shopaholic!!!

dammit!!! i was supposed to abstain from shopping for a month n less than a week since i made my pact [after i blew rm600=$300 in kl] i went shopping today!!!!!!! shiiiiiiiiit..this is bad!!! someone seriously need to lock me up in my room..chain me to by desk so i can mug or something!!! ahhhhhh....it's mango's fault for having a great sale..n topshop too!!! :S

lost~

i'm not used to life ere...i guess i should be adapted to s'pore after 2yrs living ere rite? but i guess my heart is not!!!! itz not that s'pore is bad..dun get me wrong! it's jus dat it's different u noe...

i have to take the bus ere. back home i am driven around.

ppl will stare at me if i danced with my earphones on in the bus n think i'm nuts. back home i can blast the music in the car n boogie down.

the moment i step into victoria hall's compound, i feel so stressed n confined. i felt completely care-free n happy last week.

i dun think i'll ever miss victoria hall in my life. vjc maybe but not vh.

today i jus couldn't sit myself down to study..decided to slack at my aunt's place instead...so i watched tv n talked to my aunt. it really felt good chatting to her..i mean she'll tell me stories about my mom, my uncles etc. and i always learn something new..like a lesson or something. gotta study hard..get a degree n get a good job..dun hafta strive so hard to earn money..tough life..

"wat do u wanna be when u grow up?" i think i've been asked this question at least 5 times just this week alone. i dunno. i really have no idea. ppl sy u gotta know n have a direction in ur life. if not, u r just lost n u will be wandering around wasting ur life away. everyone has gotta have a goal, a dream, an ambition in life. i used to have one long long time ago. but i've lost sight of it. i can't seem to remember. i've lost.

great week!

ok so the dragonboat comp didn't go that well..i mean yeah..we were like..bleahz!!! BUT it's our first time..so we are forgiven rite? pioneer batch lacks experience!

so anyway..my trip back to kl was just superb!!! i really mean it!!! it was damn fun!i spent time with my grandma, saw my uncles, visited my house..did everything i felt obligated to.

stayed over cy's place the whole time...n yeah ok ok she is a good driver i mean safe n all...hehe itz kinda cool the hols this time around cuz practically all of my frens could drive except for b n me lar ): so it was super convenient to get around town n all!!! let me see...i think me spend at least rm600 last week..yeah omg i feel damn guilty now...shit! yeah did alot alot of shopping..i bought like 6 shirts [oh gosh!], 2 pants, 1 jeans, 1 skirt, 2sandals, 2 earrings n...i can't remember..oh no!!! damn..i'm not gonna shop for the whole yr...ermz..ok maybe the whole month!!! :S ahhhh!!! impulsive buyer^

went to Qbar at sunway on my last night in kl..ordered this drink called 'orgasm'..[wat a gross name rite?] n it tasted like ice cream with a tinge of bitterness...'long island tea' suck! taste jus like medicine!!! oh cy's 'grasshopper' was nice..sweet n all...so learnt my lesson..ask the waiter to recommend the drink so won't waste $ on a drink that suck!!!!!! went off pretty early n...nearly..i repeat nearly got into an accident while sending fi back!! whoah...we were speeding [a little] n nearly missed the turning cus we had the music blasted super loud n couldn't hear fi's directions!!!! the tyres screeched when cy turned n whoah! we almost banged into the pavement n yeah...cy was quite freaked out by that..me was too [esp since i was sitting at the passenger seat n did not wear my safety belt..could have jus flown out the windscreen if we did crash...maybe!]

went to 7-11 to get some drinks on the way back to cy's place....b n wf stayed over too!!!! n jus trust some ppl tog et drunk lar...alamak!!! but it was pretty funny hahahaha...we had 2 bottles each except for b who is cannot drink cus of her religion so she had mirinda strawberry?!!? haha...we played chor tai ti n ate chips n drank...til some ppl got drunk n they wanted to walk at 2am in the morning to 7-11 to get more drinks!!!! n still claim they r not drunk!!!!! alamak!!!! but now thinking back about it..it was hilarious looking at them!!! haha n they were sprouting nonsense too....*grinz*

so that is basically the summary to my one week stint in kl..wished i had more time..but yeah dec would be a long one!!!! yay!!!!!

