I've Got Your Dervish, Right Here

Well, I went and did it. Here is the Dervish class for Dungeon Crawl Classics. I've take from a variety of sources, for inspiration, including the Ranger class from Crawl! #6, the Thune Dervish from the I-series of modules (thanks, +Jon Hershberger!), but mostly I was trying to figure out what kind of skillset an implacable hunter of men might have, particularly if that hunter was on a holy mission or quest.

 This would be an interesting class to play, but its applicability is somewhat narrow. It would not, for example, fit in well with your gang of murder-hobo tomb raiders. It would, in fact, have to kill them for defiling holy ground. That said, I think that having a whole crew of these guys hunting a powerful necromancer would be a hell of a fun romp.

Give it a look and let me know what you think.

The Dervish

A Player Character Class

for

Dungeon Crawl Classics RPG

The Dervish is, at heart, a warrior; but it shares some aspects of the ranger and paladin classes, and even a bit with the monk class, for it is a, most importantly, a holy warrior. The dervish is on a quest for perfection of self, through addition of those traits that are praiseworthy, and purging of those that are corrupt. They believe that all gods are but aspects of a unified godhead, and that through study, diligent practice of bodily disciplines, and asceticism, they may attain unity with the godhead in life. It is of no small consequence that such an attainment leads to extremely long life (for a human), and perhaps, it is said by the greatest dervish master, Larkun Ba'Davi, immortality. However, dervishes are best known to outsiders as implacable holy assassins, men and women who track and bring to justice any who transgress against the godhead, in any of its worldly aspects. Those who defile a holy site, destroy a holy artifact, or loot a tomb on hallowed ground (no matter what weird cult might consider it "holy") should be careful to remain anonymous, lest a dervish band undertake a geas to bring the miscreants to account for their blasphemies.

Hit Die: A dervish gains 1d10 hit points at each level

Alignment: Dervishes are of Neutral alignment in their dealings with those outside their orders, but that's only in matters of religion. They have a very strict code of ethics regarding the sanctity of religion, worship practices, and things and places considered holy, by whatever religion they are considered to be so. Should anyone desecrate, destroy, or otherwise defile something holy (including any burial places), a dervish from the order will swear an oath to bring that person to account. In that sense they are Lawful.

Weapon Training: Dervishes may use any melee weapon, but specialize in the weapon of their particular order. Swords are most common, but some orders use axes, spears, polearms, or even whips or nets. They may use a Deed Die when using this designated weapon, but not when using any other. However, they shun missile weapons, as ranged weapons separate the dervish from the visceral experience of divine justice. Dervishes may wear any armor.

Holy Rite: Each dervish order (there are many) has a particular Holy Rite sacred to its physical disciplines. Some engage in self-flagellataion, some in martial practice with holy weapons, some dance their sacred dances, and some seek the Divine through musical performance. Any player who decides on the dervish class must designate such a physical discipline has his or her Holy Rite.

Lay on Hands: A dervish may Lay on Hands as a cleric, once per day, per level. If the attempt fails, the dervish may not use this power again until he or she conducts a Holy Rite for an hour. Successful attempts will always be applied as if the target is the same alignment as the dervish. However, a dervish also may do so for him- or herself at will, but must take an hour's time to perform his or her Holy Rite (see above). Doing so allows the dervish to heal 1d6 damage per level, or restore 1 point of ability damage per level.

Thieving Skills: The dervish may choose two Thieving Skills from the following list: Sneak Silently, Hide in Shadows, Climb Sheer Surfaces, Pick Lock, Find Trap, Read Languages, Handle Poison, and Cast Spell from Scroll. When attempting these skills, the dervish character applies his or her Deed Die to the roll.

Tracking: A dervish is adept at tracking, and may add the Deed Die to any roll to track a target of divine retribution. Such tracking may involve a physical search for tracks and traces of passage (Intelligence mod applies), but it also might involve inquiries among those who might have seen or encountered what the dervish seeks (Personality mod applies). Tracking doesn't just apply to attempts to track down a defiler of something holy, but to any attempt to seek out a place or thing.

Survival: Dervishes are adept at determining location, finding shelter, starting a fire, and seeking out food and water, even the most desolate and inhospitable climes. They may add their Deed Die to any attempt to do so.

Asceticism: A dervish cares little for material possessions, and what possessions they retain are of a utilitarian nature, usually their holy weapon, some useful equipment, and simple foodstuffs. They do not retain wealth beyond what is required for sustenance, at a meager level, and give away any surplus wealth to those in need (e.g., the poor, an impoverished temple or shrine, a library or repository of knowledge, etc.). A dervish who covets wealth will have his or her Luck reduced by 1 per day until he or she is able to dispose of the treasure in question, and may not simply give it to another party member.

Languages: Dervishes are found in every land, and are renowned travelers. As such, they are able to learn 1d3 additional language per level, beyond those granted by their Intelligence.

Table D-1: Dervish

Level	Deed Die	Crit Die/Table	Action Dice	Ref	Fort	Will
1	d2	1d8/III	1d20	+1	+1	+1
2	d3	1d10/III	1d20	+1	+1	+1
3	d4	1d12/III	1d20	+1	+2	+2
4	d5	1d14/III	1d20	+2	+2	+2
5	d6	1d16/IV	1d20+1d14	+2	+3	+3
6	d7	1d20/IV	1d20+1d16	+3	+3	+3
7	d8	1d20/V	1d20+1d20	+3	+4	+3
8	d10	1d24/V	1d20+1d20	+4	+4	+4
9	d10+1	1d30/V	1d20+1d20	+4	+5	+4
10	d10+2	2d20/V	1d20+1d20+1d14	+5	+6	+5

Dervishes do not use titles, though each is a student to someone who is his or her master. He or she will call that person by the title "master."

Also, in furtherance of my own, personal holy mission, I give you another Zappadan miracle: This fantastic guitar work from that dervish of American music, Frank Zappa.

This is what my dervish character would look like.

Ode to an Urchin

When I started gaming with the Metal Gods crew, about a year and a half ago almost, we ended up with a lot of zero-level urchins in our party. Most of them died (of course), but for some reason I was taken with the idea of this band of urchins, with the thought that I could write a story worth telling and have those children of the streets tell it for me, with me the instrument of their speech. I didn't think it through this rationally, of course, but on some level it was always happening.

The next adventure I wrote (Mysterious Crypt of the Serpent God) involved human sacrifices. The blood of a whole village's children had been used by serpentmen to fuel their terrible machines. In a later revision, I changed that horrible aspect of the adventure: The corpses of the dead ones piled head-high, their hearts ripped whole from their chests, and the blood... the rivers of blood... flowing down the drain in the altar, and overflowing onto the floor when the drain wasn't enough to contain the flow. They hadn't gotten to all of them, though. Just in case more zeroes were needed, I had stashed eight extra zero-level urchins in a holding cage, nearby the altar.

The situation was done just that way, because it is the very heart of horror, for me. It is the sickness of the world. It is the stealthy sound in the black of night. It is the creepy bastard with the leering eyes, who smiles brightly at the little kids, with dead, dead eyes, and a burning, sickly hunger in his heart. It is the lamentations of every mother who has lost a child. It is the screams of the dying, too small and weak to fight back against those who would harm them. It is the most horrible thing I can imagine, there on the page of that adventure, as a device to show my players that there is something worth fighting for, something besides glory, or treasure, or a righteous kill. There are some things in the world that need killing, because failing to kill them is to excuse depravity and, thus, to perpetuate it. The serpent men weren't bad enough on their own. Monsters, yes, but not monstrous. The deaths of a generation of children, though, that made them truly monstrous. Dirty trick? Yes. Manipulative? Yes. Did they die for their sins? Oh, hell yes, they did.

Later, that adventure done, I turned to new things. Again, there were the urchins. In this case, it was the Streetkids of Ur-Hadad adventure I wrote and later published in the recent Metal Gods of Ur-Hadad 'zine (On sale now, by the way, for any price you name). In that situation, all the PCs are zero-level urchins, trying to make a name for themselves by impressing the Divine Order of the Purple Tentacle, the mercenary band at the center of the Metal Gods campaign--Think The Black Company, but with more silliness and a bad drug habit. These are kids who want a better life, and who look up to the Divine Order for what they've done, certainly. They also see them as a way out. A way to escape a short and brutal life on the streets. A way to avoid the compromises and outright surrenders that are forced upon the powerless. A gang so powerful, and so formidable, that no one will ever be able to do that to them again.

