Dear SK,

glad to know that you are still standing strong.
I am sorry for your loss of family members and i'm glad your partner is there to support you.

this sets me thinking.. how will i be when this happens to me?
i will have to face it alone.. trying hard to be strong..
and when i turn around.. there will never be anyone beside me..

all my friends will not be bothered with it.. and will just tell me to be a man and be strong.

i dunno how much faith i can put myself in them..
they have their own commitments and own set of better friends.
all i can be is just be the nice but boring guy.

hey.. true friends no need to have many topics, but just be comfortable with each other's presence.. right??
right??

SK, i wish you well.
in fact, all my ex-s have found someone. someone they can love for long, long time.
so what does this says... it's me.. who cannot learn how to love.. who can't even love.
it's me.. I am the reason for the break up.
and that's why i'm still single. and in fact..

i am still learning, but this wall of confident i'm building, is enough to block all warm gestures from others, yet collapse easily when met with rejections.
 Sk, you will soar.. and me.. i will fall.

Progress

realised like there is no progress for the past few months and it has make me really demoralised..
however, i do measure certain measurements and I realised there is indeed improvements. taking average of April and July Stats..

Values in inches.

	April	July	Loss
Chest	43.33	43.2	0.1
Tummy	39.33	38.4	0.9
Waist	37.33	36.7	0.6
Arm	14.23	14.3	-0.1
Thigh	24.33	23.9	0.4
Weight	86.17kg	85kg	1.2kg

So.. there is a drop in general regarding the overall measurements, not drastic.  but there is.

here is from the fat machine in the gym.

	April	July
Weight	86.025	84.9
Fat Mass	19.825	18.8
Muscle Mass	62.8	62.7

Glad to have a drop in fats, but 1kg and loss in weight by also 1kg. muscle mass remains the same..

so it means.. weight drop is slow.. really slow.. 3 months 1 kg.. gosh.. how to drop to 80 kg.. and i only have 3 more months left.. Zzzz.. discipline man.. i must be

Dear SS,

I realised nowadays when i met someone i am interested in..
i am so afraid of sending them messages..

because, whatsapp can tell me if they are online or not..
I am scared that they sees my messages but refused to reply me, like you did..

guess that was something left behind since our relationship... i don't know how to keep in contact with people i am interested with.

sigh..

this is killing me..

arhhh...
i just have to stop..

no more visiting to the canteen other than morning!
no more no more!!!

i am not visiting until my weight goes below 80 kg and my tummy is below 36 inch.

damn it!

残酷

现实是残酷的。
一年的时间，我瘦了。
可是，在这个虚假的国度里，外貌是如此的重要。
内心？连接进的机会都没有，内心的美丽如何给你看见。

最近对饮食习惯没什么注意，觉得十分惭愧。

这两天的体验，让我知道，对于大众来说，我还是太胖了。原来，我还是不够瘦。原来，我还是太胖了。

基本上，除了友善的微笑，并没有人会想要进一步认识我。

我还是要瘦下去。

难道是因为我带着目的认识人吗？我尽量不要，可是，别人带着目的认识我。所以，他们不屑认识我

不要再馋嘴了。我可以的……
难道又要再看到喜欢的人，因为我体型而疏远吗？
难道又要不断地被拒绝

他们，都找到自己的另一半了。我呢？我还在不断被拒于千里之外。

ok i'm vain.

my colleagues noticed on the first day..

i'm going to be 30 soon.
in fact 1 year and a few more months.

before 30.. there are something that i wanna achieve..

1)pass IPPT
2)run a 10km marathon
3)waist of 34, weight of 75

recently I've just got Flaxel done.. first time.

well let's say it's still recovering.. and i needed a few more session.
this was done in BKK and will be definitely going there more often..

trouble is with my face. darn. super red.. somehow feeling so paiseh with the red face.. but hey, who care.. I wanted to have lesser acne scar.. what's so hard.

but well, it's rather expensive and so  i need to save up.
no more spending big money on food.
maybe once a month..

2 weddings coming up and i'm hosting..
excited but also worried that i am not going to do a good job as both wedding grooms are people important to me (maybe not so after they got married and have kids, but well, they are still for now)

lastly, savings plan is heavily delayed. darn.. must calculate my spendings carefully.