thinking about...

dialling ur number...

and i jus feel like breaking down all over again

why..

just give me a reason

...so that i can move on.

expectations...

i am quite stressed out by the mid year exams, really! i mean i'll be really worried n all but i jus can't seem to sit myself down n concentrate on my work..other words i'm unable to study. i've got no mood to mug! :(

so i'll try to "console" myself by convincing myself that it's ok to fail cus i've got nothing to lose and all that. which is true rite? i mean..whose expectations am i supposed to reach? only mine rite? so all i've to do is set lower expectations! thatz it rite? but i guess i'm afraid of the future..like wat'll happen if i lose this scholarship n all..do i work? or go to college in m'sia? then other factors will come in..obstacles etc. OR if i get horrid results for my alevels n can't get any scholarship [this situation is very very likely], would i get to go university? or will i have to get a job? *frowns* maybe i'm thinking too much..like way ahead..but ppl say u gotta plan for ur future rite?

honestly i dun mind working my ass off..haha! ok ok..working to survive..wats so bad about it? jus because i dun have any degree doesn't mean ppl won't employ u rite? true dat i won't get a high pay but u know.. work my ass off to get promoted!?!??! yeah but then yk was like "wth! no..better work hard now in sch than regret later n work in the outside world" which makes a ton of sense but i still dun see the point in torturing myself to do something i dun wanna do...n i really see no use in wat i learn at school!! n then kj had to remind me that wateva we learn we will not use in our future careers but we attend sch n learn all these stuff to keep our minds thinking n to develop our brains! haihz..well that made sense too!!!

losing it!

nowadays, when my uncles n aunts ask me "how r u?"...it's different from last time. i can see in their eyes n the tone of their voice that half of them wants me to say "ok" n the other half wants me to cry n say "no..life sux!" n open up to them!!! but i always say "ok lar" n i can sense the relief coming from them, afraid to face up to a broken down me..then they'll smile with the sorry look at me...wat am i supposed to do? maybe i'm too sensitive..maybe it's me n not them...maybe..

c'mon! itz not like i'm not constantly reminded every day of my life...everywhere i go..in sch, in da mrt, in restaurants, in malls..practically everywhere..even in my room! although some ppl forget, i don't! even though some may not know, i dun wish to explain it. i'll divert when it comes up. i used to mention it quite willingly but now i'm tired...so u can jus remain in the dark

wat am i most afraid of?
forgetting ur scent..i can only vaguely remember ur perfume..very very vaguely..it has been years..i dread the day when i would completely forget it
losing the memory of ur face in my mind...the good times..the awful times..everything about u..i wish i could recall every single day..every moment..i wish i could have captured it all in my mind...but i'm human n obviously cannot..

testing my patience...

hrmmph!!!! da bus 36 took so long to come today..[oh ok yesterday]...i waited for 1 and a half hrs lar to go back from suntec!!!! ok ok..i waited for 1hr for da bus to come but it was super packed n i couldn't get in! da 2nd bus came 20mins later n jus drove past without stopping cuz it was packed like a can of sardines as well!!! i was like oh no! cus it was already 10.20pm n was so gonna break my curfew!!!! too lazy to walk to city hall mrt [so far]...n didn't noe where to take bus 16...yeah so i was getting quite worried n then at 1030pm three stupid 36 buses came together!!!!!!!!!!! arghhh!!! how frustrating!!!! hmmph!!!! haihz....

i was super tired summore lar...cus it was after water training n all!! but i had a good dinner with the gals team..da guys team decided to go home for dinner cuz they were "broke"..anyway we invited our coach along..her name is 'ler-ler' n da other temp coach for us today [dunno her name lar]..we had subway sandwiches which was super good!!! yummy (: n da coach was freaking funny!!!!! she's very entertaining lor with her lame-ness n her interesting anecdotes....lalalalala so glad we have her as our permanent coach!!! (:

hmm..but after training i'm always so physically exhausted that i jus dun feel like doing any mugging!!! haihz..but mid years is pretty near n i'm going back to kl from 13-19june..n i definitely will not bring back any notes or watsoeva to study!!! i can't in kl lar...hmm..so how? how?