We all like our stories about heroes from humble beginnings, who make their own way in an uncaring world, who rise to unlikely triumphs. Sometimes they're kids to begin with, and sometimes they're just guys (or women), you know. But it's the kids' stories that I find the most fascinating and compelling. Mind you, nothing terrible happened in my past to spur me this way. Sure it wasn't idyllic, and, yeah, I had to deal with some bullshit at times, but I wasn't one of those kids. I knew a few who were, though, friends and acquaintances. Maybe that's where it comes from. I honestly don't know why, but there you go. If there is a heart to the stories I want to tell, it's the kid from the streets who wants a better life, and who is willing to risk everything. For that kid, "everything" is him- or herself, because there's nothing else. No possessions. No family. Just a few friends, maybe. Death is only a release from the bondage of a hard life, at a young age. I'm not trying to provoke depression among my readers, mind you, just trying to establish the frame of reference.

Here's an interesting and compelling (to me) model of the classic Thieves' Guild, one I've encountered in something I'm reading (the Night Angel trilogy). I that book, the way it works is that street kids pretty much form around gangs led by older kids. To remain in good standing, and not be beaten or killed, they must come up with a weekly take. Maybe it's just a few coppers. They have to get them, no matter what. Nobody cares about excuses. If you don't get them, you get beaten, maybe killed. Eventually, if you survive, you get older: "littles" become "bigs," and when you get big enough, if you're hard enough, maybe you rise to lead your gang. When you get a bit older, maybe you can save enough of the take (what you don't have to funnel upward into the Thieves' Guild, that you're able to buy in. You secure a place in the Guild by buying a stake in it, and becoming a real member, if only on a probationary status. However, what this means is that the Thieve's Guild is built on the backs of the streetkids. The live (sometimes), suffer (always), and die (usually) to fill the coffers of the Guild. It's only a few coppers at a time, but there's thousands of them. Tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands. Most die. All will contribute before they do. Pretty soon, you're talking about real money. It's the most brutal form of multi-level marketing, Amway with a hard heart and a truncheon, and no labor laws.

This is one of the most depressing versions of the Thieves' Guild I've seen, but it's also the one that seems the most real to me. This is what happens, isn't it? When there is no boundary to our brutality, when there is no check on our greed, when we make disposable the lives of the least of us, we get this game. To be clear, I'm not talking about the "sanctity of life" like some anti-abortion zealot. I'm talking about the already-born, not fetishizing fetuses as if they matter more than kids who actually have been born. That's enough about that, though.

This has been a bit rambling, I know, but there's something important about it, to me, at the heart of this discussion. In my fantasy campaign world life is cheap, and it is especially cheap when you're young and poor. Every wealthy boss stands astride a million corpses. The boss didn't even have to kill them. The boss just had to extract the wealth they generated. There's nothing more efficient for doing that than a Guild. Poverty provides the engine. The system breeds itself, perpetuates itself, and eats itself. And copper, silver, gold, and power all flow up to the top. Maybe fantasy is realer than I thought.

The Dagger: Some variants

Daggers are, in my opinion, pretty much the least sexy of the basic fantasy weapons. Okay, sure, there's the club, but that one at least has the longest history of usage. It's traditional. It has gravitas. The dagger, well, it's just a knife with pretensions. It's a wizard's weapon in D&D, but often plays second fiddle to the staff. In DCC, the dagger gets a bit more love, as it increases its damage for the thief's backstab ability. That's a nice little update, and makes it a weapon worth using, at least by that class and in that game. That said, why else would you use one? To pick your teeth and clean your fingernails?

When it comes to plain old damage-dealing ability, and you're not a thief, the dagger lags well behind most weapons, making it a second or third option, at best. Even when you have a magical dagger of some kind, unless it's especially powerful or has additional abilities (e.g., intelligence, poison, etc.), it's still not quite the "persuader" that a good long sword is. As a missile weapon, it's perhaps a bit better, but lacks the range of many others doing the same damage (e.g., a sling). So, again, the dagger is... a laggard.

Still, though, I like daggers, and I think they are underused. Here are a few ways to make this basic armament more consequential for your DCC game (or other game, of course).

Idea 1: The Law of the Land

Make it impossible for your characters to wear armor and carry larger weapons when in civilized places. Really, what kind of city guard allows random strangers of great power and ability to walk around fully armed and armored, and doesn't do something to nerf their ability to cause mayhem? Try this: Most towns, and especially larger cities, may frown on people who carry anything beyond a dagger. They are suspicious of armored folk, and may call out the guard to ensure they don't cause trouble. Guardsmen may not be high HD foes, but a whole bunch of them with crossbows and polearms, especially if supported by a wizard, can wreak havoc on the average adventuring party. So, when you go into the city, you need to have a good dagger, or maybe a few of them.

Idea 2: Elf Killer

This suggestion come from Zehra the Archer, a little-known thief of Ur-Hadad.

A good dagger is your friend, sure, but nothing beats a rusty dagger when you go up against an elf. Those pointy-eared cookie makers go down quick when you put a little rust into that blue blood of theirs. Acts just like poison, it does. It's painful, too, so it makes for a fine threat when you need information and the mark won't give it to you.

Sound advice, surely, from one with experience.

Alternately, one could simply use another type of poison against another type of foe. Frankly, thieves don't seem to do nearly enough of that, and I for one would like to see more of it. The Poisoned Dagger is a trope for a reason, people. Use it.

Idea 3: Weird Magic

With the right enchantment, a dagger can do marvelous things. Still, magic is always a forked path, and with each benefit there should be at least one danger. Here are a few suggestions for magical daggers:

Ability Drain

Instead of (and/or in addition to) simply doing damage, a dagger might drain a particular attribute, just like spellburn. Maybe it takes a little bit of Stamina, or even Intelligence. How much? That depends on the dagger. What happens to that drained ability? Ideally, it should accrue to the wielder, adding (temporarily) to that person's score in the same attribute. Also, because this is such a useful ability, what are the drawbacks? I think this sort of thing sounds pretty addictive, don't you? Maybe the dagger has to be wielded frequently against someone other than the owner, or the owner gets a point of that ability drained permanently.

Intelligence/Spirit

There is a spirit of some kind in the dagger. Maybe it's happy to be there, and maybe it wants to be released. It can provide knowledge of things beyond the ken of the owner, but demands something in return. Maybe it can be a patron, but only while in the possession of the person who wishes to secure such patronage. This would make it something worth stealing, of course. Maybe it's malevolent: It pretends to be helpful, but ultimately seeks to destroy its user. In such a case, it might already belong to a more powerful being that seeks to corrupt others and enslave them to its will.

One-trick Pony

The dagger has a magical property, but its magic is very, very specific. It could be very powerful and very useful in the right circumstances, but more or less ordinary in others. However, it is still a magical weapon, and can be used to harm creatures when a magical weapon is required to do so.

Example: The dagger can detect the presence of undead creatures within 50 feet. It may also be a beacon for such creatures.

Another example: The dagger has a jewel or sigil in its hilt which can be detached from it. It can then be used to track that item, no matter where it might go. It may also work in the opposite direction, so a foe who detected the "tracker" could use it to home in on the person who is tracking him or her.


So, there you go. Daggers may not be the best weapon in the armory, but circumstances, poison, and magical properties can make them a bit more exciting. Plus, they're stabby little guys you can use to make your enemies bleed, and that's always nice. They also are easy to conceal, and generally are socially acceptable to carry, even in the presence of royalty.

So, what are you waiting for? Buy one now! Buy two and give one as a gift (blade first or hilt first, depending on your preferences)!

Some offers may not apply for some characters. Daggers are not legal in some territories or city-states. Individual results may vary. Manufacturer not responsible for misuse of daggers for non-stabby purposes. Use at your own risk.

You know what you need?

 This shit, right here.

The Metal Gods of Ur-Hadad 'zine. Issue #1. 

Get yours now!

And listen to some of this, too. It'll make your ear holes feel good. 

Effects of Overland Travel in DCC RPG

A recent Google+ post Peter Leban, in reference to THIS BLOG POST, got me thinking about a subsystem for DCC.

