Caregiving

 

Bill sitting under a shade tree (weeping cherry) waiting for the trash pickup so he can bring bak the empty trash can. He big event of the week.

Somedays my 24/7 caregiving responsibilities are quite manageable. Then there are days like yesterday and today that make me wonder "can I continue?" It sure would be nice to take a break but that is not to be.

The current challenge is an old one, Bill can't see. He has macular degeneration. He's legally blind. Yet he insists on doing things like his eyesight was perfect. All he succeeds in doing is making life harder for me and for him. But I can't seem to get through to him. He's stubborn. He always has been. 

Yesterday he somehow managed to break the wire to the headphone jack to his portable transistor radio.  It was a clean break. For the life of me I can't figure out how he did that but he was lost without his headphones and listening to his radio, the only station of which he can get in clear is the local Fox Propaganda Network. I've warned him if he listens too much to those lies propagated on that Treason Network his brain will turn to mush. He'll be one of those Far Right Zombies. Wouldn't that be nice to care for? But break the wire he did so I ordered a new one from Amazon. But it won't be here until next week. What? They have to get it from China?

Well, we couldn't wait that long so I took him down to the local Walmart. Yes, I fought that Friday night summertime August beach weekend traffic to go to the Rehoboth Beach Walmart to get new headphones for Bill. I had to get the kind with a jack because he can't figure out how to operation the wireless ones. They had one left, $4.97. It works, thank God.

For a backup I bought another set of cheap headphones at Walmart because he will break this one I just bought him and I'm leaving the order into Amazon. 

Bill's downstairs vacuum cleaning his bedroom now. He can't see of course what he's vacuum cleaning but he wants to be "doing something." I understand that. Earlier he was calling to me (which I was brushing my teeth) in desperation. I thought "What? Did he fall?" No, he was trying to plug in the light to check if there is a leak near the sewer pipe exit out our bathroom wall. He can't see of course but he's "checking" nonetheless. Now I'm not totally heartless, I know he wants to be "doing something" but all he's succeeding is doing now is making my life more difficult.

HE CAN'T SEE!

For some reason (his stubborness) he refuses to accept that fact. I can understand now why so many inmates of nursing homes spend most of their days drugged with their heads on their chests, sleeping the day away. If Bill was in a nursing home he would be one of the primary candidates for Drug Therapy. Even when I visited him at the rehab facility in Dover, they had him so drugged up that I couldn't understand him and he didn't even know who I was. I asked why they drugged him (which they denied by the way) and they told me "Mr. Kelly sometimes gets agitated." Agitated? That's Bill. If he doesn't get his way. 

I do have to admit he has changed somewhat in the year and a half since his strokes and he's home now. And this is where I want him so I can take care of him. I couldn't sleep at night knowing he's in some sterile, heartless "facility", rotting away. I just couldn't do that to him. But I do wish he would work with me a bit here at home while I am caring for him. I don't expect to ever be in the situation that he's in now but if I was and someone was caring for me, I know I would do everything possible to make my caregiver's life easier. But we're all different. Bill is always used to "doing something." 

I used to worry, "What if I die before Bill?" I don't worry about that anymore. One less worry. Whatever will be, will be. Things will sort themselves out. One day at a time folks, one day at a time.

Butterfly Garden

After sixteen years I finally established a butterfly garden here at Casa Tipton-Kelly. 

This is just the start. Now that I have the basis established for our butterfly garden I plan to expand on it. Few things give me greater pleasure than our backyard. This year it has been especially hard to work in our backyard because of the heat and humidity and now the mosquitos. But I got the base established which was a huge accomplishment.

I need things like this butterfly garden to balance out my now restrictive life as a caregiver. No more quarterly trips with my good friend Pat. At least not for the foreseeable future and I have a feeling, not for the rest of my life. Bill's health has stabilized but he still needs my help dressing, washing and feeding. A large part of his handicap is his blindness, he just can't see. Also, he's physically weak, so weak he can't even dress or undress himself. Thankfully he can now go to the bathroom by himself even though he needs to wear Depends, probably for the rest of his life. I help him change every morning when I help him wash himself. Shower day is every third day, which he hates but being the type of person he is to take short cuts on personal hygiene, I just can't take the chance he gets an infection. His lower legs are much better, less swollen and no oozing liquid that I have to change the dressing daily.

I've pretty much settled into the routine that I'll be here at Casa Tipton-Kelly for the next few years. My main concern now is that I stay healthy enough to continue to take care of Bill. In the meantime I'm going to build the best butterfly garden here in Sussex County, Delaware.

Medical Update - Ron

 Just got back from my six month checkup from my hematologist. Six months ago I had a bone marrow procedure (if you haven't had one of those, try it!) because my VA provider was worried about my low oxygen blood count. It's still low but I don't have blood cancer. 

