.Sunday, April 30, 2006 ' 11:05 PM Y
=x
Mood: A little angry,a little confused.
Why doesn't she like me! Arrgh. That's kinda the least of my probs though.
Nick, i was commenting..not saying stuff you commented...lolz...no need to be so serious k? * wink* =) still frens? =0 Yeesh.
Slacker, at any rate. Parents don get the system by which students study nowadays. I'm not saying they're wrong, but lemme try it out at least>? Sheesh.
As usual. Just finished studying and trying to talk to her with no sucess at all. But at the very least, I am doing something worthwhile with my time.
Basically improving my social life a little.
I think.
Probably not actually. arrgh.
Nobody knows I exist. Nobody I want to like me anywayz. =(
Is that so hard?
Bother.
Just try to imagine her in an apron ( thanks to gd ol wad's-her-name, and nicholas, it's not fanny) =) .
did I just expose them? okay. he doesn't care.
=) smiling a little now. owe isabelle a big favour. anything except for telling her who the fourth guy who likes her is. =) and andrea can't know either. but i can actually tell andrea all sorts of clues, cuz she won't guess. she's blur-rer then me. ha. =)
yay. a bit happier now. i am currently reading evelyn's space. she says, why do ppl have stead? lolx. i asked myself that when i first arrived in new town.
I wonder how many ex-stead she has. Hmm.
Yeesh. modern generation.
so what am I becoming? I'd better search myself presently.
like why am I typing here instead of studying.
I don't care what anyone says. I like her.
later.
.Thursday, April 27, 2006 ' 10:05 PM Y
=x
Mood: Crappy.
I've been working a lot more than I ever thought.
Excel.
I guess I'm going to owe her forever like this. Not like she cares, since she already knows my deepest feelings for her. It hurts. Really.
Sigh...nothing going on in my life...no satisfaction in being the good guy...but that's just who I am, aint it? Sigh.
I delight in evil. Well. Not evil. Just shooting ppl with painful paper pellets, teasing ppl and stuff like that. Mischief. Is that a sin? I have no personal ideas. Still...I am worried. As usual. Isn't anything going to guide me a little more directly? I wouldn't mind a sign....
Seriously.
Fanfiction rocks. All sorts. Not just for the mushy or cool plotlines, but also cuz some of those writers are really good.
it's getting kind of late.
is anyone going to reveal the truth to me? haha...
I just wonder whether i am a flirt...yeessh...ppl.
what's hi name and what's her name are steading...not the most likely couple but cute enough..hahax...
I wonder if shi min still likes me? I know I like her. just the feeling isn't always mutual..
Maybe i should look in me and reflect in myself, whatever myself may be.
Friday 13th was nearly on that day, and that was too close. way to close.
one word.
Abomination Rebourne.
.Friday, April 21, 2006 ' 11:59 PM Y
=x
Mood: Life? Sucks.
Okay. I failed bio. Again. But I'm crushed because I studied really hard for this. And naturally? My parents don't exactly acknowledge that...supposed to know your stuff blah blah blah...bullshit okay.
I'm hurt. And insulted. I cooled down a while after basketball though. Gd ol' tom and waik.
I'm trying to decide whether I was strong or weak in not defending myself. Peh.
Lately I see her in HIJACK...her conscious doesn;t know...
How I wish I could convert HIJACK to reality...sometimes no matter the danger or the pain...reality is so much harsher..
How does one comeback form such a loss? I don't know how much this will affect my exams...but it sure affected my confidence. And obviously, my parents.
Sometimes they slow me down without realizing it..I try to clear things up and it doesn't help..
What is his plan? Human nature of inquisitiveness. Sense and logic tells me not to think thus.
Humans are really amazing ...things? So complex and yet so simple at times.
It's so unfair...
Sighz. Look in me. Look in me.
I hurt.
.Thursday, April 20, 2006 ' 8:01 PM Y
=x
Mood: Okay...
If there was ever anyone so vain in the entire universe, according to the bible it was Moses.
Nah just joking. A poor joke and bad taste I admit, but I write this to prove a point later.
Madeline Yeo ( not my kind and sweet neighbour k? i wish they didn't have the exact same name, my neighbour is soo much nicer) is soo vain. seriously? that's an understatement.
here...check this out!
ah crap i lost the web site. hopefully someone will set up anti madeline soon.
I am sleepy/ seriously? i am sleepy. And that is why I am going basketball anytime soon.
=)
darn it...something just came up.
please make sure she;s safe.
english exam was no sweat. ;)
later.
