Do You Ask For Want You Want?

It's a simple thing - really. But how many of us ask for what we want or share our expectations with others on a daily basis? Sure, if you go into Starbucks for a double frap espresso something or other you know how to ask for what you want. But, what about the important stuff? Sometimes it's difficult to spit it out!

I remember as a young girl around 8 or 9 years old being asked to go into a store and purchase a grocery item for my mother. When I couldn't find what I was supposed to get I froze with the thought of having to ask someone where it was! I was so incredibly shy as a kid. Okay, so that has changed over the years! Now I'll ask if I can't find something within the first minute as I don't want to waste my time looking all over the store for something.

In certain relationships, those we work with, our parents, our significant other, or even our kids it's more difficult to be honest and ask for what we really want. Sometimes it may just be that we need patience and understanding as we go through a difficult time in life. Other times we may need someone to really get in our corner even though they don't agree with us and be a loyal supporter or friend. Maybe it's just letting your significant other know that you'd like more help in the kitchen after dinner, more help with the kids or help buying groceries. For men maybe it's a need to not get blasted with dialogue the minute you walk in the door. So you need to ask for a little chill time when you get home.

At work this is sometimes tough as there are often politics in play. I know for me personally navigating the corporate politics was something I didn't do well! I don't like playing games even for the sake of "x". Nevertheless, it's important to let others know what YOU need to do your job, be more effective and meet that deliverable.

If you are someone who suffers from anorexia, bulimia or other eating disorders, like I did, you probably aren't good at expressing your wants and desires. But it's an important step in empowerment.

Regardless of the need or want. It's important to speak up (in a polite way) and tell that someone what it is you need, today that will make a difference. Try a softening statement such as, "I'm confused, I thought we had agreed to do "x"m or Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought you said (or we agreed) you were going to do this yesterday and it still isn't done. Did I miss something?

Defining boundaries and asking for what we need are important to healthy self-esteem and building confidence. Start with small things and work up to larger issues. Don't let other people "assume" you are doing fine when you aren't. Don't let your date assume you're fine with an activity or something they did if you aren't.

As a child I was taught to be seen and not heard and my midwestern upbringing encouraged me to always be politically correct. To not upset other people or say things I might regret. As an adult it's sometimes difficult to find the boundary on where that advice is valuable and where it isn't serving you.

So ask for what you want! And don't forget to reciprocate...ask what you can do to help someone else. You might just make their day and have a new BFF!

For more information on improving self-esteem please visit my website www.Lori-Hanson.com.


In peace, balance and health!

It's In The Lens

Lost Dog!

Black and tan, short hair, 50 pounds, three legs, one eye missing…answer to “Lucky”!

How you view the world, determines what you will get from it. My dog Yager views everything as an opportunity to dominate, show he’s the boss and put you down (much like many bosses I’ve had!). He wants to play, but he steals the toys Sasha is playing with and then lays down. What a brat!

Sasha, my one year old puppy on the other hand views everything as an opportunity to play and have fun. Whether it’s chasing her favorite ball, or playing tug of war with a stuffed animal that has no stuffing or bumping her head against my foot when I'm walking on the treadmill.

Interesting thing is, when Yager steals a toy she is more than willing to adapt and play with a different toy without fighting, whining or complaining. She is adaptive, flexible and enjoys the interaction more than grumpy who is sitting a few feet away holding on to the toy he knows she wants.

Sasha is also persistent! If she wants to play or go for a walk she asks repeatedly. She’ll wait for awhile—and then ask again. And she asks in creative ways, it’s not always the same approach. Sometimes she lays her head on my lap while I’m typing at the computer and tries to catch my eyes, with a “Please mom, can we go for a walk?” and other times she’s more forceful. Point is? She adapts and finds different approaches to get what she wants. She doesn't let the result get her down.

The amount of satisfaction and enjoyment we get from life vs. the amount of frustration and dissatisfaction is directly tied to the lens we use to view the world and our circumstances!

Yeah, yeah, you know the glass is half empty or half full. But—it goes beyond that. What do you spend your time focused on throughout the day?

• Are you consumed with anger or stress because you’re always running late, or that damn traffic jam?
• Does your day start with you screaming at your kids (or parents) and barking orders to keep them on schedule?
• Or like millions of Americans is your day shaped by the hatred for what you see in the mirror—your body, face, or hair?
  

It’s so subtle, but what we get in life is totally connected to what we focus on. If you constantly focus on something you don’t have (the perfect body, a great boyfriend, kids who behave as you’d like) you’ll create more lack. If however, you focus on what you WANT and spent ten minutes a day feeling what it’s like to have it—right now! It will be here before you know it.

You can vastly improve the quality of your life by getting your thoughts off what’s wrong in life and spending more time thinking about what’s right!

Try an experiment. For the next seven days, make a note of everything good that happens to you throughout the day and write it down. Read the list at night before you go to bed and appreciate all these good things that happened to you.

Experiment and let me know how it improves your life circumstances. I’d love to hear from you!