In my experience, it's pretty rare for judges to really keep track of things like provisions, water, and the like. It's even rarer for them to concern themselves with the longterm effects of travel in the game world. But what if we wanted to do that, to introduce environment as an opponent, an enemy just as dangerous as a monster the PCs might face?

Think about it. 

The PCs are riding (or marching), at speed, for days. They've barely rested. (exhaustion)

The PCs are lost at sea, becalmed, and their water is foul. (deprivation)

The PCs are fleeing (or chasing) through a hostile environment (desert, snow, whatever). Though they have supplies, they need to be rationed for the long haul, and the endless marching is wearing them down. (deprivation and exhaustion)

In each of these cases, the PCs are trying to achieve a goal of some kind, and their ability to endure their circumstances is being tested. Certainly such a test should have some effects on the PCs, right? I mean, if you spend three days on a forced march, with little food and no rest, you're probably not going to be in very good shape to fight when you reach your destination. How do you model that, mechanically?

One option would be to model this on the Spellburn mechanic in DCC RPG. Reflect the cost of journeying (or whatever durance and/or deprivation) astemporary attribute loss (to Strength, Stamina, and/or Agility). When any of these goes below a threshold (say, 3), then the PC is unconscious. You could also tack on actual damage to HP if that happens, or permanent stat loss, or even death, if the circumstances suggest it. 

For example, the PC is fleeing through the desert, pursued by X. He has no water or food, and cannot stop to rest. Maybe for each of those factors, for each period of travel (whatever that might be, perhaps half a day), he loses 1d4 or 1d6 attribute points from each attribute (with saving throw, modified by current attribute, for half loss). At some point, it might pay to turn and fight X, instead of fleeing. If the PC continues to flee, he may become exhausted (reduced STA), weakened (reduced STR), and/or lack of mobility (reduced AGI).

Further, the PCs might find that their ability to fight or cast spells is reduced (via lost attributes), leaving them even less able to deal with whatever it is that they must face.

If we assume that some environments (more extreme ones) are more challenging than others (milder ones), perhaps we could use steps on the dice chain to represent the relative advantage/disadvantage conferred by environment. If the PCs have supplies and equipment that allow them to mitigate the environmental factors, then that also could be represented on the the dice chain.

First, let's make an assumption. Each half day of normal traveling costs 1d3 attribute points in Strength, Agility, and Stamina, with any extras taken from Stamina. This is the base die in the chain. 

Then, we consider aggravating and/or ameliorating factors. They have no food (+1 on dice chain), they have no water (+1 on dice chain), but they have beasts of burden to carry some of the their load (-1 on dice chain). I'm keeping this to a simple +1/-1 just for the sake of simplicity. I'm sure there could be other numbers. These just keep it simple to use and remember.

Factors that aggravate or ameliorate circumstances of travel could be environmental (weather and climate, geography), circumstantial (supplied for environment, or not; encumbered, or not; wounded, or not), and so forth.

The idea, in the end, is to encourage the PCs to think about resources and capabilities, and to make choices that reflect the actual circumstances. How the hell, for example, could a group of PCs march three days through the desert, in mail, carrying 30,000 gp, without water or rations, and then arrive at a crucial battle, ready to fight? That's silly. They'd be exhausted, at best. Hell, they might be dead in the desert, food for the vultures and jackals.

Does this seem like a reasonable system to model such circumstances?

The Vancian Wizard in DCC RPG

I chance to read this excellent post over on The Evil GM, today. Given my proclivity for all things DCC RPG, it drove me to reflect on the magical mechanics of that particular system. It seems to me that magic in DCC RPG, while still "Vancian" in flavor, has been altered sufficiently to ameliorate some of the problems associated with that sort of system. Here are a few of the "fixes" I've noticed:

The Dice, The Dice, Oh, Lord, the Dice!

I must begin with the most important difference: The role (roll?) of chance in the DCC RPG magic system. Those already familiar with my work know that I love dice and the chaos they bring to this game, for good or for ill. Nowhere is that more apparent than in the magic system.

Scaled Randomization of Spell Results

First of all, unlike D&D and its various clones, casting a spell doesn't succeed automatically. And, even if it does succeed, saving throws are still possible. DCC RPG creates the possibility of spell failure through the Spell Check mechanic. Here, the wizard rolls a d20, modified by Intelligence and by Caster Level. At the lower levels, the caster must achieve a "12" result on the die roll for a bare success. Higher results, as I'll discuss presently, mean better (more powerful) outcomes. At higher levels, the caster must achieve higher results for the bare success (18 for 5th level spells). This sort of scaling of the randomized results makes it easier for high level wizards to succeed with lower level spells, but preserves the difficulty logically following from the idea that it is a higher level spell.

Every Wizard is (potentially) a Nuke

Even more interesting, even a low-level wizard is capable of amazing successes. For example, a first level wizard could, with an 18 Intelligence, achieve a result of up to 24 on a spell check roll. Let's look at Magic Missile.

With a "12" result (bare minimum success) he or she would get the following result:

The caster throws a single missile that does 1 point of damage. He must have line of sight to the target. The missile never misses, though it may be blocked by certain magic (e.g., magic shield).

With a "24" result (maximum without Spellburn or Luck Burn), he or she would get this:

The caster throws a single powerful missile that does damage equal to 4d12 + caster level. The missile must be aimed at a single target to which the caster has line of sight, at a maximum range of 1,000’. The missile never misses, though it may be blocked by certain magic (e.g., magic shield). (Both results, DCC RPG Core Rules, p.145)

That's a pretty kick-ass result, comparatively, and some of the ones in between are pretty amazing as well.

So, any wizard, from 1st level to 10th, has the potential to demonstrate amazing arcane abilities. He or she also can augment those abilities with sacrifices of various sorts.

Spellburn and Luck Burn

Sometimes, sacrifices must be made to ensure (to the extent possible) success. In DCC RPG, the character can do this by two mechanics: Spellburn and Luck Burn. Spellburn allows the wizard to sacrifice Strength, Agility, and/or Stamina to increase his or her casting roll. Those losses are real, though temporary. The lost abilities can be healed at a rate of one point per day of rest. In the mean time, any rolls relying on those abilities would be at an adjusted modifier for the ability in question. For example, a wizard who burns 3 points of Stamina might go from 10 to 7. The new modifier would be a minus-1. The result would make his or her Fortitude Save somewhat less likely. So, the Spellburn mechanic allows wizards to burn vital essence to achieve supreme results, but at a cost.

Depending on what happens later, early use of Spellburn might turn out to be a very, very bad idea. The wizard may find him or herself handicapped significantly in a save-or-die situation. On the other hand, Spellburn might be the thing that turns the tide when things start to go to shit. This, I must say, is one of the best things that this approach makes happen: The noble sacrifice of the wizard can turn a can't-miss TPK into a resounding victory for the party. The wizards Formerly Ian and Jerkal the Blazin' (RIP) have provided good examples of that, in the Metal Gods of Ur-Hadad campaign.

Also, a natural "1" roll (a fumble) while using Spellburn, has additional consequences:

Any magic-user who rolls a natural 1 on a spell check while using spellburn suffers the loss of ability points and the associated corruption (see below), and also loses 1 point of ability score permanently (DCC RPG Core Rules, p. 108).

Luck Burn, on the other hand, is something that any character class can use. It is, simply, sacrificing points of Luck (permanently, in most cases) to add to a Casting Roll. Luck gets used in a lot of ways, though different judges may have their own eccentricities in this regard. I, for example, have taken to using Luck to determine who will be attacked first, when there is such a determination to be made. Luck also may be used to see if characters notice things, or whether they find more or less treasure, or whether their mounts will bolt or stand their ground when startled. There are lots of reasons to need high Luck, not the least of which is the Recover the Body mechanic:

If a character reaches a dead ally’s body within one hour, the dead character may make a Luck check when his body is rolled over. On a successful check, the dead character was badly injured but is not permanently killed, and the ally is able to keep him alive. The “dead” character was simply knocked out, stunned, or otherwise incapacitated. (DCC RPG Core Rules, p. 93) 

With a low Luck score, the chances of surviving a Recover the Body check decrease. Low Luck can mean you are Dead, Dead, Dead, pal. Tear up that character sheet, buddy. Better luck with your wizardry next time, champ.

