10 years

 Wow, I was such an emo in 2013. LOL.

I no longer want to die young, instead I fear death. I want to consume so much content from books to tv dramas to manga to music to movies to games. I want to experience so many things. But will I? Only time will tell.

Finished school. Finished work.

Seems like I am posting about job woes again. Since then I have left and joined multiple roles and am still finding out what I like to do, and am capable of. I hope to be able to learn so much more. Currently unemployed and actively looking. Wish me luck! I really need it.

In other news, I have 2 pups, Baxter and Bond and I love them to death. 💗 They are both 10 this year. I dearly hope and pray for another 10. Baxter has been having health issues and I am helpless. I do not have the money to pay for his surgery and can only watch on. I keep praying that he will stay strong. I have cried too many times for my doggies. I miss Bruise in times like this. He was taken too soon in 2015.

Anyway, this is like a diary to myself I suppose. See you around. Maybe in another 10 years?

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2014

Happy 2014 all.

The start of the year has been shaky. I hope everything gets better soon. :)

Have been getting back into the world of Fanfiction and starting to attempt to actually finish stories. Might make a little hobby out of this. I love my imaginary world.

I'm also starting school soon. With school and work at the same time, I hope I'll be able to cope. Worrying now is futile I suppose. So nervous!

Oh well. Wish me luck! And see you guys soon. Maybe.

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Fears

Today is my last day at my job. I guess I’m feeling a little sad. Considering that I have all but been fired from it. I wonder if it was the 4 sick days in 2 months that I took. Was it the horrible work that I produced? Ah, many uncertainties crossed my mind.

Of course, their official “statement” to me was that my help wasn’t really needed. And to be truthful, yea, I hadn’t had barely anything much to do the past month. So I wonder if it’s true. Oh the thoughts that crosses one’s mind when something goes off.

And of course, my mother, she’s constantly nagging at me, and now she has another excuse to keep shoving “worthless” in my face. Saying all about how unneeded or unwanted I am and ranting all about my horrible work etiquette. I guess my work etiquette isn’t at its best. I’m finding it hard to be motivated at times really. Life is meaningless for me.

But I will try. And try I will. Silently. My mum can rant all she wants, she doesn’t need to know my plans for the future. And frankly, I am unsure about my own plans for the future as well. Because I’m not smart or pretty, I can’t really make it into any of the local universities. Because I’m poor, I can’t exactly apply into the private universities as well. Ah life. The random unluckiness it doles out.

So bleak.

I just live life day after day now, trying bit by bit to improve it a little. Hoping that I won’t crash and fall again. The uncertainty of my future scares me. I want to die young, when people would think “Oh what a tragedy, she seemed so promising with her whole life ahead of her!” I don’t want to live to age 40. I don’t know if I would be in a stable job or have a steady income by then. What if I don’t? I would be... by society’s standards, a loser. I am by no means a genius or averagely pretty. I’m nothing really. My looks would only degrade with age, I am certain to die a spinster; the future doesn’t look very exciting. I wouldn’t have the advantage of youth on my side any more. Not to mention brains. Or looks. Sucks.

But... I’ll keep trying. Life moves on. Whether you want it to or not. Don’t got the courage to end it, so I’ll just follow the flow for now. Watch this space. :)

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Whoop De Doo

OH HEY! It's been another quarter of a year. How time flies huh?

I'm now working part time at a finance company! Debt collector! hohoho! But it's kinda stressful, because my I keep making careless mistakes. :(
I STILL DON'T GET HOW I CAN'T SPOT MY OWN NAME BEING SPELLED WRONGLY. T_T
Ahhh, I hope they won't get mad!

Anyway, I promised to change my blogskin but haven't had the time. Maybe next weekend? :X Maybe.

Planning to sign up for Korean language classes and continuing my facial regimen. Gonna be busy busy!
Trying to get into a decent university too, hopefully I can get into the local universities, which I probably don't have much of a chance at but.. well, I can always hope right?

SIM's way way way way way too expensive. :(
Might consider MDIS as my next choice I guess. I have loads planned for my future! Wish me luck! TTFN!

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Thoughts

Wow. It's been like months since I last blogged.

Always having thoughts on what I want to blog and stuff, but never really got a chance to do it. Besides, when I finally have time to blog, I usually have no idea what to type.

I'll find some time to revamp my blog soon, the layout and all. Right after I complete my university applications. Am still unsure what I need and all, but shall discuss with a couple of my friends this coming Friday! (:

I'm still a little hurt that D seems to keep an arm's length from me. Granted, sometimes I come off a little insensitive and all, but I swear I have no intention of dissing or hurting her :/ But I guess that's her character as well, I wanna see her portfolio still! ):
Not like we are exactly competing within the same fields, I have no creative talent nor the skills required. Sucks to be me.

I have utterly no talent whatsoever, trying to make a pretty online portfolio but having to count on friends. Rahr.

