.Monday, May 30, 2005 ' 1:24 PM Y
=x
I am back on the bball team. Not in the best way possible, but i've managed more or less.
.Saturday, May 28, 2005 ' 3:28 AM Y
=x
I am running out of time......
Ms ang taught us for the last time yesterday. I will miss her dearly. Bad enough physics is gone, but we STILL HAVE BIOLOGY?! Crap. That's life for you.
We were able to take a photo of mr tay, so no complaints there. I am just upset over many matters. I nd to think.
Getting kicked of the bballl team is not only embarassing, it is insulting. All i can think of is hatred right now. Dad made some sort of appeal, but i dn't really care that he cares. I've never been so insulted in my life...so i will definetely continue playing basketball, i might go off the cca, but i will still be the no.1 best sec 1 player there ever was. I need to expand my variety of shots apart from hook shot, lay ups and random shots. Must learn hang shots especially.
Jun jie, I shldn't have vented my anger on you and I am sorry. I will not apologize for certain parts becuz u called me a loser, biut i know u were not totally serious. I hate to lose a gd fren and i hope u forgive me.
I stil can't get over that su bhas has gotten over his crush on Lilin. Tha makes 11 crushes since I've known himm (bt 3 and a 1/2 yrs now)...
Oh well. His problem .I shld be concentrating on what I can do for myself academically and physically. And emotionally, but that is to remain until I die.
It seems lately that he* has taken everything from me. Is it wrong to try and anticipate his plans? Why is my life like that? Hah.
Bo bice lost to Carrie. I still think her Angels brought me here rendition sucked. And, besides, when in ternet was cut off yesterday I could not get the file from hern. I am sad. :(
Crap. Oh well. Shall get some extra sleep and play as long as possible. LAter ppl.
Friday,...morning.
YL looked great when we went to pizza hut with poornima and Lilin and nicole, but it was really obvious she ws sick. I am slightly worried bt her., but i trust she can take care of herself. Life remains to be seen.
8 months left. I need a cure...
.Thursday, May 26, 2005 ' 12:34 PM Y
=x
It's true. I got kicked off the bball team. Who cares now. I've nv been so insulted. At least I know i am so much better then them. But i am considering quitting.
Hern, if u watched american idol i'm sure u'll agree that the what's-her-name rendition of angels brought me here was terrible. But nvm.
Junice, thnx for tagging. I guess i was wrong.
Jun jie, I hate you. a lot.
Ms ang will be teaching us for the last time tomorrow. And I had a lousy day. This sucks.
It's so frustrating. Wad is wif ppl anyway? It's just not the same as b4.
I don mind bein crazee bt jun again. Becuz that was my reality.
This isn't.
This can't be.
.Tuesday, May 24, 2005 ' 1:49 PM Y
=x
I love sceming and plotting. I suppose it's what I do best/
I'm very disappointed in my results. If my english had gotten A1 as planned then I would have gotten 10 points and repaid ms ang. I aven't done anything...i am upset and angry with myself. Hate it.
No point making pormises u can't keep. Dad, Mum and i went to elliot's and joash house todae...they are like super rich and got super big and comfy house. Onli prob is like the clocks hardly work. 6 com's and 4 tv's and even projector to enhance screen for XBox. tHAT IS LUXURY.
Played bball with the trio b4 the dinner at elliot's place...got thrashed by some fairfield sec 3 guys. No wonder they are in top 8 for singapore.
Anyway, at elliot's place also played bball, ate a lot of barbeque chicken for the 3rd time in 2 days ( very unhealthy ) and watched a movie bt bball. Quite amusing more then helpful. Still....
I dunno how to react to certain situations lately, and i still have my doubts. Left some questions....
1. Is anyone on earth worth dying for ( apart from God )?! I mean...um...cynthia! Would u die for kenny? Easier said than done.
2. Um...ah crap. Gtg sleep nowz. Later then.
.Monday, May 23, 2005 ' 3:05 PM Y
=x
Cynthia, if tomorrow I am online remind me to file my maths and bio.
Thanks.
Now,let's see. It is 11.52 in the nite, soon, to be morn. I am drinking juice and slackin b4 I go to sleep. I am surprised ppl are actually online.
