!)
.
im desperate right now.
My life has virtually no meaning.
my friends are either busy or out with their steads.
I have no life.
I can't write because I have writers block. Because everytime someone else has a happy ending, I just can't get one for myself..nor do i know how to write very dramatic writing...so...
like..
um...
basically maybe i really can;t write if things AREN'T HAPPENING TO ME.
ARRGH.
anyway at least i watched..
rurouni kenshin.
myself yourself
love hina!
all decent, action packed and sappily romantic animes. :)
sigh.
im so hopeless. after all of that, I can;t get any inspiration from all of them.
it's so unfair everyone has a happy ending in there except for the people watching it.
and as if that wasn't pathetic enough, I can only watch them on youtube.
ARRGH.
well..some people don't seem to care anymore.
might as well face it, huh? nobody really cares I guess. not that I've been reaching out to a whole lot of people I guess. Maybe it's my fault.
.
I need a girlfriend. lets just face it. i should just mindlessly throw away everything that I have for everything I want WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
my life has fallen apart.
I feel like..
I can't do anything right...
I don't have a life because...
can't play bball because..
can't write because...
I'm always cheated out of my love story...everytime things are going well I just...
I have to know, God...why do you always cheat me out of love?
can't even write it in my novel or diary because i can't write well enough anymore.
haiz.
life is so meaningless.
X