Spell Failure and Spell Loss

When the casting roll doesn't succeed, there are a couple of different things that can happen. The first is simple failure. The spell didn't have an effect. On top of this, the caster will usually lose the use of that spell. This is about the same thing that happens in the "traditional" Vancian spell casting. You use it, you lose it. In DCC RPG, however, the caster may Spellburn to keep a spell that has been lost via a failed casting roll. "If a wizard expends a lost spell’s level in ability score points, he can cast the spell as if he still had it. For example, a wizard could burn 2 points of ability scores to cast a level 2 spell he had lost for the day" (DCC RPG Core Rules, p. 108). Spellburn, though, as I've already suggested, has its own associated problems.

Misfires and Corruption

One of the things I love to see as a DCC RPG judge, is a natural "1" result on a Casting Roll. This means that something fun is probably going to happen. If it does, the wizard (and his or her party) may find themselves, as the bard said, totally fucked.

The wizard in question must make a roll to determine what happens on a natural "1" result. A misfire is an unintended effect. On a Sleep spell, for example, the misfire might result in the wizard (or entire party!) being put into a magical slumber. A Magic Missile might result in untargeted creatures (including the wizard) getting hit by the spell.

Misfires are fun. Misfires can be hilarious. I love, love, love misfires. Then again, I rarely play wizards.

Corruption is another matter entirely. Corruption is when the spell has the unintended effect of altering the wizard. It also, sometimes, could end up altering others in the area of effect of the corruption. In a word, if you mess around with magic, Son, don't be surprised if you get bit. By a viciously toothed maw. The maw that just appeared on your forehead. Look at the little children run away from the hideous freak wizard. Look at the villagers with their torches and pitchforks. And, Lo! Is that a hangin' tree? Is that a rope? Run, wizard, run!

Corruption is also fun. Yay, corruption!

Supernatural Patrons

Finally, wizards have access to supernatural patrons, and these patrons also can grant the wizard new spells (and new corruption results--i.e., "patron taint"). This unnatural congress will (of course) cost the wizard. One doesn't traffic with Angels, Daemons, and Beings Between without an associated risk that it will cost, and maybe cost more than one can bear.

The wizard will rack up obligations to his or her patron(s). The wizard be corrupted into the patron's image. The wizard may, ultimately, become puppet to the patron, with all that implies. These are not nice people. They want just (or even unjust) recompense. They will have it, whether or not the wizard can bear it.

Wizards, of course, are not the only spell casters in the game. Elves function pretty much as wizards do. Clerics, though, have another system entirely. They don't have spell misfires or corruption. They accrue Deity Disapproval. Such disapproval may obligate the cleric (as to a patron) to accomplish particular goals for the deity. It may strip the cleric of particular powers, or make it more difficult to access them.

I will not, at this time, go into the disapproval mechanic for clerics. It's beyond the scope of the current post.

Conclusion

DCC RPG's magic system, while ostensibly Vancian, takes "Vancian" to mean something different than D&D did with its magic system. In fact, one could argue that the DCC RPG magic system is far more explicitly Vancian than the D&D counterpart. Overall, I think it's my favorite system of the two. I embrace the risks and rewards. I like the way that supernatural patrons are incorporated. I appreciate the corruption rules that change the wizard in manner and/or appearance. These features, among others, make the DCC RPG "Vancian" magic system a close approximation of what is suggested by the Vancian literature.

What are the Lost Hymns?

+Adam Muszkiewicz first came up with the idea of the Lost Hymns. I've used them as a play element in my Last Dance of the Disco Lord adventure I ran (and posted) in December. But have you ever thought would it would mean for a cleric, particularly.

We are adherents of the Metal Gods (mostly) in the Metal Gods of Ur-Hadad campaign. Also, to make clear, "Metal Gods" refers the deities, not the PCs or the players (though we try every day in every way to reach ascension). So, think of every heavy metal song. Every one. It has music, and most have lyrics. Those lyrics are sometimes stories, sometimes nonsense, sometimes an anthem to a person, place, or thing, and somtimes to a lifestyle or ideal. These songs are sometimes cryptic, and sometimes explicit. They form a somewhat nebulous body of the Metal Gods' wisdom. The borders between what is truly holy and what is not, are not clearly drawn. There is always dispute about that fact, a quite durable state of affairs, at this point, and not much likely to change. In fact, what some call "metal" may be seen as "not metal" by particularly vehement, orthodox worshippers of the Metal Gods.

This body of knowledge is unevenly shared, even among worshippers. There are always new ones to learn, and even the greatest of the Metal Gods' clergy do not know them all.

However, these hymns are not the basis for divine spells or other effects. They simply are wisdom, and provide a sense of perspective, values, and a variety of orientations to the world and one's place in it. They allow you to figure out what kind of cleric you might have. Or better yet, the kind of cleric you have should tell you which of the hymns are most sacred. It's just a simple way to get into character. If you like pirate metal, for example (e.g., Alestorm), as I find I do (did not know this about myself, and am a bit surprised to tell the truth).

Here's an example:

It's got pirates versus vikings. Fun!

With lyrics like this, it's pretty easy to see why that sort of cleric would make a pretty decent adventurer:

Back trough time, to fight the viking foe! Back trough time, where our voyage must now go! Six hundred years into the the past, Our desitny is here at last! For infamy and plunder we will ride!

The Lost Hymns, though, can only be learned from one of the Metal Gods pantheon. These are the Great Ones, the Avatars of Metal, gods like Lemm, Robhal, and Iod.  Learning the Lost Hymns these gods can reveal requires particularly avid devotion, and are granted only in great need for pursuits important to the gods, themselves. Typically, access to the Lost Hymns requires that the cleric call upon that particular Great One, by beseeching Divine Aid, as per the DCC RPG rules:

To request divine aid, the cleric makes a spell check at the same modifier that would apply were he casting a spell. This extraordinary act imparts a cumulative +10 penalty to future disapproval range. Based on the result of the spell check, the judge will describe the result. Simple requests (e.g., light a candle) are DC 10 and extraordinary requests (e.g., summon and control a living column of flame) are DC 18 or higher. (p. 31)

It's also important to recognize that such a petition for aid must be extraordinary, and that frivolous petition for access to the Lost Hymns may have dire consequences (e.g, in the form of penance of some kind, a divine smiting about, etc.).

Success in beseeching divine aid means that the cleric has access to a Lost Hymn. It's up to the Judge and the player to figure out what happens. There's only one real requirement I'd impose (as a Judge) beyond the good roll: As a player, you should have a lyric in mind that will serve as the basis for the effect you hope to achieve.

In fact, it might be neat to have clerics of the Metal Gods rename their particular, known spells based on a lyric that suggests the spell effect. Since my cleric still lives, I'll have to ponder that for a while, to come up with particulars. One could even limit spells one can learn, based on what's "canon" for the particular sect of Metal to which the cleric adheres.

Anyway, not necessarily relevant outside of the Metal Gods campaign, it at least illustrates how to use even the simplest "literary" sources as inspiration for character-building and roleplaying.

Godly Grace in a Mortal Shell

Yesterday, while playing in +Shawn Sanford's DCC FLAILSNAILS game, my longest-running DCC character, Kormaki Lemmisson, almost met his end, and at his own hand.

Here's what happened.

We'd gotten very nearly to the end of Michael Curtis's excellent adventure, DCC #77 The Croaking Fane. Only a couple more rooms to look at before heading back to Punjar to heal up and resupply before tackling Emirikol Was Framed. Surely, that wouldn't be a problem, right? It's just a couple rooms. We could handle it, right? Very nearly not, it would turn out.

The room at issue was behind a barred door. The door was barred to keep whatever was behind it, well, behind it. +Barry Blatt noticed that small fact, and advocated for a swift retreat with our ill-gotten loot. In our hubris, in our greed, we ignored his wisdom.

In part, I ignored him because of my success in casting a spell. After we removed the bar, revealing some kind of crypt behind it, Kormaki cast Divine Symbol, a spell that imbues the cleric's symbol with holiness. Here's the result of the casting (a natural 20, btw):

For a duration of 3d6+CL rounds, the cleric can attack with his holy symbol as if it were a magical weapon of +2 enchantment. It deals 1d14+2 damage (modified by Str, as usual), with an additional +4 damage bonus against unholy creatures. In addition, as long as the cleric is visible to his allies and followers, they receive a +1 bonus to saving throws and morale checks. Finally, the cleric also receives a +4 bonus to all spell checks to turn unholy while using his holy symbol when under the influence of this spell. (DCC RPG Rulebook, p. 275)

Time to kick some undead ass, right? Kormaki had Soul Power (for 19 rounds!), and, yes, was most assuredly feeling Superbad.

