#557 - #558: Dwebble & Crustle

To anyone who remembers: back in the day, Slowbro was categorized as the 'Hermit Crab Pokémon'. Now we get to discuss two Pokémon that are actually based on hermit crabs, although neither is classified as such; Dwebble is called the 'Rock Inn Pokémon', while its evolution Crustle is known as the 'Stone Home Pokémon'. Is this the game we're playing, Game Freak?

Cilan's Dwebble in the anime. In the second image you
can see it without it being tucked into its rock shell, which
it seems to be repairing.

A hermit crab is a crustacean with a soft, asymmetrical abdomen that is concealed in a scavenged mollusk shell carried around by the hermit crab, although hollow stones and pieces of wood are used by some species. Dwebble, the Pokémon that is based on this animal, was seen in the anime without its rock shell as well, with a hook-like tail that is possibly used to keep the rock in place or to carve itself a new home should its old one gets lost or destroyed. With the help of a corrosive spray expelled from its mouth to dissolve the rock after inspection, carving a new home shouldn't be much a problem for this little critter. However, if the rock indeed breaks, Dwebble becomes agitated and can't and won't calm down until it finds another rock to replace its old home with, which makes its French name Crabicoque even more fitting: bicoque is French slang for a ramshackle or dilapidated house, which seems to imply that Dwebble isn't picky at all when choosing a rock to live in - either that, or its acidic saliva really doesn't help improving the quality of its home. I'm not sure if the shell changes with it when it evolves into Crustle, but it seems odd that a spherical rock turns into what looks like a massive block of stratified stone (a stratum is a layer of sedimentary rock or soil formed at the Earth's surface, with internally consistent characteristics that distinguish it from other layers; each layer is generally one of a number of parallel layers that lie one upon another, laid down by natural processes) rather than an actual shell, although the design seems to resemble ornately-colored hermit crab shells.

An exceptionally mossy Crustle with an entire ecosystem on its back. It is even
graced by Shaymin's presence. 

These heavy slabs, which seem to consist of multiple layers of strata, are carried around by Crustle through arid lands for days on end due to the enormous strength in its legs. However, Crustle is very territorial and fights viciously in competitions for a habitat: the one whose boulder is broken first is the loser of the battle and will have to find another place to make its home, so its ability to travel long distances with heavy blocks of rock on its back comes in very handy, if I may say so. One of the most bizarre things about this is that, contrary to Dwebble, the giant block of stone on Crustle's back isn't actually its home, but something that seems to be more like a status symbol. It doesn't look like Crustle can retreat in its 'shell'; it just seems keen on lugging it around for no discernable reason other than the fact that it is able to do so in the first place. I wonder whether this boulder isn't physically a part of Crustle, because one Pokédex entry says that whenever it is broken in battles for territory, Crustle feels unsure and begins to weaken - plus, the rock changes color in its shiny form and turns into the same sickly shade of green as its body.

Another piece of fan art with an ecosystem on Crustle's back.

Competitively, Crustle doesn't have a lot of tricks up its sleeve. Its base attack went from 95 to 105 in the most recent generation, which is nice, while its base defense sits at an excellent 125 points, but unfortunately it isn't fast or specially defensive. The speed problem can be fixed to an extent by giving Crustle a Jolly nature as well as the move Shell Smash, which raises its attack, special attack and speed by two stages each, but keep in mind that this comes with a defense and special defense penalty. As a result of that, the White Herb would be a perfect held item for Crustle to have, because it reverts back all decreased stats to their original state. It has a one-time use only, so use it wisely. Of course, a set like that asks for a couple of strong physical moves for Crustle to use, and it seems Crustle has just about enough of them. Rock Wrecker is very niche and requires Crustle to recharge the following turn (which I don't think it can afford to do), but it has 150 power and hits like a truck after a Shell Smash. You're better off using Rock Slide or Stone Edge in the end, though, accompanied by X-Scissor and Earthquake, although Crustle also has access to Poison Jab and Knock Off - especially the latter could come in handy, if the opponent's held items are really bothering you. This White Herb set is perfect if you breed Sturdy onto Crustle, because this ability leaves Crustle with only 1 HP when attacked at full health and that basically means you'll have a free Focus Sash on your hand. Shell Armor prevents critical hits, which is a good ability if you want to go defensive with it and use it as an entry hazard lead, but I'd recommend the hit-and-run tactic. Shell Smash is such a fun move to use that it's hard to pass on it; not many Pokémon have access to it and Crustle is strong enough to utilize this move to its full extent.

TCG art of Crustle

I actually really like Crustle. This Pokémon is original enough to warrant its existence, especially when it comes to its design, although there are a few flaws that I would like to point out. First off, Crustle's Pokédex entries are as generic as can be, however fun it might be to speculate about the big boulder on its back. They only mention it violently fighting each other because it's extremely territorial, and I'm pretty sure I've already seen that coming up with a couple of other Pokémon in some way, shape or form before. Second, anime Crustle is way too red. Dwebble might be a brighter orange than its evolution, but Crustle's body is still (a shade of) orange rather than crimson, and I'm actually really bothered by the way it was colored in the anime. Fortunately, that is it. I like Crustle a lot, but it's by no means one of my favorite Pokémon. Perhaps I'll raise my score once I get more attached to it during a playthrough, but for now it just falls short of a 5-star rating.

Rating: 4.5/5

#524 - #526: Roggenrola, Boldore & Gigalith

Okay, so let me tell you this right now: Geodude, Graveler and Golem version 2.0 are wildly interesting, unlike the originals...

Two examples of Roggenrola art in the Trading
Card Game.

Granted, it's not hard to be more interesting than Geodude and Graveler, and Golem doesn't have much to write home about, either. It's like Game Freak took the rock part of Geodude and just improved on it with Roggenrola, whose ear seems to be the hexagonal gap positioned smack-dab in the middle of its body rather than the rocky protrusion coming from its head. Cilan, Ash's traveling companion in Unova, actually explained in the anime that Roggenrola has sensitive hearing and can hear sounds that are inaudible to humans, panicking and toppling over if the sounds it tends to follow with its ear cease. Roggenrola is born deep in the Earth (its classification as the 'Mantle Pokémon' suggests that it was the Earth's mantle it was born in) and only made its way into shallower caves by way of fissures caused by earthquakes. Its body contains an energy core that is as hard as steel from being compressed underground, further solidifying the evidence that this Pokémon is based on a geode, which is a geological secondary structure that occurs in sedimentary and volcanic rocks and is usually hollow and vaguely spheroid in shape in order to oblate masses of mineral matter. The Sun and Moon Pokédex even state that it compares the hardness of its body with that of similar species like Geodude and Carbink. Roggenrola did steal Geodude's shtick of being able to roll, and people in Unova even use it as balls in a televised version of bowling, which is likely why its name is a play on the term 'rock and roll' - or, more specifically, 'rock-'n'-roller'.

