one year

I miss you.  ♥

stupendously exciting announcement!!

The dress that I designed earlier this year for Dahlia is now available for sale exclusively at Ever + Mi Crush!! It's available in sizes small, medium and large in limited quantities, so if you're interested in snagging one, hurry hurry hurry! ;)

I'm so excited about this!! As I said in my original post about the dress, I had thought the dress was going to be available to purchase and was slightly heartbroken when I found out it wasn't. Then Christen from Ever + Mi Crush swooped in to the rescue and arranged this wonderful exclusive limited run! It's been so much fun working together and I'm so excited about this collaboration!! :D

The dress is a beautiful cream color with a warm grey lining, double layered scalloped collar and sheer bell sleeves. It comes with a matching cream belt with a warm grey buckle and pretty grey buttons on the collar.






As an added bonus, the first 10 orders will all receive a signed print of my original design sketch! The dress was inspired by Hypatia; her warm grey and light cream coloring, her fragile beauty, and her innate sweetness. Ever + Mi Crush named the dress after her, too -- it's called The Hypatia Dress!



This is my inspiration board for the dress. My main concept was creating something that looked like vintage but would actually fit (oh how many times I've shed a tear over a pretty vintage dress on etsy that had a 23" waist) Also since it's a neutral (well, a combination of neutrals - grey and cream) it can be remixed in a bunch of different combinations.

Which leads me to my next fun surprise -- I'm going to have 5 outfit posts next week with 5 different ways to wear the dress. Of course I think it's lovely on its own with a pair of pink flats, but this little number can also be styled in so many different ways! One of my favorite things about it is that it has unique details (like the collar and matching belt) that make it work without any added accessories, but they're subtle enough that you can add on layers and punches of color without it being too much :)





You can check out the dress (and the other pretty goodies Ever + Mi Crush has to offer!) over here! They also have Dear Creatures dresses on sale for only $30. Just saying ;) 

ode to a very sweet cat

Tomorrow is going to be six months without Hypatia. Honestly every time the 28th of the month rolls around I feel like crawling under the covers and hiding until it's over. I miss her like crazy every day but the anniversaries are especially rough. I've spent a lot of time here in the past talking about her health issues, and generally saying what a lovely cat she was, but I never really went into much detail about why she was (and is) so special to me. So I want to do that today.



This is my all-time favorite photo of her. It wasn't the best lighting or the best *photo* but it captured her so well. This is the most accurate picture, how she looked at me all the time. With those massively large kohl-rimmed eyes and that sweet sad little expression. And I love how her fur was the same color as our carpet. It's like our house is covered in a layer of Hypatia fur :)



One of my favorite things she used to do was cover her cat food can with anything laying on the floor. During the night I'd usually toss tissues on the floor and clean them up in the morning. When I'd wake up, they'd usually ALL be covering her food. Once I had ordered take-out and temporarily tossed the big white paper bag it arrived in on the floor, only to have her jump over and try dragging it onto her food. It breaks my heart a little each morning when I clean up and there are no tissues on the cat food anymore..



One of our family nicknames for her was "Gandhi-patia" because she was such a peaceful cat. If anyone in the house was crying or yelling, she'd be there in an instant gently meowing and begging for you to calm down.

And whenever I was sick, she'd stay by my side constantly. If I'm not feeling well I usually sleep on the couch in the living room instead of my bed, and without fail she'd leave her own little cat bed and sleep on the arm of the couch with me until I was better. That started the week that we got her! I was recovering from surgery and she kept me company the entire time.



She was an incredibly gentle cat. Even everyone at the vet's office loved her to pieces. She was a regular visitor there and when the time came to say goodbye even the technicians and my vet seemed almost as upset as my family. She was a regular visitor there and they were always so happy to see her. She never put up a fuss about getting poked and prodded and was always up for some cuddling! When all was said and done, though, she'd start burrowing her head into the side of her cat carrier until we let her inside :)



She had this habit of kneading (when cats flex their paws in one spot for a while) on me for the LONGEST time.. she'd be sitting on my stomach kneading for 20-30 minutes.. and then hop off and get cozy next to me instead. Every time I'd think "this time she's going to get cozy on me!" but she'd always jump off. She'd usually face me and stare into my eyes the entire time like an intense staring contest.