Praised be the Lord! Pam's father has recovered, though he is still a bit weak. It's nice to know though.
Today was relatively fun, though I had to skip c.g cuz of the party....YL ( not yile, that's a clue. don make announcement, ppl who know) ,subhas didn't come. Didn't knwo wad they missed.
Played bball , table tennis , ate and drank like crazee, played ps2...yarh. Quite fun. A few things happened today though.
1. I keep getting flashbacks of a gal..not jun or her* or YL but surprisingly ms nice. Nothing sick, of cuz. I think it was the time when after all the boys brigade sports competitions last yr and then I was like carrying 14 trophies abt tthe place looking for the prize winners ( which reminds me. the bball team won thnx to urs truly. hehe. just jk. ). Definetely silly. Oh yarh, now i remember. She called me a showoff. I can still hear her voice in my head. Creepy. Not lie she isn't a nice person, but it is never gd to have someone in ur head. That is from experience.
Perosnally, carrying 14 trophies around the hall, nearly tripping and coming close to breaking them all while walking in a stupid sort of manner is not showing off. It is idiotic. Now i feel so embarassed.
2. i am still no match for my dad in tabletennis. While i was pro in pr 4, i officially stink. And besides, he's got plent of squash practice while I have been playin bball. Unfair.
3. Subhas is not a person to be trusted. First, he does not reply your calls to his hp when he knows he is in trouble and he makes false promises. I am going to kill him.
4.Overconfidence is your enemy. The trio was leadin in the bball (3- 4) vs joel, jonathan, ubik and yeo and we realli blew it. First we got like 16 point lead...then all of a sudden we are losing by 12...then leadin by 4 and 2 points to game match...and then suddenly u end up losin 70-68 becuz of overconfidence. this kind of situation also happens when u play against a certain father table tennis and am leading by 8 points and then u STILL lose 21 to 18 cuz u r overconfident. Hmmph. Unfair.
Urgh...limbs are aching terribly. I must file my files as soon as possible. Reminders! Priorities! I hate this kind of thing. Just get it done with tomorrow and play for the rest of the day. Yea rite.
What can I say?
This is me.
.Sunday, May 22, 2005 ' 12:12 PM Y
=x
Okay. It is nice to know certain things bt jun.
1. She actually goes to this blog.
2. She is my fren now.
3. She doesn't tag.
Thanks a lot! Well, nvm, just jk. I'm a bit tired an grouchy a bit. ( how could she eva think that I like angi?! )
Anyway, since bball season will be open within a month, i am like..playin like crazee...so not realli washing face even though stinky.and then now got 3 big pimples!!!! After bball season I am washing my face 3 times a day.
Today had to help out with serving..idiot koon chong kept flaunting abt the drinks and helping himself to the food and punch...sometimes he is as irritating as his fren jun jie. I found out a little more bt yao wen too.
then after the thing we cleared up and played whacking each other with the balloons..it was quite fun until everyone ganged up on me. We played for quite some time until somebody hi peggy's glasses and it cut deep, so we stopped. It was cleared up and we went home. Boring.
Lilin nor yan lin nor the girls subhas wanted me to invite or claimed he would invite himself ( yea rite ) couldn't make it. Sad. Well, at least I know i won't be neglecting anyone.
My childhood fren Pam at chuch...her father has stroke. Please pray for her father and her family.
Life is boring. And worrying. Ms ang has been sick for 3days now. I think it must be pretty serious too. The longest i've been sick was when i had dengue fever. And that was for 1 and a 1/2 weeks.
Sighz. Life is worrying and boring at the current moment..but it's what you do that makes life interesting...and it's all in my mind now.
This is me.
.Saturday, May 21, 2005 ' 6:50 AM Y
=x
OOkay. Has everyone deserted me?
I didn't eat lunch today, thnx to the fact that some not so helpful guys rushed marcus and i to the bball court. I am ery hungry. Seriously. And now i no longer have enough money t afford kfc. Next time, i shld consider who my frens are ( jk). Furthermore, I think they mde tom feel slightly unwelcome. Just you challenge my god bro tom to one on one. If he was taller he'd thrash ya. And that's putting it nicely.
