.Tuesday, June 28, 2005 ' 11:10 AM Y
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I am preparing for the ultimate stage of life that which is death. I am waiting.Sorry Nat.I will leave a short note that currently means a lot to me. It will go to someone who will never know who i am referring to until they realise.....or whether i am dead already.
Does anyone understand why I am acting so sadist? Like death is coming right at my doorstep? In actual fact, I am preparing. Just in case...something that is very close to happening does happen, I want to prepare for the worst. No one will find out what it is until i am dead ( which obviously means if it's not going to happen i won't keep bein sadist ).
Dear _____When I first saw you, I was automatically jealous with subhas. I should have known right from there that i was wrong about any possible connection....I was surprised when i finally did get to meet you. Shocked.....with happines, erhaps, or more confusion. Even so, you turned out to be too much of a distraction. This was continuous until i reached a point where i decided to *pretend* as if i was dedicating myself because of you, like there would be some reward at the end, altough somewhere in the corner of my heart i knew it was not true.After all, it was simply not meant to be. When your existence in my life wa cut short, I was upset. This was all too familiar. There were too many differences, too many questions. As you know, everything he* does has a purpose. Alas for man's will. i am at the brink of destruction unless i overcome this last obstacle....other wise doom is evident. think of it as a evil in me so unpure, so destructive, so controlling it ill affect everything around me and in me...including my christianity. I wish that.........This letter stops here. I am just preparing. Apologies to anyone if you just read this i found u were wasting your time. If the person ever drops by here and realizes who i am referring to, just ask me.
I am waiting for what will happen next.
.Saturday, June 25, 2005 ' 4:30 AM Y
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Ha. A lot of things have been happening. Haven't blogged for a long time...preferably becuz i was either in huge amount of play and work. And also church camp.
I 'm a bit lazy now, so i'll just update everything in point form.
Chuch camp rocked! Wah hoo. Half the time was Mcdonalds, KFC, arcade and taiti cards. No prob.
The carnations I collected (7 of them) they all wilted by yesterday. i am very sad ok. Maybe i shld buy flowers next time instead of stealing them from ppl's lunch tables.
I am partially glad Xi Min didn't come. Personal reasons//
haven't met with the trio recently. i guess they think i am still in malaysia.
yan lin is acting a bit strange recently. I have to do something.
No 6a meeting to crash. How sad.
I am back on the bball team. Wahahaha. I even have a jersey. wad's-his-name is pissed cuz i got in and he didn't/ tough.
later. am busy.
.Saturday, June 11, 2005 ' 6:29 AM Y
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A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no. She then asked him if she were to leave would he>cry, and once again he replied with a no.She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face>the boy grabbed her arm and said....You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I dont want to be with you forever,I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldnt cry if you walked away...I'd die...Interesting...seemingly romantic, maybe?(Thanks Justin.)In a way, kind of sad.....Hmmph. So much for life, eh?
Lots of things have been happening lately while i was too lazy to type or write, so i'll write em all now.
First of all, I am sick of chain letters. Unless they mean something sentimental ( that i highly doubt) then don't send it to me. You'll be doing me a favour.
Next, I hate national geographic and I hate newspapers. I ca't stand it. too boring.
Ellice is going to try and ask ms ang to join the prayer group. personally, i'm not sure when to quit.
I have just learnt star wars trilogy has a very complicated format.
I found out i am very unlikeable during basketball matches. No one wants to pass to me anymore or put me in. Thus, every 40 min match i can only play for 5 and so far i've only scored 2 everymatch. That sucks. Subhas got to play for 20min!!
I'm not sure whether yan lin likes me anymore. Soemtimes I hate knowing what it is like to love.
The show " Cheaters" and " Oceans 11 and 12" are very inspirational scheming movies. I should try some of them on ms helen chong.
I finally got one of my favourite games back. You'll never guess what it is.
i still get nightmares of both girls.
I wish I was dead...still. NOT.
I think life is essential, for now.
John is an awesome defender.
i miss the guys from hpps.
I want to slleep.
.Friday, June 03, 2005 ' 11:51 AM Y
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Whew. So tired today.
Lately nothing confidential or secretive...partially gd i suppose....i won't be hiding from anyone. In case i die early, denn...uh..i dunno. Just in case anyway.
My back, arms, legs, stomach all hurt from yesterday's practice. I think I am starting to wish i was right back where i started.
Chris in HIJACK...he can't be as powerful as he says he is...otherwise he's broken the time line.......
Not sure how long more......
I can't........
.Thursday, June 02, 2005 ' 12:02 PM Y
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I still like backstreet boys. Found one of rach's old cds. Didn't know she bought them either! Coolz anyway.
HAven't been doin work for sometime. Mum is goin to be at my back.
Haven't talked to yan lin for some time bt anything that really matters...looks like i'll be by mysel again. Sometimes i think i don mind. I am getting quite used to it.
Am quite hurt.
Wish I could....