Unlike Kormaki, JB understands how things can go, sometimes: Super-badly.

In the end, Kormaki had only himself to fear. After initially having great success in dealing damage to his undead, amphibious foes (big-ass zombie frogs with like a million HD), and failing to turn unholy (because of those many, many hit dice), Kormaki lined one of those bastards up in his sights and swung mightily. He rolled a natural 1 (of course). Subsequent rolls on the fumble table (d16, because: Banded Mail) ended with him doing 12 points of damage... to himself. He was also (of course) the only cleric in the party, so no healing for him. There were some potions we found, but I had the feeling they wouldn't be very healing, so I gambled, and declined such aid. 

I (Edgar, not Kormaki) suddenly found myself reflecting on the real possibility of the death of my oldest character. Kormaki has been around since the Metal Gods crew started playing together. +Adam Muszkiewicz doesn't exactly shower us in unwarranted XP, and he and I alternate judging duties, so it's taken me a long time to get him to 3rd level. He's a veteran of Fort Simian. He's met Space David Bowie, in his Ziggy Stardust aspect. He smoked the purple tentacle, for Lemm's sake! He's been through some shit, let me tell you. How could he die? Who might replace him? My mind pondered these possibilities as the rest of the party mopped up, and watched Kormaki bleed out, helpless to do anything about it.

But there was a possibility that he might still live--the "Recover the Body" rule:

Recovering the body: If the body of a dead ally can be recovered, there is a chance the ally may not be truly killed. He may have been knocked unconscious or simply stunned. If a character reaches a dead ally’s body within one hour, the dead character may make a Luck check when his body is rolled over. On a successful check, the dead character was badly injured but is not permanently killed... (DCC RPG Rulebook, p. 93)

Now at only 7 points of Luck, Kormaki's chances were a bit slim (35%) to "recover the body" as per the rules. The Metal Gods smiled upon him, and the Iron Fist of Lemm did shelter him from harm: I rolled a 2. 

So, Kormaki lived. He's down (another) point of Stamina, reducing him to 8, and incurring a -1 penalty as a result. He suddenly feels like that cop who's three days from retirement, and "too old for this shit." He needs to go back to the chapter house, to heal up, to drink and whore, and to do all of those things a man of his stature ought, before things go pear-shaped for good. 

Knowing how things go, though, he'll probably just go out adventuring again. His inevitable demise is only a matter of time. In the end, death waits for us all.

Dax, baby? Sing us out. Sing something about death.

Maybe you're dead and ya just don't know

A shadow dressed only in sorrow

Tomorrow might not exist and ya should've been dead

The Last Dance of the Disco Lord

What follows is my Metal Gods-themed adaptation of +Michael Curtis's recently published holiday-themed adventure for Dungeon Crawl Classics. All distortions, misspellings, and other misappropriations are my fault, not his.

Because +Doug Kovacs was playing with us last night, and had done the maps for the adventure, I was challenged to do something unexpected. I hate having to pretend I don't know what's going to happen when someone runs something I've already experienced. It's still fun, but it's not particularly great fun. So, I didn't want him to have to do that. I also wanted to make sure I delivered The Goods (It's fucking Doug Kovacs, ya know? His work never disappoints. I'd get a tattoo of the DCC RPG "wizard cover" if I had the cash).

Anyway, here it is. It's so substantially changed from the original, you could run both and your players would have a hard time telling they are the same module. My Christmas (or Festivus, or Chanuka, or Kwanzaa, or whatever) present to you.

Last Dance of the Disco Lord

On what is probably the coldest day in the history of Ur-Hadad—There's snow on the ziggurats and spires! Unbelieveable!-- the PCs receive a missive from Kormaki Lemmisson. He brings news that there is a hole in the world, and a long-dead god seeks to return to the Avenue of a Thousand Gods. The Primarch of the Iron Cathedral asks their help in putting the old god in his grave for good.

Player Start

p. 4: You stand on the Avenue of A Thousand Gods. You have come at the behest of Kormaki Lemmisson, cultist of the Metal Gods and chaplain of the Divine Order of the Purple Tentacle. He has asked you to meet him and Wendylita, Primarch of the Iron Cathedral (the main temple of the Metal Gods), and offers you a rich reward for your assistance

When you arrive, it is quite clear that something weird is afoot. For the first time in known history, snow has come to Ur-Hadad. There's snow on the ziggurats and spires! Unbelieveable! On the Avenue, temples and ziggurats are bedecked in Winter's mantle. Its palms and apricot trees are frosted in odd and varied hues. The effect seems to be centered on the decrepit Temple of the hated enemies of the Metal Gods, the Dance Lords. If rumors you hear spoken are to be believed, there is a hole in the world, and the cold, dead hand of Gibbandy the Disco Lord, himself, has reached through it to work mischief from beyond the veil of time.

As you approach the square in front of that accursed temple, a miraculous site greets you. There is an uncanny hole in the center of the square, just outside of the Dancers' Temple. It is about 50 yards across, and, though Ur-Hadad typically is pleasant and warm, bitter winds howl forth from the void in a blizzard of rainbow-colored snow and sleet. From below, varicolored lights shine forth, and a pulsing, pounding beat can be heard.

A horde of street people— beggars, urchins, trollops, and other scalawags of the city—have gathered around the hole. Some of them dance, grinding against each other. Some two score of them lie insensate on the ground. Some scrabble for portions of the snow coming from the void, which, you now see, is also of various and shifting colors, and seems to burn with an inner light. They frantically snort it up their noses and shove it into their maws. Priests of the Gibbandy the Dance Lord look on avidly at these doings, smiling and chattering animatedly amongst themselves, and fluffing their feathered and permed tresses.

Suddenly, the merriment gives way to screams as several weird creatures emerge from the wintry abyss, and into the gathered crowd. They look like octopi, but their bodies gleam like mirrors under the rainbow lights. Their arms end in sharp spikes and pincers. Those who can do so, scatter with screams of terror. The square erupts in chaos as these alien menaces fall upon the rabble, stabbing them with their claws, and dragging some of them back through the portal. As the crowd flees in terror, several of the creatures give chase. Roll for initiative.

Mirror Squids (6) Init +1; Atk claw +2 melee (1d3+2) or frigid touch +2 melee (life drain); AC 14; HD 1d8; HP 6 each; MV 30'; Act 1d20; SP frigid touch siphons heat and vitality from victim (DC 8 Fort save or 1 point temporary Stamina damage), immune to cold/double damage from fire; SV Fort +6, Ref +2, Will +4; AL C.

After the Battle with the Mirror Squids

p. 5 The battle done, you notice that Kormaki has arrived. He approaches you, accompanied by a regal lady clad in black leather and spikes, her hair cascading down her back like a marvelous cloak of flowing silver. The lady studies the hole in the firmament, carefully, and then nods to Kormaki. "So, it is true," she says. "The Disco Lord seeks once again to spread his blight upon our world." Then, grimly, "Oh, fuck, no. Not again. Not ever again." She looks you over, and then gestures for all to follow her. She approaches the void, and gazes into it. A blackened aura protects her and the rest of you from the swirling winds, and she seems unaffected by either the cold or the mad, discordant music.

Below, you see a wide staircase of rainbow-hued stone. Even now, you can see the octopodal creatures in the distance, leaping nimbly down until they disappear into the welter of light and sound.

Into the Boogie Wonderland

p. 6 Turning away from the void, the Primarch examines one of the bodies lying in the rainbow snow. "No soul," she mutters, and examines the rest. "None of them have souls," she tells Kormaki. And then, "We cannot allow the Disco Lord to keep them. Should he be endowed with sufficient soul power, it will be difficult to keep him from manifesting in this world, maybe impossible." She makes the sign of the horns to ward off such an evil prospect, and turns her gaze to you. "Are they fit for this? Will they serve?"

Kormaki nods, and turns to the party. "I have a task for you," he says. "It's too important to leave to outsiders." He continues, "You must enter that place, and retrieve the souls of the damned."