I guess the trio doesn't function without 3 ppl. No wai keat, less rebounds, less points. We might have lost, but in the end tom and i and usually some other guy won all the matches. Poor tom though. He probably felt out of place.
Anyway, i beat james and marcus one on one. that means, sinc eI beat ben 2 to his 1, i shall beat him again and then proclaim myself no.1 sec 1 bball player. And then ij nd to beat jian hao, ian and nigel to be No1 lower sec. cept' no gd havin a solo on the team.
Or so they say.
Hmmph. Write later.
.Wednesday, May 18, 2005 ' 5:58 AM Y
=x
I could have died in the thunderstorm today, but with my lousy results, I might as well have died.
Phew. I got soaked. Seriously. i 'm drying of now, and watching tv. WHILE I CAN. i shld have been a gd little boy like ms ang said to study and all....now i regret. For now also.
Okay. Results?
Math-A1. No prob.
English-C5. Can't believe it. It's cuz my composition was out of point, and got 9/30. Otherwise get A2 or B3.
Chinese-B4. humiliating.chinese better than english.
COMBINED science- bio- 22 1/2 over 40. physics - 46 1/2 over 60. if not for ms chong can get A1. :) Shit. B3
1 more mark! Please! Ms ang? (i'm not asking from ms chong anytime soon.)
Home ec.-A2 70. For now, cuz not sure how the cooking went. Either higher or lower can.
Geography-B4 62. Improvement but still syx. Wad's the point if no A1?!
Lit.-A1! Surprise surprise. But my lousy enlish was a surprise too. Some A* scorer for the PSLE really screwed up. I think his name's Luke Ho.
Ohwell. At least i beat Jun jie, which is not very important, and some of the others. I'm happy with my chinese marks and the A's. The rest suck. I wish i had gotten A for science. I wish ms ang knew how sorry I am.
disappointing. Oh yarh. yan Lin thinks my life used to be perfect b4 i met her. Says she's a jinx to my life. My life was never perfect, but I can't tell her that. And she is not a jinx. Why are girls so pessimistic ( like Junice, for eg. )?! Sighz. i don wanna disappoint anybody. it's so sad.
I am PERMANENTLY banned of basketball. Right after my recovery. WOW. This sux. i hate this. For the moment anyway. i'll be satisfied with 13 points or 12, but if not i might consider running away. I just want to think.
Why me?!
.Tuesday, May 17, 2005 ' 11:03 AM Y
=x
I hate my life. Has everyone gotten that into their heads!
Okay. i've been doing a lot of thinking. I'm not aware.so confused.
Why can't i listen to my own advice?! Why don't I have a control over my emotions!!! Am I that much of an abnormality....this is nonsense. I can't take this.
I guess it's about time i started growing up. i'm going to start eliminating my emotions first. then I will change my personality until I find one i can live with for the rest of my life. I want an identity.
i won't let that be taken from me. Not for anyone.
It's not worth it.
Just another part of my life.
I hate to make her hate me.
. ' 8:05 AM Y
=x
8 personalities. One person.
this is me.
My results so far are relatively pleasing. Physcis A1, math A1, lit. A1. excellent. Even chinese b4.
Perhaps so far i am lucky. Perhaps.
Right now iam speechless.
Let me put it this way. No one will understand what I am saying except for certain people. 7 out of 8 personalities fell for the older one. Alter, the last one, fell for the younger gal. I think some of us are aware of who that is.
What a life I live! This is my life. Maybe its one I live to endure, to survive. I want to live. No one was worth dying for. Not anymore. I am starting to hate my life. i don't want to break her heart yet i am also seemignly hopelessly in love myself, but my heart and my past does not let me show it.
Remember,
Somewhere in the corner of my heart, I know, i still love you. If you will wait for me, I promise you, I will return to you, when my past stops chasing me. I would still love to be your friend and to go out with you. You will not understand ....but I hope you will still.....I hope....
.Monday, May 16, 2005 ' 11:06 AM Y
=x
Tired as usual. i would have liked to slack a little more, but tomorrow got sch so yarh, after this got to sleep or do work. i suppose.
