{Brain won't stop}

My brain will not stop...
it is just a mush of letters and pictures swirling around............................................
don't even know if I can write it down, but it needs to get out.
I was so excited for a new year but if I knew how hard it was going to be I would have stopped it.
It has been the old white roller coaster from lagoon. (you all know what I am talking about) You look at it and think.. not that scary, but once you are on it.. you are scared to death it just might all fall apart.
first thing. a few days after Christmas my uncle took his own life. He wasn't even 5 minutes from my parents home. We didn't even know he was up visiting until we got that call that he had died. The phone rang in the middle of the night, and you know it can never be good. It was a sad and hard and emotional time. So many unanswered questions, so much regret of not knowing he was in pain. Being a Mom. I was mad at him for leaving his little kids. They need him. I love him and I know he is not in pain anymore. I miss him.
Next week strep for Reed.
Misery
Next strep and ear infection for Nash
Misery
Next week Strep for Me. (awesome)
no insurance = expensive.
Few days later...
Jake leaves for Dallas for two weeks.
misery.
2weeks later.
So excited to Jake.. missed him like crazy!
Get a call that morning.
Mummi (My Mahoney Grandma) Had a stroke. Probably not going to make it....
Next day... Mummi passes away..
2 days later..
Jake has to stay home for work, Becca and Eric pack me and the kids up to go to Heber, Utah. So glad they are here with us.
We don't get off to a great start... missed a turn, left REALLY late. good thing Vegas had hotel rooms for $12 (and it wasn't a crusty, gross one either.)
I get a sinus infection as soon as we get there. 
Friday. Mummi's funeral was beautiful. Wished I would have known her better. She was an amazing women. She sacrificed more than I ever could have. I love and cherish her for that.
Saturday. Eric flys home to go to work, Nash gets the flu
Sunday. Becca and I drive home.
Hour 1-4 Blizzard, Rain, Sleet, Hail (the kind you can't hear each other talk) Nash has diarrhea
Hour 5-12 Sunshine and clear skies for the most part. Reed gets the flu.. throws up at McDonalds. Then throws up the car. Sleeps for most of the time (thankfully)
Make it home.
A few days later. Get a call that My uncle had a heart attack, but drove himself the hospital and is waiting to hear back. He just thought it was a hernia. (tough guy)
Looks like he is going to be okay. Thank goodness.
3 life changing things in 60 days should suffice 2012. Now that we got that out of the way. I expect greatness until the end of the year.
Amen.

and a little pick me up.
 “When the burdens of life become heavy, when trials test one’s faith, when pain, sorrow, and despair cause the light of hope to flicker and burn low, communication with our Heavenly Father provides peace.”
—President Thomas S. Monson