FYI.....I'm "Perfect"

Life just seems to be slipping through my fingers. I tell myself that I want to keep this online journal and yet somehow laundry or dishes always wins the battle over blogging. But for some time now I've wanted to blog about why I initially stopped blogging for 10 months. There were many reasons after the first incident, but the first was big enough to make me almost walk away for good.

So, there is this person, I'm not even going to say if they are male or female or give any indication who this horrible person is. I know that is mean to say, but it's the truth. If you, horrible person, for some reason read this, then good, you know who you are.

Moving on......

So, this person, who I know, after months of them being rude to me, amongst other things, somehow found my blog. I do know that even though my facebook is private, I leave my blog address up so that others can learn about my adoption experiences. My post, over a year ago, where I talk about "C"'s 5th birthday, this person read that and decided to attack me about it on Facebook. The Facebook status went somewhere along the lines of, "Don't you hate when someone thinks they are so perfect, but then give their kid away, just so they can get married and have another kid and have a perfect life. That is so selfish."

Ummmm....excuse me....what? I'm a Christ like person now. I've turned my life around and I don't act the way I used too. But I've gotten in quite a few fights in my past and have a great right hook. I was so upset, I was ready to have a beat down! Placing "C" is something so special to me, and for this person to tarnish that because of their jealous issues just sent me over the edge. I had some of my amazing friends who had my back, but this person tried to play it off like their were getting information for a college class. My friends and I aren't stupid. And this person continued to say how selfish it was for this birth mom to give up their baby just so they could get married. Yes, I got married after I placed "C" and had another child. Should I have not? So, it was selfish of me to cry everyday for the first year? It was selfish that I wanted my birth son to have a mother AND a father at birth? It was selfish that I didn't want him raised by a father, who wouldn't have been there and who had been in and out of jail? Then golly......I guess I'm selfish.

What I soon realized, was that this person thought they found some dirt on me and were trying to make others agree that it was "selfish". Whats funny is....it's OBVIOUSLY no secret!! And no one agreed with this person!! And my wonderful and amazing friends brought my a HUGE bouquet of flowers to my house the next day and some In-N-Out. (yes my friends are amazing). I was still pretty upset and occasionally daydreamed of punching this person in the face, but I would just say a pray and try to ask our Father in Heaven for peace. And whats funny about this person saying that I think I'm perfect,  I want to pattern my life after the Saviors, and He is perfect. So, in a way, I was receiving a compliment from this person.

I do not regret the decision that I made. "C" is were he is suppose to be. And while I know that some people think they can tare me down by trying to tell me that I'm selfish and I think I'm perfect, well they can't. My decision to place "C" was 100% for him, not for me. And thank you person for thinking that I'm perfect and have the perfect life, because I do!! I have a wonderful and handsome husband and we are SOOO in love. I have a beautiful daughter, who is the light of my life. I have a handsome and well adjusted birth son, who saved my life and taught me about sacrifice. I have a great relationship with my Father in Heaven and with Jesus Christ. So, yes....my life is perfect....thanks for noticing! Again, just to clarify, no ones life is really perfect, but it's nice that someone noticed that I'm trying to be more Christ-like. (hehe)

After the dust settled and I finally got over being so upset, that thing called life got in my way again and that's why blogging has been sparse. But I've gotten over it and I really feel sorry for this person. They have a sad sad life. And it's a shame that instead of trying to build people up, they are trying to tare them down.

So, now you know the reason I intially stopped blogging. But I'm back now and I will continue to live my "perfect" and "selfish" life!

                                                 And for your viewing pleasure
                     My "perfect" family went to Disneyland! It was Brielle's first time!

I'm a famous birth mom....kinda!