"But first," says the Primarch, "I will mark you with the sigil of the Metal Gods, and imbue you with the power of metal and fire." She touches each of your foreheads with the Metal Hand at the end of her holy scepter. It leaves a mark that burns brightly, like flames, but does not cause pain or injury. "You hold, now, some of Their power, and you may access the Lost Hymns to unlock that power."

"Be warned, though," Kormaki interjects. "You can only use so much of the power before it is exhausted. Thereafter, the Lost Hymns will be beyond your capabilities." He makes the sign of the horns, in blessing. "Go now," he says, "And show our foes that the people of Ur-Hadad still believe in the Power of Metal!"

The Primarch regards you one last time, and says, "One last thing, before you go. I'd like you to deliver a message to the Dance Lord." She shows her teeth, but you don't mistake it for a true smile. "Just tell him, 'Disco still sucks.' Better yet, leave it as graffiti or carved in His flesh. Go now, and stick some metal up his ass."

Then she turns to Kormaki with a smile. "C'mon," she says. "The world might be ending. Let's go get wasted, and then we'll see what happens." Without another word, they walk away, leaving the fate of the world in your hands.

The Sigil of the Metal Gods is imbued with limited power to manifest several of the Lost Hymns. Each of the Hymns requires some of this power to manifest. Each time it is invoked, the flames of the sigil dim a little bit. If all the power is used, the mark fades completely, and you may no longer access the Lost Hymns. You start with 10 points of Power.

The Lost Hymns

Links provided for additional flavor. They are YouTube videos from obscure metal bands (hence, the Lost Hymns)

Shield of the Metal Gods

Lost Hymns (roll d4):

1.      Steel Assassin "Heavy Metal Soldiers from Hell" http://youtu.be/or3dgb8K8YE

2.      Armour "Heavy Metal Drinkers" http://youtu.be/_CAcheK3oSo

3.      Majesty "Defender of the Brave" http://youtu.be/G6RsHOv1RPE

4.      Cloven Hoof "Heavy Metal Men of Steel" http://youtu.be/mBHu-qqjD3s

Effect: a bonus on a single save, or a bonus to AC for 2 rounds. Each point adds +1.

Cost: 1 to 3

Metal Wizard, Metal Priest

Lost Hymns (roll d3):

1.      Blade of the Ripper "Black Wizard Spell" http://youtu.be/dTOIUK4pSwM

2.      Grave Digger "Sacred Fire" http://youtu.be/m7OQWwjOgUU

3.      Axe Master "The Power" http://youtu.be/pNtUWn5RbVQ

Effect: Functions as spellburning. This works for either Wizards or Clerics, but can be used in conjunction with spellburning by wizards only.

Cost: 1 per +1. No limit.

Song of Steel

Lost Hymns (roll d5):

1.      Axehammer "Sword and Shield" http://youtu.be/AbQClPpWi7w

2.      Thunder Lord "Steel in Battle" http://youtu.be/rEthKC8x3Fk

3.      Metalforce "Freedom Warriors" http://youtu.be/53UKbjvoqMQ

4.      King Leoric "Warrior's Tune" http://youtu.be/bHWGAt4j7iI

5.      Medieval Steel "Medieval Steel" http://youtu.be/0q9Vzjefnik

Effect: up to +3 to-hit and damage for one round.

Cost: 1 to 3

Heavy Metal Fire

Lost Hymns (roll d3):

1.      Storm Warrior "Heavy Metal Fire" http://youtu.be/P8QCCuJ4pzc  or http://youtu.be/Jyl4f3CY_ak (live version)

2.      Metalforce "Melt Thy Steel" http://youtu.be/AKBBYOpUQFg

3.      Steel Seal "Burn the Sky" http://youtu.be/owawpxvrhl8

Effects: Heals cold based damage 1HD per 1 point used, or causes fire damage (1d6+ClassLevel+ #  points expended); alternately can be used to melt up to 6 inches of ice or 1 foot of snow.

Range: 30 feet

Cost: 1 point for healing, 1 to 3 points for causing damage

Metal Storm

Lost Hymns (roll d4):

1.      Shadow Alliance "Firestorm" http://youtu.be/ZAn7cqPQtSg

2.      Goatmoon "Finnish Steel Storm" http://youtu.be/zx-SPvGna-Y

3.      Arcano "Heavy Metal Storm" http://youtu.be/-Yx0h4ASv6o

4.      Rocka Rollas "Riding the Metal Storm" http://youtu.be/k-7o8emV1K0

Effect: PC assumes the form of tornadic fire. 60' of flight per round, for two rounds; immune to fire damage; takes double damage from cold-based attacks.

Damage: As "Heavy Metal Fire"

Cost: 5

The Lost Hymns

(Brief, no links version)

Shield of the Metal Gods

Effect: a bonus on a single save, or a bonus to AC for 2 rounds. Each point adds +1.

Cost: 1 to 3

Metal Wizard, Metal Priest

Effect: Works as spellburning, and can be used in conjunction with spellburning, by wizards This works for either Wizards or Clerics.

Cost: 1 per +1. No limit.

Song of Steel

Effect: up to +3 to-hit and damage for one round.

Cost: 1 to 3

Heavy Metal Fire

Effects: Heals cold based damage 1HD per 1 point used, or causes fire damage (1d6+ClassLevel+ #  points expended); alternately can be used to melt up to 6 inches of ice or 1 foot of snow.

Range: 30 feet

Cost: 1 point for healing, 1 to 3 points for causing damage

Metal Storm

Effect: PC assumes the form of tornadic fire. 60' of flight per round, for two rounds; immune to fire damage; takes double damage from cold-based attacks.

Damage: As "Heavy Metal Fire"

Cost: 5

Read Aloud (roughly equivalent to p. 8 in original text)

The freezing winds and frozen fog swirl around you as you climb down, and jump from platform to platform following the weird, octopodal creatures (DC 3 vs. Agility). Soon, you spot high formations of rainbow-hued sandstone, atop a mesa covered in luminous snow and ice and dotted with gigantic cacti. You have descended into the realm of the Disco Lord, a bitterly cold landscape of rainbow snow in shifting hues and gigantic saguaro cacti with auroral coronas. This is the legendary Mesa of Boogie (the very name of which is blasphemy to the Faithful).

In the distance, you see searchlights piercing the skies and hear the thumping beat of music, its tepid funkiness drilling into your eardrums.

p. 8

Area 1-1: The Velvet Rope

The Mesa's single feature is a doorway, before which is a trio of large, goat-legged figures, sky-clad except for mirrored devices of glass and metal over their eyes and heavy gold chains around their necks, standing behind a rope of crimson velvet.

Each character must make an easy (DC 5) Fort save or be disoriented by the colorful, dancing lights of the landscape and its features (Effect: -2 to all rolls for 2 turns)

Goat-man Bouncers (3): Init +1; Atk spear +1 melee (1d8), heavy cologne reek (special); AC 12; HD 1d8; hp 7, 7, 4; MV 30’; Act 1d20; SP Heavy Cologne Reek--Anyone who closes to melee range must make DC 10 Fort save or be nauseated until the end of combat (-1 to all rolls); SV Fort +1, Ref +1, Will -1; AL C.

Chains have a prominent "male" symbol of circle with arrow, because these guys are the embodiment of 1970s masculinity. They are work 50 sp each.

p. 9

Area 1-2: Beyond the velvet rope is a small chamber. Strangely, the area is full of numerous, giant, rainbow, agave cacti. Color-shifting snow and frost cover every surface. An opening in the floor leads to a frost-rimed stairway, leading down.

p. 12

Area 2-1: The Grove of Broken Dreams At the bottom of the stairs is a larger room. It's colder even than before, but clear of the weird snow. Slowly swaying, emaciated humanoids occupy the room. Each is attached to one of the weird octopoids, which seems to be integrated into their flesh. They wear the rags of festive clothing, and creep along the edges of the room, their long, funnel-shaped noses affixed to the walls and floors, sucking up over trace of frost or snow. They murmur lowly, their words faint.

What they say:

Hey, baby… let's go back to my place and do some blow.

This party is out of sight.

I love this song.

It's the sooooooouuuullll traaaaiiiiinnn.

Yeah, baby, I'm your dancing queen.

