I'm dying.--

.Saturday, June 30, 2007 ' 8:51 PM Y

mood: meh.

ahh..day 2 and my leg's recovered ever so slightly. tsk.
i gotta do lots of pushups and stuff today...

listening to 'the way' by clay aiken now. it's nice, especially the beginning.

today didn't really do much..almost wrapped up the compre and pretty much not done anything else but watch tv. oh, and look after two kids. i didn't take any pictures, just in case anyone still thinks that i'm still in this phase (which i am! AHHH.) but yeah. was tempted to. they're cute kids la. quite mischievious.

come to think of it, i've always had a soft spot for kids. maybe that's why im such a pushover.
aww well. spent the whole day with them playing jenga, spiderman , bomberman and dynasty warriors 4. those two boys got a Xbox with HALO. IT'S SO UNFAIR.

no nightmares yesterday. yay.

oh, and i was looking after them cuz they came over with their parents..possibly mum's future students and stuff, so yeah.

tom's overseas, so im bored. talking to gavin now. he really typed out my novel. haha. :)
well some of it at any rate.

some guilt from some things still getting to me..i don't know what to do..
sigh.

yeah well. nothing much to do.
tomorrow hope my ankle heals a little more so maybe can take a few shots.
or not.
bleah.
later.

ShadowFighterX

.Friday, June 29, 2007 ' 8:21 PM Y

mood: ugh.

it's hot!

i hurt my ankle, AGAIN. totally screwed up. hell. but my form was pretty on today, in terms of shooting..so that's good news.
will probably lose it again by the time i recover..im banning myself off bball for a week or so..helps me catch up on my studies and exercise anyway..

sigh. :( depressing.
school was boring as usual, physics was had, math was short.
english we have compre, and that sucks.

ss was easy.

anyway, lately i've been feeling different. like. um. slightly weird. i really wanna be me again. yeah. had to say that.

i've noticed guoyi is really mushy about some guy lately. god. i doubt even im that bad. haha. i hope she's okay. we haven't talked lately.

certain idiots keep reminding me of clarissa even when i don't wanna.
can't stand it.
looking at wee pisses me off.
people are starting to appreciate my novel again. :)

im kinda too lazy to blog..
played bball with timo today..
jamie and tom were around too, but talking at haato and ice cream (which reminds me ,i owe fat jamiejamie $3 and timo $1..) well, apart from that not really. hope tom can recover from that toenail thing soon.
hope my injury recovers soon too.

well.
tired la.
sleep.

;)

.Thursday, June 28, 2007 ' 10:44 PM Y

Mood: Ugh.

blogging and doing various stuff.
gavin is so going to kill me tomorrow..i didn't have time to type out a new essay..
maybe she'll give us till monday. i hope.

so tired lately but yeah, sleeping sligghtly earlier tonight.
tomorrow got physics test. where the heck did that come from? im sick of tests. ugh.

and lately, i've been changing..hell, again, or staying like some sissy guy..can't stand it. it's so unlike me. but tom told me stuff that's he's never admitted before, so i..well. i wanna be me again. it's worth it, despite well. all the pain and angst i went through before as me..
after all, there's no more junice now, and I'm me. just me, left.

..although, someone i feel it was the situation with junice that made me who i am.
it was, incidentally.
so that's really fucking ironic. great.

tomorrow training a little, maybe bowling.
tests and stuff. im praying i do well for some miracle. i've got to study hard tomorrow. well. today. whatever.
jamie is fat.

jamie is fat! ahahahahaha.

nightmares haven't stopped yesterday. the most recent one is tom fighting someone with cyrokinesis. im getting a vague idea of my writings in my novel..im actually PREDICTING what's going to happen in HIJACK. or im jsut imagining things. im so glad u guys don't know what im talking about.

or they're just dreams.

talked conference with jamie, tom, waik for a while..that was fun in some way..helped me relax..a little too much, since im writing this and not gavin';s thingything thing.

i don't wanna be like this!
this ends now.
seriousness and coolness and reserved-ness starts now.
so that i can be me, and this time, since people actually like me for being me, i'll be happy again. well. happier.

i changed in the first place, after all, because i felt being me wasn't good enough for her. and for everyone. another seriously screwed up irony.
well jun's attached, clarissa hates me, yanlin..well. and etc.
amazing how many girls i suddenly got associated with after i 'gave up' on junice.
funny how life works. twisted painfully but sometimes fitting nicely.

i just want to be me. i just want to be happy. i want my friends to be happy, not to go to hell. i want my family to be happy, not to stay sad even though they're saved.

this is who i am. i don't wanna change, ever again.
even if it costs me.