Another reason why Roggenrola and its evolutions are rip-offs of the Geodude family is that Roggenrola and Geodude both evolve at level 25 and evolve once more into their final stages when traded.

Boldore... trying to be tough, I guess? Trust me, little guy,
you'll become much more badass when you evolve.

Actually, Boldore also follows Graveler in that it receives at least one extra limb upon evolving from Roggenrola. It looks strangely arachnid, and although I am absolutely terrified of spiders (they're my biggest fear), I don't particularly mind Pokémon that are based on them - in fact, Galvantula and Araquanid are pretty solid Pokémon in my opinion. Boldore, on the other hand, not so much. Sure, it's made of rock and therefore it's literally solid, but its characteristics seem to be greatly inconsistent with its actual in-game stats. You see, Boldore seems to have an internal core in which massive energy flows continuously, but it can hardly contain said energy and so it leaks to the surface, forming the precious orange crystals found all over its body. This indicates that Boldore is able to fire off powerful energy-based attacks, but there is just one problem with that: its special attack is absolutely horrendous. To add some more flavor, Game Freak gave Boldore the special-based rock-type move Power Gem by level-up, which I merely view as their way to rub salt into its wound. To make matters even worse for Boldore, the orange crystals on its body are so full of energy that they provide enough fuel for hundreds of dump trucks; they're incredibly valuable, so Boldore is sometimes targeted for them.

Honestly, Gigalith has one of the best shinies in the
entire franchise.

And as for Gigalith... Well, Gigalith continues Boldore's trait of converting the compressed energy within its core into devastating blows that can even destroy mountains and cause countless fissures to appear all over its body. This energy is absorbed from rays of sunlight, and it is only appropriate for Gigalith to be able to learn Solar Beam, but yet again its special attack is absolutely atrocious. Consistency has never been one of Game Freak's strengths, but this is ridiculous. At least Gigalith can claim that it's much better than Golem. First off, Gigalith is a pure rock type instead of a rock/ground type, which means it doesn't have quadruple weaknesses to grass and water and doesn't have a weakness to ice at all. It isn't immune to electric, like Golem, but its ability Sand Stream whips up a sandstorm in battles and boosts its special defense by 50%, allowing it to take even super-effective hits better while the sandstorm is in effect. The fact that Gigalith doesn't get STAB from Earthquake is compensated by its massive base 135 attack stat, which makes its other physical attacks (Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Throat Chop, Iron Head, Superpower and even Explosion) hit harder as well. Gigalith is slower than Golem, which makes the latter more adept at using a Rock Polish set, but both are pretty slow and Gigalith can take hits much better than Golem anyway, only for it to retaliate much harder. The only advantage Golem may have over Gigalith is its more diverse movepool, having access to nifty moves like Thunder Punch, Fire Punch and Hammer Arm. Golem does have an Alola Forme as well, but it's rock/electric and so it's four times weak to ground (and, therefore, Earthquake), which cripples it tremendously.

Yikes. You go and tell me Gigalith isn't terrifying...

As I mentioned before, Gigalith has excellent overall bulk and that makes it incredibly fun to use competitively. You can run Sand Stream in combination with a Sassy or Careful nature to boost its special defense (its base 130 defense is already good as is) and then simply slap a Choice Band on it to boost its physical attack by 50%. Just remember you'll be able to use only one move until Gigalith is switched out, so perhaps you'll want to change the nature into Brave or Adamant to compensate for that; it'll make it hit unnecessarily hard. There's also the option of letting Gigalith hold the Leftovers instead, just for a little bit more durability in battle, which also allows it to make use of Stealth Rock and Toxic more effectively as it isn't hindered by the effect of using only one move. Last but not least, there's Gialith's remaining abilities. Sturdy prevents Gigalith from being knocked out in one hit when at full HP, but that will most likely not happen anyway, and so it's an ability that is more useful on a Pokémon like Golem due to its quadruple weaknesses and less-than-stellar special defense. Sand Force increases the power of rock-, ground- and steel-type moves, but doesn't whip up a sandstorm itself, which means Gigalith will have to rely on a teammate to set up a sandstorm first before it can actually be effective. It's more of a hassle than it's actually worth, really, especially since items like a Choice Band or a Life Orb do a much better job at boosting attacks.

Gigalith looking like one of those monsters you encounter in your dreams.

Personally, I love Gigalith so much because of its design. It just looks plain monstrous and badass, and I have to say it's such a shame I have never used one before because I could never trade off a Boldore. I'm glad Game Freak decided to reboot the series and rehash some of their earlier designs, because most of them are improved versions of the originals. Gigalith is no different, being more interesting flavor-wise and more complex design-wise, actually resembling a fantasy monster dwelling deep in some dark and scary cave. Pokémon like Gigalith are exactly what makes Unova so great, and we're not done with this generation yet... not by a long shot.

P.S.: I'm on a roll, posting reviews four days in a row. So far, so good. Unfortunately for you, you'll have to wait at least a couple of days for the next one to appear. Bummer.

Rating: 5/5

#410 - #411: Shieldon & Bastiodon

Official art of Shieldon by none other than Ken Sugimori.

As the defensive counterparts of Cranidos and Rampardos, we have the rock/steel dual types Shieldon and Bastiodon. While steel is my favorite type, I am not the biggest fan of this evolution line. Resurrected from the Armor Fossil rather than the Skull Fossil, Shieldon is a ceratopsid dinosaur with a shield for a face and evolves into a ceratopsid dinosaur with an entire wall for a face. It's weirdly appropriate when you consider the fact that they're based on protoceratops andrewsi and the genus of chasmosaurus, respectively. The latter is known for containing species with head growths called frills, which have large openings called fenestrae in them, very much like the yellow marks on Bastiodon's protective growth that resemble windows in castle walls. Unlike Cranidos and Rampardos, who have quite the temperament, Shieldon and its evolution are docile and gentle Pokémon who wouldn't even hurt a fly - not that they could, because their offensive stats are absolutely atrocious, but I'll get back to that later. While Shieldon spends its time polishing its outstandingly armored facial hide against tree trunks instead of banging walls, Bastiodon doesn't even have to worry about that anymore: its wall-like face is so strong it can deflect even the strongest of attacks, which is why they line up and form an impenetrable wall in order to protect their young. Though in stark contrast to its superb frontal defense, it is vulnerable from behind.