For a while, before she got really sick, she used to brush my hair every morning with her paws. I'd wake up and she'd be right next to me on the pillow gliding her paws through my hair. On the days she didn't do that, she'd usually edge me off my pillow until she had the whole thing to nap on herself.

I'm actually allergic to cats and initially I didn't let any of mine sleep on my bed. But Hypatia obviously changed all that. I loved waking up every morning and seeing this adorable face staring back at me. She was always in bed when I went to sleep and when I woke up, though I'm pretty sure she roamed around a little at night (hence those tissues on the food!)



When I woke up, I'd go over to my computer and check my emails before breakfast. She'd always walk down to the foot of my bed and get cozy right behind my chair until it was time to go to the kitchen. And after breakfast she'd trot along after me back to my room to work. If I was downstairs and she was ready to go back up, she'd stand in front of the stairs and keep looking back at me like "can we go upstairs now, mom??"

If I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, she'd always wake up and follow me for a drink of water from the sink. In the last year or so I started feeling guilty since she was getting frailer and I didn't want her to have to run after me, so I'd bolt to the bathroom and get back in bed as fast as humanly possible, hoping not to wake her. It hardly ever worked, she apparently had a "follow Kate" alert system built into her brain!



During the day she'd ask for water a lot, though. She'd usually stand in front of the bathroom sink meowing until I heard her cries, then I'd come and scoop her up onto the counter and turn on the water. I'd stand there and wait for her to finish because as soon as I'd leave the room she'd want to follow me!

She followed me everywhere. One of her other nicknames (I think I've mentioned this one before) was "shadow." Even if I had to go up and down the stairs five times in a row, she'd trail after me.. up and down, up and down, up and down.



She didn't play too much in the last year, but even after she got sick she LOVED playing with mice on my bed. I'd throw one and she'd run around in circles, then land on the mouse and pretend nothing had happened. She also loved when I changed my sheets! She'd attack the corners as I was trying to put them on the bed, and then run underneath the covers. When she was still a newbie in our house her favorite game was chasing a piece of string around in a circle. She could go forever, we'd only stop when our arms got tired!



It's weird, but I actually really miss taking care of her. She required so much extra love and attention, and all of my cats now (knock on wood) are pretty good on their own. I miss giving her her daily medicine, cleaning her mouth, lifting her onto high surfaces, taking her on our outings to the vet and the groomers, brushing her fur, giving her little kitty nose drops... I always used to joke that she was my "Sprinkles" (Angela's special needs cat from The Office) but I guess she really was. I miss having a cat that needed me as much as I needed her. I think people who have companion animals understand that certain look -- not all of them give it.

But Hypatia gave me this look. It was a look of belonging to each other, that she knew she could depend on me for everything, that she loved me and knew I loved her. The day that I had to say goodbye I was holding her in the vet's office while the sleeping medicine kicked in, and she started having a sneezing fit. It was a classic Hypatia move and she actually made me laugh a little despite how painful it all was. Then she gave me the look one last time, and closed her eyes.



I miss her with all my heart.

my first tattoo

On what would have been Hypatia's 6th adoption anniversary, May 19th, me and my brother went to a tattoo parlor to inquire about getting tattoos. We really didn't expect to get them on the spot, but when the guy offered I immediately accepted, since I thought it would be so perfect to have her tattoo done on the same day I had first brought her home. I had my own drawing with me (it's at the end of this post) It's a rough drawing that I did in pencil and then darkened in photoshop. I wanted something a little sketchy & loose, not as perfect as a traditional tattoo.



Overall I'm very happy with it. It looks like Hypatia, so I'm content and I love looking at it and remembering what a sweet pretty cat she was. I really didn't like our tattoo artist, and I think his skill as an artist & technician left a lot to be desired (see my previous post about him misspelling my brother's tattoo... yikes!) but I think that the parts of my tattoo I'm unhappy with (like leaving out her ear tufts) can easily be fixed by another (better) tattoo artist later.