Supposed to be conquering gaming sites and stuff with friends but they seem pretty busy as well. I guess my social life is really down on the dumps. :(

Been depressed lately as well, no surprise considering my zero self-esteem, so I've been pigging out more often. AHHHH! As if I'm not fat enough? Been having thoughts on going for some liposuction thingy after seeing all those pretty people on music videos etc. BUT, NO $ D:
Family's having financial problems so can't really get any money from them.
Sighh, I guess I have to postpone my overseas trip with my friends as well, woe is me. and my wallet.

I've ended internship with Home Team News but still have to go back once in a while to finish up my unfinished stories. Blame my overachieving self in taking on too many projects in the first place. But do check it out! They seem rather dry and boring at first but the stories' contents are pretty interesting! www.hometeam.sg

Anyway, I'll be ending off here. Back to my endless TV shows and music videos/games. I'm still mourning the loss of my Megavideo $ though T_T 60 EUROS.

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UGH!

A lot to vent and blog about nowadays.

ESPECIALLY WITH THE ONES AT HOME!!
They are so frustrating dense sometimes. UGH.

Bunch of..........................................

Next topic.
School's started, pretty okay with the new class.
Hoping that we'll warm up to each other.
Hating on some of the facilitators, just because they expect us to be all participative in our first week doesn't mean that they can't understand that we don't know each other all that well right? I sometimes find that facilitators are stupider than us. Why? Cause they are living in their own world and only pay attention to us when something serious happens..

Attended a talk today, speaker was Benson Phua, CEO of Esplanade & National Arts Council. Somehow, I can honestly say from my first impression and interaction today, that I love this guy! His words, thoughts, ideals, and answers all made sense, and I find that I can agree with him and see that he has more to share. I wish I could hear more of his speeches and grasp some of his knowledge! Although I got a little tired during the talk and snoozed a little, I got that his answers were repetitive due to the questions asked, so yay, I didn't miss much. This talk was worth the COMPULSORY tag that came with it! :D

On the other hand, the emcees today were horrendous, c'mon, important VIP and all you provide are 2 students whose English are poor? Seriously, not poor as in slightly unsure of the language or mispronunciation but totally broken tense. Whether they were selected randomly from random schools or from the Speak IG, although I understand the school wants to give them opportunity to speak well, please, do it at less VIP occasions or perhaps even school events would be better. Totally embarrassing ourselves.
If one attends a talk, PLEASE, KEEP QUIET. Others wants to hear what the speaker is saying, SO SHUT UP YOU UNCULTURED PIGS. I CAN HEAR EVERY WORD OF YOUR CONVERSATION FROM BEHIND ME. Idiots. I would appreciate some silence thank you.
Can people ask more intelligent questions? Please don't ask questions for the sake of asking. Further embarrassing not yourself, but the school. =.=

Sighh.. alright. hopefully vent's over. Perhaps more to come.
Back to my RJ! :D I haven't quite decided to like or hate some facilitators. Please, prove that you are worthy to teach. (:
See you all for the next 14 weeks! <3

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Hi all. again. (:

Once again it's the middle of the night while I'm blogging. (:
4.14am.

Listening to music right now, watching a few disney dramas.
Lately, I've realised that there are so many awesome dramas to watch.
It's nice to indulge in these especially when they are added on to my fantasy imaginary world.

Listening to Demi Lovato's latest song, her new music style is pretty good! I hardly ever (mostly never) listen to her songs, but this new song is pretty catchy and addictive! Way to go Demi! Change is not always a bad thing yea? (:
Selena Gomez = LOVed ♥
the mini ed cause I'm still loving her! New style, awesome songs!
I especially like ALL her mvs and a few more songs not MV-ed. Personally I feel that her portrayal of Rock God was great!
Disney is an awesome talent scout

AND Disney produces such awesome shows!
To name a few, Good Luck Charlie (the toddler is ADORABLE!), Wizards of Waverly Place, The Suite Life on Deck, Jonas L.A, That's So Raven, Hannah Montana, Sonny With a Chance and more! (:
Wow ok this macbook is really hard to rest your arms while typing on a sofa D:
Whose macbook you say? Of course I wish it were mine, but it's Youhuai's! She's currently in Japan right now and I haven't had a chance to return her the laptop.

My Acer is currently at the repair shop, apparently it needs a new mainboard or was it mainframe? Whatever. I just hope it can last till graduation then I'll hopefully get a windows operated macbook? Maybe I'll try the macbook settings first before adding Windows, cause I'm really used to Windows, but gotta try the new one first right? (:

Results for the semester are out! Not as good as last semester but I'm pretty content with it. Managed to raise my GPA up, only by 0.02 points, but still, it's up! Gotta work harder next sem! No idea which class I'm in yet, it's supposed to be released tomorrow 8th October at 12pm! Really nervous to know who will be my new classmates. Hope they are nice! (: Don't have to be awesome, just normal will be great.

Checked school e-mails, I've been selected for a few talks about art! (: I'm outwardly WHAT? but inwardly yay! I'm selected!
I wonder what basis they use to select and wonder if it's a good sign.
I'm pretty sure Tanya was selected for Japanese classes last sem ): Too bad I wasn't. Maybe next year! (: After all, her results ARE better! Go Tanya! (Luckily we aren't aiming for the same uni course! wahaha.)