A more realistic take on Bastiodon. I think it looks great!

Fortunately, Pokémon are facing each other in a Pokémon battle, so Bastiodon doesn't have to worry about its rear end in the competitive metagame. Also, it's not how the game mechanics work, either: if Bastiodon were to hit by a move like Phantom Force or Hyperspace Fury, two-turn moves that make the user vanish during the first turn and attack the target from behind in the following turn, its massive physical defense stat isn't lowered all of a sudden. And that's just as well, because Bastiodon is an extremely defensive Pokémon on both sides of the spectrum. Remember that I told you Rampardos is sometimes used as a suicide lead used for setting up Stealth Rock? Well, Bastiodon is so much better suited for that due to its defensive traits. Considering its base 138 special defense is lower than its base 168 physical defense, it often has a nature that boosts its special defense, such as a Careful, Calm or Sassy one. Combine that with Sturdy - an ability that leaves it at 1 HP when attacked at full HP, provided the attack would otherwise have knocked it out - and the Leftovers, and you'll have a Pokémon that is tough to take down. It is very vulnerable to fighting- and ground-type moves, but there's a nifty tactic that lets it take revenge in a snap: Metal Burst. If you make sure Bastiodon is at full HP and can take an Earthquake to the face, you can retaliate with Metal Burst, which is a Counter and Mirror Coat in one and does 1.5 times the damage dealt by the foe in HP points, either physically or specially. Unlike Counter and Mirror Coat, however, Metal Burst does not have decreased priority, so Bastiodon is the only Pokémon that can reliably make use of it because of its outrageously low speed stat. There's Aggron, Bisharp and Alolan Sandslash, but they're all powerhouses and benefit more from all-out physical attacks, and Solgaleo and Dialga definitely don't need it because they're relatively fast.

I'd almost forget completing Bastiodon's competitive moveset because I ranted on about Metal Burst. Well, that and Stealth Rock should be its staple moves, although Toxic is always a reliable classic and Roar can be used to remove Pokémon from the battlefield that are trying to set up. Alternatively, Magic Coat (so not Mirror Coat) reflects any moves that cause status conditions or put up entry hazards on your side of the field back to the original user.

Bastiodon looks menacing and intimidating, but it is in fact a very docile and
gentle Pokémon.

Shieldon and Bastiodon are a couple of oddballs. I don't know if the nose bone, reminiscent of those from various indigenous tribes, was intentional on Game Freak's part, but it's kind of putting me off and I don't think it was entirely necessary for design completion. The whole castle wall aspect is a bit confusing, as castles are a medieval occurrence and not a prehistoric one, but castles in the Pokémon world could have been inspired by Bastiodon's design, so I'll let this one slide. All in all, I like Bastiodon well enough, only for its moderately derpy design, but it's far from my favorite Pokémon. Steel type or no, this one is not getting a perfect or near perfect rating from me.

Rating: 4/5

#408 - #409: Cranidos & Rampardos

You'd think everything could only go downhill from here after all that praise for Luxray, but we're not even close to the end. Gen. V has the best roster of Pokémon out of all generations, and we'll have to wade through the majority of Gen. IV Pokémon before we get to the greatest Pokémon generation of all time.

The juvenile forms of all fossil Pokémon, with Cranidos at the far left, apparently
starting a skirmish with Tyrunt.

Fortunately for me, the 'struggle' is made easier by Pokémon like Rampardos, whom I have a soft spot for. I never realized the Gen. IV fossil Pokémon come so early in the Pokédex, especially since the player character can't start digging up fossils in the Sinnoh Underground until they arrive in Eterna City, which is pretty early on but still a couple of cities away from the last Pokémon we reviewed: you'd have to run some errands in Jubilife City, Oreburgh City and Floaroma Town before you get to Eterna City, and on the routes and landmarks between Jubilife and Eterna are a bunch of new Pokémon to be caught, including those found exclusively in Honey trees scattered all over the goddamn region. Why Cranidos and Shieldon appear so early in the National Pokédex is beyond me, but I guess the game developers had a reason for it. I'm not complaining; I just thought I'd point it out.

TCG art of Cranidos getting ready for... something.

In any case, Cranidos is a curious little critter, being based on the extinct species of pachycephalosaurus wyomingensis - or a pachycephalosaur for short. The species is known for their thick, ossified skulls surrounded by nodes and/or spikes, very much like Cranidos. The latter's main attacking prowess involves charging headfirst into its opponents, which is largely in line with the headbutting tendencies of the pachycephalosaur. 100 years in the past, Cranidos even used its skills to combat Aerodactyl, apparently engaging in a feud that ended until it went extinct. Practicing with others of its kind is a common leisure activity among the species, as their craniums are as hard as steel and they like to toughen them up by headbutting one another. When Cranidos evolves into Rampardos at level 30, the earliest of any fossil Pokémon along with Shieldon, the design is just being extended upon. While Bulbapedia suggests Rampardos is based on either stygimoloch spinifer or dracorex hogwartsia (yes, this dinosaur species is indeed named after Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry from the Harry Potter series) due to its height and the larger horns, it is commonly suggested that both species are in fact juvenile specimens of the pachycephalosaur. There is no scientific evidence to back up that claim just yet, but let's go with it.

Tyrantrum vs. Rampardos. Whose Head Smash would hit harder? Rampardos
inarguably has the better attack stat, but Tyrantrum benefits from much better bulk
altogether. 

Essentially, Rampardos is just an upgraded version of Cranidos. This is not entirely a given in the Pokémon franchise, as quite a number of evolved Pokémon have flavor texts that differ from those of their pre-evolutions, but I guess in this case it's fitting. A charging Rampardos can knock down virtually anything with one hit, pulverizing even the most durable of objects upon impact. Its Pokédex entry from Pokémon Moon even states that records exist of a revived fossil that evolved into Rampardos, escaped and proceeded to destroy a skyscraper. On the other hand, if two of them were to smash their heads together, their foot-thick craniums would keep them from fainting. In short, Rampardos is a brute capable of destroying everything around it if it feels like it, demonstrated in-game by its massive base 165 attack stat. That's the highest of any fully evolved Pokémon, barring Megas and legendaries (Ultra Beasts included), and it doesn't even have an ability that hinders it.

