Typical Criminal Abortions and a Murder-Suicide

A Chicago Nurse or Midwife, 1900

On August 4, 1900, 20-year-old newlywed Mary Borglum died in her home from complications of an abortion performed there that day. The abortion had been agreed upon by both Mary and her husband, James. Mrs. Mary Kempfer was arrested that same day and held without bail by a Coroner's Jury. Kempfer's employment status was listed as nurse or midwife.

A Chicago Physician, 1913

On August 4, 1913, 40-year-old seamstress Anna Turnovan, a Hungarian immigrant, died in Chicago at the scene of an abortion perpetrated that day by Dr. Frank L. Meuller. Mueller was arrested and held by the Coroner, as was Sima Mallasch. The case never went to trial.

A Habitual Offender in Wichita, 1824

Loren Franklin, age 19, of Buffalo, Missouri, died in August of 1924 in Wichita, Kansas. An inquest was held to verify if Dr. Charles C. Keester had perpetrated a fatal abortion on her. A tentative date of death is August 4. Keester had already been implicated in the abortion deaths of Hattie Myers, age 19, March 7, 1922; and Hazel Hadicke, age 19, December 16, 1923. The same month that Loren died, Keester was implicated in the abortion death of "Bonnie," age 18. He would go on to be convicted in the February 28, 1930 abortion death of Rena Armstrong, age 17.

A Chicago Midwife, 1942
On August 4, 1942, 18-year-old Eva Moyer died after an abortion perpetrated by Chicago midwife Katheryn Eickenberg. A taxi driver testified that he had taken Eva to Eickenberg's house three times in the week prior to her death. She was accompanied by James Tivey, a sailor, that the taxi driver said accompanied Eva on those trips to the midwife. Tivey testified that he had paid Eickenberg $50 for the abortion. Eickenberg was convicted or murder by abortion and sentenced to 14 years in prison.

Murder-Suicide in Florida, 2006

Laura Grunas

On August 4, 2006, 30-year-old Laura Grunas, a police officer in Plantation, Florida, shot her boyfriend, 31-year-old Robert Peat, dead inside his home. Grunas then turned the gun on herself. The couple had been together for about a year. Neighbors reported that Laura was hysterical the last day of her life, standing outside Peat's garage yelling, "Why is everyone blaming this on me? He killed my baby." The argument became so loud that neighbors called the police.

In what those close to the pair believed to have been a mutual decision, Laura had aborted the couple's baby a few weeks earlier. Michael Roth, a friend of Peat, told police that Peat had been "enormously upset" about the abortion. "He was a lot more religious than me and didn't believe in that, but they had felt that that was the right thing to do for whatever reasons."

Peat had called Roth and asked him to come over shortly before the shooting. Roth said that when he arrived, Grunas became upset, saying, "If, when he felt the need to call, did he tell you about killing my baby?"

Peat also called the police, and when two officers arrived, Grunas, a colleague of theirs, became furious. They asked her to leave, and she complied. Peat asked Roth to remain with him, and Roth recommended that Peat get a restraining order. "Thirty seconds after I tried to make that suggestion, his phone started ringing. .... And then she started banging on the front door."

Laura then used a Smith & Wesson 9mm, her work-issued handgun, to shoot out the sliding glass door to the kitchen. Roth, who suffered minor injuries in the incident, fled the kitchen through the shot-out door and called 911.

Midwife Takes Poison After Abortion Death, 1900

On July 2, 1900, Sarah Boudro (previously identified as Sarah Bonda due to source error), age 20, died at her home as a result of a criminal abortion performed on her there that day. On July 6, police arrested Mrs. Martha Heisig, a 35-year-old midwife, in connection with the death. She was to be held without bail pending trial.

During transport from the Englewood police station to the county jail, Heisig asked if she could be brought home to say goodbye to her family. The officer extended this kindness, only to have Heisig commit suicide by grabbing and drinking down a vial of carbolic acid in the presence of her husband, children and several neighbors. She fell to the floor and died immediately.