Seems like I'm collecting cancers. I've had prostate cancer (2013). Skin cancer (2021). Next up? Thank goodness my latest blood test came out no change. Next checkup seven months from now. 

Last week was a real treat, NO MEDICAL APPOINMENTS! Not so this week. Tomorrow I have my month post op cataract surgery checkup. Then to get ready for cataract surgery on my left eye.  The cataract surgery went well for my right eye. I see clearly out of it now, after about a year of looking through a very cloudy eye. So thankful I have my vision back. And I don't even have to wear glasses for driving. In fact, I can't wear my prescription sun glasses for driving, I had to get plain non prescription sunglasses for driving. What a treat!

I was very sick last Saturday. I don't know if I had COVID.  I was too sick even to take the test. I had taken one three days previous and it came up negative. I'm a lot better now. Just to tell you how sick I was, they had one those loud concerts in the field directly across from Casa Tipton-Kelly and I didn't even care with the "BOOM! BOOM!" until 1 AM in the morning. Actually, they're supposed to stop with the "music" at 11 PM but we're here in southern lower slower Delaware. Delaware is a blue state except for Sussex County, still too many redneck yahoos down here who just don't care who they bother. And yes, I've been told to move back to Pennsylvania if I don't like the "BOOM! BOOM!" at 1 AM in the morning. 

And last but not least, we have finally got a break from the oppressive heat and humidity. The past few days have actually been very nice. Sunny, breezy, and in the 70's to low 80's, normal weather like I remember from my childhood. So it wasn't my imagination. 

Have a great day everyone! I got a health reprieve and I'm very happy!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

 

Good morning folks from a very hot and humid southern Delaware! 

With this kind of continuous heat and humidity one would think I'm living in southern Florida. Well, here on the Delmarva peninsula we do have that geographical feature in common with Florida. Our peninsula is surrounded by water. The Atlantic Ocean on one side and the Chesapeak Bay on the other side. Most summers here in southern Delaware we have our fair share of hot and humid days but the past few years have been brutal.

I can't stay out in this heat and humidity too long. Only minutes in fact or else I'm going to pass out. That almost happened a few years ago when I was trying to push myself on my yard work, I felt myself getting dizzy and about to pass out from heat exhaustion. I barely made it back to our garage. I learned my lesson then, don't push myself or else I'll end up dead. Thus our yard is looking a little shaggy because I haven't been able to trim or pull weeds. Au natural, that's my new landscaping style. Deal with it my dear neighbors. At least I have a green, lush lawn. Not like last year when the army worms turned my backyard into a Martian landscape.

Thank God our air conditioning is working. Unlike my good friend Pat F. who has problems with the air conditioning in his penthouse condo in downtown Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. I feel for Pat, it's so frustrating for him to have his central air conditioner unit running continuously and can't seem to get below 78 degrees. Here, at Casa Tipton-Kelly, with our multiply rooms and floors, our central air works fine. Now I still have a problem with my wall oven. It's not working right even after I had the repair guy in here several times. They were supposed to show up for an appointment last week but they didn't show. And I can't get in touch with them. I've called several times and left a message. Now I can't even leave a message. No one answers the phone. I'm really disappointed in this repair company. I did my due diligence before I called them and they had all great reviews. I don't know what they problem is with them but they just haven't fixed my oven. I can use my oven but I have to push the "ROAST" button to "BAKE." The "BAKE" button doesn't reheat even though the last time the repairman was here he said it did work. He must be a Trumper, just outright lie and expect me to believe him. "Who are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes?" I'll say it again, thank God our air conditioner system is working!

Stay cool folks. 

Summertime And The Living Is Easy

[Verse 1]
Summertime
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high
Oh, your daddy's rich
And your ma is good-lookin'
So hush, little baby
Don't you cry

[Verse 2]
One of these mornings
You're going to rise up singing
Then you'll spread your wings
And you'll take the sky
But 'til that morning
There's a'nothing can harm you
With daddy and mammy standing by

One of the many joys of summertime is visiting the local fruit and vegetable stand in nearby Milton. I always get the same thing, half a dozen ears of corn and a quart of fresh peaches. 

Occasionally I get bruised tomatoes to make fresh tomato soup (haven't done that this year yet) but I always get the fresh corn and peaches.

I've been going there so many years that some of the people know who we are, the Two Old Guys. One lady especially is always so friendly to us. She's a mom with four young kids but I don't know anything else about here. She told me her name sometime ago but I forget. I'll have to ask her again.