Whew, this Rampardos is scary, goddamn.

But unlike Slaking, who has Truant to hinder its battle prowess, Rampardos's stats are either subpar or just downright bad. Its base 97 HP is great, but it doesn't have the defenses to back it up, and most of the time it is too slow to move first. There is a way to get around that, by breeding a Jolly nature onto it and giving it a Choice Scarf in order to effectively maximize its speed. Its base 165 attack lets it hit like a truck anyway, so you might as well max out its speed while you're at it. After that, though, the Choice Scarf lets Rampardos use only one move to attack with until it is switched out, so that in itself limits it as well. In that regard, ditching an attacking move for Rock Polish might be an option if you think you can pull it off. A Life Orb set with the hidden ability Sheer Force (removes added effects of moves in exchange for a 30% boost in power) and an Adamant or Jolly nature might also give you what you're looking for: Rock Slide is a STAB move that hits hard when boosted by Sheer Force - as well as Zen Headbutt, Crunch, Fire Punch, Thunder Punch and Iron Head, by the way - and Hammer Arm, Superpower, Earthquake and Outrage generally hit very hard when used by Rampardos. Another role it could fulfill is that of suicide lead, used for setting up Stealth Rock after living a hit at full HP with a Focus Sash. With its ability Mold Breaker, it can even negate the effects of abilities that could potentially affect the damage or effects of a move that it executes. There are other Pokémon who are much better suited for that role, though, and using Rampardos as a suicide lead is actually a waste of potential.

Also, Smogon mentions mixed sets on Rampardos, but I wouldn't recommend that in the slightest. Even with Sheer Force, its base 65 special attack doesn't allow it to hit hard with moves such as Ice Beam, Thunderbolt and Fire Blast in the first place, so I think you're better off with Fire Punch and Thunder Punch, just to new a few attacks.

Some nifty 3D art of Rampardos.

Cranidos and Rampardos are the only mono-type fossil Pokémon, but they are my favorites by a large margin. I agree with many people that Rampardos's design is a bit awkward and messy, but that is exactly why I like it so much. Also, the black-and-blue color scheme is one of the reasons why I love Luxray so much, and the same applies to Rampardos, albeit to a lesser degree. I used one in my very first Diamond playthough, also just like Luxray, and it demolished everything in its path. And that is exactly what I'm looking for in a Pokémon when casually playing through a game.

Rating: 5/5

#377: Regirock

Regirock's official art. 

Just as we had gotten used to the three oversized elemental birds from Kanto and the three mammalian beasts roaming around Johto, Game Freak decided to drop the success formula altogether in Gen. III and saddled us with a trio of robotic golems. This is what people were talking about when they said a lot of the Hoenn Pokémon didn't feel like Pokémon to them at all. A lot of people could still take them or leave them depending on their usefulness nowadays, while Articuno, Suicune, Entei, etc. quickly grew to be fan favorites based on their designs. Regirock, Regice and Registeel are still pretty much interchangeable, mainly because their blocky and inorganic designs just make them feel like the same Pokémon to many people. It's a miracle to me that so many people found out how to obtain them in the first place, as they're a bitch to catch in Ruby, Sapphire and ORAS due to the many requirements you'll have to fulfill. First off, make sure you have Wailord in the first spot and Relicanth in the last spot of your party (good luck with that, by the way, because both are pretty rare in the first place). Then, use Dive in the one diving spot on Route 134, which you can only reach by going through the maze of sea currents on the routes before that. Make one mistake and you can fly back to Pacifidlog Town to start all over again. Once you've gained access to the Sealed Chamber, you'll have to follow a couple of instructions involving certain moves - here, I believe it's Dig you're required to use in a certain spot. If it works, an earthquake occurs and a text box telling you it sounds like doors opening far away appears, which means you've activated all of the chambers the Regi thingsies hide in. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that they are now easily accessible; for Regirock you'll have to use Rock Smash in a certain spot of the chamber found in the desert on Route 111, for Regice you'll be required to walk counter-clockwise around the edges of the entire chamber found on Route 105, and for Registeel you'll have to use Flash in the direct center of the chamber found on Route 120.

Ain't nobody got time for all of that.

This kind of 3D art makes a Pokémon like Regirock surprisingly realistic. 

While 12-year-old me was also disappointed with this legendary trio, I find them much more interesting now that I am 27. Of the three, Regirock is by far my favorite. It may have the most chunky design of the three Regis, but at the same time it has the most natural look to it due to its imperfectly craggy body. Regirock achieves its craggy look by repairing itself with new rocks after it gets damaged in battle, causing it to be composed of different unearthed minerals from all over the goddamn world. And while it clearly has the conscience to seek out suitable rocks for it to patch itself up, there are no signs of it possessing a brain or heart, which is a mystery even to modern-day scientists.

This aspect of Regirock suggests it is based off of the golems of Jewish folklore, which casts them as servants of higher powers with writings on their heads, very much like the braille script found on Regirock and its cohorts. According to some Hebrew legends, removing the writings would weaken, deactivate or destroy these golems. For example, there is the tale of the Golem of Chełm, which was said to have been in the possession of a Polish rabbi called Eliyahu Ba'al Shem. He created the creature himself, inscribing the word emet (אמת, Hebrew for 'truth') in its forehead and making it carry out difficult tasks for him. When he realized the golem was growing larger and larger, he feared that it would destroy the entire universe and removed the aleph (א, the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet) from its forehead. The inscription would suddenly say met (מת, meaning 'death') instead and before the golem disintegrated and turned to dust, it left severe scratches on its master's face.

Some more amazing 3D art, goddammit.

