 |
| It was a decades (over fifty years) each but I finally found him! |
Ten years ago I met the man I was looking for all my life.
All my life I was looking for this man. You say "But what about Bill?"
Regular followers of this blog will know the story of me and Bill. Bill pursued me for quite a long time when I was twenty-two years old. Initially I didn't like Bill. He would send me drinks across the bar every time he was in the same bar I was in. Finally, one rainy Saturday night I felt guilty and I went over to thank him for all the drinks (I was very poor at the time). Much to my surprise I found out he was a very nice guy. Handsome and popular but still not my type which I told him every time he asked me to move in with him. Finally, I agreed to move in with him more out of convenience for both of us than love. Bill traveled a lot with his job at RCA. He would be gone for months at a time. I also wanted a job in center city Philadelphia which I eventually got. Moving in with Bill I could save on rent (I foolishly took a pay cut with my new banking job from $90 week to $70 a week). Bill would have someone to look after his garden apartment in Pennsauken, New Jersey; just over the bridge from Philadelphia. I turned down his request to move in with him many times. I didn't want to be "held back" while I looked for Mr. Right. He told me I had all the freedom I needed and/or wanted. He said "A caged bird never sings." With that promise I moved in with Bill in February 1965. And true to his word, Bill never "held me back." He only asked that I be discreet in my search. And I was.
However, something funny happened over the years. I grew to love Bill. Even if he wasn't "my type", I discovered I loved him. I could never leave him, which I threatened to do many times when we had a big fight, often over silly things.
From 1965 on to 2013 I had many affairs. Some I almost left Bill but the objects of my affections either turned out to be bums, con artists, or married. The two married men I truly loved but they didn't want to leave their wives or family, which I understood. And also, I didn't want to live a life of being a "mistress." I wanted to be the sole person in that other person's life.
For many years I looked for Mr. Right in all the wrong places, literally. Who was Mr. Right? Generally I'm physically attracted to a guy about 5'8 and 140 lbs, on the nerdy side. Shy, caring, smart, strong, and intelligent. I never was attracted to the Hollywood Swimmer type like Troy Donahue. Of course I encountered a lot of "nerdy" types during my years long search but none of them worked out.
My years of searching was either someone was interested in me and I wasn't interested in them or vice versa. Never a CLICK!
Then, purely by serendipity, I met Pat. Ironically I met him through this blog even though he wasn't a blog follower. Mine or anyone else's.
Pat just happened to see a photo of my on the Internet sitting in the gallery at the Delaware State Legislature waiting to testify for same sex marriage.
 |
| Me sitting in the gallery at the Delaware State Legistlaturewaiting to testify for same sex marriage |
He didn't know anything about me except my name. He looked up my name on the Internet and found my blog. He left a comment on my blog which led to us doing FaceTime. At that time I still didn't know he was The One. He was just a nice guy who contacted me by my blog like others have done.
He told me he was preparing to retired from his job with the Tornonto Police Department (yes, he's Canadian) and wanted to take a holiday. He suggested visiting me. I said "sure" but no way was he going to stay here at this house. I don't know him or any others via my blog except Spo and Sean (Sassy Bear). Besides, Bill doesn't like visitors in the house staying overnight.
Pat arranged to visit Lewes August 16th. I arranged a hotel reservation for him which he paid for.
While working outback in our backyard I get a call from him that afternoon stating his hotel reservation wasn't there. WHAT? I made that reservation!
I thought this was a ruse to stay here at our house. No way was that going to happen. I told Pat I would drive down to Lewes (four miles away) and check what happened with his reservation. As I pull up in the parking lot of the hotel I see they guy approaching my car. I thought "WTF? This parking lot attendant going to give me grief over parking?" Me, who works at another hotel in Lewes and frequently have non hotel guest park in OUR parking lot? Really? So I move my car to a farther location. This guy FOLLOWS me. Now I'm really pissed. "WTF?" So there I am, scowling at this guy as he approaches my car. He's smiling and then says "Are you Ron?" Initially I'm confused. "How does he know my name?" Then dumb me, it clicks. This must be Pat. I never saw what he looked like full body before. I only saw his head. I just assumed he was one of the several folks who I had talked to on FaceTime over the years. Pat has an Everyman look (why he's so good at his part-time job as a movie extra). I didn't recognize him out of context. When I realized who he was, we had a good laugh over my misconception. But at that time I still was guarded about his "no hotel reservation." However, when we went to the hotel, they DID make a mistake. His reservation was for the NEXT night! Still, Pat needed a place to stay for that night. That's where I walked him over to a nearby hotel called The Beacon Motel. Not as swanky as the hotel where I made his reservation (Hotel Blue) but still nice if more beachy hotel (sand granules on the floors).
