Continuing with my video blog memories series, this video is a compilation of my last boyfriend, Brad. Yes folks, I have had a long stretch between boyfriends. I never had another boyfriend until you know who in 2013 (check yesterday's blog).
I met Brad in the summer of 1980 at the Drury Lane bar in Philadelphia. I didn't know it at the time I met Brad that he was homeless, but he was. He had been thrown out of his boyfriend's home and was staying temporarily with a married couple, who were friends of him and his boyfriend.
At that time Bill and I were building our house in Downingtown, Pennsylvania, thirty-seven miles west of Philadelphia. Since the house wasn't completed, I rented an apartment at 2124 Spruce Street in center city Philadelphia so I could continue to walk to work at the Girard bank. Bill lived in our house in progress in Downingtown.
After spending the night with Brad at his temporary residence, he told me he was looking for a place to live........temporarily...... until he could find his own place. I told him he could stay at my apartment until he found his own place.
It didn't take long for me to discover that Brad would never find his own place because he didn't have a job. He also had a drug and alcohol problem.
I fell in love with him. I thought I could save him.
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| Me and Brad at Bob McCamley's single wide in Georgetown, DE early in our relationship - when he still "loved" me - 1980 |
I arranged for a job interview for him. He showed up an hour late, drunk. I was mortified.
I was in love with him. I thought I could save him.
I overlooked his drug problem (uppers and downers and marijuana).
I gave him money.
I supported him.
I loved him.
I was a fool.
I asked him to go with me for my annual vacation to Provincetown, Massachusetts. My friends Bob McCamley and his boyfriend Gino would be in Provincetown at the same time, as would our mutual friend Joe Murtha.
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| Brad, Gino and Bob in Provincetown, Mass 1980 |
While in Provincetown, Brad met a married couple and spent the night with them. That's when I discovered Brad also had another problem, he was promiscuous .
I loved Brad. His actions hurt me terribly. The pictures of us biking was after he returned from spending the night with married couple.
The happy photos of us on the sailboat ride was prior to him spending a night with the married couple. I can count on two hands (and maybe a foot or two) the times in my life that I've truly been extremely happy. That sail boat ride with our friends was one such time. Even when my friend Bob McCamley tossed our styrofoam cooler in the bay (and then retrieved it), was all fun.
That week I experienced the extreme highs of a summertime romance and the extreme lows.
When we returned home from our holiday in Provincetown, our relationship continued for a few more months. Brad said he was sorry.
Then one day I came home from work and Brad was in my rented apartment with a biker guy. When I entered my apartment I asked the biker guy what he was doing there. He said "What's it to you? Who are you?" I told him "I'm the person who is paying for this apartment and you can leave now". He said he wasn't going to leave. I told him he could leave on his own or I could thrown him down the stairs. He left on his own.
After he left Brad and I had a furious row. Brad felt I had embarrassed him. I told Brad I wasn't renting a brothel for his tricks. Our arguing eventually escalated to the point where Brad, who was drunk, threw his arm against my throat and screamed at me to "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" He was choking me. I couldn't breath. I lost my balance and fell on the floor, Brad still choking me. I don't think he realized he was choking me. I was flailing about on the floor and my ankle hit the knob on the radiator, causing a cut and blood to shoot out. I couldn't catch my breath. All I could think was I didn't have a chance to take a deep breath before he started to choke me.
When Brad saw the blood he stopped choking me and took his arm away from my throat. He then realized what he was doing. He started to say her and over again "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Sitting on the floor, I think we both realized how close we came to a tragedy.
After sitting there a while and had a chance to think, I told Brad that as much as I loved him, our relationship would never work out. I had planned to leave Bill and have Brad move in with me. What a big mistake that would have been. My common sense seemed to have returned when I realized as much as I loved Brad, we could never live together. He would destroy me.
Brad had moved from his hometown of Cincinnati to Philadelphia to be with his boyfriend Gene, a bartender at a local Philadelphia gay bar. Gene threw him out, which I now know why. Brad's drinking and drug problem and promiscuity.
As much as it hurt me I knew I had to part ways with Brad. He would drag me down with him. I was a fool in love. An old fool. At least I thought I was "old" at that time. Brad was only 26 years old. I was 37 years old. I thought I was a sugar daddy. Maybe I was.
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| Me and Brad at The Cottage restaurant in Provincetown, Mass 1980 |
I bought a one way bus ticket to Cincinnati. I gave Brad that bus ticket and a $100. I watched him leave from my fourth floor window apartment as he walked down the street to the bus station.
My heart was broken. I loved him. Why? I cannot give you a reasonable explanation other than I felt a special connection with him. He did like me at one time but later on he told me "I just fell out of love with you." Hearing those words so casually fall from his lips hurt me as deeply. I never know I could hurt other than physical pain could hurt as much. Again, I don't know why I would fall in love with someone who didn't love me, wasn't a responsible person, who was promiscuous and who was an alcoholic and drug addict. But I loved him. Maybe I was reliving my youth, a youth I never had.
Of course after Brad left, I regretted what I had done. I sent him dozens of letters begging him to come back. He answered a few then nothing.
The hurt I felt I thought I would never recover from. But I did. But something had died within me. I vowed never again to let anyone get that close to me. Never to fall in love with anyone again. I loved and still love Bill but that was different. Bill and I had an "agreement" when he asked me to move in with him that I was always free. He would never cage or restrict me, as long as I was discreet. Bill often said that you can't make someone love you. I know that now.
Years went by. I never heard from Brad again.
In 2012 I send Brad a Christmas card. I often send Christmas cards to people I haven't been in contact with for years. Sometimes they send me one back, sometimes not. Brad wrote back.
He suggested that he would like to visit Rehoboth Beach one more time before he died. Brad told me he had AIDS. He told me he wouldn't stay with me though but would prefer a hotel. I didn't offer to pay for his hotel room. He didn't come. I had long ago fallen out of love with Brad. I bear him no ill will but I wasn't about to pick up the tab again.
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| Brad - about 2013 at his home in Cincinnati, Ohio |
I didn't hear from him for the next few years. Then I received a note from him asking me to call him. I called him. I could hardly understand him, his words were that slurred. He asked if I still had the "porn" picture of him. And if I did could I send it too him. He wanted to show it to his friends. I had it. I sent it to him.
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| Brad's "porn" picture which I took impromptu when we were staying at Angle's Landing in Provincetown, Mass 0980 - this picture was to posed. Brad sometimes walked around naked. The cat was the owner's cat (Angela) and Brad just picked her up to put her out and I just happened to have my camera handy - lucky shot - not posed - the best kind of photos! |
A couple of years ago I received a phone call from a friend of his. He told me that Brad had died.
I hope Brad had a happy life when he returned to his hometown of Cincinnati. Later photos of him that his friend sent me show Brad smiling.
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| Brad and his friend in Cincinnati, Ohio about 2013 |
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| Brad (on the right) with friends in Cincinnati, Ohio about 2013 |
Even though Brad and I had a rocky relationship I will always remember Brad's gentle nature. I think that's what I fell in love with, his gentle nature. And of course he was a pretty good-looking guy in his prime. I have to admit there was and still is a soft spot in my heart for him. But it would never have worked out. But that summer, ah, that summer.
Brad died September 17, 2014. Rest in peace dear Brad. Thank you for the good memories.You were part of my life.
