Actually I do.

But I feel like going to a cliff with echoes, and yell my heart out 'I don't give a fuck'.

But I do, so so much. The irony.

Pardon my bad language.

Assumption

can be inaccurate sometimes.

Assumed nothing much will be going on this 2 weeks but turns out almost everything happened in this 2 weeks. Regret not bringing camera to INTI. = =

Oh wells.

Finally rained at 3.++ am. After 2 miserable hot days. Scumbag weather rains the night before of my 8am class.

Yesterdays

Just no idea why, it came back. Still, just something temporary, bet it will subside soon enough. Still, que sera sera :)

Enough

Riding against the tide is suicidal. Just take it and go.

Blank

Cause, I don't think there is anything else I can say.

Still, forget bout the previous post. It's just a sudden mood swing. Lasted few days, but yeah, with exams creeping in, there is no room for it.

Last weekend helped Ah Chai to keep his new widescreen. 2nd hand, but still in good condition. So.. well since it would be a waste just putting it there at the corner of my room, I decided to plug it into my laptop. And after a new place arrangement,  and voilà!!

I dare say I am the ONLY guy at the moment in INTI with this configuration at my desk

My 2nd neighbor suspected that I am a hacker. Lol. I am not = =. 

Blue sky. I am always amazed how perfect the blue is.

I may always seem like a simple minded fool, 

in fact behind it all there is complexity.

I may seem racist and laugh about the jokes it make,

in fact when the veil is off, I have a strong desire to see my country, my home, united as one.

I may seem like a kid,

and perhaps I wanted to remain as one,

Skinned knees hurts less then broken hearts.

But as I look back through those experience I've gained,

I am already nearing an adult stage.

It is not your physical appearance, that makes you an adult.

It's what you've been through and how you think that counts.

Guess I will be one soon, no matter how I hide it.

And I have no plans to hide it anyways. 

Time to take the truth to heart and live on. Live on for the dreams of tomorrow and pray that the road behind will always echo a song of the blessed. 

Work hard and live fully.

Looking back

It's been so long & so much.

and there is definitely so much more to live for.

Wonders how much longer will it take till I reach the end of this tunnel

The Black & The White

Note: No racism intended.

So I meddle abit with b&w photography. I always have this fond of b&w photos cause it leaves pocket of spaces of imagination. Also, it made it feels like it's something long and precious. I do relate age with value sometimes, as how it was quoted, Old is Gold. But then, it's very hard to represent my concept and perspective why I like b&w photography. 

A few of the shots i've taken during Inti Uni Day. 

JamesC.Photography.

Making memories, Lasting moments.

 Perhaps I need a better catch phrase. Or whatever you call it. 

P/s: It's just for fun, not that I am good enough to start a photography company or something. It is and always will be my hobby, not profession.

Fix You

Song originally sang by Coldplay but this is Boyce Avenue's cover. Which in my opinion is just as awesome as the original one or maybe slightly better at some parts.

Send me all your angels tonight, I'm barely hanging on.

Seven Days

You can always predict what might happen, or even deduce what would happen.. but chances are your expectations might not coincide with reality. 

So, conclusion? Carpe Diem.

Competition is 7 days away, and without a doubt this week would be on High gear for everyone. If my life is a movie this week would be flashes of trainings and classes with a building up soundtrack as the back drop. Perhaps the song of Down River by The temper trap might be an interesting add. 

Anyways spend less then 24 hours in Ipoh just for the sake of stpm certs and some documents for ptptn. Mom seem particularly unhappy about it ..lol. But oh wells, It's not like I'm not coming back at all. To be honest, I wish time would allow me to stay longer as well. But I cannot stop the momentum now, taking a few days off is very risky at this stage.. best is to keep everything on high gear till the end of the competition.

Most of all, hope everyone will have a good time :)

I wonder

sometimes, am I good enough?

Time to put on my Game face. Gonna tough it out give my best.