About 3 weeks ago, at the beginning of my Spring Break, I got a call from my wonderful social worker, Julie. Julie is retiring in September, which makes me incredibly sad, because I have LOVED working with her! She called me and said that some higher ups in our church, (the LDS church, or AKA "Mormon Church"), had picked her office (called LDS Family Services, which I used in the adoption of "C"), to do a special on. The special was going to talk about the services that LDS family Services provides. Well, Julie picked me to be the birth mom who spoke in it! This special was to air in between General Conference. General Conference is something that happens twice a year where our church leaders speak to us in a televised "conference". The whole world gets to see our prophet and his apostles speak to all the members all over the world. Its pretty awesome! Anyways, this special was going to air in between the 2 conference sessions! Well, they never told me it would only air in Utah. So here we were in California waiting for it to air...and nope. I had people texting me from Utah saying they saw me and my aunt called as well. But we never saw me! I was so disappointed! They filmed me in L.A., so you would think they would at least air it here. BUT....we did find it online. The whole thing was an hour but I'm in segment 3. The whole thing is great but if you just want to see me, it starts about 3:49 in segment 3! Sorry I have to take you to the actual website. It wouldn't let me post just the video.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

I'm so grateful for all the opportunities our Father in Heaven has given to me to be an advocate for adoption and for other birth moms. He has truly blessed me. If you would like to learn more about what I believe, visit http://www.mormon.org/

Still, 3 years later....

Still, after 3 years, I find myself mourning my birth son. It is the strangest thing(and not that strange at the same time). I have had answered prayers that he is where he is suppose to be, but sometimes, out of the middle of no where, I will begin to cry about it again. Tonight is one of those nights. I heard some news, which made me think of him. Then the tears. I think of him all the time, and no tears flow, but not tonight. Tonight I needed to mourn him again. I do realize this is still a part of the healing process. I think I will be healing my entire life. It is something you never get over, but it does get easier. It is just very strange when it comes on so suddenly. People probably think I'm crazy. 'How can she be so sure about her decision, yet cry about it?'(no on has ever said this to me, but I'm sure someone has thought it). Well, YOU carry a baby for nine months and place them in someone else's arms and see how quick you get over it.(sorry for the harshness, but this does need to be said to some people)

It may be the right choice, but it is not the easy one.

Honestly, I feel better now.

Adoption

I just got finished watching the season finale of "16 and Pregnant" on MTV. This show really bothered me at first. I felt in a way, it was glorifying teen pregnancy. But the season finale was one that I didn't want to miss. It aired on Thursday and I DVR'd it. The girl and her boyfriend decided to place their daughter for adoption, against their families wishes. These two kids are so mature beyond their years. Having ZERO support from their families, and still making the best choice for their daughter.

I've had many people tell me, "I could never do what you did," when referring to me being a birth mom. I know they mean well when they say this, but I almost want to say to them: So...if you were in an abusive relationship, you would want to keep your child and put them in that horrible situation? If God told you that this dear baby belonged to someone else, you would not have the faith to trust in God's plan? If the baby's father left you, you would want your child in a fatherless home, and sealed to no parents? I understand that many married mothers tell me this. But married mothers don't understand. They have a stable situation for their children. But if they were NOT in a stable situation, would they sacrifice for their child?

Most people don't! Most people think it is more noble to keep a child in an unstable environment, then to have that child raised by someone who is not your blood. "Blood is thicker then water" right? I HATE that saying! I was not raised by my blood. Joseph, Jesus' father, was not his biological father. God was the Saviors biological father, yet Joseph loved Jesus as his own. The person that I am closest to in this WHOLE world, is my husband. Am I blood related to him?? Or course not! So, that saying means nothing. In reality, we are all Gods children. So, we are all kind of adoptive parents for God. When you are a birth mom and adopted, you really get a bigger picture of the whole world. Its not about blood. It's about love. It's about God's love and doing His will. It's about making it back to Him so that we can ALL be together as one big family someday.

"I delivered him from Heaven, from God's gentle loving care. I entrusted him to mortals, who have wished and prayed him there. They'll deliver him back to Heaven, where we'll meet again someday." -Cherie Call

It's FINALLY finished!!

In March of 2008, I was asked by my social worker at LDS Family Services if I would like to be apart of the new website for LDS Family Services. Of course I said yes! What a wonderful opportunity for me to be an advocate for adoption and birth mothers! So, last March, I was flown up to Salt Lake for one crazy and fun day of interviewing, picture taking and meeting other birth moms. I was dead tired the whole day because I had left for the airport at 3 in the morning and I couldn't sleep the night before. So, besides from being extremely tired, it was such a great experience.

The new website was suppose to be up in September, but as we know, nothing ever goes as planned. So, as of today, one year and 3 months after filming, it's up!! Just go to www.itsaboutlove.org and click on the "Real Life Stories" section. I feel so blessed to be apart of something so great.

Go check me out!!