ShadowFighterX
X marks the spot.
Forever.

.Wednesday, June 27, 2007 ' 6:10 PM Y

Sleepy.
As usual.

I just attempted twice to go to Clarissa's blog in the past week when i forgot i already deleted the link, where i obviously impressed myself with my originally great self-control and im practically moaning now. it's a total addiction.
haiz.

Today was pretty good, started off with chinese (errgh) but that was average. Math was a blast as me and Derrick aced the new topic question after struggling awhile, and finished it early. too lazy to start on the homework though. haha.

talking to gavin now. we had a deal that if he typed out some Shadow Infinity, I'd help him with his essay that's about to be overdue. Typing out my thoughts has always been better than copying them from a paper i wrote them on anyone, and i'll have some fun messing up gavin's life since it's supposed to be non-fiction. haha.
wilson also i think. haha. slave labour. i get to practice my english and they type out my story. lolz.
or at least, i can look it this positively like that. :)

my shooting was very off form today..very irritated by it. hope i recover soon.

english..well. we have a new teacher now, ms peh, and she's okay i guess. mostly intros and admin stuff. turns out she's also teaching us social studies. poor ms huang. i miss her already. :( but ms peh is okay la. so i don't really mind the change, as long as i can talk to both of them as my teachers and look after my schoolwork.
yeah and turns out my cooperation essay got selected for the cluster competition..i don't remember writing such a boring essay but yeah well..ellice and ms peh helped me edit it a little for the competition. but i have higher hopes for my new essay..some inspired by a fellow fanfiction writer.

Yesterday was good, but ironically, it was worse than monday. groan. i need a break and a little bit of a life..training at sp, on friday ppl! yepyep.
my bball better improve by then.

sleep.
got homework to do and a sad dinner to not look forward to. well, except the chicken wings.
hope everyone's okay!
oh, and i screwed up the math test. sigh.
later.

ShadowfighterX

.Monday, June 25, 2007 ' 5:21 PM Y

Mood : sleepy.

sometimes i think i shouldn't bother putting the mood cuz most of the time im just sleepy..but then again, people shld know my mood so they can know when not to piss me off or when im saying something i really don't mean.

anyway, school today ws fair, if not better than usual. i mean, i've got most of my work done, the test was still okay..places changed and such. bball and some stuff happened, but they're okay stuff.

seems nobody wants to read my novel anymore, but i figure since im going all the way..and it's really going well, so i'll finish up the three novels and then laminate them or something. after that, i'll just go back to writing non-fiction and drama stuff. haha.

i watched all the episodes of Danny Phantom in almost two weeks, or less. haha. it's really sad that the series ended, and im really going to miss it.
the ending was nice. :)
i hope that the guy, who's considering making a 4th season eventually, will. i mean it's kinda kiddish but it's really funny and nice. for a cartoon. sort of like teen titans.
stupid nickelodeon. u could have bought more episodes but noooo. yeesh.

ahh so about school...day started off with me doing lots of walking and stuff. talking to random people. i was really dreading class, to be honest.
pe was nice becuz mdm ros let me play in my pants. pity she's getting replaced though. haha.
oh, and we have pe again tomorrow! awesome!

chem was okay. ms liang was in an exceptionally good mood.
recess sucked. i should have played basketball, but it was wet.

math the test and switching places..that was okay too. got some time to write my novel.
didn't mess with wee today. not that i wouldn't or that im not pissed at him. but i was really, really so darned sleepy..

chinese was kind of funny. except for homework, of cuz, which im going to do later, but at least things are looking up. which i curse myself for saying that, because everytime good stuff happens, something really really bad happens.
paranoia.

my spelling is getting off. must read more fanfiction.

played bball for a while..met up with benjamin, the sec 1 one. he's really a good kid. he said to me that he really needs a senior like me in the team (when he was asking me to please join back. brother joined him, which encouraged me cuz the two of them are sort of friends) and well. he's really a good kid. im really impressed by the loyalty he has for me. we've only known each other for a few months, after all. sort of reminds me of tom and waik during pri sch. i mean, they're still loyal friends, but it doesn't show as much anymore. not that it needs to though. although i would be pretty shocked and surprised if tom (unless he ditched me for fat, which is understandable,) or waik ditched me for someone else in a my word against his/her situation. yeah...

