Fashion Statement

MAD KANE

gave us the (slightly altered) first line

FASHION STATEMENT

A woman would frequently pose

In very undignified clothes

On her feet she wore spats,

On her head she wore hats

And the parts in between simply froze.
*
---------------------------------------------------

WHITE ON THE GREEN

I was on a shopping mission

When I espied this exhibition;

On the 'village green' in snowy white

A novel and refreshing sight.

Tae Kwon Do looks quite appealing;

Battles without a warlike feeling.

Self-defence is very sensible,

Though violence is reprehensible.

*

Spoil-Sport

MAD KANE

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/
gave us the first line

SPOIL-SPORT

A girl who was very refined

 Was offered some fun but declined

 Said she 'Understand, 

 I am untouched by hand ,

 And I do want that fact underlined.'

*

--------------------------------------

CANDY FLOSS

Nutritional value? I'd say 'Nil'

Yet eating it is such a thrill.

Spun sugar on a little stick.

Too much of it can make you sick.

Pink and sweet and finger-licky,

Brittle,  bright and sugar-sticky!

Gooey lips and gooey nose,

Tacky pink stains on the clothes!

The tongue makes contact, makes a hole;

You're eating nothing! Bless my soul!

Part of summer in the sun,

Part of happy childhood fun.

Nutritional value? I'd say 'Nil'

Yet eating it is such a thrill.

*

Buttoned-Up

MAD KANE

http://www.madkane.com
wrote the first line

BUTTONED-UP

A lady involved in a feud,

Was a buttoned-up prim little prude,

The thoughts in her mind

Were obscene and unkind

But she thought vocalising was rude.

*

------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHITE TEETH!

Well, here's a very bare cook cover!

It's left to the reader to discover

If it is good enough to read.

It may be very good indeed!

But should off-white be the tint?

Doesn't it give a sort of hint

That the teeth are not a pure white colour

But something infinitely duller?

Goodness! That white is quite forlorn!

Dentists would treat that shade with scorn,

Making the owner cringe and blush

Saying 'Haven't you ever used a brush?'

These teeth must be more beige than white!

Not a very attractive sight.

However, the discrepancy

Between the title and what we see

Has made me give it my attention.

The publisher may have had that intention!

Marketing can be quite sly;

Who knows what will attract the eye?

*

Imaginary Colours

BLACK AND WHITE WEEKEND

http://blackandwhiteweekend.blogspot.com.au/

IMAGINARY COLOURS

Heat is yellow, heat is blue;

Everyone agrees that's true.

There's no colour in this shot

Yet, you'll agree, the scene is HOT!

Like painting-by-numbers we simply add

The colour that we know it had.

We feel the heat, enjoy the shade,

It's a Coloured Cavalcade.

*

--------------------------------------------------------------

LAP MISHAP!

(The first line came from Mad Kane.)

A fellow was trying to dine

On a ship as it sailed down the Rhine.

But the sauerkraut spilt

All over his kilt

And the Germans all shouted out 'Nein!

*

Wrong Climate

MAD KANE

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/

gave us the first line.

WRONG CLIMATE

A woman displayed her dismay

When invited to ride in a sleigh.

She was in Timbuctoo

So snowflakes were few.

She'd have been better off in Bombay!

*

--------------------------------------------------------------------

PUFF BALL

Puff-ball perfection, white upon white;

Each flower identical, rotund and bright.

A bold sphere of elegance heralding Spring

And all the delights that the season will bring.

A big side-walk bonus that lights up the street.

A bubble of brilliance to prove life is sweet.

*

Banned!

MAD KANE

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/

gave us the first line

BANNED!

A fellow was trying his hand

At playing the drums in a band.

He was ousted because

He went 'Bang!' in a pause!

He was out of the band! He was banned!

*

-----------------------------------------------------------

(Using these words)

AMBITION

As I look back down the corridor of time

I see that I've been drawn as on a thread.

I muse upon my years of writing rhyme

And yearn to take back many things I said.

I've followed like a sheep the latest fad;

And many verses have been bald and raw.

The omens have not been entirely bad,

But at the heart there's always been a flaw.

I must strengthen all my verve and aim to be

A little better further down the track.

The mirror that I find reflecting me

Should have a happier writer looking back.

My fingertips must summon from the keys

Some opal, gem-like work to make me proud;

I'll thrust away my old banalities

And hold my head up high above the crowd!

*

Flecting Again

SUNDAY SCRIBBLINGS

http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com.au/

FLECTING AGAIN

The first time I tried flecting it gave me such a thrill

That I decided to flect again and I do it with a will.

I advise you all to try it; it doesn't take much skill;

And if you're ever feeling bored flecting fits the bill.

The first time I tried flecting I shouted out 'Yippee!'

And everybody looked around shocked at my levity.

'I'm flecting!' I explained to them 'Come and flect with me!

Flecting is so desirable it should be compulsory.'

Of course, I'm an expert flector, flecting again and again,

I find that the constant exercise does wonders for the brain.

I'm now an expert re-flector, treating with disdain

Those who will not flect with me. They really are a pain!

*

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MAD KANE

http://www.madkane.com

gave us the first line

TUT-TUT!

A woman was trying to show

That she was as pure as the snow

She chastised the blokes

For telling rude jokes

So they said 'Goodbye', not 'Hallo'.

*

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bat Out Of Hell

MAD KANE
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/
asked for a cliche limerick.

BAT OUT OF HELL

She shot off  like a bat out of hell,

As a cliche would have it, 'pell-mell'!

Did a terrible fright

Make her run out of sight?

I'm afraid I'm unable to tell.
*

-------------------------------------------------------------




THE BLACKSMITH

A sad reflection.
For hundreds of years
The Blacksmith was the backbone of village life.
His forge,
Fires blazing,
Hammers resounding,
Sparks flying,
Features in every country idyll.
Horses were his stock-in-trade.
But pots and pans
And little children warming hands
In the glow,
Added to his mystique.
Then came Mr Ford,
Mr T. Ford.
The Blacksmith
Died
Without a fuss.
Gone!
The occasional theme park celebrates him.
But he is a Dodo.
*
"Shipley Books."
Gone.
Closer investigation revealed a report
Which said
'We could not compete
With the Internet'
Or something like that.
*
Sad.
*

Hopeless Case

HOPING FOR HUMOUR
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2011/03/03/hope-humor/

Topic.... 'Hope'.

HOPELESS CASE

A young lady called Hope couldn't cope.

She said 'My Mum was clearly a dope!

She was to blame

For she gave me that name

And now I have given-up hope!'
*

---------------------------------------------------------

WHAT A SHAME!

The pretty galah's feeling small!

It's beauty does no good at all!

The thing that has mattered

And made him feel shattered

Is driving him right up the wall!

Of all of the bright birds in Australia,

And many have brilliant regalia,

This poor bird is named

And horribly shamed

By the fact that he represents failure!

If I have a slight prang in my car

Or I step in a mess of wet tar

Any Aussie who's near

Will shout out loud and clear

'Well! Aren't you a proper galah!'

To be called a galah is not nice

(I've been called one myself once or twice!)

But this parrot, I think,

With its feathers of pink

Should certainly not pay the price!

*