I have been unable to find any evidence that any attention was paid to Sarah's death by the authorities or the press after Heisig's death.

Abortion, Murder, and Suicide

The abortion deaths commemorated today connect to other tragedies: a suicide and a murder


An Abortion and a Murder in 1908

On June 19, 1908, undertaker Thomas Graham went to the house of William C. Patterson in West Philadelphia. There he picked up the body of Patterson's 27-year-old sister-in-law, Elizabeth "Bess" Alexander Geis. The young woman, Graham was told, had died that day of Bright's disease. Elizabeth's brother, Leslie Alexander, knew that Bess had not died from Bright's disease. He went to the police, telling them that she had died from a botched abortion and demanding that they arrest Dr. William H. Heck, who had cared for Elizabeth during her final illness.

Police questioned Heck, who said that he had given Bess some medication, then came back the next morning and found that her condition had deteriorated. "I did what I could for her," he said, "but when I was called four and a half hours later she was dead. I was told that a child had been born before she passed away." Supporting the idea that Bess had died from an abortion, her body had been removed from the Haasz and taken to undertaker Sarah Elliot, who had already buried the baby under the name Elizabeth A. Wilson, child of Fred Wilson and Elizabeth Alexander Wilson. "in an obscure corner of the Franklin Cemetery." Elliot sent Bess's body to another undertaker, George Graham, who buried Bess in Mt. Moriah Cemetery.

The investigation was complicated, and in some ways derailed, on June 26, when Wilson died after drinking poisoned ale that had been sent to him via an express office. Police theorized that Bess's husband, Frederick Geis, Jr., had poisoned Heck in revenge for having caused his wife's death. However, after sorting through testimony and dates, it became clear that the poisoned ale had been purchased before Bess's death.

A Typical Chicago Abortion, 1922

On June 19, 1922, homemaker Veronica Maslanka, a 26-year-old Polish immigrant, died in her Chicago home from complications of an abortion performed there that day. The coroner identified midwife Mary Pesova as the person responsible for Veronica's death. Since there were many midwives in addition to physicians practicing abortion in Chicago at the time, Veronica's abortion was typical of those perpetrated in that era.

An Abortion and a Suicide, 1927

Dr. George Slater

On Friday, June 18, 1927, Dr. George F. Slater admitted 20-year-old Anna Mae Smith to a Chicago hospital, saying that she was suffering from appendicitis. The next day, Anna died from after telling a police detective-- as well as her husband and sister -- that Slater had perpetrated an abortion on her.
A police officer went to Slater's home the following morning to inform him of Anna Mae's death and to deliver a summons to appear at an inquest. Slater calmly breakfasted with his family, sent his kids off to Sunday school, then went into the bathroom and took poison, dying in his wife's arms after telling her to look after the children. Mrs. Slater told police that he was innocent of the abortion charge and that she was certain he had killed himself over some financial problems.
This was not the first time Slater had been implicated in an abortion death. He had been held in 1922 for the abortion death of Delia Campbell and had been indicted by a grand jury for homicide on May 1, 1926 for the 1925 abortion death of 23-year-old Helen Bain.
 
1928: The First of Two Deaths Attributed to Dr. Mike Roberson

Dr. Mike Roberson was convicted and sentenced to two to five years for the abortion death of 23-year-old Miss Irma Louise Robinson, a schoolteacher from Raleigh, North Carolina. A man named M. H. Davis said that he'd paid Roberson $50 to for the abortion, perpetrated in Roberson's office on June 1, 1928. The pair had made a total of four trips to arrange the abortion, Davis said, and he had waited in the waiting room of Roberson's practice while Irma had gone back to have the abortion done. He was there, he said, when Roberson gave Irma aftercare instructions and sent her to the home of Mrs. E. E. Forsythe, who was paid $40 to care for Irma as she recovered. The next day, Irma became seriously ill and was taken to the hospital where her condition deteriorated until she died on June 19. Two doctors who examined Irma said she'd died of blood poisoning from an incomplete abortion.
Roberson was either not tried a second time or was not convicted in the second trial, because he was free in 1932 to be implicated in the abortion death of Myrtle Gardner.