oh and peter pertrelli rocks. in fact, the actor is in fergie's big girls' don't cry mv. so cool.

lost to hong kai one on one today, 9-11, thanks to a stomachache..darn it, mum was right about the stupid change in time..
speaking of mum, and family anyway, that's been looking pretty good too. life actually looks GOOD. WOW. MIRACLE.
maybe cuz of the water subhas bought me and my htwo and the exercise i did b4 hongkai arrived.
i shldn't have to keep proving myself! well. to myself. everyone else has already heard of my exploits. in fact. im more famous than i thought! yay! i can't believe people even knew of my list, my victories.
recognition! haha.

yay.]

oh, but the biggest surprise of today is probably that junjie, the sec 2 one from 2/1..well. knows about my previous..no. crush, on clarissa. which was pretty irritating, because now all my juniors are teasing me. he claimed kat told him. im not sure who to kill.
no respect. huh. :)

boss quit the bball team in sch, so he's joining mine i guess.
one thing that really gets to me is how impressed i am with the team.
i mean they're all so grown up from last time.
subhas especially. im so proud of him, the way he's developed and matured (except when he acts like a jerk when he's in a mood) and i probably sound like his mum, but im his longest friend (or one of the longest and most loyal, at any rate anyway, so yeah.

and im getting asked back to the team rather frequently still...and my juniors are counting on me now. i hoped that wouldn't change things, but..
i can't hold both team practice and go to school practice without killing my ass or my studies.
im so confused over what i want, AGAIN.
ahh well.
worry later, yep?

trained ben tai on sunday. he's a fast guy. but not very good. lolz. even he commented i was emo.

i know im kinda emo..haha..
lately, now more than ever. it's all that's happened, it took it's toll on me. but this is a half excuse. the expiration has reached it's date, and i have to get back to shape.
yeah.

as for whatever issues with wee, clarissa..i hope i know what im doing. i used to always know what i was doing, even if things didn't always go to plan. times change a lot.

so what's a guy to do now? ;)

ahh..
life's finally falling into place.

someone remind me not to complain when life starts to suck again.
later. ;)
ShadowFighterX
X marks the spot. don't forget it.

jamie is fat!
(i just felt like posting that)

tom, waik, if you're free call me k? i wanna talk. well. it's not overly serious (which is why im not doing anything about it now like calling u guys) but yeah. it'll be nice to relax.
haha.
later.

.Saturday, June 23, 2007 ' 9:55 PM Y

look here, i dont care if you're psychotic, schizoprenic,plain crazy or just possessed.just get a life really.&fyi, i dont find you irritating.happy? shouldnt be.i find you irritating,annoying,idiotic,mad,wierd,disgusting,perverted,foolish and of course, gay.&go ahead, continue living in your own world,&continue making a fool out of yourself.yes, thats how much i DISLIKE you.ok bye.

genius luke.
seriously.
i mean honestly, of all the stupid things you can do.
but you didn't know that was her old number.
or are you just telling yourself that?

thanks to wee and kat. bon appetit.
you know, this is one of the reasons why i had such a crazy drastic personality change. i mean people know that i was a nice guy..once.

Of course the people who know me NOW...well..that's a different thing..
seriously. i mean, how often am i going to get blasted by these girls anyway?
oh well at least she actually posted that post for me. optimist!

i wonder whats gonna happen tomorro.i cant imagine her interrogating him.actually, its both of our problem.but yet he has to face it alone.anyway, get well soon.i hope you find this a nice post.its to make up for that mean post.

yeah and i really wish she had written that one earlier b4 she wrote the one on top..except the one on top is kind of recent.
ahh well if she wanted to hurt me it worked.
yeahh.
so i shall stop looking at her blog. again.
doesn't really do much for me. kills me, actually.

oh and she's clarissa.
but i guess stalking people doesn't help. i really don't deal too well with threats, ignorance or rejection. which makes me a bit more psycho everyday.
i really don wanna become like psycho lesbian. same thing happened to her. well, except that i probably have a much higher level of tolerance.

finished everything except for a little chem and chinese that i need help with in at sch, so basically nothing left..
since next week im going back to school..
urgh. i hate school.

pearl couldn't go to church today.

im sick of my old personality.
im sick of my new one too.

honestly. no matter when i deserve (in the case happening right now) or not (last time), i still get it no matter how nice/nasty i am, so if im going to get all this crap in my 'get a life' then i might as well 'live in my own little world', if i haven't already been doing that already.
i knew my family being nice and all during the last month was too good to last.

something badd was about to happen/
meh.

sleep.
and dream this never happened.
yep.