Mid Year Review

1)to be below 80kg, meaning need to lose another 10kg of fats.
after much read up, shall continue with running, but be more strict on my diet and yea.. i shall venture into doing free weights and HIIT.. aim is to do 1-2 set of HIIT every other non-gym day. and by end of the year.. 3 sets.

currently at 83~85. didn't started HIIT.. sighz started to venture into free weights.
diet wise is stricter, more veg. 

waist is to aim for 34. but this is something harder to control.
so reduction to 36 will be good.. now still at 38.
Waist is now between 36 and 37. jia you!
however tummy, chest and have been hovering ard the same for the past few months. i'm not sure if it's good or bad.. but it sure makes me worried if i'm doing enough.
currently I've gone from a zero fighter to 1.
will be going to the pull up bar everyday just to do 1,2 pull ups
aim is to pass ippt next year.

now can do 2-3!! 3 more!

2) savings.
my aim this year is to save up as much as i can.
planning to save ard 10K cash, and use 10K for investment.

cash savings not hitting target, far... investment almost there.. think next half of the year must really save up!!


still deciding if i shall aim for passive income or high risk group.

passive income for now.

3) work
work wise i believe people can see from my attitude towards work and the effort i invest in.
my aim is for my P6 to have all A.

class results is improving, from no As to 3As... fight fight fight!

4) Relationships
some groups aren't worth the friendship, i know it just that i am afraid of being lone.
will avoid gathering with these groups and have a leaner group of friends that i can trust and be comfortable with.

as for finding a partner. I will leave it to fate.

sorta the same. but yea... 

no...

i have to stop eating!!!

recently been eating like bread and baos..

no no no!!! have to stop!

despite no intake of rice.. baos is still too much!!

goal next week.
no baos and toast bread!

1 week!! you can do it!

Happy Birthday

Dear S,

happy Birthday.

it's true that first love is somehow unforgettable.

it maybe short, but it leaves so many memory.

Thanks for letting me know that i once gave my all.

and i'm sorry i didn't persevere till the end.

You found your happiness, despite feeling sad,

I wish you well.
I wish you peace.
I wish you happy.
I wish you loved.
I wish you joy.
I wish you ... ...
many, many other good words that is lost in the thoughts when your face appears in my mind.

May our path cross one day, and I can be just near you... as a friend will do...

so far

so far..

1) Weight
it's not even mid of the year and I'm near to 85.. which is good, hoping to drop till 75 by end of the year.. another 10 kg to go.

HIIT wise, i have not done even 1 set, and sprinting did only once..
why am i so lazy?

no! this cannot be the way!! I MUST do one more time, at least once every sunday! and Wednesday!

waist line is now 37.0-37.5.. need to reduce intake..
hmm must think of ways.. no more canteen siew mai. no more lunch breaks

try, Luke, you can do it!!

2)investment wise, started, hmm not sure how is it.. but made a few blunters, so now trying to meet months end..

shall see how by the end of the month. haha

3)Savings
guess that also means my savings goal is not even half reached.
so that part must watch carefully!

4)Friends
nothing new, but keeping close contact with those i treasure, making an attempt to contact them at least once a month.

friends

Maybe we were close,
maybe we hang out before.

but,
it's been 5 years since i graduated,
and the last time i met you was 3 years ago
the last time we chatted was 2 years ago

you are so talented, full of dreams and goals in life, quiet but observant, simple yet determine.

so much qualities that i desired and it's all in one person.

sadly.. guess some friends are never meant to be, 2 passive person will not stay as friends, if there is no common occassions or friends that bind them together.

bye bye.. shall be clearing you from my facebook.
no worries, if i do not remember you until i saw your post today,
i doubt i will remember you for the next few years.

till fate brings us back together, till the day the friendship was rebuild.
else, take care my friend, i pray that you will stay happy.

from,
insignificant me.

if we are still together. today will be our 4th year anniversary.

just nice, I can spend my 1 week holidays with you and we can have a short trip overseas to celebrate the special day.

maybe i will propose to you
maybe we would have went to seen flats

naybe i will know there's someone who loves me for who i am
and someone who is willing to share their world with me. just like ho i give up my world for them.


maybe.
S.S...
hope you are happy.

一个人就一个人吧

i don't know what i want when it comes to relationship
then i shall just enjoy what i like.

and let the thinking part comes in when fate knocks on my door


on a side note. did my first investment today.
a bit over spend, but thankfully still manageable.
not going to work on the high risk stocks for now..
maybe when i have addition 10k to play with.
now i shall just lay low...

Mid of March Holidays

ok... this is what i've done in the 5 days of March Holidays..
proud of myself.

1)swam twice, 20 laps each
acquire some tans!! yes! finally tanned again

2) gym, 3 times
completed my weights, but have yet done my back.
aim is to do my back this Sunday.
hmm, still thinking of the use of free weights.. but dun dare..