.Tuesday, April 18, 2006 ' 7:46 PM Y
=x
Mood: One word. Arrgh.
Okay. First things first. THe internet was recently charged up, mum's com died and nobody's too happy bt it, but obviously especially not mum so..ah hum. nvm/
and I have a chinese exam tomorrow.
which is exactly why i am typing this now.
mum said something that bothers me. to know your priorities. peh. as if she knows any better was originally my first thought, which leads back to honoring your parents, which leads to me shutting up. then she says something bt testimony for god if you do well? it's not fair. some ppl are just smarter.
take this for example. i'm sure my class is very familiar with this.
ellice is super hard working. seriously. no offense nciole, but you don't know how much she studies half as much as I do. while on the other hand, nicole ( no offense k? wahhz. it's just an example. besides, both of you keep thrashing me. ) scores like no sweat. you never see her study in school. at least not to the super hardworking extent. i almost considered asking ellice once whether it was worth it, to study and still lose.
if you're not that smart, tough luck. life was never meant to be fair. just don't let it pick on you.
you own your life. it just depends who owns you.
and me? im struggling as usual. I've failed 7 outta 12 art assignments, ( for gd reason ), was careless in the previous math and history tests....my stuides is going down again. just like last years mid year. 56 for english?!
although if I repeat the same scenario this yr as for last year someone SHOULD have noticed the superb improvement in the grades at the final term ones. but noo. stupid art. stupid art. if not for comic books and tv and all sorts of things i would hate art entirely.
wonder how 6c is doing? wahhz. miss them. and i realize I have been saying wahhz a lot. maybe cuz i'm acting a bit more immature than usual. feel better that way though. =) ;)
i am not a flirt. just a couple of reminders.
probably won't be blogging for the next few days...
will write a bit on my childhood fren adrian yeo one of these days. i nearly forgot he existed. =( sorryz? so mch for 10 years of frenship. feel bad....
later ppl.
.Thursday, April 13, 2006 ' 7:36 PM Y
=x
Mood: A little crazy, tired, sleepy, unhappy, and worried.
Let's just say my secret diary kinda got soaked by rain. I'm not quite so sure about how it happened. Anyway, I decided to leave one of the posts here since I'm a little crazy. Not like it matters, there would not be much difference from what I posted previously.
9 April Sunday/ 13 April Thursday
After blog post*
CG was fun...not! Yeesh. Today was a little special becuz as we all knew, jan was leaving. I mean we'd already expected that, but it was still kinda sad. We were writing something good about everyone in the group.
For my messages, half of them were about being a basketball pro ( except I promptly got my ass kicked by Weng Xiang the Queenstown Ace or even sidney, cuz even though i was tired and giving him a handicap for some reason he was doing too well for my liking.... ) and and some about eating too much chicken rice...but these are the ones that mean the most to me. PRobably from MArcus and amos and obviously my best fren PAm. I am keeping the card anyway, so it will be attached to this paper.
Then the games. Obviously I left out a few details. I wish she'd given me a little mor e attention. MAybe she doesn;t realize she hurts her frens when she is angry. PErhaps someone should tell her. I would prefer it was not me.
legible handwriting thus i shall not type this out....**
Okay. Date : 13 Marvh ( or is it 14)
Well as usual .Lik e i said I got my ass kicked by Weng Xiang and Sidney. Not smart. Lately I'm doing worse than usual, and its becuz I haven't had time to practice for the fun of it. With my guys Tom and Waik, or church ppl, or sch ppl. I miss the free time. Should not waste too much free time reading fanfiction.
BAsketball skills deproving..arrgh...next time must play a lot more seriously..am getting soft....=(
She saw a ghost? Not good. Seriously.
Maybe i should tell her what I know...or maybe ...NOT.
Lehz. What's going to happen?
Loads of hw and tests and exams...sch stinks...can't wait for hols!
signing off.
oh wait. I need to write out a measurement.
just trying to see whether i'm a casanova by like, k?
j/x/a/at/y/s/l/
dotz. I shall never try that again.
what's happening to me? am i developing another part of me...?
.Sunday, April 09, 2006 ' 8:33 PM Y
=x
Mood: Okay larhz.
She smiled. Maybe at me, I don't know. I'm not sure if I care anymore.
I'm pretty much limited to my studies and my cca. In fact, right after this I am going to study. Not that I like it. But I want a future. A future they don't believe I had.
I don't know why deluded myself into loving her. And thus it is not love. Just wish I could love sincerely.