..yeah.

.Friday, June 22, 2007 ' 10:58 PM Y

Mood: High

WHEE.
okay.
seriously./
same usual thing, wake up really early from two horrible nightmares (or memories, in certain cases) and fall back asleep, wake up the next morning feeling a lot more tired.'
Especially if you dream about a missed opportunity or a crazy psycho lesbian ex-girlfriend, it's bound to leave you in the jitters.

but nevertheless, tom and jamie are back, so everything's alright with the world. except of cuz, i didn;t get to go out, totally out of exercise, can't run for nuts, can't bball for nuts, sleepy, hongkai and subhas haven't called yet, and...
well mrs ang hasn't answered me, clarissa..probably still hates me cuz she finds me irritating, and ms ang is talking to my mum.
horrors.

spent like. an hour pestering sabrina since we had nothing better to do..talking about 'things' and stuff.
ahh..well. random. she had to sleep.

ii don't know why talking to her made me feel a whole lot better about trying to finally get over clarissa thing. maybe it's just the nonsense crap teasing talking.
but i guess it is better to talk to someone than to think about clarissa.

stupid dreams./

well hopefully i'll get to do something FUN tomorrow.
like yay.
yay.

sigh.
gotta relax..
i already let all the crazy out of me tonight.
now it's time to be serious about what i have to do.

later.
ShadowFighterX
X marks the spot. wee.
Don't you forget it.

.Monday, June 18, 2007 ' 10:30 PM Y

Mood:

woke up pretty ..early. if 9.40 am is early, at any rate.
ten seconds later, i realized i was going to be sooo bored.

i mean seriously. tom and the nanhua ppl (which includes fat jamiejamie of cuz) got some sort of camp...
church ppl also got some sort of camp..
yeahh..
im bored..
only got waik left, and i haven't found time today to speak to him..
maybe tomorrow...

so much work left..more than i thought..sigh..
dad flying off today..

started off with some chinese...i told myself i wouldn't write Shadow Infinity today, so i didn't. written so much since the hols started...for any who can read pretty well, they'd notice it's going on nicely...just that i planned it to be pretty long...long as in order of phoenix long, yeah..

then played ps2 till lunch..after watching some old episodes of heroes, went for bball with jasper..haven;'t seen him in a while.. he was impressed with how much i;'ve developed.
im not.
but anyway, i lost to him one on one despite his injured leg. bleah. i really can't seem to play against older ppl. or specifically, nervously against older ppl.
ate ice cream at haato b4 he sent me back.

slept a bit after my bath and then had dinner..and then did work (with frequent breaks)..
talked to guoyi a bit b4 i went back to work.
and now im on a break. again. ahahas..

but i really got to finish it..but it's more like can't rather than won't..
and tomorrow rach testing me chinese..
.got to ace it to get a load of my mind..

talking to kat to ask her abt..well. everyone that i've distanced myself from.
.just six months ago, i was laughing with those ppl.
makes me feel miserable.
especially..well. clarissa. after my dreams, i can't get her out of my mind.

damnit..i just wish i could leave her alone..just keep away from her..that's what she would want, isn't it?
..it's kinda painful.

anyway, i like this song called 'because of you'/ by ne-yo, not kelly clarkson. but i like both versions la. jsut it seems to fit better.
and the tune is nice.
and the mv has nice dancing.

okay..

better get back to work.
later.

