Tweet of the Year Decade Millennium: My Quest for the Ultimate Re-Tweet

Your quest to get re-tweeted by @Alyssa_Milano is the best non-porn thing about the internet.
-- Dave Weigel

She's the ultimate celebrity Tweep, with more than 500,000 followers but, as of noon today, was only following 499 people, whereas I've got about 2,700 followers and am following nearly 1,300 people.

This illustrates an enormous status disparity and ever since October, when Alyssa re-Tweeted a Slate column by Mickey Kaus -- who has about 1,700 followers -- I've been trying to reverse-engineer the Kaus magic: "Why Does Alyssa Milano Hate Me?"

Alyssa is to Twitter what Matt Drudge is to news, and what Professor Glenn Reynolds is to blogging. (On Twitter, Drudge has 46,000 followers and Instapundit has about 6,000 followers.) People tell me that my quest is hopeless, but as Vince Lombardi said, "A quitter never wins, and a winner never quits."

In addition to Lombardi's maxim, there's also the inspiration of my role model, Pepe Le Pew:

The wonderful thing about Pepe is that he cannot conceive that anyone would not love him.

Guys often ask how a homely guy like me got such a beautiful wife like Mrs. Other McCain. It's not just the Speedo-worthy physique, my friends. It's also the Pepe Le Pew persistence, the irresistible ardor of the relentless suitor.

That's how I am when I set my mind on a goal. I'm Pepe Le Pew, and the object of my desire is that cat who accidentally got a white stripe painted on her back. Excuse me if you're creeped-out by that analogy, but that's just how I roll.

Speaking of rolling, I've already booked my flight for Pasadena so I can go cover Alabama winning the national championship next week in the Rose Bowl.

Hit the tip jar! ROLL TIDE! Re-Tweet me, Alyssa!

Alyssa Milano doesn't follow me on Twitter

She is, however, following Mickey Kaus and re-tweeting his Slate posts:

Why do the searches for "tweets" that mention various twitter celebrities -- Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, and Alyssa Milano, and even CEOs like Klein -- almost invariably turn up such pleasant comments?

I don't know the answer to that question, and I don't care. What I do know is that Alyssa Milano has more than 300,000 followers, whereas she's following fewer than 450 people.

If, just once, Alyssa Milano were to re-Tweet one of my blog posts . . . Dude. She's like Instapundit! Except, of course, she's a hottie.

Follow me on Twitter. Even if you're not Alyssa Milano.

Great Twitter Hash Tag

by Smitty

For actual Christians, it's arguably blasphemous.
For Obama voters, it's certainly blasphemous.
It's the #LiberalBible, and it's delicious.

Meghan McCain and her f***ing sh*t

Because the lying, biased, liberal MSM is shamelessly trying to steal the Meghan McCain boobs Google-bomb from me, I've been forced to fight back. No MSM punk will beat me on Meghan McCain cleavage or Meghan McCain breast, either. That's just how I roll.

However, lest someone mistakenly think that there is any disrespect involved here -- please, NO FAT JOKES! -- you need to be reminded that this is actually a tribute to Meghan's preferred mode of discourse on Twitter:

My adrenalin is still pumping and I think I left nail marks in Ramins arm!!! What the f*ck paranormal experience?!?
— McCainBlogette #4774678638

Babs is my fav character on entourage, I like her all black suits, super blonde hair and take no sh*t attitude - hey wait... :-
— McCainBlogette #3660989193

insomnia is such a motherf*cker, 3:45 whose not sleeping? yeah me...where my fellow Lestats at? shout out to those that dont sleep!!!!!
— McCainBlogette #3508781165

Love guys who appreciate when I say mother f*cker even if sometimes I have a bow in my hair when saying it
— McCainBlogette #3339829829

my life exactly the way I want to. Just because my family is in politics doesn't mean I have to act like it! that s*it is so boring...
— McCainBlogette #2926152783

tweet my mom @cindyhm1 and ask her to tell you about the crazy person who sh*t talked me to her! talkin smack about a daughter 2 a mother
— McCainBlogette #2833367886

And, finally, just to remind you:

chill people, I don't give a f*ck about @michellemalkin
— McCainBlogette #3180554274

When Little Miss Overprivileged Victim started whining because of mean comments, throwing a Twitter fit and saying she was "getting the f**k off Twitter," I doubt she expected her own nasty f**king sh*t to come flying back in her face. But as they say down home, "Payback is a motherf**ker, b*tch."

(Hat-tip: Jim Treacher, whose blog is cleverly called Jim Treacher's Blog That Is On The Internet.)

Some overdue Rule 2 action on this:

• Little Miss Attila, who would never say motherf**king sh*t about Meghan McCain.
• Bob Belvedere's Camp of the Saints, with more sweet t*t-shots than you can imagine.
• Moonbattery is gonna love this f**king sh*t.
• Monique Stuart: Meghan McCain: Fat slut, just fat, or just a slut? I report; you decide. (Multiple choice!)
• Meghan McCain nude? Hey, it's not called Honesty In Motion for nothing, you know.
• Ruby Slippers reveals that Meghan McCain didn't stop Twittering.
• Secret peephole video of Meghan McCain nude? Professor Douglas, have you no shame?

Link up, bloggers, and we'll link back. And if you feel the urge to hit the tip jar, don't fight the feeling, b*tches.

UPDATE: Great. I began the smackdown nearly 24 hours ago, but did Memeorandum link me? Oh, no. ABC News and the Christian Science Monitor -- yeah, that's the real blogosphere, man. I feel so . . . excuse me, I get these Glenn Beck moments sometimes . . .

No, don't worry about me. I'll be all right. As long as I have Villainous Company linking me, I'll be fine.

UPDATE II: CNN shows my blog with Pamela Anderson ad (2:15), madcap hijinks ensue:

This is my Navin Johnson moment: "The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!" New blog slogan: "As misrepresented on CNN!"

BTW, there was a discussion on Twitter, in which I had to clarify that I never called Meghan a "slut" for showing her boobs. It was her whiny reaction to the criticism that was the target of my commentary.

And, just for the record: I am pro-boobies -- not matter what Charles Johnson says. (Lies! All lies!)

Kevin Binversie is not nearly so shameless a blogwhore as Troglopundit . . .

. . . but then again, nobody really is. OK, maybe Bob Belvedere, as if anyone could compete with Bob. Anyway, I was on Twitter explaining how Troglopundit became our Obama-like hate-magnet, the Wisconsininny everybody blames for whatever sucks about their state -- including the Badgers defense -- when I get this Tweet from Binversie:

The proper term is "Wisconsinites." And I too am a Wisconsin blogger. Thanks for the lack of link love.

You got to admire that kind of resourcefulness, even if you don't admire January Jones and her fake boobs. Here I am, doing my best to turn Troglopundit into the punchline of a Sean Hackbarth joke, and Binversie seizes the opportunity to promote his Lakeside Laments blog, which doesn't suck nearly as bad as the Grateful Dead.

Then again, not even Andrew Sullivan sucks like that. Maybe Meghan McCain sucks worse, but we can't accept the word of the Ohio State defensive line for such a malicious claim . . .

Tip to Twitterers

If you're going to create a Twitter account, you should create an ID that effectively identifies you. Anonymity on Twitter is absurd.

If somebody "follows" me, the decision of whether to reciprocate by following them in return involves the question, "Do I know this person?" If your Twitter ID is "NWTexGOP," if you don't list your name and if your avatar is a cartoon elephant, how the heck do I know whether I know you or not?

So if you're a friend or blogger or frequent commenter who is following me and I'm not following you, how about adding a little more info on your profile?

I'm just sayin' . . .