3) Run, 2 times, 20 mins average speed of 10, = ~3.5km
for the 20 mins, i started with 8.5 for 10 mins then 9.0 for 10 mins in Dec.
last week i'm running 9.5 for 5 mins, 10.0 for 10 mins and 10.5 for 5 mins.
this week i'm running 9.5 for 1 min, 10,0 for 4 mins,10.5 for 10 mins and 11.0 for 5 mins! yea!!

4) starting in investment.
reactivate my trading account, decided to invest part of my money into Dividend investment since i do not have time to monitor.
(passive income)

2 more goals yet to achieve will be
1) to clear up my work
2) to read up on buddhism.

Signing off!

Goals

goals this year was fixed..
but was never in details..

somehow this all got sorted out this holidays..


1)to be below 80kg, meaning need to lose another 10kg of fats.
after much read up, shall continue with running, but be more strict on my diet and yea.. i shall venture into doing free weights and HIIT.. aim is to do 1-2 set of HIIT every other non-gym day. and by end of the year.. 3 sets.

waist is to aim for 34. but this is something harder to control.
so reduction to 36 will be good.. now still at 38.

currently I've gone from a zero fighter to 1.
will be going to the pull up bar everyday just to do 1,2 pull ups
aim is to pass ippt next year.
2) savings.
my aim this year is to save up as much as i can.
planning to save ard 10K cash, and use 10K for investment.

still deciding if i shall aim for passive income or high risk group.

3) work
work wise i believe people can see from my attitude towards work and the effort i invest in.
my aim is for my P6 to have all A.

4) Relationships
some groups aren't worth the friendship, i know it just that i am afraid of being lone.
will avoid gathering with these groups and have a leaner group of friends that i can trust and be comfortable with.

as for finding a partner. I will leave it to fate.

As usual, instead of keeping their mouth shut..

some people just have to target anything along, fats, gluttony,leftovers and greedy to me.

can't they see that i've lost weight. that i am trying very hard to lose weight.

how irritating can they be?

this actions seems harmless but it's tearing down the little confidence i build from gymming.

thanks.

it's been almost 9 months since i started my first gym session.

results:
Weight: 106kg to 90kg
waist: 42" to 38"
2.4km: 16:30 to 13:30

i'm 29 this year and i know that my metabolism is dropping.
however, i hope, that for the rest of my life..
I can be like how the average people weigh.. never be laughted at for being fat.
never see the looks of disgusted when i'm occupying more than 1/2 the seats in bus or MRT.
fit into a M/L/ free size clothing and actually looks good
buy a pair of pants that i do not need to alter.
join others in activities without needing to hear the word "fat, slow, clumsy"
do not need to sit in the front passenger seat due to my size
do not need be made eating the leftovers cos for my size, i confirm can finish
that people will stop naming me after fatty food or fat/lazy animals or fat celebrities

yes, I am superficial.. but I just wanna be normal..
be average.
the hierarchy is there, a fat people is ranked most disgusted along with sissy and LGBT.

I will fight hard, even if it means eventually use a knife to cute down my fats..

Work have began for 3 weeks le..
how is it so far?

hmm.. it's all busy and busy..
there used to be days where i get to leave slightly earlier..
now.. it's only at 5:30pm
meaning i wake up at 5:15pm, reach work at 6:35pm and leaves work at 5:30pm and reached home at 6:15pm. basically i work almost 11 hours a day in my workplace..
and ard 1 hour+ at home..

maybe that's why it justifies me refusing to do any work over the weekend, but that's about to change.. when after school time will be use for meetings and extra courses.

Anyway, this year I am in another committee, yet still actively involved in my previous one. In-charge of 2 piloting projects, 1 existing project and committee members of 3 projects. Also took up positions which is yet starting to kill haha.

Sure hope I can do these well, as it goes further to prove that I can work well. however, I shall not want to divert into the main job and will not compromise that with all the admin stuff.

have to start booking my IPT session already..else it'll start to stack up.
reservist coming.. dreading..

hmm December holidays gone like a flash..

anyway i think this is the best december so far as i spend like no body business.

not that i splurge, just that i'm more willing to spend haha

Taiwan backpack this time around is one of the best so far..
met really nice and friendly people to chit chat with and even to bring me around! love it.

anyway work have been really stressful and school have only been opened for 1 week..
can feel all the stress haha

new year resolutions ah..

-lose weight lor.
superficial work it is., no looks, no build, there's nothing
-save money,
yes.. i really need to save money..  for many reasons which i will post next time.
-learn how to invest..
again ..$$$