.Sunday, June 17, 2007 ' 5:26 PM Y

Mood:
Haven't blogged in a long time.
yesterday subhas and hongkai both tried contacting me, but they never finished talking. wonder what exactly they want.
errgh. so tired.

dreading school which starts in a week.
i mean, it's not like i have much friends in my class.
which made this holiday even more enjoyable for some reason.

apologies to gavin for not having much time to talk to him, tho' i doubt he'll see this. he's really not a bad guy.

sleepy.
yesterday had a seriously horrible dream.
there was this whole group of us. all guys. don't remember any of their faces. then me and some guy left early from the buildingg.
then there was this creepy but really attractive lady in like. her early 30's maybe, who stopped us. and then i had this flashback of seeing her somewhere b4 in HIJACK. or at least i tot so, anyway.
um. and she was like trying to keep us occupied or something. and then i saw this newspaper on the bench that had this article on some eclipse that was happening today.

and then it happened and she turned into a vampire.
wtf.

recall running and fear and a lot of panic...didn't realise it was a dream then. but this still isn't the scary part.
um. ran down some stairs..a lot of stairs. i was running faster than that guy, and somehow used the railings to slide down even faster.
then in the middle of the street, which was dark, she caught up to that guy and totally bit him, saying something about him being the sweetest boy or something like that.
and then he was on the floor bleeding, but i was already some distance away. and she turned to look at me with that dramatic effect they have in the movies, with red eyes and very fast neck movement.
creepy.
and she went after me and i was running..really slowly for some reason..

and i knew it was a dream, because i could feel myself.
and i woke up.

and i wasn't about to lose to some bi-tch vampire, so i went right back in.
and i blasted her.
and she wasn't even fazed.

and i woke up again.
creepy.

maybe i don't describe too well,but boy. i was never more terrified of something in my life.

ahh anyway shld have gotten a lot of sleep finally getting up at 1, but i guess not.
did work and now im on a break.
no life.
bleah.

yesterday watched fantastic four. yay. :)
played quake 4 and did not get completely owned by tom. well. not completely.
in fact, i took the lead for the longest time in my life. so surprising. lolz.
cuz after that waik lucas and tom would pick on me, but that's another story.
oh and fat jamiejamie got pwned all over the place. AHAHAHA.
so mean/
yeah well./
happy dad's day dad. :)

.Wednesday, June 13, 2007 ' 12:04 AM Y

Right..
I'm back from thailand. nice to find out that people actually missed me.

ahhh. let's see.
it's 12.03 in the morning..wednesday. so much for my hols.
mm.
Okay let's talk about food.
which was great, by the way.
kfc, black canyon coffee and MCDONALDS. SPICY MCD. AHHHH. WHY DON'T THEY HAVE IT IN SINGAPORE.
DUMBASSESs/\

ERRGH.
okay.
and we went to visit the temple and the grand palace...i like sightseeing, and dad paid a bomb for our holiday which i really appreciate, but it's hard to appreciate foreign cultures at 38 degrees celsius in the hot sun.
and the cab drivers kept trying to rip us off.
the tutu's were more reliable. 5 of us squeezed into one; lolz.

i found the market where i went to 4 years ago and saw the same hat. ahahas.
same mall...
more cds, dvds and such..
lolz. trying to remember as much as i can.
oh. and i accidentally destroyed two hotel cards with my gift magnet. it really wasn't intentional.

just summarizing cuz it's really late and no one to talk to right now..
watched half of ghost rider and 2/3 of 200 pound something..korean movie. really funny.

had crushes on shannen doherty, the girl from transformers and the korean actress for the 200 pound something in like. 2 days. okay...
unusual and kinda silly. ahaha.

thanks to charmed season 1, first magazine and the inflight movie.
im sleepy.

mm..
tomorrow going to be at home..home for the next two days. have to take care of joey. he's got some dental surgery thing that'll leave him temporarily incapable of doing many things. hope he'll be okay. pray k?
well, i'll try too.
im still resentful.
yeah.

but the holiday was great.
someone needs to help me change my blogskin( pearl! )
my math homework (probably guoyi. she's reliable. lolz. jk. ;) and test...
and chinese (mrs lee! yay!)
and mm..
hanging out with tom and waik. (which will require tom and waik.)
thanks to everyone who missed me. lolz.

later peeps.
ShadowFighterXD

.Saturday, June 09, 2007 ' 8:04 PM Y

Mood:
Okay I'm not feeling emo.
I am emo.

Bleah.
Felt so different today. A little hostile, a little vulnerable.
My powers just felt like bursting out./
or i was just imagining it.

i feel like my last post probably offended someone.
hope tom isn't offended though.