P/s: Yes, I'm doubting

And i do like you. And I do feel that ur the right one. To hell with 'let's see how things goes', it's horse crap & words arranged together so that I can calm myself. And maybe it's true. I'm just afraid of having to go out of the comfort zone and risk getting rejected again. Maybe it's true, I just have not fully recovered yet. But I do hope i am liking you for the right reasons.

If you were an ice cream flavor

You would be my favorite one :)

Maybe I am judging things too soon.. Or perhaps it is just me wanting to move on from my current situation.

I am conflicted, yet again. At one end, I wanted to get to know you more and perhaps in the near future be something more then friends. On the other end, the fear of rejection grips me. And I know clearly I need to be emotionally stable for at least this coming few months in this place where I am alone.

But yeah, every time I had manage to convince myself that right now I am best being single for now, the Universe just seems to like to screw around with me and give me hope that perhaps there is chances. Anyhow I am gonna just live life as it goes. I will walk my pace and I won't rush things.. I know clearly If I am serious about this I can be as persistent as I ever could be, and waiting is something I am willing to do.

Of course, my goal is still clear. Get good grades, build a good career, and get a stable income. And right now I am just indulging in abit of off track desires :D

Also, today frisbee training was quite intense. Been awhile I felt this tired. However I foresee more similar training like this. Drills drills and more drills. I don't want to be a burden to my team! And I definitely don't want them to not be able to achieve their goals cause 1 person in the team didn't give his 100%.  So far I've made little improvements, but I know it doesn't come close to being enough at all. I am gonna try harder, and harder. And I will expect results.

Success is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Shared by PasterChris.

On another note, find it weird that my learning skills teacher today talks about life philosophy instead of teaching 'learning skills' = =. Also she quoted in class, whatever which is yours, will be yours in the end. Weird coincidence given that the same quote was shared by a friend way back in Ipoh.

On that bombshell, It's time to end this long post. I seriously need some good rest.

P/s: Oh and no pics. Didn't take much recently .. hehe

Calm

before the storm.

When the world you're in is still again
And it all fades out
You've reached the end, begin again now

As this long break draws to a close, I foresee a busy semester ahead. One with hectic classes(quite), tough subjects as well as personal goals that I am never before more eager to achieve now. 

I've looked back, and things are so different now than bck then. To everything there is a season in life, there is a season of mourning, a season of trials, a season of rest, a season of labor as well a season of reaping. Still waters, heavy hearts. The still waters only represents the inevitable storm ahead. I will survive this storm, and enjoy life at the same time.

Time heals :)

Make or break

It's not New Year resolutions, nor big promises that make or break life, it's the innumerable small actions you take every hour that compound into a life well lived

- Facebook

P/s: I will be back.

Life as we know it

Just a usual night. Frisbee, then vcammed a guy shaving his beard, drank a weirdly addictive tea at an arabian shop house, stayed up almost all night chatting there, went to friends place to watch movies and here I am.

Maybe I forgot to mention bout it, but life is Inti is crazy sometimes & occasionally epic. Raya week break, can't wait to go back home.

Contingency

I ponder deeply sometimes, what If I my contingency plan was not valid and I am forced to follow my original plan. Of course, because of the luxury of being able to choose, I did not pursue my vry 1st plan with guns ablazing. For one, If I wasn't given a choice, I would only start my studies in a months time, or now if I am extremely lucky. Or, I might be going to Kampar take the cheapest course available get a degree, come out and start building my career. But no, I was given a choice to choose beyond all this. And here I am, in Inti Nilai, 1 semester later and semester 2 is about to start tomorrow.

But now, having to fall back on my contingency plan, I already have too much to loose. If should I fail, money would be wasted, time and my future would be bleak as ever. If should I end up failing, in my household there is only me to take care of my parents. So the pressure is pretty intense when I think about it, but usually I steer clear of this thought.

Tomorrow would be the day I enroll. And right now I'm just chilling in my room in Inti.( actually I am bored to death hence explains blogging.lol ). Can't wait to go flick(frisbee) actually = ="

Stop for a minute

and smile :)

Good bye for now. It has been good and well, but this 3 weeks made me realize that there is more important things in life to pay attention to. Good bye for the moment, and I will promise I will be back. And when I am back, I will never be the same. I will be better. More than that, I will be ready.