These guys won't attack the party. They just want to get high. If attacked, they will defend themselves ineffectually. The mirror squids are not able to fight, as their bodies are just shells now. They are breeding. If these folks are killed, their bodies spill out tiny mirror squids, which flee rapidly.

Slaves to the Rhythm (8) Init -2; Atk fist -2 melee (1d3); AC 9; HD 1d4; HP 2 each; MV 20'; Act 1d20; SV Fort -1, Ref -2, Will -2; AL C.

Two doors at opposite ends of the south wall exit the room.

p. 13

Area 2-2—Lounge Lizard's Lair: Broken columns and upheaved flagstones lay half-buried in rainbow-hued snow and ice in this high-ceilinged chamber. Almost as soon as you enter, a large mound of snow at the end of the room quakes and falls away, as a gigantic lizard with an upright stance arises. Its back, limbs and tail are snowy white, and its breast and belly are deep black, and, incongruously, covered with thick hair. Around its neck is a heavy gold chain. The creature shrieks in rage, waving its tiny arms impotently and dancing in place. "Hey babes!" it calls in barely-understandable common tongue. "Let's dance!"

This thing looks like a small T-Rex, dressed like Travolta. Gold medallion necklace is worth 100 sp.

Lounge Lizard: Init +2; Atk tongue/bite/gnaw +2 melee (1d6+1, and then must make DC 12 Strength roll to escape or take 1d3 damage per round thereafter) or frost breath +3 missile (1d4+1) 40' cone; AC 16; HD 3d8, HP 20; MV 30'; Act 1d20; SP filthy bite (DC 6 Fort save or additional 1d6 damage); SV Fort +3, Ref +1, Will -1; AL C.

Also lurking on the ceiling of the room are 5 mirror squids. They will attack as soon at the party engages the Lounge Lizard.

Mirror Squids (5): Init +1; Atk claw +2 melee (1d3+2) or frigid touch +2 melee (life drain); AC 14; HD 1d8; HP 6 each; MV 30'; Act 1d20; SP frigid touch siphons heat and vitality from victim (DC 8 Fort save or 1 point temporary Stamina damage), immune to cold/double damage from fire; SV Fort +6, Ref +2, Will +4; AL C.

Area 3-1—Bar : This room is in better condition than those you've passed through previously. With the exception of the western end of the room, the walls and floor stand straight and even. Palm trees sprout from the floor, in small groves surrounding tables. A circular enclosure stands in the center. It is a bar, and a blank-eyed bartender stands still behind it. Patrons lean despondently against it, or sit on stools around it. None of them reacts to your entrance, but the bartender comes to life, grinning brightly, his mouth and teeth much wider and whiter than they should be. "Hey, folks!" he calls, his voice carrying amazingly well, despite the loud beat of the music. "How 'bout a drink? Can I set you up?"

He points to a row bottles, one in every color of the rainbow: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet. Next to them is a clear glass vase, labeled "Tip the Bartender!" It's empty of coin.

He then snorts copiously from a drift of rainbow snow atop the bar.

If they accept a drink, it will cost 1 sp. "Inflation, amirite?" <GRIN>

Female characters, of course, may drink for free.

The PC must make a saving throw (DC 10). What type depends on what bottle they drink from. The effects can only work once per PC. Assume that there are 10 "doses" in each bottle:

·         Red Bottle: Fort Save. If you make the save, gain 1 point of Stamina. If you fail, become despondent until you make a Will Save. The initial save is DC 12, but increases by 2 each time it's made.

·         Orange Bottle: Fort Save. If you make the save, gain 1 point of Strength. If you fail, become despondent until you make a Will Save. The initial save is DC 12, but increases by 2 each time it's made.

·         Yellow Bottle: Fort Save. If you make the save, gain 1 point of Agility. If you fail, become despondent until you make a Will Save. The initial save is DC 12, but increases by 2 each time it's made.

·         Green Bottle: Will Save. If you make the save, gain 1 point of Intelligence. If you fail, become despondent until you make a Will Save. The initial save is DC 12, but increases by 2 each time it's made.

·         Blue Bottle: Will Save. If you make the save, gain 1 point of Personality. If you fail, become despondent until you make a Will Save. The initial save is DC 12, but increases by 2 each time it's made.

·         Violet Bottle: Luck Roll. If you make the save, gain 1 point of Luck. If you fail, become despondent until you make a Will Save. The initial save is DC 12, but increases by 2 each time it's made.

Tip Jar: If they drink and fail to tip, the bartender's grin rapidly becomes a frown. His teeth begin to distend from his jaws, and claws emerge from his fingers. His body begins to stretch and grow. He will attack them. If the characters attempt to leave without drinking (and, thus, tipping) he will also attack.

Gus, Demonic Bar Tender: Init +2; Atk claws +2 melee (1d6+1) or bite +1 melee (poison; DC 10 or frozen for 5 turns +/- Stamina mod); AC 15; HD 4d8, HP 20; MV 30'; Act 1d20; SP cold-based creature, immune to cold-based attacks, suffers from half damage from non-magical weapons (weapons alight from Lost Hymns are considered magical vs. this entity), takes double damage from fire-based attacks, as a free action may snort the rainbow frost sands once per combat to heal 1d8 HP; SV Fort +5, Ref +3, Will +3; AL C.

NOTE: There is no Area 3-3 in my version of this module. Treat Area 3-2 and Area 3-3 as the same area, here labeled Area 3-2—VIP Room.

Area 3-2—The VIP Room: The music is much louder here, and seems to be coming from the north, where you spy a door. This room is filled with dancers who move in perfect sync to the pounding beat. At their feet is more of the rainbow snow, along with chunks of ice, and what appears to be crushed, grayish-white stone. Other figures lean against the walls, their bodies swaying to the beat. All of them are beautiful creatures, seemingly human, but their features too exquisitely perfect to be natural. The room is very crowded, and several of the dancers beckon to you to join them.

This is, essentially the Sapping Sap room from the module, but these are "Party Dolls." The PCs each must make a Will Save (DC 8) not to become entranced by the beautiful beings, and join them on the dance floor, forever. The "crushed stone" is actually bone chips, fragments of folk who have fallen into this trap, eventually starving, and their remains crushed underfoot in the fullness of time.

To reach the northern door, the PCs must bypass the Party Dolls without touching them (DC 8 Ref Save). Failure indicates physical contact, and requires a DC 12 Fort save. If unsuccessful, the victim must spend the next round breaking free of the Party Doll (DC 10 Strength roll), who will attempt to kiss the victim. Any PC reduced to 0 hit points by the Kiss will become a Party Doll.

Party Dolls (a whole bunch of them): Init +0; Atk kiss +2 melee (special); AC 12; HD 1d8; HP 6 each; MV 20'; Act 1d20; SP kiss drains 1d3 HP per round, immune to cold/double damage from fire; SV Fort +4, Ref +2, Will +4; AL C.

Area 3-4—The Lair of the Disco Lord: The doors open into a large chamber littered with bones. The music pounds here, making it very difficult to hear each other. In the center of the room is a square platform, made up of flashing, tiles. Above it hangs a huge, mirrored ball, about 3 feet in diameter. It spins and flashes, illuminated by sourceless light.

Corrupt Beat Mortals hearing the unfiltered music must make a DC 10 Will save or be stunned for 1 round.

Those looking closely (DC 10 Intelligence roll) will notice screaming, ghostly figures inside it.

At this point, have Gibbandy the Disco Lord call out something insulting but insipid to the adventurers, promising either power or vengeance. Use your imagination, but be sure to make it very, very cheesy.

Disco Ball of Gibbandy: Init +2; Atk pseudopod +3 melee (1d4+3) or frigid touch +2 melee (heat drain); AC 16; HD 4d10; HP 30; MV 30'; Act 1d20; SP cold-based creature, immune to cold-based attacks, suffers from half damage from non-magical weapons (weapons alight from Lost Hymns are considered magical vs. this entity), takes double damage from fire-based attacks, aura of majesty (mortals glimpsing the Disco Ball of Gibbandy must make a DC 10 Will save or be stunned for 1 round), spell-like powers: color spray (cast as 4^th level wizard; +8 to spell check) and freezing blast (as flaming hands but inflicts cold damage; +5 to spell check, countered in spell duel by flaming hands); SV Fort +2, Ref +1, Will -1; AL C.