I don't know.
I guess i write people's names because I expect them to understand my anger. Which is kind of stupid, because I can be wrong.
Like wee. and maybe clarissa.
speaking of clarissa..

well. stupid dreams. too real.

but i guess i really miss her in my life. especially since i got my memories back, they're all much clearer than before.

yesterday I read a book which is a clear sign I should give up on reconciling my previous friendship with wee.
which is silly and all. but well.
i don't wanna go through it. or put him through it. hell , im even satisfied with being his enemy. after all, most people haven't put me through a good challenge in a while.]

oh and there's this article which gets to me. it probably won't get to you, but i'll put it up here anyway. :)

The Counter-Earth is a hypothetical body of the Solar system first hypothesized by the presocratic philosopher Philolaus to support his non-geocentric cosmology, in which all objects in the universe revolve around a Central Fire. The Greek word "Antichthon" means "Counter-Earth."
Contents[hide]

[edit] The Need for a Counter-Earth

From "Dante and the Early Astronomers" by M. A. Orr, 1913.
When the movements of celestial objects convinced Philolaus that the world must be not only turning on its own axis but revolving around a fixed point in space, he was faced with the problem of explaining how a flat world (such as ours was thought to be) could move in this way without spilling everything on the surface into space. He came to the conclusion that the directions of up and down do not exist in space, except in that all things must fall towards the center of the universe, around which all things (including the Earth, Sun, and all the planets) must revolve. The underside of our Earth must face this fiery, central point at all times, otherwise we would fall off.

This created a contradiction within the Pythagorean school of thought. Since planets, in their understanding, were composed of a fiery or ethereal matter having little or no density, they could quite easily rotate eccentric to the Earth without becoming off balance. However, the Earth was obviously made of the dense elements of Earth and Water. If there were a single Earth revolving at some distance from the center of space, the universe's center of balance would not coincide with its spatial center. Since this is the point towards which things fall, the earth must have a counter-balance of the same mass or the universe would be flung apart. This problem led Philolaus to develop idea of a Counter-Earth, a second, flat Earth, identical but opposite to ours in every way. This conception of the solar system is outlined in the diagram at the right, with Counter-Earth referred to as Antichthon. The upper illustration depicts Earth at night while the lower one depicts Earth in the day. (In order to prevent confusion it should be noted that the diagram fails to show that Earth and Counter-Earth are flat and point away from the Central Fire).

The ideas of a flat earth, Counter-Earth, and Central Fire were all eventually superseded by the theory which is currently held by the scientific community, that is, of a spherical earth rotating around both its own axis and the sun. The Counter-Earth is still a popular motif in science fiction and fantasy writing today, usually serving as an allegory for the real Earth.
In the 1st century A.D., after the idea of a spherical Earth superseded the original Counter-Earth theory, Pomponius Mela, a Latin cosmographer, developed an updated version of the idea, wherein a spherical Earth must have a more or less balanced distribution of land and water. Mela drew the first map on which the mysterious continent of Earth appears in the unknown half of Earth - our antipodes. This continent he inscribed with the name Antichthones.[1]

[edit] Scientific analysis
If such a planet actually existed in our current scientific cosmology, as a spherical world that revolved around the sun, it would be permanently hidden behind the sun but nevertheless detectable from Earth, because of its gravitational influence upon the other planets of the Solar System. No such influence has been detected, and indeed space probes sent to Venus, Mars and other places could not have successfully flown by or landed on their targets if a Counter-Earth existed, as it was not accounted for in navigational calculation.
Since Earth has an elliptical orbit and its orbital velocity varies slightly; a Counter-Earth would have to be in a very precisely tuned orbit to remain behind the Sun at all times. Further, a Counter-Earth's orbit would be unstable on a relatively short geological timescale, and would soon drift away from being exactly opposite Earth's location.

A Counter-Earth would be at the (unstable) Lagrange Point, L3.

The past few days spent with pam staying over.
i became a fan of danny phantom. lolz.

Saw sijia and simin and some other cute girl while shopping with mum.
ahh well. nice to know i was actually recognized.

ahh i've got to get back in the game even if it kills me!
well that phrase is actually from ctrl alt del, but what it means is that basically i have an immense need to like. well. have some sort of relationship with a girl that doesn't involve her hating me, disliking me or just plain old friendship. or girlfriend thing.
ah forget it.

feeling so random.
feel kinda apart from tom for some reason. maybe im just paranoid.

and now for the moment.
tomorrow im flying off to thailand..
for a couple of days.

mm.
teasing sabrina with my spare time. ahaha.i really wanna know what she knows.
especially abt ...
well, spoilers.

im gonna be so bored without bball. or a life. which means i won't be bored. hmm.
no life ba.

sleepy..
...ahh stupid dream. can't stop thinking about it..or her, for that matter.
and i lost in a match today.

can;t STAND IT!
i need a life!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fine.
at least im not fat.
like some people.
;)
later.