There's an interesting lore behind Regirock, and because the golems we've come to be familiar with are usually made of clay or any other earthy matter, Regirock comes closest to being an actual golem. It's one of the reasons why this Pokémon is my favorite of the legendary titans, although its competitive use definitely plays a big role in that as well. I kinda have a thing for high defense stats, and that probably has something to so with my affection for steel types - which would also explain why I love Pokémon like Regirock and Gigalith so much. Regirock is sporting one of the highest defense stats in the game, though, and in that regard it is defeated only by Shuckle, Mega Steelix and Mega Aggron and equalled by regular Steelix. That's a lot to work with, especially when you consider its HP stat is a very decent base 80, backing up that defense stat quite nicely. Because Regirock is naturally bulky - for some reason, it also possesses some moderate special defense - you could run an all-out offensive set supported by an Adamant nature and something like a Life Orb or a Choice Band. It benefits from having a wide physical movepool, with moves like Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Earthquake, Hammer Arm, Superpower, Drain Punch, Fire Punch, Ice Punch, Thunder Punch and Iron Head. If a base 100 attack stat is a little less to work with for you, you could also run an offensive-supportive moveset consisting of Thunder Wave, Stealth Rock, Earthquake and Stone Edge, backed up by an Impish nature to make maximum use of Regirock's physical bulk and the Leftovers to ensure its endurance in battle. If speed is your problem, Regirock can set up with Rock Polish, effectively doubling its speed when it is used the first time. As far as abilities go, Clear Body is by far the superior one, as it prevents any stat reductions coming from opponents. Sturdy might come in handy on the off chance Regirock is in the proximity of being OHKOed, but it is not recommended.

Well, Rocky... you look kind of awkward just standing there, blankly staring at
nothing. Are you okay?

It probably won't come as a suprise that this will be the longest article about a single legendary titan, mainly because I've spilled everything about their origins already. I most likely would have waited with that had Regirock come last rather than first, but what's done is done and I can't reverse it now, right? (Disclaimer: Well, I probably could have done that when I was still in the process of writing, but you didn't really think I would have thrown all of that hard work away, now did you?) We're nearly at the end of Gen. III and Regirock's rating is by far not the last perfect rating I'm giving this generation. Not just yet.

Rating: 5/5

#369: Relicanth

As Relicanth comes right after Huntail and Gorebyss in the National Pokédex, it's probably not a coincidence it has the same base stat total as the Pokémon who precede it, right? It's even found in the same underwater areas as Clamperl, although it has to be said that it's much rarer to be found.

Official art of Relicanth by Ken Sugimori. I have absolutely no
idea what the red spot on its body is doing there. 

Relicanth, however, focuses less on offense and more on defense, sporting great HP and defense and close-to-horrid special defense. This comes at the cost of its special attack, which is terrible and shouldn't be used, but at least its base 90 attack is something we can work with. Its speed is low - although it is surprisingly faster than Huntail and Gorebyss - but it has access to Rock Polish and thus has a way to work around that. Once it manages to set once up, Relicanth is fast enough to fuck opponents up with Head Smash, a STAB rock-type move with 150 power that normally deals recoil damage, which is now prevented by its ability Rock Head. As for the rest of its moveset, Waterfall is a must as it gains STAB from it, while the other slot could be filled by either Zen Headbutt or Earthquake, depending on what you need. Whereas a physical moveset like this should be supported by a Life Orb or Stone Plate (either is fine, although a Life Orb will wear it down more easily) and a Jolly or Adamant nature, Relicanth can also be used as a defensive pivot. Give it an Impish nature, let it hold the Leftovers and invest in HP and defense, and you'll have a reliable Stealth Rock user with the classic Toxic/Protect combo as well. Waterfall or Scald can be used over Protect, and in case of the latter you'll have to change its nature into a Relaxed one so that its special attack isn't hindered. Relicanth does still need an attacking move despite its defensive use, and that honor usually goes to Head Smash in combination with Rock Head or Rock Slide in conjunction with Sturdy. This is mainly done to prevent recoil damage of any kind.

That's a nifty-ass papercraft Relicanth, i.m.o.

I had always wanted to use one on my team, and I was adamant to use one in my very first Alpha Sapphire playthrough, which I did. It's an interesting Pokémon after all, being heavily based on the coelacanth, which is in fact pronounced 'see-luh-kanth'. The coelacanth is a fish that was thought to have gone extinct at the end of the Cretacious period nearly 66 million years ago, until a single specimen was found off the east coast of South Africa in 1938. Since then, extensive research has been done and another extant coelacanth species was discovered years later in 1999. The entire order of fish have been called living fossils ever since, although the coelacanth's continued survival may be threatened by commercial deep-sea trawling, in which it is caught as bycatch more often than preferable. Relicanth, on the other hand, was fortuitously rediscovered on a submarine expedition rather than during fishing, having remained unchanged in over 100 million years. Like with Huntail and Gorebyss, its Pokédex entries also mention it being able to withstand the enormous water pressure of the ocean depths, but this time it is more obvious by taking a look at Relicanth's design, flavor and typing: its body is filled with thick fat, its scales are like craggy rocks and its rock typing clearly makes it sturdier overall.

TCG art of Relicanth on a holographic card.

I really like Relicanth. It's an interesting idea to base a Pokémon off of a fish that was once thought to have gone exinct millions of years ago, even though its rocky head is reminiscent of a certain species of actually extinct fish called placodermi. The head and thorax of a placoderm were covered by armored plates and the rest of its body was scaled or naked depending on the species, just like Relicanth appears to be. Design-wise, Relicanth really is just a sylized coelacanth, and its flavor sure points that way, too. This Pokémon isn't one of my absolute favorites yet, but it could easily become one if I spend some more time with it. For now, though, I think I'm giving this thing 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Rating: 4.5/5

#347 - #348: Anorith & Armaldo

Image of a happy prehistoric Pokémon family (minus Tyrunt,
Tyrantrum, Amaura and Aurorus). Armaldo is the big arthropod
standing beneath Archeops, the big flying dinosaur bird. And I
don't know what the fuck Anorith - beside Arnaldo's right eye - is
doing exactly, but I can tell you right now that it certainly doesn't
have the ability to fly.

