=(

"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me."
- You raise me up

Yes, it doesn't feel good to be put down, corrected and critiqued on
Yes, it doesn't feel good to have everything going against my (natural) wishes
But, but, I'm going to find myself in God.
Because I am a child a God.

Abba Father, help me.

I have come to realise the problem.

"don't try to live your life trying to impress others. Do what you love, love what you do"

As a Christian, I know I am out here to impress none other, but to glorify God, to honor God and to meet His standards.

But in this world, they've put something called "system". This system requires us to meet the worldly organisation standards - an appraisal process that tells you what you have achieved, not achieved. What you can do better, what you failed to do. it gauges you emotionlessly, with numbers and letters, and as objectively as it claims to be, it is in fact subjective, from the point of a person who may barely know you as a person, judging you and giving you a verdict of your effectiveness, success and telling you how satisfied you should be.

And this system has thrown me off my equilibrium.

How much more can I take?

I'm sad. Sad enough to cry.
I'm tired. Tired enough to break down.
I'm disappointed. Disappointed enough to be silent.
I'm discouraged. Discouraged enough to give up.

Take me away, just take me away.

Not because I want to run away. Not because I'm trying to escape. But because I'm tired. That if I don't have a break soon, I may just have a breakdown. For sanity sake, or I may just spiral down the insanity of life.

I feel like I'm losing touch with the world, losing touch with myself.
It frightens me to realise that in threading the same path and thoughts as before.

My heart is so tired.