I definitely learned my lesson about researching beforehand though. My brother's best friend was tattooed at this place & his piece is amazing... we figured we'd be safe going to that shop, forgetting to ask for the same specific artist. We definitely had somebody else lol :) But you live and learn! And I think both of our tattoos will be perfect once we've found a reputable talented person to touch them up for us.

Also, just in case anyone is un-tattooed and wondering about the pain... It was a lot less terrible than I imagined it would be. I was prepared to be crying and screaming (especially since I heard the wrist is one of the worst areas to get a tattoo) but it wasn't that bad. When the needle was towards the middle of my wrist it hurt a lot more, but for the most part it was just uncomfortable, not unbearable. And I am a HUGE baby when it comes to pain! It probably helps to have someone there to take your mind off of it, too. Kyle kept quizzing me about Office trivia and it definitely helped a lot!

Also, I think that whole "once you get one you want to get more" thing is definitely true. I would never want to cover myself in tattoos but I'm thinking a little tiny one dedicated to The Office is definitely in my future.

remembering

Six years ago today, Hypatia became a member of my family. As sad as I am to be marking this anniversary without her, today should still be a happy occasion. I got to spend part of my life with one of the sweetest, most gentle feline companions on the planet. Our time together was brief, but so incredibly full of love and joy -- and today should be a celebration of those happy memories.

I'm still having a very hard time coping with her loss, but lately I've been finding myself smiling sometimes when I talk about her instead of immediately bursting into tears. I still cry a lot, but I like those moments, however rare they may be, when I can say her name and feel happy. One thing that has helped me find comfort has been coming up with ways to honor her memory and keep her present in my life.

The day that she passed away, my mom gave me a gold chain for her name tag, and I wear it every day along with a hand-stamped charm displaying her adoption date. Sometimes when I start feeling sad, looking at her spot on my bed or seeing her favorite food at the grocery store, I'll just clutch my charms and reassure myself that even though she's gone physically, she'll forever be in my heart.

I understand this definitely isn't for everyone, but I also had a cremation crystal made with some of her ashes, and had it set in a ring. I chose a pink crystal since she had a pink collar and a pink bed, and was just such a sweet little dainty cat. I personally think it's a beautiful way to memorialize a beloved animal, and it really provides me with a sense of calm knowing that she's always with me wherever I go.



I had this one wall in my room that I never really knew what to do with (it's an awkward space next to my window, about 2' deep) so I decided to make it into a little Hypatia art arrangement. I ordered custom portraits from a few artists on etsy and hung them in a grouping with a photo of her that I printed on fabric and framed in an embroidery hoop.

Obviously not everyone grieves this long for their pets, and I know that I was more attached to Hypatia than most people are to their animals. I am, by definition, a cat lady. My cats are my kids and Hypatia was my baby. But time is healing my wounds a little, and my other goofy playful cats are helping me cope. I was actually watching a video of Hypatia a couple weeks ago and when she meowed, Arrietty meowed back. They kept going for a few minutes, and it was so moving I can't even begin to describe it.



As difficult as the last couple months have been, I am just so happy that I have so many warm memories to comfort me. When I glance at the art grouping on my wall or look at my ring, I remember how she used to cover her food bowl with anything laying on the floor --tissues, socks, carpet fuzz, paper bags. I remember that she liked to comb my hair with her paw to wake me up in the morning, and that she would use my dad's sneakers as a scratching post.  My heart will always be heavy, but remembering how happy she made me when she was here is finally helping me to smile a little now that she's gone.


links
gold stamped charm - sarah fewell
cremation crystal - cremation solutions
hypatia painting - dog dream
portrait of me & hypatia - paper plants
hypatia illustration - brett manning

sweet and gentle

Today is one month since I said goodbye to Hypatia. It's been, without a doubt, the worst month of my life. But I'm trying really hard to let all of the good memories comfort me instead of making me sad. I was talking to my dad a few nights ago about how much I miss her, and then we got on the subject of painting and art, and how I hardly ever feel inspired to put paint to canvas anymore, as if all of my creativity has been completely drained. He suggested that I consider the qualities that made Hypatia such a special cat -- her gentleness and her sweetness -- and try to channel that into art.. to let her live on as a muse.