*******

Elizabeth Geis original death certificate:

Anniversary: The Grunas Murder-Suicide

On August 4, 2006, 30-year-old Laura Grunas, a police officer in Plantation, Florida, shot her boyfriend, 31-year-old Robert Peat, dead inside his home. Grunas then turned the gun on herself. The couple had been together for about a year.

Neighbors reported that Laura was hysterical the last day of her life, standing outside Peat's garage yelling, "Why is everyone blaming this on me? He killed my baby." The argument became so loud that neighbors called the police.

In what those close to the pair believed to have been a mutual decision, Laura had aborted the couple's baby a few weeks earlier. Michael Roth, a friend of Peat, told police that Peat had been "enormously upset" about the legal abortion. "He was a lot more religious than me and didn't believe in that, but they had felt that that was the right thing to do for whatever reasons."

Peat had called Roth and asked him to come over shortly before the shooting. Roth said that when he arrived, Grunas became upset, saying, "If, when he felt the need to call, did he tell you about killing my baby?"

Peat also called the police, and when two officers arrived, Grunas, a colleague of theirs, became furious. They asked her to leave, and she complied. Peat asked Roth to remain with him, and Roth recommended that Peat get a restraining order. "Thirty seconds after I tried to make that suggestion, his phone started ringing. .... And then she started banging on the front door."

Laura then used a Smith & Wesson 9mm, her work-issued handgun, to shoot out the sliding glass door to the kitchen. Roth, who suffered minor injuries in the incident, fled the kitchen through the shot-out door and called 911.

Laura had been a police officer in Plantation for about five years, and none of her colleagues suspected that she was troubled. But Roth, in whom Peat had confided about the abortion, told investigators that the couple's relationship had been increasingly rocky since the abortion.

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2001: Young woman found dead in her home, a post-abortion suicide

Dear Lord,
I sit here alone with my thoughts wondering if you will ever forgive me. Why do I continue to fail you? I'm failing you because I‘m turning away from the precious gift of having a child. A child. A breathing, living, beautiful life that I created but too selfish to accept from you. Will you still love me as a child of yours? Will I still love me after today?
Haley‘s journal - Oct. 23, 2000

On April 5, 2001, Donetta Robben‘s 22-year-old niece didn‘t show up for work. Her friend Rosa drove over to check on her, and her car wasn‘t there. Rosa called the girl‘s father, Edwin. Had she gone home to visit her family?

Edwin later said he just knew that his daughter was dead. He called the Omaha police, and he called his daugther‘s landlord. They went to the apartment. They found her body.

Though the coroner estimated that the young woman had been dead for several days, all official documents, and the young woman‘s tombstone, use the April 5th date. So will I.

In telling her niece's story, Donetta decided to use the name ‘Haley Mason‘ rather than her niece‘s real name. In respect for the family‘s desire to grieve privately, I‘m using the name Donetta uses: Haley Mason. Likewise, I use the psuedonoms Donetta uses for friends and family members.

The official ruling was that Haley‘s death was an accidental overdose. Her family was stunned as the investigators spoke with them, revealing the discoveries made while looking into the young woman‘s death. Isolated words echoed in their minds: death, journals, death, pills, death, drinking, death, hurt, death, abortion... Abortion?

Abortion.

The answers to how Haley went from happy-go-lucky college student to suicide statistic weren‘t in the official reports. They were found in Haley‘s journals, where she poured her heart out in the final months of her life.

The story of how Haley died begins when she fell in love with Todd. She found out she was pregnant and told him. He wanted her to get an abortion.

Haley was a student at the University of Nebraska. She worked two jobs to meet her expenses. Unmarried, without much money, and with a disapproving boyfriend, Haley saw abortion as her only option. She made her appointment at the Bellevue, Nebraska practice of Dr. Leroy Carhart. It was late October of 2000.

Haley wrote of Todd‘s attitude: "I must let him abandon me. He doesn‘t care about me. I know he‘s only agreed to pay for it to ease his own guilt."