While it looked like Game Freak went out of their way to make the Gen. III fossils something unique and unexpected, they did go back to arthropods with Anorith and Armaldo. Kabuto and Kabutops may look more badass and menacing, but I don't think these Gen. III arthropods should be underestimated. Not only is Armaldo stronger and more defensive than Kabutops stat-wise, it also has a better typing in rock/bug rather than rock/water. The result? It doesn't have any major weaknesses to worry about aside from rock and maybe water, which aren't even quadruple weaknesses like Kabutop's one to grass, and it has access to a much better physical movepool, which it benefits greatly from. First off, Armaldo is much better suited to run a Leftovers set accompanied by moves like Stealth Rock and Rapid Spin in order to set up rocks or remove them, respectively. It's also able to take a hit or two - especially when they're physical-based - only to set up with Swords Dance and wreck entire teams with STAB moves like Stone Edge, Rock Slide and X-Scissor. It has much better type coverage than Kabutops in the fantastic Earthquake, as well as in moves like Aqua Tail, Aqua Jet, Cross Poison, Brick Break, Superpower, Iron Tail and Knock Off.

TCG art of Armaldo.

What's more, you don't even have to worry about your Armaldo getting critted, because its only regular ability, Battle Armor, prevents the opponent from landing a critical hit on it. Its hidden ability Swift Swim doubles its speed in the rain, but Armaldo isn't fast in the first place and the rain can be used against it, as water-type moves will cause devastating damage on it due to its weakness to this type. Running Swift Swim is possible in combination with a Swords Dance set and a Life Orb, but it will be quite tricky to pull off and I therefore recommend sticking with Battle Armor if you're not ready to take on complicated rain sets for a Pokémon that is weak to water in the first place. You do need another Pokémon to set up the rain, after all.

Isn't Anorith just adorable???

Anorith and Armaldo may be based on arthropods that have gone extinct, but that doesn't mean they're a complete rip-off of Kabuto and Kabutops. Anorith resembles an anomalocaris, an extinct arthropod believed to have been a predator of approximately 3 feet long and the ancestor of all modern-day arthropods. The anomalocaris had strange aesthetic qualities to it, possessing two large compound eyes on stalks protruding from either side of the head and a pair of arm-like proboscides extending from between its eyes. Those features were maintained when Game Freak created Anorith, and the result is an interesting Pokémon. When Anorith evolves, it becomes bipedal; and while some features of the anomalocaris are still eminent in Armaldo's design, including the side 'feathers' and the eyes on stalks, this Pokémon looks more saurian than ever. It makes Armaldo bigger and more intimidating and the claws protruding from its chest more lethal. And they are deadly, because they can be freely extended or contracted and can cut through steel slabs (which, of course, isn't noticable in in-game mechanics). The only thing that doesn't make sense to me is that both Anorith and Armaldo are weak to water. Anorith's Pokédex entries clearly state that it once lived in warm seas, undulating the eight wings on the side of its body - which were once feet that transformed to adapt to life in the sea - to swim around. Granted, it went ashore upon evolving and thus it became bipedal, which was more convenient for life on land, but Armaldo still hunts for prey underwater and swims around using its two large wings - which are actually the yellow-edged black plates that are part of its armor rather than the weird 'feathers'.

Sigh. I love Pokémon, Game Freak, but you are not without your flaws, are you?

Still of a video tutorial teaching y'all how to draw (and color) Pokémon.

On its own merits, Anorith is kinda cute, but Armaldo is really where it's at. It doesn't look too menacing, but don't be deceived by its rather innocent appearance at first: this thing is a beast. While I never had the privilege to use one in a playthrough (the only time I used a Hoenn fossil was when I picked the Root Fossil rather than the Claw Fossil in an Omega Ruby playthrough of mine, and I only decided on that because I needed a grass type on my team), Armaldo's shrimp-like design appeals to me more than Cradily's disproportional plant-that-is-not-really-a-plant-but-a-marine-animal-called-a-crinoid-and-thus-cannot-actually-be-a-grass-type design. Armaldo doesn't belong to my absolute favorites, but at least I'll grant it half a star more than Cradily.

Rating: 4.5/5

#345 - #346: Lileep & Cradily

Even fan art depicts Lileep (bottom left, the purple vase-like
Pokémon with the tentacles around its eyes) being underwater.

Lileep and Cradily are the first fossil Pokémon since Aerodactyl near the end of the Kanto Pokédex. Johto didn't have a pair of fossils to choose from and it wouldn't be until Ruby and Sapphire that fossils made a comeback. Instead of mollusks and arthropods, however, we have a Pokémon that seems to be based on some kind of plant from prehistoric times. Nothing could be further from the truth, because it's actually based on an existing marine animal called the crinoid, which are often called sea lilies and were once thought to have gone extinct. These creatures are characterized by a mouth on the top surface that is surrounded by feeding arms, and they usually possess a stem they use to affix themselves to a substrate (a material that rests at the bottom of a stream; something like mud, sand, pebbles or boulders, for example). Lileep meets all of the criteria mentioned above, yet it is still a rock/grass type rather than a rock/water type, which leads us to believe it is based on some kind of extinct plant after all. It defies all logic, I'm telling you. There is absolutely nothing in Lileep's Pokédex entries that indicates it's a plant: it only disguises itself as seaweed, so that it can catch prey with its tentacles and swallow it whole. Said entries even state repeatedly that it lived on the seafloor 100 million years ago. Can it get any more obvious? Ugh, Game Freak... you have absolutely no idea what the hell you're doing.

More fan art of Lileep (left) and Cradily (right) dwelling on the seafloor. Obvious
reference is obvious.

Cradily suffers the same 'fate' as Lileep: the fact that the tentacles around Cradily's neck secrete a strong digestive fluid that melts its prey even suggests that it could have been the very first rock/poison type combo. It sure learns quite a decent amount of poison-type moves, too, so I wouldn't have been surprised if that had indeed been the case. It isn't, though, and Cradily's Pokédex entries even elaborate on the whole marine animal kind of thing, as it seemingly roams around the ocean floor of warm seas in search of food. Its body is apparently very heavy, because it serves as an anchor to prevent Cradily from being washed away when the weather is rough. This Pokémon may have been based on sea anemones, predatory marine animals with tentacles rather than the flowers they are named after, or even the predatory tunicate or ghostfish. This is a species of tunicate (marine invertebrate animals) resembling a cross between a jellyfish and a Venus flytrap, and lives anchored along the deep sea canyon walls and seafloor, waiting for tiny animals to drift or swim into its hood-shaped mouth. Both creatures obviously belong to the animal kingdom and are hardly an explanation for Lileep and Cradily's grass typing, but I guess it's no use to keep dwelling about this matter.

Also, why is Cradily classified as the 'Barnacle' Pokémon? It's not a barnacle. Bizarre.