I remember something hern's teacher told me, on the nite i jumped, and he was trying to talk some sense into me. "Life is decided by the choices that we make." he said. Then iremember i was rude and said " If i wanted to kill myself isn't it my choice?!" But he was calm, surprisingly. If i were him i would have called him( me) an ungrateful brat by this point of time. " Yes." he had said," but don't u think it is a silly choice?"
This reply really surprised me and lfet me thinking. i hope for those who are poor in spirit and are on the verge of suicide, that you will make the wise and right choice. Especially wise, since u might feel that dying early is right. If i am to die I won't be afraid, but i guess it's not really my choice to die on my own.
Another thing that has affected my life was 2 years ago. My bro and i had a very bad argument, and in the end, i said something i regret..: ' I hate you!"
My brother was angry of course, and he slammed my head against the wall, anf i struck back, but after my retaliation i realized that he was more sad than angry, and he went to the other room to cry. I think i started crying also. Eventually we made up. I still love him though , even if sometimes he can vend his frustrations on me. It's a part of life to be tolerant and patient.
The very next day was monday, and we had school ( the date was definetely somewhere late in the yr cuz i didn't hate bryan in the earlier part of the year ) and I made bryan cry for the 3rd time. I mean, we all sort of ganged up on him to make him feel unwanted. Then naturally i poured on the last laugh. For some reason he and I were alone in the class, i was going to catch up with waikeat and tom . So after i laughed he hit me. Naturally i shoved him and he fell and crashed into the table and fell overit. He told me the same thing. I hate you. I was speechless. i didn't even hit him.
Everyonr has a lot of regrets in their lives. For me, some experiences no matter bad or ot need to be remembered. This incident probably was planned by God, and i know that I shld show compassion on my enemies. In the end, it is like that.
The reason why I am sayin all of this is becuz this morning at church, reuben quit the c.g becuz he had too any arguments with jeremy. The argumetns were really silly. I guess reuben resorted to foolish choices. By using the same approach hern's teacher did on me, reuben was convince to come back to the c.g. Then i related to him my experience, to show compassion on your enemies. Life is like that. i guess he learned well.
I hope you don't have any regrets in your life. Live a life for him and do your best in everything. Be sincere and show compassion.
Always.
.Saturday, May 14, 2005 ' 12:57 PM Y
=x
Yesterday was my visit to the hospital, and obviously it wasn't gd.
still, I was havin some sort of kidney problem. At least it wasn't cancer or kidney failure, but an inflammation isn't exactly good.
Phew. Boring after the exams. surprisingly anyway. I'd liked to have played bball more.
Speaking of bball, i plahyed lousy yesterday nite. JOEL could have beaten me. terrible. It'll take some time to get back into form, and I still nd to rest in case of injuring and worsening the inflammation/
Loads of thingas to do in the june holidays. The church retreat ( can't invite anyone, sad ) , barbecues, um...possibly ice skating, possibly bowling..it depends, i suppose. and the whole month to get back into shape be4 the competition.
Watched coach carter yesterday also. Sort of came late cuz of hospital appointment.
.Friday, May 13, 2005 ' 11:53 AM Y
=x
Whew......
As usual. Slackin.
I played bball today, first time in 2 weeks this evening......it's kinda pathetic. Shld adjust by these few weeks..my legs shld recover from sprain...if i'm not dead yet. Doctor appointment tomorrow. I'm keeping my fingers crossed bt the kidney-cancer thing. It hopefully......isn't bad.
Mum doesn't approve...IF, IF i ask yan lin out. perhaps for gd reason. I wonder wad she is worried bt though.
sighz. Life is supposed to be beautiful...for now. In the meantime, i'll just have to be content as myself.
Unfortunately.
. ' 1:56 AM Y
=x
Whew. Another visit to henry park sure takes the cake.
I met into ms teh...okay. MRS wee first. She was supposed to be on leave but then she decided to do some paper work. "Besides." she says, " the baby is not even delivered yet."