I thought about it a lot, and I kept coming back to one image - a photograph of my dad's mother taken in the 1940's near the water (you can view the original here) I was still very young when my Grandmom Eve passed away, but my own recollections of her, along with all of the stories I've heard from my parents, reflect an incredibly kind, gentle woman whose memory still brings comfort to my dad and my mom. I like to think that if there is anything after this life, she's taking care of my Hypatia for me right now until I get to see her again.

As usual I'm not 100% happy with the final product (is any painter/writer/artist ever?) but it was so nice to paint again, even if I did feel pretty rusty. But this particular piece wasn't so much about the final product, anyway, as it was about the process. I forgot how therapeutic painting could be.. letting myself get enveloped in the warm memories of two gentle souls and releasing some of my heartache onto the canvas.

kitty accessories [guest post]

I can't thank everyone enough for all of the kind comments and e-mails. It took me a few days to finally feel like I could share my sad news, afraid that condolences would make me even sadder. But it has helped so much. Nothing will ever completely ease the pain that I feel but your support has definitely made me feel less alone. And I take so much comfort in the knowledge that so many of you loved Hypatia too. She was such a special cat. And I'll continue to post about her for as long as I'm blogging. She'll always be a part of my life, and she'll always be a part of this blog.

I had quite a few guest post submissions (thank you. xo) so I might not get to post all of them, but to everyone who sent one in, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm going to begin posting them today, starting with this collection that Moorea Seal put together, "pretty kitty accessories, ways to remember the quirky and sweet kitties we have all had in our lifetimes"  xo kate

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hypatia

Last week my sweet Hypatia passed away.

There aren't any words to express the depth of my sadness. I feel broken. I feel like my insides have been completely ripped out. The thought of having to spend the rest of my life without her is unbearable. I am absolutely, completely lost and so incredibly lonely without her.

She was the most kind and gentle creature I've ever known. She was my shadow, and followed me everywhere I went. I keep looking back, hoping to see her a few steps behind me but she isn't there. I keep waking up, hoping to see her laying next to me but she isn't there. She'll always live in my heart but right now, today, that isn't good enough. I want her back with me so badly. I just want to kiss her forehead and hold her in my arms.

I am having a very, very hard time coping with this. A lot harder than I expected. I've known for years that this was imminent -- she's been sick on and off since 2008 -- I thought I was prepared, but I wasn't. I really have no idea how to BE. Just existing is difficult right now. I miss her so much. I can't believe it's only been a few days, but at the same time I can't believe it's ALREADY been a few days.

Hypatia was my EVERYTHING, my cat soul mate, my best friend in the whole world. I just miss her so much.

I don't think I can blog for a little while. If anyone wants to submit guest posts, I would be very grateful. You can send them to me here.

Just a couple of kittens out on the town

Happy Halloween!! This year I'm going as Angela Martin from The Office! I love putting together costumes from things I already have... the only thing I needed to buy was the wig. I already had the clothes and the ream of Dunder Mifflin paper (you can get it here) and the Dwight bobble head in the background ;)

oh, and Sprinkles!


Is anyone doing anything fun to celebrate today? Every year I throw a little costume party with my family. I'm making pumpkin bean soup (I guest-posted the recipe here!) and vegetarian mummy hot dogs (recipe here, I just substitute regular hot dogs for Morningstar ones.) And of course I have oodles of candy on hand! ;)

Cardigan and braided headband - h&m | Skirt - vintage | Shoes - modcloth*

Wig - ebay | Dunder Mifflin paper - NBC store

*Today is the last day (unless they extend it again) to get $20 off your first Modcloth order of $50 or more! Just use this link to get the discount :)

my vest bet

This is the last picture I'm posting with my regular pink hair. I had to touch up my roots and thought I'd try something a little different by using a darker shade of blonde as my base, so the pink would be toned down. The blonde came out A LOT darker than I anticipated so it's looking a little odd, but I think you can still *kind of* see that it's pink. Anyway, I'll post photos later in the week.