Ok, enough about the school stuff.
My birthday's coming! Yay! 19. Gosh, last teenage year. D:
Gotta enjoy this teen year left!
I wonder who will remember? (:
So far I've a few dinner appointments with old friends! Thank you!
To name, Jerlin, Hwei Shyan, Hui Qi, Daphne, Vanessa and my family!
Only a few, but I'm happy (: and my celebrations with them is already costing a small fortune so my mum is pretty happy about that point. :/
Let's see who else will remember yes? Or maybe I'll just let facebook remind them XD

Alright, back to my dramas!

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It's been a long time since my last post..
Hello again.

It's 5.05am now.
I've been sleeping late lately, guess the holidays screw up my body clock.

Anyway I've been pondering for the past few days, kept thinking of different issues and things that I might want to blog about. Not caring that no one bothers to read anymore, basically this is a dead blog (:
But what the heck eh? Just blog and blog, who knows who might come across it?
Alright, I'm off topic, back to continue.. thinking about different topics to blog about, but in the end, I don't think I'll be blogging much about what I thought. Although it would be nice to share things with others, I guess I won't be.

You know, I have a lot of thoughts floating around my head, I want to do a lot of things, yet I can't, why? :/
I want to blog and write a lot of things here right now, but I think I shall focus on a few selected topics today yes? (:

First on the agenda, I've been reading Yahoo! News lately, saw a few news articles about murders and suicides. Leaves me a little upset. Guess I'm being philosophical again. Why do people do things to hurt others? The usual questions we often find ourselves asking when watching/reading about a horrific act. But I guess we won't be human if such horrific acts aren't committed. Because without the ugly, how can we know the beautiful?

Frankly I've been thinking a lot, a lot of people want to be 'cultured', 'philosophical', 'deep', 'knowledgeable'. I guess some people might have attained that. However, I've been thinking, why do people constantly try to find out stuff like the meaning of life? Usually the answer that is arrived at are usually those cliches you hear often such as cherish those around you, cherish your life etc., I find that these answers no matter what they are, are based on one's own opinion only. If that is actually the meaning of life, why are there so many? Pointless especially since some are contradicting. How do you not give up when everyone around is asking you to give up?
I finally reached the conclusion that basically, there is no meaning of life. Life is just a word for living. We, basically are just organisms. Just that we can do and think more. I've read and believed strongly in things that people probably don't believe. Such as, the mind is indeed powerful. Very powerful.
A video showed a man getting burn blisters when he believes that the ice cube rubbing against his skin is a burning charcoal. There is this one article, not sure about its validity but I believe it's possible, it shows analytical photos (those really advanced technological ones with the infrared/night vision but better) and research of those 'faith healers', light rays were coming out of their hands healing people. Guess our mind is really all powerful eh? Oh well... guess people around me aren't really interested in reading about this.

People around me, sometimes I feel so helpless, like, I really really love to gain knowledge, know little facts etc that I can share you know. But, with people around me who don't want to accept new things, how do you share? For example, I try to explain/correct a person's mistake or misconception, they just say, whatever, or they don't even bother to listen or just seem unconcerned. It makes me stop explaining halfway. What is with this attitude? I mean, YOU are committing a mistake, I'M just CORRECTING it. What's wrong with just listening, knowing, and just saying OK at the end? Not like I'm calling you stupid or idiotic right? Just saying that you got something wrong. Ever heard of errors? I make mistakes too, and I don't mind people correcting me as long as it is CORRECT. I really dislike people who refuse to listen or accept correct facts, OR people who correct you INCORRECTLY. Seriously? I got it correct and you are correcting me? I love it when I go back and research and find that I'm right. Ugh. D:

Whoa... extremely long chunks of paragraphs up there...Whatever, I'll just paragraph it a little bit more.
Up to you whether you decide to read or not.

5.23pm! Took me about 20minutes to type this!
Morning all!

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Wishing you were dead

Now & Forever

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I've been listening and looking for many songs everyday. Loving them! (:

Living in my own imagination and virtual world, I make things happen as I imagine and want them to turn out.
I can be awesome in my dream world, being all that I probably will never be.

Experiencing different things much more in my own dreamland than in reality.

I have thought about abandoning all imagination thoughts, leaving that dreamworld, because it is not real.
Unrealistic you see?

But it kinda hurts, even when I know it's not real, cause I guess it's kind of like my happy place? (:
I think I've bonded with the characters in my imagination ;)
No worries, no one from my reality is in there, thus no worries of disappointment in the real world if it doesn't turn out well eh? Hahaha.

But, no harm in daydreaming and coming back to reality when necessary eh?
I mean, all of you have your own fantasyland where you can do what you like right?
Or do you not? ♥

Been thinking of going down to Chiang Rai during the Sept holidays. I wonder if my mum will allow.
Here's hoping Sarah will go so that I can go too!
I'm hoping my mum will arrange a Beijing trip during the August holidays and still allow me to go Thailand during the Sept holidays! Fingers crossed! Hoping you guys, whoever you are that still bothers to read my dreary blog ^^ tyvm!

Gotta go, back to reality again :D
Back to my Disney stars songs, seriously Disney produces awesome singers!
Alright, break's over, back to schoolwork!

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