The kind lady at our local fruit and vegetable stand who is also so nice to me and Bill

She remembers Bill before his strokes, when he was healthy. He always flirted with her as he does with most women he comes into contact with. A harmless flirtation because I'm sure they know we're a gay couple but when he calls them "beautiful" and "lovely", they love it and the world is a better place by this lighthearted camaraderie. 

When Pat was visiting a few weeks ago, I had him drive me to their fruit and veggie stand to show him one my local favorite places. She was surprised to see me in a car other than my 2010 red Subaru Forester and especially concerned when she didn't see Bill. She thought something awful happened. When I assured her that Bill was fine and at home and I was just visiting with a friend, she was so relieved. This short video is of her talking to Bill during my visit to replenishment of corn and peaches a couple days ago. 

With all the horrible things going in in the world (Ukraine) and this country (Trump MAGA traitors trying to destroy our democracy) it is so nice to have this little island of "Nice."

Thank you young lady for your kindness to Bill and to me over the years. 

 

Bill's New Radio

Since Bill lost his eyesight (macular degeneration) he can't occupy himself with his projects. In the fifty-eight years I've been with Bill he's always had a "project" he's worked on. That is no more. 

I try to keep him entertained during the day with our regular schedule of at least one ride a day. But he would like to hear the news and the weather without interfering with me watching TV. I've gotten different radios for him before but none of them had a headphone jack or were small enough for him to put in his pocket. After several false starts I finally found the perfect radio for him. One small problem, it's on a Fox radio station which, in between the news and weather you have the local right wing assholes propagating their bullshit. Sorry for the crude language but that's what they are. No wonder almost half the country is brainwashed into the Right Wing Lies. But I'm taking the risk that Bill won't be brainwashed by our local Alex Jones's and enjoy his radio to help him get through the day.

Ron Gets Hearing Aids!

 

This morning I got my new hearing aids! 

Last year I noticed that I couldn't hear quite as well as I used to. My hearing isn't as bad as Bill's but I was missing a lot that I didn't realize. For instance, I couldn't hear the turn signal clicker on my car. When I watched my Netflix DVD's, it seemed that I could never get the volume up high enough. I guess I was in denial for a long time, comparing my hearing loss with Bill's. Bill's is much worse. My hearing problem finally came to the fore last month when I almost completely lost the hearing in my right ear because of ear wax buildup. That put a scare into me. Thus when I went to my audiologist to get that impacted ear wax cleaned out (and it was a big buildup) I took a hearing test. Yes, the audiologist discovered that I was missing the high pitches.

What a revelation when the audiologist put in my hearing aids. Almost as much a rebirth as my new cataract surgery! Now to get used to this new sense. I mean I hear everything, even my feet scrapping the walkway outside to our front doorway. Everything! 

I hear the birds tweeting. I hear sound form my car engine when I pulled my car into our garage which I haven't heard in years. At first I thought there was something the matter with my car then I remembered from long ago, that's the sounds my car's engine makes when I turn it off.

Now to get my new DIRECTV Genie. I can't stand watching and listening to TV with commercials!

Hard Day

 Yesterday was a particularly hard day here at Casa Tipton-Kelly.

I have this phlegm build up in my chest which just exhausted me yesterday. I didn't want to do anything. So of course that's when Bill had issues.

Bill's main problems are his eyesight (he has macular degeneration) and hearing loss. His hearing aid is out at the VA for repair so I have to shout multiple times for him to hear me. Then he can't see. On top of everything else his cognitive issues are increasing. Yesterday was the perfect storm.

He was all confused about his portable radio. Since he can't see to work on his projects he depends on his radio to keep him company. He would like me to talk to him all day but yesterday my voice was almost gone and on top of everything else he can't hear or understand me most of the time. Yesterday was one of those days I wanted to go to bed and not wake up.

One of my biggest worries for a long time was that I would die before Bill. That worry has receded with time. If I do die before Bill, things will work themselves out. I can't tie myself up into knots worrying about what will happen to Bill should I die first. Granted, it's not the easiest worry to dismiss but dismiss I must in order to survive and continue to take care of Bill.

Other factors that contributed to yesterday's almost meltdown was that my DIRECTV genie box failed. I'm waiting for a replacement. Thus I can't watch TV.  I just can't watch TV with those painful commercials, especially that new Dell commercial with all the whistling. I hate whistling.  This commercial even has a "bonus" of a woman making sucking sounds through a straw at the bottom of a plastic cup. Who thinks these commercials are good? Dell always has had the worst commercials just like their computers. This from a former Dell computer owner multiple times. Every frigging Dell computer I had sucked, just like their commercials.

This week I'm looking at multiple doctor appointments. In a half an hour is my audiology appointment. In fact I have to go now. I originally went this morning at 9:00 AM but I had the wrong time. It's at 10:30 AM.

Thanks for putting up with my venting folks.