Well, its utility in the competitive metagame is what matters, anyway. Despite having a type combo consisting of the two types with the most weaknesses - rock is weak to steel, fighting, ground, water and grass, while grass is weak to fire, bug, ice, poison and flying - it only has four weaknesses, two of which are uncommon offensively (steel and bug; fighting and ice are still fairly common). This, along with excellent defensive stats and its immunity to water due to its hidden ability Storm Drain, makes Cradily a great specially bulky pivot - especially when having a Sassy or Calm nature. It can set up Stealth Rock, keep its HP bar in the green with Recover and Giga Drain (the latter also serves as a reliable STAB grass-type move, fortunately), and poison opponents with Toxic. However, Cradily's offensive qualities are hardly anything to write home about - base 81 attack and special attack are pretty mediocre - and that results in it being unable to hit very hard, even with Giga Drain. Not that it matters. Much. Y'know, because even less offensive, bulky walls need something to attack with in addition to their support movesets. Cradily is good in what it does and it's best to use this Pokémon for these exact purposes rather than offensively, although switching into a water-type attack raises its special attack by one stage due to Storm Drain, allowing it to hit a bit harder with moves like Giga Drain and Ancient Power, if you must.

A little GIF of Lileep and Cradily going about their business in prehistoric paradise
(or something). Gotta love the Aerodactyl flying by in the background.

I may be complaining about Game Freak's inconsistency, but that doesn't mean I hate Cradily. On the contrary, even; I actually quite like its design, and I think both it and its pre-evolution Lileep radiate a certain kind of cuteness. Even competitively, Cradily's base stat total of almost 500 isn't bad at all, provided you use it for the correct purposes. Even though the Cradily I used in an Omega Ruby playthrough I did was quite underwhelming offensively, it didn't overly disappoint me because of its bulk. It's not the best fossil Pokémon by any means - even Armaldo, whom I'll be reviewing next, is better than Cradily - but at least it dodges a bad rating by quite a large margin.

Rating: 4/5

#338: Solrock

Being based on the sun rather than the moon, Solrock is Lunatone's more physically oriented version counterpart, even though it's stylistically very different. While I do love Lunatone, I think Solrock has a better design overall, as it's busier and more colorful. Also, Solrock looks like it's chronically suspicious and that's an attitude I can stand behind at all times.

Solrock (above) and Lunatone (under).

Whereas Lunatone extracts its power from the light of the full moon, though, Solrock thrives on solar energy, which it absorbs in groups during the light of day. That energy is then used by rotating its body at high velocity to generate intense heat and a blinding light, which is probably the reason why this Pokémon is able to learn a plethora of fire-type moves - to such an extent, even, that it is among the few Pokémon that are not ghost or fire types to learn Will-O-Wisp. This characteristic, along with its ability to learn moves like Stealth Rock and Morning Sun and its relatively high HP and defense, is the reason why Solrock is most commonly used as a physical wall or screen setter (Reflect and Light Screen and the like) in competitive play, although it's not a fantastic competitive Pokémon in the first place. Like Lunatone, Solrock is a rock/psychic type and that means that it doesn't receive STAB from the many fire-type moves it can learn. What's more, most of them are special moves. Only Flare Blitz - which it got as a level-up move only recently, in Pokémon Sun and Moon - is physical and, on top of that, it deals recoil damage. Also, it doesn't have access to any physical psychic-type move, unless you breed for a perfect Solrock on Omega Ruby or Alpha Sapphire and take it to one of the Move Tutors at the Battle Resort to teach it Zen Headbutt (or Iron Head, but Solrock doesn't really need that move). Fortunately, this Pokémon is a great asset in a playthrough, being able to learn great moves like Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Flare Blitz, Acrobatics (works best when Solrock isn't holding an item) and, strangely enough, even the much-valued Earthquake.

It's a rock that floats, though. How can a levitating meteorite make the ground shake?

Pretty cool drawing of Solrock.

Frankly, I've never even used a Solrock in any playthrough, ever. It's a shame, really, because I've come to love Solrock's alien design and emotionless expression. Too bad its flavor isn't anything special: even though it looks like it's perpetually expressionless, it is able to sense the emotions and thoughts of others, but this is a trait I've seen in other Pokémon as well and I can't say I'm very impressed by it. Gardevoir does this whole sense-of-emotion thing better, anyway. Still, it's weird and interestingly designed Pokémon like Solrock that give Gen. III some redemption, because it looks like Game Freak wanted to annoy us more than ever, giving us dumb and atrocious Pokémon like Pelipper, Spinda, Luvdisc, Castform and even more useless baby Pokémon such as Azurill and Wynaut. And not only did Game Freak do nothing special with Lunatone and Solrock in Pokémon Sun and Moon - the celestial bodies these Pokémon are based on are in the names of the new games - they weren't even available until after Sun and Moon's compatibility with Pokémon Bank almost two months later. Well, then.

Rating: 5/5

#337: Lunatone

I was a little surprised that today's Pokémon Lunatone and its version counterpart Solrock (whom I will discuss at a later time) weren't included in the Alola Pokédex. You know, with them being based on meteorites shaped like certain celestial bodies the recent games were named after and all...

See? Solrock and Lunatone were anticipated to be in the Alola
Pokédex to such an extent someone integrated them in Sun and
Moon's logos. 

The moon is basically Lunatone's whole shtick: it is shaped like a crescent moon, its health ebbs and flows with the lunar cycle, and it brims with power when exposed to the light of the full moon. Lunatone is a meteorite first discovered at the site of a meteor crash, so some people theorize that it came from space, even though no one has been able to prove this theory so far. It is obviously a rock-type Pokémon, although it has psychic powers that allow it to levitate and cause its eyes to induce sleep or paralyzing fear in opponents. Unfortunately, that doesn't automatically make Lunatone a competitively viable Pokémon. It has a base 95 special attack stat and its HP got buffed from 70 to 90 in Pokémon Sun and Moon, but that doesn't quite cut it. Smogon mentions a Life Orb set with Rock Polish, a move that effectively doubles Lunatone's speed stat, but you'll need a valuable turn and the right opportunity to set it up reliably. Lunatone can be a sweeper, but I think it's in-game material rather than a competitive asset: it learns special moves like Power Gem (only as of Gen. VII), Psychic, Psyshock, Moonblast, Shadow Ball, Grass Knot, Earth Power, Signal Beam and even Ice Beam, Icy Wind and Blizzard. Not surprising, when you realize many people think it's very cold on the moon. However, in reality the moon is subject to extreme temperature changes, with temperatures ranging from -298°F at night to 224°F during the day. I'm not complaining about inconsistency or incorrectness here, because it would've been weird to see Lunatone use something like Fire Blast or Flamethrower, for example, as it does have a sort of chilly vibe to it.

