Tender Mercy

This is not one of those totally cute posts... It's very long too ;)

Today was a very emotional day for me.

It started with me crying, then smiling, then crying because of sadness, then crying again because I was humbled.

For most of you who know me... I am an open book. I wear my emotions on my sleeves and what you see is what you get.

This post is about a part of me that struggles, but through with the amazing love of the Savior and his grace, my faith was increased.

Since I've been in Chapel Hill, I decide to make a better effort in things of the gospel... Not necessarily jumping in head-first, but easing my way in with more consistent FHEs, personal prayer (there is nothing like trying to sell a house in this market to motivate someone to pray pray pray) reading scriptures etc... etc...

Looking back, somehow I managed to dodge the TALK bullet for a long, long time.
Yeah, I would bear my testimony in RS, but it's been years since the last time I actually had a large audience older than 11 years old.

So a couple of weeks ago a member of the Bishopric came by our apartment to formally welcome our family to the ward. Inevitably I was given a calling in primary and asked to speak. The topic I was assigned was "The healing power of the gospel" Easy right? That's what I thought. Without any hesitation I said "Yes and yes" and so the week started. I had two weeks to prepare this talk. The first week, let's just say I thought about it... um... a lot.

This past week, I started to read talks and jot down some notes. I knew that I didn't want to get up there and talk about doom and gloom, and tell a wonderful story about someone else's experience where they were healed by the power of the gospel. (Honestly, I never really care too much for talks that tell too many personal experiences... they lose me... I always end up visiting La-la land when that happens)

By Thursday I started to get butterflies, and got strangely nervous. The weird part about it is that it seemed like I had a bad case of Adult ADD or something. Every time I thought I was going to get to my talk I ended up NOT for whatever reason.

Friday, I finally sat down and wrote some things down, but something was lacking... (The spirit maybe?) I prayed and typed and prayed and typed, but everything I wrote sounded so silly. I thought about my audience, and went into a panic.... A lot of very well educated people, people that know a whole lot more than I about things like this.

Anyway, Saturday night come around and here I am still struggling to get past the first page.
Dwight came to the rescue a couple of times; giving me ideas and ways I could approach the subject...

At 1 in the morning I lost it.

I freaked out.

"I can't give this talk!!". To me it seemed like such a monumental task that all I wanted was to have a terrible case of diarrhea and puke so I didn’t have to go to church the next morning.
I cried so much I think I may have freaked out Dwight a little. :S

Anyway, I was exhausted, but I knew I had to do it. There was no diarrhea in the horizon to save me.
I prayed and prayed and prayed.
I typed and typed.
I finally went to bed at 3.

A few hours later I got up, showered, and got into my talk again.
Church starts at 11. I finished my talk at 10. I got the kids ready in record time and was at church by 10:45.
I still wasn't feeling like my talk was any good.
I prayed and prayed and prayed....
Finally I gave my talk.

It was a BLURRRRRRRR....

At the end of the meeting something very unusual happened. A lady that was visiting our ward came by and said "I really enjoyed your talk..." (That’s not that unusual, I know... but just wait...)
"... I was taking notes and..." (WHATTA????? That has never happened to me(that I know of)... NOTES????)
She asked me for the name of the talk that I referenced by Elder Scott about the power of faith in times of uncertainty. (HELLO!) I told her I would email the link to her.

I almost removed that quote. It was one of the parts that I thought didn't really fit, but you know... I needed to fill in those10-12 minutes so...

That did put a smile on my face. I thought to myself... "Hey, maybe it wasn't all that bad."

I thanked my Heavenly Father.
I also emailed the lady
Later on, at home, some things came up and reality quickly set in. I cried again.

But the lord wasn't done with me yet.

I decided to check my email, and this is what I found...

Dear Aline, it is interesting how the Lord answers our prayers. I have a daughter that has a trial at this time. My husband and I have been praying, temple roll ect. for her. I know the scriptures teach that as we serve we bless the lives of others. Last night my husband and I were on the internet choosing what ward meeting to attend. When I heard you speak I knew we picked the right one. Today you blessed my life and hopefully hers with your spirit filled talk. Thank you, K

I cried again.