p/s: i'm going to jb over the weekend for my grandma's b'dae (: so i'll be missing in action for awhile! dun miss me :p haha crap!

team bonding??

okiez..yesterday..ooh wait..itz past midnite so..da day b4 yesterday, da dragonboaters [guys n gals] attempted to have a team bonding session (: after water training..supposed to go for dinner la..so we went to shower at national stadium [as usual] n off we went to suntec..but we couldn't make up our mind on wat to have for dinner!! in the end, some guys had to leaveb4 dinner n da few gals tt came..namely xinyi, shuyar n liping had to go off as well...so left me n sarah! haha...

but it really was quite fun! (: we all had take-aways n went out to the sky garden for our late dinner..hehe i nvr knew such a place existed b4 lar..it was really those kinda place made for couples to hang out n stuff..all dark n romantic..there's a small fountain..hanging trees over benches..manicured lawns etc.

anyway we all jus plonked our asses in the middle n had our dinner in da dark! haha couldn't see a thing!!! dunno wat we put into our mouthes oso!! we played the number game..da one where we r supposed to guess da number n hope dat we won't guess da right one...yeah u get it? hehee...so anyway da loser would have to answer a 'truth' question like truth or dare lar..then at one point we changed it to forfeit n this poor fella had to run through da little "pond" or wateva u call it! n this guy had to kiss another guy!!! eew!!!!!!!!!! bleahz!

so i had a good laugh n yeah the ppl in dragonboat r really nice n funny!!! hope to get to know them better!!! had a good time too..although it was not like 'perfect' or tons of fun..it was alrite!!! (:

a libra...(:

Birth stone
Opal or aquamarine

You like...
Pretty ornaments, cuddly toys, romance and candles.

You dislike...
Loud computer games, wrestling, yesterday's fashions and being lonely.

You're best at...
Patching up problems between mates, always seeing both sides of the story and surrounding yourself with beautiful things and people.

Deep down...You yearn to find ur soul mate - the one man who will sweep u off ur feet and ride into the sunset on a big white horse. Love and relationships are what matter to u most.

Your career...In keeping with ur caring nature, choose veterinary science, teaching or medicine.

Fashion
You like clothes with a sexy, feminine feel. You love frills and flounces but won't wear them unless they're in fashion. You look good in a variety of colours from bright red and navy to softer, more pastelly shades. When it comes to accessories, you like jewellery but it has to be discreet and understated. No tiaras for you, thanks very much!

As a mate...
U will go to any lengths to avoid tiffs and hate it when a friendship breaks up. Ur mates find u interesting and objective but they get frustrated when u can't make up ur mind. Mostly, though, they think u are trustworthy and terrific.

As a girlfriend...U love being part of a couple and will work ur socks off to keep things calm 'n' cosy. Arguments bother u so u would rather avoid an issue than knuckle down and sort it out. U are happiest when everything's rosy and crumble into a tearful heap when it's not.

If your boyf's a Libra...
Expect him to be a good listener but give him space to say his piece too. Libra boys find it difficult to make tough decisions, so learn to read his mood and take the lead about where to go on dates, etc. He'll soon come round if u handle with care.

Celebrity Libras
Michael Douglas (25/9/44), Catherine Zeta-Jones (25/9/69), Declan Donnelly (25/9/77), Will Smith (25/9/68), Gwyneth Paltrow (28/9/73), Gwen Stefani (3/10/69), Alicia Silverstone (4/10/76), Kate Winslet (5/10/75), Sigourney Weaver (8/10/49), Matt Damon (8/10/68), Eminem (17/10/72) and Dannii Minogue (20/10/70)

hmm...my frens from kl that came to visit me after olevels...so sweet! (: we're at pacific plaza...can u recognise? 

coffee bean!!!!from left: me, nic, liz & ther