Wish ...I was able to tell her....
I'm not strong enough. Nor am I mentally or emotionally prepared....
I managed to skip floor ball and play captain's ball instead.
Losing itnerest in blogging. Edit later.
MArch 10
Tomorrow got oral. That totally stinks.
Weng XIang, aka Queenstown ace should be coming over to New Town....I played with him one on one, won one lost one...he's as every bit as good as I am. Or as they say he is. No surprise though.
Wish I got to spend more time in church...but then got exams etc all that wadeva crap..so sick of it.
Thanks everyone for everything so far.
Three tests on thursday! Arrgh/.
Tomorrow got tuition.,
Day after that got tuition.
Seriously? This month stinks.
.Tuesday, April 04, 2006 ' 8:45 PM Y
=x
Mood: Different.
Eminent disaster...
Yeesh. I apologize jun. Maybe i shouldn't mention stuff like that in future. It makes me feel bad after I realize you looked. =( You won't hold it against me right? mEh.z.
I hope not.
Phew..running short of cash lately...aha...I think some ppl gambling lately in sch...lolx. And stuff. Smoking has been cut dow a lot lately, but iguess people still do it cuz they're stupid and ignorant. Smoking is good for you health, as Jo Han would say sarcastically.
I always knew it, but she just brought it home again. I hate my Mum. Really. At least, sometimes, and lately. Why the hell does she think I run away from home for? Nobody asked her to be all considerate and understanding, blal bla bla. If she wanted to do that she could actually
care for my feelings. But noooo...in the end she has to be all responsible all bla bla bla bullshit crap I don't give a damn about.
I just can't imagine myself as the same individual as two years ago.
I guess what I would be doing now if I was still the same is probably not appear to have flirted with girls and dreamt about the next time I saw Junice again, and trying to think of when i was going to kick 6a's ass, or play a practical joke on ms tan since I was a graduate....but me now? Seems like change is getting to me.
I realise that if I was still in love with Jun that would be a grand record of 9 years, thanks. Although it's kinda right now i realise that's nothing much to say about. Yeesh. does anyone want to praise me for trying something i never realised what i was doing? What would I have done even if she loved me?
Which is not happening, anyway.
Why am I venting my anger on Jun? Apologies again. I'm kinda depressed. Though lately i always am. =(
I guess I shou;d forgive mum. Just worried that I would compeltely be like my parents. Hmm.
My studies is going boom again. I wonder why everytime after a peak in my life there is a super big drop. In future I will not celebrate when I have achieved good marks consitently. It only means trouble.
Reject me properly. Please. I can't give up unless you tell me to.
I wonder what he's trying to tell me. Not going to wait...
And chris? Hmm. My time is abt up.
Someone please give me a good reason to study hard, k? It would help.
Later.
.Sunday, April 02, 2006 ' 11:00 PM Y
=x
Mood: Wild and crazy. A little empowered, maybe.
I jsut felt so unbelievably great in church...so much more unusual than my usual days there trying to get her to notice me....hahaha! SO WHAT?
Except that my behaviour today was horrible. I wonder what's happening to me. Maybe I should step outta HIJACK a while and concentrate on stuff like my studies. Yea right.
I can't figure out who I truly love! But then again, I think I loved Jun more than both of them...cuz the passion and pain is jsut not up to that level yet...which makes things worse, cuz I'm already struggling. I don't believe myself though...I trust that something will happen..just let the events fall into place.
Thanks for fort minor tom. I really like the songs.
I really starting to believe that I''m in love with her though. But I just realized something different then and now.
I jsut said "I'm in love."
I told Junice, "I love yoü."
Peh. there is kind of a difference when you say both right? hahaha. obviously when you say and mean it then is really when it makes all the difference. but I don't know who I love more. not like either of them can be mine....but I wish she'll just reject me so that I can truly convince myself to give up? after all, jun told me to leave her alone, and hell it worked.
apparentely christopher has spoken to my alter-egos, I do not completely know what they have spoken of. I do not care of whether I am heading for disaster, no one except him and tom and maybe waik understand the message anyway. I am everythign and something new, somethign unique and special. I can handle this, no matter what they say. hmmph.I'm getting sick of studying, hope I can still concentrate in school.
HW
Art
PW
Math
History ( Test )
Home Ec ( CourseWork)
Damn. I hate tests.
Isn't there any time for me? No matter how selfish it is, isn't there time for me?
If I softly touched your face, looked into your eyes and kissed you, you would have known....I am yours.