Pat made his reservation at The Beacon Motel. I asked him to dinner later and told him I would come down to meet him and we would walk to downtown Lewes to Cafe Azafran. As I was leaving him I noticed him walking away from me. "Wait a minute!" I watched him walk and I liked what I saw. I'm big on the way someone walks. As I was watching him he turned to look at me and this was the picture I took of him.
 |
| When I realized Pat was The One. He on his way to the Beacon Motel. This is who I was looking for my whole adult life! |
At that moment I realized
THIS WAS THE ONE!
I liked this guy!
That was ten years ago today folks. What a ten years it has been! I've had a wonderful life with Bill but there was a lot I didn't do that I wanted to do with Bill. One of the main things being is travel. Bill doesn't like to travel. When I traveled I traveled by myself. Bill went with me once (to Provincetown) but stayed in his motel room the whole time.
Also, something else I was very attracted to Pat physically. To me he's hot! That walk! His manner! His personality! And to top everything else off, we have a LOT in common. Bill and I don't. Pat was like another version of ME. We often joke that in a past life we were the amoeba. In fact check out Pat's Amoeba T-shirt he wore that momentous day.
 |
| Pat's "Amoeba" T-shirt - Pat in Lewes August 16, 2016 |
Today is the tenth anniversary of our meeting that day. The past ten years of my friendship with Pat have been a dream come true for me.
Pat is everything I was looking for in someone when I first embarked on looking for Mr. Right.
Coincidentally Pat just called me on FaceTime. These days we often talk several times a day on FaceTime and text each other every day. For the past ten years and before COVID we used to get together four times a year for our trips to California (LA and Palm Springs), Philadelphia, and Canada. COVID put a stop to those trips and now that I am a full-time caregiver for Bill he past two and a half years I've only seen Pat in person once. That was about this time last year that Pat came down to help me with my cataract surgery. Pat is planning on visiting again this summer, hopefully before the days get too short.
Happy Anniversary Pat!
11 comments:
Hey Ron - such a nice post. I'm always flattered the way you describe me - but yep - here we are 10 years down the road and all good. And I certainly will be getting down to Delaware soon. And I hope in the not too distant future we can somehow sort out a holiday. Thank God for FaceTime. I love hearing you recall our first meeting in the parking lot. Everything was so surreal for me when I arrived. Very tired from the long drive and then no hotel room booked when I checked in. I just couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation - and then the scowl when I went over to meet you. For sure it's a scene out of a movie. Happy Anniversary Ron. See you soon.
Pat
Serendipity for sure! A dream made true. Ron and Pat, I wish you both much happiness now and in the years to come. Happy Anniversary! Be safe, be careful, be happy. Woody in Ohio
Pat,
I think our story would make a great movie, especially the first time we met in that hotel parking lot. I was really pissed when I thought you were a parking lot attendant going to give me grief. Especially when I had to deal with so many people who weren't staying sing at the hotel where I worked the front desk who parked in our parking lot. What a pleasant surprise to discover you! Heres' to ten more years!
Ron
Woody,
I am very lucky to have two such wonderful men in my life. Both Pat and Bill, but in different ways but I love them both!!
Ron
Happy Anniversary Ron and Pat!!
I couldn't get past that Pat worked for the Candian Police Department. Was he a policeman? Does he know how to use handcuffs properly? Inquiring minds want to know.
Yes, I do know your and Bill's history. But is it nice to find someone you CLICK with? Someone that knows what you thinking and you have the same warped sense of humor.
I follow a blog Joe My God--https://www.joemygod.com/-- and around 4:00 PM Eastern time, Joe has an end-of-day "Overnight Open Thread" post. This is where Joe leads with one last post of the day and folks can jump off the post and comment or just miscellaneous things, it's just potluck. As opposed to daily postings where one is encouraged to stick to commenting on the subject of what was posted. Folks talk about all sorts of things. There are folks whose specialty is posting pictures, music, their thrift store finds, recipes, what's for dinner, and the list goes on. Let me get to my point. Many times we have couples posting about their annniversaries-15, 20, 25, 40 years, and more. I think it's neat to have someone in your corner for that long. I wish I had that. Someone to grow old with, to retire with, to travel with, to fight with, ... I am past my prime and I have to settle with what I have--me.
May you and Pat's relationship continue to grow.