Speaking of the baby, she shld realize what it has done to her figure. Seriously. She's shrt, but at least she was extremely fit and all. A bit FAT now I shld think .But i shldn't be so mean. At least she has a chile nowz. :)
I toked to mrs tsung again, got free drink again, and now my stomach is slightly unwell cuz i drank milo with no food inside me. At least she was generous. We toked bt what i said yesterday. i guess she shld really consider being a mentor too, though I wish she would not keep mentioning on how much i take the gals for granted. Yarh, i know they r veri sweet and all, but constant reminders are starting to irritate me slightly. i guess i shld just shrug it off.
I couldnt find mrs leong AGAIN. So i left her a note by coming well prepared with plenty of foolscap. But then i sorta crumpled it in my bag, so had to borrow note pad from ms wang. Whoops.
so it wasn' the most brilliant idea. Oh, I threatened noel that he'd better make sure the team gets top 10 for bible quiz otherwise he's dead. :) I think that shld work.
Phew. And lastly, i talked to mrs ong. Tom, I told her that u sent your apologies. I think you shlda anyway. You don't have to say sorry or anything, she's sorry bt the past too. I mean, we're all suppose to be frens now rite? you're a graduate u know. And since everyone is doin well and allz.........
Hope you don't hate me for that. Anyway, gd news ( or bad ) , Bryan chan got beaten up. I'm not sure what to say. I know lots of us hated him or still hate him, but to me it's a shame he was. Need to dicuss this wif u guys.
Plans now? Well, sch exams are over, so rite now I'll pray bt
1. Ms ang doesn't lisen to that horrible cynthia. ( hehe , jk )
2. I get 10points for L1R5 (t hough highly unlikely )
3. If n0.2 is sucessful ( above) then i hope i manage to make my mark on a inter sch level in the competition.
4. Pray i will e able to take part in the first place since I nd to see the doctor bt the kiney adnomality thing. Hope i don't have cancer. 9 highly unlikely too, thanks god)
5. Hope for my desires, dreams and wild fantasies will come true, and I'm not going to list them here.
Oh wellz. Phew. Tiree and hungry. Goin to eat lunch soon.
.Thursday, May 12, 2005 ' 2:06 AM Y
=x
Whew.
Math paper was as easy as winking. At least i hope so. Maybe I'll score high. Maybe not. I dunno.
I went bk to hpps again today, and I couldn't find mrs leong again, or mrs ong even, so I talked to ms chua and ms choo. I would say hpps teachers are either a lot more busy then ntss teachers or they simply are not confined to the staff room.
I told ms chua and mrs tsung abt things tat have been happening lately, I think they probably found it amusing. Ms chua, for some reason, every time i find her and not mrs leong, she sounds more like mrs leong in her advice. When ms chua become slightly older she should consider being a mentor to a child as mature as I( hehhehe , jk) .
Mrs tsung seems more relaxed while speaking to me. I guess she knows now that I can be an emotional person and not so defiant or trouble maker. Apparently she never thought that. MAybe I'm the one who's wrong. Ho.
I also met up with some of the students, like Johann (not from new town one) the p5 ace when I was p6. I beat him barely 28 to 24. He was a very talented player. He still is, apparently. He is.well, WAS the p6 captain for the bball tam but he quit cuz the new coach is stupid. Yarh. At least he's the no.1 player. He's done pretty well.
Joshua, hongjie, jerald and bryan were not around much, but I did manage to tok to joshua and hongjie a bit.
Which reminds me : to any hpps students who don't know, ms teh, aka : now mrs wee, is having a baby this month! So she's on leave for a while. No wonder she wasn't anywhere the last time I saw the guys at bb.
Oh well. i also toked to some of the bb guys. Then i met up with mischievious issac. Perhaps jolena remembers him, but she doesn't come to this blog. 4 yrs ago when he was pr 1 and when i was a pr3 student leader i looked after his class. the little guy's now defiant and slightly rebellious. Not so mischievious nowz. So he hates me. I suppose. Yarh.
So anyway, roderick let me have a shot wit his basketball. Issac and some other guys were betting on whether i'd ace it or not. The other guys had a lot of faith in me. Probably cuz they knew I was once no.1 and issac didn't. Still, the hoops was a lot shorter and distance too. I used proper form, and swoosh! All net. Issac was cursing. Too bad.