My mom got this vest on her honeymoon in Paris in 1976, and it's one of my most treasured possessions. Unfortunately she's one of those people who empties their closet constantly and this seems to be one of the only vintage pieces she kept. It's a shame too because she had killer style when she was young! I always kid my dad about it, because in photos from the 70's he's bedecked in bell bottoms, half-open floral print shirts with huge collars and a gold chain while my mom has on something classic and timeless. My brother and I have officially ruled that he's never allowed to ever judge any of our fashion decisions, or else we'll whip out the incriminating 70's pictures ;D

Dress - h&m | Vest - from my mom | Shoes - urbanog
Necklace - c/o Creature Comfort

my favorite kitty photobomb ever

As you might have guessed from the tone of my posts the last few days -- Hypatia is doing really well! This year there have been three instances where I was pretty sure she wasn't going to make it, and yet each time she came through like a champ (and pretty quickly, too!) The uncertain days when her fate was hanging in the balance were definitely the worst of my entire life though. I've never felt such grief. But seeing my scrappy little girl pull through brings me so much joy, I can't even describe it. Knowing what we went through last week, and then seeing her rolling around in the sunshine streaming in through the skylights, scarfing down food, putting on weight, cuddling up to watch tv with me... it's just priceless. She is a happy camper right now, so I am too! :)

And now here she is doing my favorite photobomb EVER. I didn't even spot her at first until I opened the picture in photoshop. Such a silly, adorable cat!! :D



Totally off subject, but it's the reason I was taking close-up pictures to begin with -- would you look at the pleats on this dress?! And the little ribbons and bows?! I just adore details like these.

Dress - asos | sweater - old navy | Stockings - target
Shoes - urbanog | Marie Curie (glow in the dark!) brooch - The Science Boutique

my cats and a sweater with cats on it

Thanks so much for all the sweet comments on my post about Hypatia this afternoon. We got a second opinion today and the other vet was much more optimistic, so the sense of doom has lifted a little bit from our household. Right now we just have to wait and see if anything they did today works. She's already eaten quite a bit, so that's something! :)

I've been on a self-imposed spending freeze since I've been saving up to pay off one of my student loan bills by the end of August. I finally saved up enough, so I guiltily indulged in a little retail therapy (I use that phrase a lot, but today it really *was* therapy) and snatched up this cardigan today. It has cats all over it... they're always on my mind, so why not always have them on my clothing as well?

This post is kind of all over the place, but one last thing... there was one light moment yesterday that I want to share. I was really upset and crying like crazy so I went to get tissues from my room. Chloe was sitting on my bed looking right at me. She looked so cute, and I was feeling so incredibly emotional that I forgot for a moment which cat I was dealing with and went over to give her a little kiss on the forehead. She smacked me right in the face! I actually started laughing out loud ... no matter what is going on in our life, Chloe is still Chloe! :)

hard decisions

Yesterday was rough. Hypatia is sick again and after talking with our vet, I had settled on the agonizing decision to say goodbye. I even made the appointment. And then I changed my mind.

I have no idea if anything will work, but I did a lot of research on her condition last night (lymphocytic plasmacytic gingivitis stomatitis) and it seems like there is more hope than I was led to believe. There are a lot of treatments we haven't tried, homeopathic remedies and even vets who specialize in her condition (they're in Europe but you better believe I'd call or even save up my pennies to take her there if need be.) If the articles I read are correct, she should actually be able to live a long healthy life with this disease.

If anyone has (or had) a cat with this condition please let me know what treatments you pursued! I found out last night that steroids are the worst thing you can do, and that's what she's been getting :( I'm hoping it's not too late to change course.

She still seems way too full of life to give up yet, so I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that something works. I don't think either of us are ready to say goodbye yet.

beetlemania

More bugs! I'm acquiring a strangely large collection of insect-print clothing for somebody who literally shrieks at the sight of even the tiniest of spiders. When I was little my dad had a glow in the dark cockroach t-shirt, and I guess I've never gotten over how cool that seemed.

Hypatia decided to make another appearance again, too! yay! I would love to show off my cats more often but all three of them are camera shy. I get SO excited when one of them wanders into a picture or stays still long enough for me to take some snapshots!

ps. My August featured sponsor, The Little Buffalo, is having a pretty cool giveaway on her blog for a sweet little pink bow-tie (or hair bow if you think like me, haha!) You can check it out here!

Shirt - c/o sheinside | Cardigan - old navy | Skirt - h&m | Shoes - urbanog