Much warmth,
Victor
PS- I know Pat is hanging around for the big d*&k---Laughing my ass off--:)
Vic,
Pat was a fingerprint specialist with the Toronto Police Department. His brother was a police officer. I guess that's how he got his job, through a recommendation of his brother. Pat was supposed to be a priest (seven years seminary) but you know how that sometimes goes with gay men. Pat is still a good soul though, he brings out the best in me. I shouldn't say it but sometimes Bill brought out the worst in me. Pat has never done that. He is my guiding light. He will take me into the next world. I've already told him I want him to be holding my hand when I take my last breath.
I don't know what you mean about Pat "hanging around for the big d*&k). You got me stumped there Vic.
Have a good day.
Ron
Ron,
I have met several gay men that were in some type of religious order. Their heart and souls have always intrigued me. They seem settled, at peace. Pat appears to be a good egg. I am glad you both have found each other. I am of the notion that a person should bring out the best in you. Granted there are tussles, and dust-ups here and there but all in all, that person should complement you, challenge you...
It is my understanding of priests that way back in the day they could get married.
But the church did not like them passing on their land to their heirs. They wanted things to go to the church. So they created a new rule. Don't get me started on religion. I could go on BUT all I say to folks is if this is your thing then more power to you. BUT don't try to rope me in or tell me how I should live. Maybe we need Pat to be a guest blogger on your blog to tell us about his journey with religion. Seven years is a long time to be in seminary and then decide to get out. Almost like the military. The cut-off was two enlistments-8 years-and after that you either stay in for your 20 or get out.
Don't you love advancements in technology? I bet when Pat was in the police force they used ink for fingerprints. A few years back I was fingerprinted for a volunteer position and the guy used a scanner for fingerprints. Sort of like one would use to scan your groceries at a food store.
"I don't know what you mean about Pat "hanging around for the big d*&k). You got me stumped there Vic." You are going to make me say it. In front of god and everybody. Ok!! Your big dick!! There!!
Have a great weekend. Stay cool. Looking at the next few days it appears Denver will be in the upper 90s for the next week or so. Drink your water!!
Wow! I knew there was something different about Pat. I guess it was because I studied for three years in training to become a diocesan priest. I would have made promises to my bishop at ordination to be celebate and to be obediant to the bishop of my diocese. I could make and keep all the money and own all the property I wanted. I would not have taken vows like those who joined a religious order. The way I looked at it at the time was having my cake and eating it too. Diocese liked men like me because we were wealthy and we would give our wealth to the chuch upon our death. Well, that backfired on them in my case. I fell in love with one of my seminarian cohorts and we left the seminary to live our lives together. We had a private ceremony during which we pledged are lives to each other and considered ourselves married but it was not legal in those days. Pat's minimalist way of livng perhaps comes from his seven years of training in his seminary. At least that is what I am guessing. A lot went on during the 70's and men and women left the church and gave up their vows and promises. I often run into men who left the priesthood. We often comment that "seminary... gayest place I have ever been" and we laugh. From what I know of Pat through yur blog Ron I really like the man. He is one of those that "has his head screwed on straight". Many men didn't come out of the seminary unscathed. Some were deeply damaged and suffered from it all their lives, What went on in the Canadian R. C. Church system is now really for the first time coming to light and it is ugly. Okay, this is a topic for another day and maybe a blog and bogger dedicated to it. OMG! Lookout, here comes two weeks of temps in the high 90's this week. I am hoping that Hurricane Hillary doesn't bring enormous damage to the southwest region of the country. Be safe, be careful, be happy! Woody from SW Ohio where this little university town just grew overnight from 5,000+ regular population 25,000+ because of the return of 20,000+ students. Affluent buggers they are, too! The incoming private jets bringing the little elitest to school have created a air-traffic congestion problem like we have never had here before. The university operated airport is literally in the middle of a cornfield 2 miles from the center of town. Peace.
Woody,
Pat completed seven years of seminary training to be a priest. Then after he "graduated" (I don't know what you call it when one completes seminary training), he decided that the priesthood wasn't for him. I have a picture of him in his robes receiving his "diploma." Who knew I would would spend the rest of my life with a priest? I would never have guessed it in a million years. Pat brings out the best in me. Unlike other men I've been with and that includes Bill.
Ron
Love and family and relationships come in all shapes and sizes and configurations. There is no right way to do it. You find what works for you and you live your best life. I am happy for you and Bill. I am happy for you and Pat. I feel lucky that I got to meet Bill when he could still visit with us. And I hope to meet Pat (in person) some day. We are among the few lucky enough to have found love more than once without having to choose between the two. Thank you for your candidness and honesty and for being a constant reminder to all of us what true love and companionship is.
Post a Comment