Ah well. things haven't changed much. Hopeflly I'll drop by tomorrow and beat johann one on one. And maybe....i shld bring someone with me?
.Monday, May 09, 2005 ' 3:10 PM Y
=x
Tired. Seriously.
ookay.
Math- A1
English-A1
Science-A2
Lit. -A2
Geography-A2
Last one?
I hate L1 R5. Especially when y father won't let me play bball if i don't get 10 points. The list above is a hopeless dream. I know it's for my own gd, but by the time i play AGAIN I will have lost my last talent.
So much for that. No one cares bout how I feel abt things, they just care for me in their own way, or they don't care at all. Perhaps i shld remain a loner.
Worse, i think the abnormality in me is getting worse and seriously out of control.
So what is next? There is a home ec. test tomorrow, math paper 2 the day after. I'd better study...so not to disappoint certain ppl..i nd to repay them.
Cynthia hates me. I do not know why, but i am glad. Perhaps it is because she constantly asks me for my user on how to set up her own password. She shld really ask stephie on my tag board instead.
Wednesday morning I shall try to go back to hpps for a while. Anyone want to join me>?
By the way, life is miserable. I tried to hand in my file, my activity book a and b, so as nt to let ms ang know that I didn't pass it up.I mean, I even brought evrything on friday. But then i sort of forgot to place evrything in the shelves with the rest of the stuff all becuz of the stupi consent form issue. In fact, I still feel very, very guilty bt that because she had helped me WITH
.Sunday, May 08, 2005 ' 5:10 AM Y
=x
Pleez. I hate exams.
Whew. it's may the 7th. Haven't typed for some time.
Lately i don like typing. I think writing seems to inspire more creativeness and easier to write my hopes and desires so yarh. I guess i'll be blogging less often.
Joel's birthday today! I gave him a $10 note. I'm not sure whether he was happy. But he shld be. he was just distracted by the piles and piles of chocolates from his frens.
Phew. Why do ppl think that I'm attached to yan ling or somethin?! Sheesh. Wonder wad's with marcus and kenny these days. Specially ken. I think most of us are starting to dislike him. i hope that he'll snap back to his ordinary self.
Lately I have been tokin to ms ang online. So much for not online often. If i become a teacher i am definetely going online while doing paperwork or marking exam papers.
What I say is very confidential though. all anyone ever needs to know is that
1. it;s JUST too young a age to get gf's and bf's by age 12 or 13. Pleez kindly wait until u r adult. Why do u think there r so many teen catastrophies?
2. exams are important. education is important. Hm. i just wish it wasn't. How troublesome.
3.Crushes are temporary outbursts of "love" and affection that clouds the mind and forms illusions. Evil strikes best at this time. This is something i learnt through life experience.
Phew. Justin got a stead, apparently. Congrats for him. Although i am not exactly pleased bt the going stead thing. PPl should relax.
Why don't I follow my own advice?!
I mean, look at marcus. He broke up with samantha in less than a week. And bryan. He has 3 steads in total. At least, 2 ex's.
They should be matured enough to know that sure...maybe u can go steady, have fun, tell each othe ru love them....blah blah blah ( pleez* ) but then in the end, you WILL break up. It's quite obvious. And eventually, bryan might break up, kenny might also, It's inevitable. There is no "might".
Won't people be mature enought to respond to foolishness?
:(
.Wednesday, May 04, 2005 ' 10:26 AM Y
=x
What can i say, i'm not exactly the most cheerful guy in new town.
So...let's c. I've been writing more than typing lately, maebi cuz of exams i'm supposed to keep my hands of the com but I suppose it's best to just type a little while I can.
yesterday went jurong east pool with waikeat, yeo, tom, joel and jeremy. Wasn't worth it. I preferred the bowling and the arcade games.
Today was....shameful. I feel kinda embarassed so I wo't write it down.
What i wanted to remember was why ms chan said " you must be miserable". I understood what she meant, of course, but she should say that to herself sometimes. I hate to point out she's not exactly married.
Still it would be nice...
Aww. I am kinda lonely. but that's not important.
Is it?