Haley found the abortion stressful: the wait, the sounds, the crude and uncaring behavior of the doctor. Haley‘d been told to arrive at the clinic at 7:00 in the morning, but it was ten hours before she was finally on the table, ready for the abortion. Carhart walked into the room, clad in a dirty coat and glasses so smeared that Haley‘s friend, who had accompanied her, wondered how he could even see through the lenses.

Haley, in her fog of medication, tried to make a joke. "Don‘t hurt me down there?" she said. "Be still and I won‘t," Carhart replied.

While performing the vacuum abotion, Carhart spouted profanities. He told Haley and her friend that he was tired. He‘d been speaking in California the day before, and had just flown into Omaha that morning.

After the abortion, Haley felt violated, as if she‘d been raped. She also experienced continued spotting into January. She'd not been given a follow-up appointment, and didn‘t know if the bleeding was normal or not. She didn‘t want to go to another doctor, because she‘d have to tell him about the abortion, and that was just too painful to talk about. The bleeding was a constant reminder of the death of Haley‘s unborn baby.

Haley told few people about the abortion: three close friends and two relatives. But she didn‘t tell them of her struggle to cope with the emotional pain. She kept telling herself that she‘d done the best thing. But she started punishing herself, and pushed away anybody who tried to love her. She didn‘t feel that she deserved their love.

Haley longed for a knight in shining armor to rescue her from the prison of her grief, but she no longer felt comfortable with men. She had to get drunk to be able to endure sex. And even then, it reminded her of the abortion. Todd came by at early hours, looking for sex. Haley submitted, but her heart wasn‘t in it. She no longer felt loved. She felt used.

The drinking got worse. Hot baths and quick jogs provided temporary relief from the anguish, but it always returned.

Finally, Haley could stand it no more.

First, plenty of numbing alcohol. Then, she went into her living room and grabbed a precious photo of her late mother and maternal grandfather. Next, a bottle of vodka. A bottle of aspirin. An old prescription bottle of Benadryl. Haley washed the drugs down with the vodka, leaving the three bottles next to the photograph.

She went into the bedroom. She put her rosary around her neck. She set an empty holy water bottle on her dresser. She opened her journal to the day of the abortion. She lay down, head on her pillow, looking for the rest she couldn‘t find any more in living.

Leaving her family to sort out their own pain.

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1971 -- First verified suicide after safe, legal abortion

"Sandra" was 18 years old when she underwent a first-trimester abortion procedure in New York. Three days later, on April 18, 1971, Sandra killed herself. Before her death, she had expressed guilt about having "killed her baby."

Tragically, nobody had contacted Sandra to give her the results of the pathology report on what had been removed from her uterus. There had been no embryo. Sandra had not actually been pregnant.

Sandra's needless death underscores two issues:

1. Women who undergo abortions are more likely to die violent deaths, especially to commit suicide, compared to women who carry to term or who do not experience a pregnancy.

2. Abortion facilities have a history of slovenly practices, including failing to verify pregnancy and failure to follow up on test results.

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Anniversary: A grim discovery

Dear Lord,
I sit here alone with my thoughts wondering if you will ever forgive me. Why do I continue to fail you? I'm failing you because I‘m turning away from the precious gift of having a child. A child. A breathing, living, beautiful life that I created but too selfish to accept from you. Will you still love me as a child of yours? Will I still love me after today?
Haley's journal - Oct. 23, 2000

On April 5, 2001, Donetta Robben's 22-year-old niece didn't show up for work. Her friend Rosa drove over to check on her, and her car wasn‘t there. Rosa called the girl's father, Edwin. Had she gone home to visit her family? Edwin later said he just knew that his daughter was dead. He called the Omaha police, and he called his daugther's landlord. They went to the apartment. They found her body.