Never stop believing

Oh! and finally updated the song list in my blog. Enjoy :D

Seven days ago

by Mocca.

Well another song bumped on when I was watching Invincible Youth. Aside from that.. few more days to the release of my result. I am hoping for the best, that is to pass my subjects.

I am quite confident for the business class.. but for the HCI(human computer interaction) I have no idea what to expect. Sure my course work marks did pull some weight but I did vry badly for my 10% test. And I still need quite a few marks to hit the 50% mark. I am worried. 

In the mean time, since I am quite free in Ipoh.. I decided to take a stroll at a small park just outside my house. Ofc, I carried along my camera.  Here's afew shots.

Earth laughs in flowers.  

Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"

In need of a better perspective.

Those aren't

scars. They are medals for trying.

Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

But, not every case can be applied to this. Sometimes, life just have a different calling for you to live. 

Yet I am sure in this. I will put my heart into it, my time and my sweat. My effort will echo it into the winds and hope that one day it would land on fertile soil. For they say, you reap what you sow. To this I will always hold dear to. To this, I will never forsake.

Empty streets may have remnant cries of yesterday's failures.

Mourn that of which is dead and live for the living. Some dreams are just meant for the moment in time, and then dead for the time to come. Live for the dreams that is alive, for the dreams that may not come true, but bring you to where you should be. 

Life, is full of surprises. Take it and go.

Behold!

The baby who stares at camera

Parent's cell group member thought there was cell group last night. But turns out they forgot it was cancelled. They also brought along their 5months(i think) old baby. It was sleeping at 1st .. then she(i think also - -) woke up.. so having a camera by my side I did the next best thing: Introducing the baby to the camera. Good thing was, at 5months old, their sight is nt vry developed so to get her attention I have to make some voice...some very...well.. Let's call it voice and leave it at there.

Actually.. I think I've terrified her instead D:

and after awhile..

 

RAWR!! I WANT SLEEP. EVERYONE LEAVE ME ALONE!! RAWR!!!

haha .. actually the baby just gently yawned.

Anyways. That's random. Also results is gonna be released soon .. Oh it better be good.

Send me away

with the words of a love song.

Finally, my comfy bed, awesome family and spectacular food.Ipoh is still the best. Well, of course it could be a little boring on and offs since quite alot of people has started studying. 

It seems it's always at night when my thoughts would just drift away. For this moment, I am thinking bout what my dad ask just yesterday night over dinner. When am I gonna get married? Actually he asked when is he gonna get to see his grandchild.. but yeah that was wayyy too far ahead. 

Kinda think of it, I always gave ppl a random number when ppl did ask me bout it. 25 was what I said, but I never really did put much thought into it, and even now I am still single(kinda sound desperate don't I? LOL). I am 20, and if i really wanted to be married by 25.. that is just 5 years left. And in 10years time I would hit 30. Damn that is fast. 

It's like life is moving at the speed of light when we start thinking about it

Well mayb, just maybe it's really time to put some thoughts into what I am looking for in life. What my goals are, and then also find someone who share the dream as I do, instead of getting hoo-ha over any girl I am attracted to.

 Hopefully the dawn would wake me from the slumber at the right timing.

Truth is, I have mostly figured out what I wanna do in life already. Well, mostly I suppose.

First Dawn

Exam's over. Now next stop Johor Bahru. After that will be my long missed hometown. Damn I miss my family/home/town/room/car so much right now. Tonight sucky dinner just made me miss it even more. Yeah laugh and tease, I'm a homeboy..wherever I go.. wherever I am. I will miss my home, not house.. home! :)

Also, gonna start to build up my stamina. Swimming + Jogging. I do hope I am not procrastinating. I always make grand plans, but not everyone is done.

Also debating whether should I go to Pangkor or not. Hmmm ... Dilemma.

The dawn, of story that would last a lifetime. I hope.