The Escape

Once the Disco Ball of Gibbandy is shattered, the Mesa of Boogie begins to quake. Each PC must make a DC 8 Refl save or take 2d4 damage from falling debris. This gets them back to the entrance.

Once at the entrance, the following occurs:

The portal is closing. It will be closed for good at the end of 8 rounds. Any PCs left on the other side will die. When they die, they will be listening to disco. As the PCs begin their ascent start the clock.

Unimpeded, a character could ascend the stairs in just 4 rounds (dwarves and Halflings will take 6 to do this, due to speed 20').

Unfortunately for the party, the Mesa of Boogie has begun to break up, and spiral down into oblivion. The PCs must climb the Rainbow Stairs to escape, but the stairs are beginning to crack and break.

Procedure

The PC with the best Luck must make Luck checks each round. If the check fails, the section of the stairs being navigated is unstable or broken.

Then, each PC must then make a DC 8 Refl save to continue climbing.

Failure means that the affected PC must make another Refl save (DC 8) or a Luck check (player's choice). Failing this second roll means you fell. Goodbye. You're dead. Succeeding means you scramble onto the stairs again, but lose a round in doing so, and make no progress toward the portal. A PC whose failures on the climb are too numerous will be trapped on the wrong side when the portal closes. The character will die.

Also, every round after the initial failed Refl save, any PC that failed to keep up with the rest of the party will have to make another Refl save (DC 8) to continue climbing, regardless of the Luck check made by unaffected party members. Remember to keep track of the portal clock, as continued delay could trap the PC on the wrong side of the portal, killing him or her. If a PC is delayed more than two rounds while climbing up, he or she will end up on the wrong side of the portal when it closes.

The Aftermath

Once the PCs have escaped, reward them as follows, reading the following flavor text.

You have escaped the realm of the Disco Lord. You catch your breath for a moment in the Square of Gibbandy, passing around a flask of strong drink. The priests of the Disco Lord stare at you in horror, some of them weeping openly, but they make no hostile move toward the party.

Gain 1 point of Luck. Characters under 9 Luck gain 2 points.

You make your way to the Iron Cathedral to find the Primarch and receive your reward. The drunken Primarch lurches free of Kormaki's embrace (earning you a glare from him) and thrusts a bag of coin in your direction, sketching a drunken blessing in the general direction of the party.

Then Primarch Wendylita calls for a feast, more drink, and possibly some other things best not described here. The news of your triumphant return spreads quickly, and this impromptu celebration quickly becomes a full-blown rager of a party.

Get some treasure: 200 sp– 2d100 sp* (per PC). The amount lost will spent on various "party supplies" during the night.

*The Metal God of Ur-Hadad campaign uses a silver standard.

You don't remember in the morning what you did (or who you did it with), but your hangovers and state of dress suggest that your debauchery was legendary.

Roll (d10) on the following table, modified by your Luck bonus.

·         0 or less: Beaten and robbed. Lose all your personal effects and reduced to half hit points.

·         1: You couldn’t really see the rash in the candlelight. Roll Fort save (DC 12) to avoid venereal disease.

·         2: Major misunderstanding with local authorities. Imprisoned until fines and bribes totaling d6 x 100 sp paid. All weapons, armor, and magic items confiscated.

·         3: When in a drunken stupor you asked your god(s) to get you out of some stupid mess. Turns out they heard you! Now as repayment for saving your sorry ass, you’re under the effects of a geas. You must fulfill some harebrained quest or suffer their wrath.

·         4: Gambling losses. Lose all your gold, gems, jewelry. Roll Will save (DC 10) for each magic item in your possession. Failure indicates it’s gone.

·         5: Minor misunderstanding with local authorities. Roll Personality check. Success indicates a fine of 2d6 x 10 sp. Failure or (inability to pay fine) indicates d6 days in the pokey.

·         6: Wake up stark naked in a random local temple. 1-3 the clerics are majorly pissed off 4-6 they smile and thank you for stopping by.

·         7: New tattoo. 1-3 it’s actually pretty cool 4 it’s lame 5 it could have been badass, but something is goofed up or misspelled 6 it says something insulting, crude or stupid in an unknown language.

·         8: Gambling winnings: Earn d100 sp.

·         9: There is a mithril sword with a lovely scabbard in your possession. It's wrapped in a note thanking you for a lovely time, and an address in one of Ur-Hadad's elven spires.

·         10: You are wearing someone's very fine clothing (50 sp value, if sold) and some jewelry work 50+d100 sp. 50% chance it matches your gender identity.

·         11: Hey, that's not your armor. It's better! You have acquired armor of superior craftsmanship: Roll 1d6: (1) It's equivalent to your old armor, but lighter. Reduce fumble die by one step; (2) It's covered with runes of protection. +1 protection versus evil; (3) It's just very well made for its type. Add 1d2 to the normal AC for your current armor type.

·         12+: You special item in your posession. You're not sure what it does, but somehow you know it's magical. Roll 1d14:

1.      It's a scroll of some kind.

2.      It's a ring.

3.      It's an amulet.

4.      It's a bottle of some sort of liquid.

5.      It's a brass bottle with an elaborately sealed stopper.

6.      It's a pair of gloves or gauntlets.

7.      It's a musical instrument.

8.      It's a wooden rod, covered in runes.

9.      It's a puzzle box of some kind.

10.  It's a belt

11.  It's a hat or helm

12.  It's a small weapon (e.g. a dagger) with a minor magical talent

13.  It's a map or tapestry.

14.  It's an intelligent weapon with one minor magical talent, one major magical talent, and one weird side effect.

Note: Some entries thanks to the carousing mishaps table on Jeff's Gameblog: http://jrients.blogspot.com/2008/12/party-like-its-999.html

Musical Inspiration

·         Blood Bath (Suicidal Angels) http://youtu.be/yO6gUysOExs

·         Have No Fear (Wisdom) http://youtu.be/7rIm3sUzDXo

·         Ordeal by Fire (English Dogs) http://youtu.be/9Cq4jCjOxTo

·         Metal (Wizard)  http://youtu.be/zuz8bX5Zz2U).

·         Devil's Victim (Dark Wizard) http://youtu.be/NuhfbpzKJWQ

·         Holy War (Iron Mask) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94DLb5lQAZA&feature=share&list=RDyo79w8lnaLA&index=6

·         Heavy Metal Fire (Stormwarrior) http://youtu.be/P8QCCuJ4pzc 

·         I Am the Sword (Motorhead http://youtu.be/Vrfi7ozbg6s

·         By the Sword of My Father (Folkearth)  Destroyer (Hellish War) http://youtu.be/lolqg0agfsE

·         Infernal Satanic Verses (Mystic Circle) http://youtu.be/RYnNcMCpEaQ

·         Black Metal (Venom) http://youtu.be/gcBLnXyixWY

·         Goblin's Song (Spell Blast) http://youtu.be/PCiyb2xvAh8

·         Iron Eagle (Holy Dragons) http://youtu.be/pj5GCsafPZg

·         Burning Savior (Pentagram) http://youtu.be/qkDKMjrRMBI

·         Tome of Broken Souls (Anthelion) http://youtu.be/UnrGCp-N7Bo

·         Kill for Metal (Iron Fire) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSTlvufOLMg&feature=share

·         Feel the Fire (Overkill) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Spz7d-3dFjM&feature=share&list=PL2F02932A43CE9A47&index=5

·         Guardian of the Ice Void (Chainsaw) http://youtu.be/6NDRGSB96-I

·         Ride with Death (Speedwolf) http://youtu.be/dBn0dmRKs-E

·         Speedway (Warhead) http://youtu.be/jDaqoyoFvV0

·         Street Fighter (Breaker) http://youtu.be/35222273_hE

·         Absolution (Tormentor) http://youtu.be/ZSA_ZCyVRww

·         Supreme Evil (Ranger) http://youtu.be/D-YqinQtHYw

·         War Without End (Warbringer) http://youtu.be/GfiXwzzE5pQ

·         The Crimson King (Demons and Wizards) http://youtu.be/RnIdAAHLjF8

·         Various tracks (Alestorm) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7gs4BPB49w&feature=share&list=RDH7gs4BPB49w

·         Beyond the Blackest Tears (Kingdom of Sorrow) http://youtu.be/4yn5ln2k3SE

·         Various Songs (Arch Enemy) http://youtu.be/NXAVPoXXlmU