Though the coroner estimated that the young woman had been dead for several days, all official documents, and the young woman's tombstone, use the April 5th date. So will I. In telling her niece's story, Donetta decided to use the name "Haley Mason" rather than her niece's real name. In respect for the family's desire to grieve privately, I'm using the name Donetta uses. Likewise, I use the psuedonoms Donetta uses for friends and family members.

The official ruling was that Haley's death was an accidental overdose. Her family was stunned as the investigators spoke with them, revealing the discoveries made while looking into the young woman's death. Isolated words echoed in their minds: death, journals, death, pills, death, drinking, death, hurt, death, abortion... Abortion?

Abortion.

The answers to how Haley went from happy-go-lucky college student to suicide statistic weren't in the official reports. They were found in Haley's journals, where she poured her heart out in the final months of her life. The story of how Haley died begins when she fell in love with Todd. She found out she was pregnant and told him. He wanted her to get an abortion.

Haley was a student at the University of Nebraska. She worked two jobs to meet her expenses. Unmarried, without much money, and with a disapproving boyfriend, Haley saw abortion as her only option. She made her appointment at the Bellevue, Nebraska practice of Dr. Leroy Carhart. It was late October of 2000.

Haley wrote of Todd's attitude: "I must let him abandon me. He doesn't care about me. I know he's only agreed to pay for it to ease his own guilt."

Haley found the abortion stressful: the wait, the sounds, the crude and uncaring behavior of the doctor. Haley'd been told to arrive at the clinic at 7:00 in the morning, but it was ten hours before she was finally on the table, ready for the abortion. Carhart walked into the room, clad in a dirty coat and glasses so smeared that Haley's friend, who had accompanied her, wondered how he could even see through the lenses. While performing the vacuum abotion, Carhart spouted profanities. He told Haley and her friend that he was tired. He'd been speaking in California the day before, and had just flown into Omaha that morning.

After the abortion, Haley felt violated, as if she'd been raped. She also experienced continued spotting into January. She'd not been given a follow-up appointment, and didn't know if the bleeding was normal or not. She didn't want to go to another doctor, because she'd have to tell him about the abortion, and that was just too painful to talk about. The bleeding was a constant reminder of the death of her unborn baby.

Haley told few people about the abortion: three close friends and two relatives. But she didn't tell them of her struggle to cope with the emotional pain. She kept telling herself that she'd done the best thing. But she started punishing herself, and pushed away anybody who tried to love her. She didn't feel that she deserved their love.

Haley longed for a knight in shining armor to rescue her from the prison of her grief, but she no longer felt comfortable with men. She had to get drunk to be able to endure sex. And even then, it reminded her of the abortion. Todd came by at early hours, looking for sex. Haley submitted, but her heart wasn't in it. She no longer felt loved. She felt used.

The drinking got worse. Hot baths and quick jogs provided temporary relief from the anguish, but it always returned.

Finally, Haley could stand it no more.

First, plenty of numbing alcohol. Then, she went into her living room and grabbed a precious photo of her late mother and maternal grandfather. Next, a bottle of vodka. A bottle of aspirin. An old prescription bottle of Benadryl. Haley washed the drugs down with the vodka, leaving the three bottles next to the photograph.

She went into the bedroom. She put her rosary around her neck. She set an empty holy water bottle on her dresser. She opened her journal to the day of the abortion. She lay down, head on her pillow, looking for the rest she couldn't find any more in living.

For more abortion deaths, visit the Cemetery of Choice:



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Search: Stacy Zallie

Stacy Zallie was the New Jersey college student who committed suicide after her abortion. Her family has launched the Stacy Zalie Foundation to offer support to other post-abortion women, to prevent them from taking their lives.

This, of course, has hardcore abortion fanatics gnashing their teeth. How dare a grieving family try to make "choice" look bad! How dare this grieving father point out what public health officials already know! How dare he try to prevent other women and girls from taking their lives, like his daughter did, like Arlin della Cruz did, like Sandar Kaiser did, like Carol Cunningham did, like Sandra Roe did, like Laura Grunas did, like Haley Mason did.

How dare this grieving dad note that women who have aborted are at higher risk of suicide than women who have given birth or who have not been pregnant.