Lunatone (left) and Solrock (right) posing for a family picture. 

For a long time, I thought Gen. III was the worst because of Pokémon like these, but now I realize it's the weird Pokémon that makes this generation so special: Pokémon like Exploud, Medicham and Lunatone all get maximum ratings from me because their weirdness makes them stand out to the other Pokémon in this generation, whom I think are pretty bland sometimes. And let's not talk about atrocities like Pelipper and Spinda, shall we? The best thing about Lunatone is that it has an even better and more creepy counterpart, although there is a fair amount of creepy fan art of Lunatone itself to be found on Google Images. Even its Gen. III sprites make it look more lunatic (pun most definitely intended), as it doesn't look like its eyes are deep-set but rather bulge from their sockets.

Rating: 4.5/5

#304 - #306: Aron, Lairon & Aggron

Now, I honestly couldn't give a rat's ass, goddamn or flying fuck about Aron and Lairon, but MAN do I love Aggron.

Adorable little Aron being adorable on its rock.

Okay, I said I would talk about every Pokémon, so let's get Aron and Lairon out of the way, shall we? It's not like I hate these Pokémon, but I just wanna talk about Aggron and its pre-evolutions are really rather unremarkable. In fact, the whole line follows a pretty generic evolutionary path: cute first stage, awkward-looking middle stage and badass final stage, even making the big bad beast stand on its hind legs. Amphibian and reptiloid Pokémon do look better when they're bipedal, anyway. Look at Charizard, Nidoking and Rhyperior, for example; I can't ever imagine them being quadrupeds. For what it is, though, Aron ain't bad and I'd dare say it's pretty cute. A cute little pest at that, as extreme hunger will sometime drive it to descend from the mountains to eat bridges or rails - if it can't find any iron ore to feed on in its natural habitat, that is. Iron ore is running out there at a rapid pace, anyway, as this iron ore is also used by Aron to construct its steel body. While Aron may not look strong, one all-out carge can completely demolish a dump truck. Lairon discards the old steel carapace covering its body when it evolves and creates an entirely new armor of steel, sturdier and more effective; it uses its newly acquired armor to bash into others of its species over territory - sparks fly when that occurs, and the sound of their collision carries for miles - or just because it wants to show off its tremendous strength. It tempers its metallic body by drinking highly nutritious mineral springwater and eating rocks rich in iron until it is bloated/stuffed.

Lairon.

But neither of these Pokémon are as badass as Aggron. The longer its horns are, the older it is, and the more wounds Aggron has, the more it has battled; the gouges in its armor from the battles it's had are even worn as mementos. It claims an entire mountain as its territory and agressively defends it against anything or anyone, even mercilessly beating up humans if it has to. But if its mountain is ravaged by a landslide or fire, it will haul the best soil to the area and plant trees there, beautifully restoring its own territory. Isn't that all kinds of adorable? To put it with the words of Bogleech here: secretly, deep in its heart, Aggron is nothing more than a big old softie, even though it is based on the iron-eating monster Bulgasari from Korean mythology. Its pre-evolutions also seem to based on this creature, but less so, and the claim that they are somehow dragon-like - check out Lairon's namesake, the word 'dragon' is all over the place - is ridiculous to me. Sure, the entire line are defined by their saurian features, but that doesn't make them dragons; they're steel/rock types, not steel/dragon types, and Aggron's Mega evolution even loses the rock type to become a pure steel type. If anything, Lairon and Aggron look more like dinosaurs.

Some explosive fan art of Aggron (above) and its
Mega form (below). 

Competitively, Aggron can be a good asset to any team when used right. With its monstrous base 180 defense and excellent base 110 attack, it can hit hard and tank physical hits. Especially the combination of an Adamant nature, a Choice Band and the ability Rock Head, which prevents any recoil damage from moves that have exactly that as a side effect, allows it to deal massive damage with a move called Head Smash. You'll have to breed it onto Aron, but it'll be worth it. On top of that, Aggron has some excellent type coverage: Heavy Slam is a STAB steel-type move that deals more damage the heavier Aggron is compared to the opposing Pokémon - even though Iron Head and Smart Strike (a move that never misses) deal fixed damage and might be more reliable - and it has access to moves of various other types, such as Earthquake, Dragon Claw, Dragon Rush, Brick Break, Superpower, Low Kick, Aqua Tail and the elemental punches (Thunder Punch, Ice Punch and Fire Punch). If you use Mega Aggron, however, another strategy is required. Because it loses the rock typing to become a pure steel type, it also loses its quadruple weaknesses to ground and fighting, which is nice. Plus, the Filter ability lets super-effective damage do 25% less on Mega Aggron than normally, substantially making it even more bulky than it already is: base 230 defense is monstrous, even tying with Shuckle and Mega Steelix for the highest base defense stat, and its base 80 special defense is also quite passable. It likes to cripple opposing Pokémon with Thunder Wave, set up Stealth Rock so that opponents take a little damage depending on their types when they're switched in, deal heavy damage with a STAB Heavy Slam (pun most definitely intended), and tank physical hits like they're flies colliding with a windshield due to an Impish nature. Mega Aggron lacks any recovery other than Rest, but it has top-notch endurance in the first place, so you don't necessarily have to worry about that.

Mega Aggron in TCG art. If you still don't think it looks like a beast, you're gonna
have to have your eyes checked. 

I absolutely adore everything about Aggron, from its flavor and design to its Mega and competitive prowess. I think it embodies the term 'monster' perfectly, even more so than Pokémon like Tyranitar and Tyrantrum and the like, but maybe I'm a little biased in that regard. Steel is my favorite type in the games, and Aggron is everything a steel type should be like: its minimalistic color palette keeps its design from becoming too busy and focuses perfectly on the steel elements of said design. Aggron's Mega evolution is even one of my favorites as well, coming third after Steelix's (obviously also a steel type) and Pidgeot's. It'll come as no surprise to anyone that I'm giving this Pokémon a perfect rating.

Rating: 5/5