ShadowFighterX

.Thursday, June 07, 2007 ' 9:30 PM Y

Mood: BLeah.

God, I'm feeling emo.
Pam is staying over.

I haven't had much chance to blog..okay i HAVE, but i haven't taken it cuz newgrounds has had such fun online games lately.
likei have nothing better to do with my time.
which i don't.

I feel so deprived.
so worthless.
like i never get what i truly want in life. it's just so irritating.
i hate it. i knew it all along, but my envy and jealousy brought it all back home again..i hate being me.
i mean i could have been somebody else who's actually HAS a decent relationship, but nooooo.
instead i have to make do with my friends and family. don't get me wrong.
but it's not as if i have a superb relationship with my family.
as for my friends..
well. i don't know.

im soo tired of it all, you know?
and with my last dream yesterday..
i remember ..everything. all the good. all the bad. in my life, i've done so much that even i've not given myself credit for.
it seems like so long ago, when i was so much happier.

the worse and most ironic part, as i told tom, is that nobody is going to remember a HIJACKER..hell, im going to be so open because nobody even knows what that is anyway...
and of course, anything that i've done has been washed away by my past. or forgotten.
don't i deserve happiness after all i've done?

i feel like a total dumbass..thinking that i was finally on my road to being happy. i'll never be happy.
i just can't. ...i can't do this anymore. im so tired of fighting for my happiness.
i don't wanna fight anymore.
it was a losing battle anyway.
i'm not going to meet anyone, not going to find anyone who loves me..hell, im not even going to socialize.
after all, my schoolmates just LOVE me.
well except afina. i know she really cares. and those who still have the decency to talk to me, who care about me. im grateful to those people.
..but i guess that's it.

hell, i took on basketball to impress her.
i sure don't need it anymore.

i don't want this life.
i don't need this life.

if everything the bible says we deserve is hell.
then why can people still be happy?
and not christian, that's for sure. huh.
humbug, seriously.
it's enough to destroy my testimony. bleah.
i can't last that long.
either i'd kill myself first.
or maybe someone will get tired of my whining and kill me.
...if everything comes true.
my powers.

then..
it's better off being dead.

i ended up with no love, barely a life.
..and everyone else is moving on.

.Tuesday, June 05, 2007 ' 1:30 AM Y

Mood: welll...

tom still in japan. errgh. boring life. im sure fat jamiejamie and waik agree with me.
sigh,..

sunday had a horrible arguement with my parents.
it's kinda hard not to think about.
some days, i just feel so..

i don't know..
well, i was pretty cheated.
and i'll probably be cheated again tomorrow.
yeah.

life's like that.
thinking..
of what to do..

with my life..?

.Saturday, June 02, 2007 ' 5:35 PM Y

Mood: Sleepy.

Woke up pretty early to go to gary's training...

met sabrina at clementi. AHAHA. i do see her everywhere.
and then ..
oh i just realized that i only visit girl's blogs. seriously. whoops.

so training was kinda okay...
met gary's friend zen..he;'s not a bad guy i guess...
beat him lost him in two one on ones...

training was pretty good, considering.
it's not an all girls team, btw.
beryl and val didn't come..but well. their loss i guess. to me..even though it wasn't super tiring, it gave me a feel of remembering how serious training is SUPPOSED to be.
my team better buck up.
which is suay, cuz tom is in japan till sat..and im going thailand on SUN..seriously screwed up timing, which means training is PROBABLY off for another week.
damnit. but maybe not la.
i m hoping we can challenge gary's team/? lolz. but paulo, gary, zen, keith..
we're still a little behind them.

and the girls are pretty good as well...
then went mc with keith, pearl and jeanette...
met ximin there. quite surprising. she really looks..well. amazing. seriously.

ah well. not like i got to talk to her much. she was going to the movies with friends.
i wanna go to the movies with friends,. :(

ate mcspicy!
then came back home after talking crap. lolz.
mm...

tired to blog la..
later.