How dare he let things like reality and compassion get in the way of the beauty and wonder of "choice"?

But then, these women who are attacking George Zallie are hardcore abortion advocates. If they lack compassion for their own children, how can they have compassion for any grieving parent?

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Unusual site for the suicidal

I've been searching for a very funny but poignant and to-the-point addressing the would-be suicide. Here's what I'm turning up:

Before You Kill Yourself

Does anybody remember the site? It mentioned how much you hurt the people you leave behind, how you'd better sort out what afterlife there is or isn't because if you do kill yourself you'll be there, and had some weird stuff about a girl who supposedly scribbled her suicide note so illegibly that her bewildered parents thought she had coprophilia.

Anybody?

Anniversary: After abortion, woman takes her own life

Carol Cunningham was 21 years old when she underwent an abortion in the late summer of 1986. On August 22, she shut herself up in her garage at her home in Albuquerque, and started her car. She died from breathing the exhaust fumes. Her body was discovered on August 25, 1986.

Other post-abortion suicides I'm aware of include Arlin della Cruz, Sandra Kaiser, "Sandra Roe", and Stacy Zallie. Laura Grunas was so distraught after her abortion that she killed not only herself but also her baby's father.

Anniversary: Convicted abortionist takes own life

On June 14, 1948, Dr. Oswald Glassburg committed suicide in his jail cell, six hours after being convicted of performing the illegal abortion that killed 22-year-old Jane Ward. He ingested poison.

At 11 AM on October 17, 1947, Dr. Paul Singer, a gynecologist, had called police and reported that Jane, heir to the Drake's bakery fortune, had come to his office suffering from an incomplete abortion. He said that he had taken her to Park East Hospital, where Dr. Oswald Glasberg, a plastic surgeon, had helped him to complete the abortion.

Jane died on October 28, and the autopsy confirmed the cause of death as criminal abortion.

After the death, Singer and Glasberg were arrested and released on bail. The baby's father, Eduardo Schneidewind, a trade promotion executive for a South American government, was questioned as a material witness but was never indicted.

Dr. Alejandro Ovalle, an X-ray technician, was sentenced to one year after pleading guilty as an accessory, having profited from abortion referrals. Singer was convicted of manslaughter in Jane's death, and sentenced to 2 1/2 years in prison. The judge, Francis L. Valente, said that Jane had been subjected to "surgical mayhem," and that Singer and Glassberg were "completely devoid of human feeling and decency."

Singer appealed his conviction, which was upheld.

Two safe and legal anniversaries: blood poisoning and suicide

Life Dynamics lists 30-year-old Barbara Lerner on their "Blackmun Wall" of women killed by legal abortions. LDI notes that Barbara was found dead early in the morning of April 18, 1981. She had developed blood poisoning, which had killed her. She died in Florida. The CDC investigated Barbara's death and designated it as due to legal abortion.

***

"Sandra" was 18 years old when she underwent a first-trimester abortion procedure in New York. Three days later, on April 18, 1971, Sandra killed herself. Before her death, she had expressed guilt about having "killed her baby."

Tragically, nobody had contacted Sandra to give her the results of the pathology report on what had been removed from her uterus. There had been no embryo. Sandra had not actually been pregnant.

See also:

The Abortion-Suicide Link

Arlin della Cruiz, Post-Abortion Suicide

"Missie Guthrie", Post-Abortion Suicidal Depression

Stacy Zallie, Post-Abortion Suicide

Sandra Kaiser, Post-Abortion Suicide

Carol Cunningham, Post-Abortion Suicide

"Haley Mason", Post-Abortion Suicide

Study Links Abortion, Women's Violent Deaths

Anniversary: Found dead after abortion

Dear Lord,
I sit here alone with my thoughts wondering if you will ever forgive me. Why do I continue to fail you? I'm failing you because I‘m turning away from the precious gift of having a child. A child. A breathing, living, beautiful life that I created but too selfish to accept from you. Will you still love me as a child of yours? Will I still love me after today?
Haley‘s journal - Oct. 23, 2000

On April 5, 2001, Donetta Robben's 22-year-old niece didn't show up for work. Her friend Rosa drove over to check on her, and her car wasn't there. Rosa called the girl's father, Edwin. Had she gone home to visit her family?

Edwin later said he just knew that his daughter was dead. He called the Omaha police, and he called his daugther's landlord. They went to the apartment. They found her body.

Though the coroner estimated that the young woman had been dead for several days, all official documents, and the young woman's tombstone, use the April 5th date. So will I.

In telling her niece's story, Donetta decided to use the name ‘Haley Mason' rather than her niece's real name. In respect for the family's desire to grieve privately, I'm using the name Donetta uses: Haley Mason. Likewise, I use the psuedonoms Donetta uses for friends and family members.

The official ruling was that Haley's death was an accidental overdose. Her family was stunned as the investigators spoke with them, revealing the discoveries made while looking into the young woman's death. Isolated words echoed in their minds: death, journals, death, pills, death, drinking, death, hurt, death, abortion... Abortion?

Abortion.

The answers to how Haley went from happy-go-lucky college student to suicide statistic weren't in the official reports. They were found in Haley's journals, where she poured her heart out in the final months of her life.

The story of how Haley died begins when she fell in love with Todd. She found out she was pregnant and told him. He wanted her to get an abortion

Haley was a student at the University of Nebraska. She worked two jobs to meet her expenses. Unmarried, without much money, and with a disapproving boyfriend, Haley saw abortion as her only option. She made her appointment at the Bellevue, Nebraska practice of Dr. Leroy Carhart. It was late October of 2000.

Haley wrote of Todd's attitude: "I must let him abandon me. He doesn't care about me. I know he's only agreed to pay for it to ease his own guilt."

Haley found the abortion stressful: the wait, the sounds, the crude and uncaring behavior of the doctor. Haley'd been told to arrive at the clinic at 7:00 in the morning, but it was ten hours before she was finally on the table, ready for the abortion. Carhart walked into the room, clad in a dirty coat and glasses so smeared that Haley's friend, who had accompanied her, wondered how he could even see through the lenses.

Haley, in her fog of medication, tried to make a joke. "Don't hurt me down there?" she said. "Be still and I won't," Carhart replied.

While performing the vacuum abotion, Carhart spouted profanities. He told Haley and her friend that he was tired. He'd been speaking in California the day before, and had just flown into Omaha that morning.

After the abortion, Haley felt violated, as if she'd been raped. She also experienced continued spotting into January. She'd not been given a follow-up appointment, and didn't know if the bleeding was normal or not. She didn't want to go to another doctor, because she'd have to tell him about the abortion, and that was just too painful to talk about. The bleeding was a constant reminder of the death of Haley's unborn baby.

Haley told few people about the abortion: three close friends and two relatives. But she didn't tell them of her struggle to cope with the emotional pain. She kept telling herself that she'd done the best thing. But she started punishing herself, and pushed away anybody who tried to love her. She didn't feel that she deserved their love.

Haley longed for a knight in shining armor to rescue her from the prison of her grief, but she no longer felt comfortable with men. She had to get drunk to be able to endure sex. And even then, it reminded her of the abortion. Todd came by at early hours, looking for sex. Haley submitted, but her heart wasn't in it. She no longer felt loved. She felt used.

The drinking got worse. Hot baths and quick jogs provided temporary relief from the anguish, but it always returned.

Finally, Haley could stand it no more.

First, plenty of numbing alcohol. Then, she went into her living room and grabbed a precious photo of her late mother and maternal grandfather. Next, a bottle of vodka. A bottle of aspirin. An old prescription bottle of Benadryl. Haley washed the drugs down with the vodka, leaving the three bottles next to the photograph.

She went into the bedroom. She put her rosary around her neck. She set an empty holy water bottle on her dresser. She opened her journal to the day of the abortion. She lay down, head on her pillow, looking for the rest she couldn't find any more in living.

Leaving her family to sort out their own pain.