study break!

i hate this stupid long long study break!!

wat should i do?start study now...and enjoy?

or....

enjoy now..study later?

or....

study all the way plus enjoy??

third one sounds better, sounds more like me...i shall start studying and enjoy in between...and add up to all my fuel whn the time is approaching?*sounds good?*

hopefully i dun slack n waste my time like NOW....or on bed sleeping~....duh...i admit, again i ADMIT i'm being a too PIGGY d:(

okie...waiting to watch Ip Man!...yea!!

yst watched Space Chimps, kinda cute and funny...but i still prefer BOLT!...plus wif 3D!!:P

love,pnee~

community services!

Community Services...

i was a first timer for community service,was having great experiences which i love a lots...

i wana get more exposure to the community too...wana try to feel their lifestyle thr too~~

well, at first din noe whtr wana go o not..but ended i made up decision to try it out...*no regrets!*

we departed frm imu sban to the kg angkat tekir in labu...those that are living there are orang asli...i was kinda impressed tat thy actually can speak fluent malay, and some english!...not tat backwards as compared to my imagination...well, it was hard to imagine how back was orang asli but...it was reli a good experience...

helped them wif screening....hmm, did lots of blood sugar n cholesterol tests~....but reli love it as able to interview them as well:P

i got to ride on the big big truck!...to get into their village~

saw big big caterpillar!

me wif truck!

poser frenss...haizz....narcissism~


ended well wif rains...but love it lots...hope to go again in d future:)

off,pnee~*tired..lazy to blog*

Sleep!

S.L.E.E.P.

can u imagine i din sleep for abt 24 hours??....

all thanks to a great cup of ying yong!!...

kept me all wide awake thruout the nite...made me haf palpitations...tried so much ways to sleep but still the eyes was closing but the mind was not goin down!!...frustratin....whn u got to noe tat u need to sleep and wake up early but ur mind js dun wana listen!..-CAFFEINE TOXIFICATION!-

*it had been a while that i din take coffee cause i noe i js cant take...but it was only yin yong tat nv happened to me before...i guessed my threshold level is too low d*

and when d moment i heard janet's alarm rang....i was like,"shit!...it was 530am d..."....i have to get up...

so d zombie me crawled out the bed...and it was a miracle tat i was hyperactive and wasnt felt tat sleepy...i can evn be more energetic than usual...

whn i got back home at 230pm...hmm...after bathing....there goes zombie peinee on the bed....

*js to add a laughter to my day...i recall this video...thanks william for uploading this:)* if u need a good laugh today, js watch this by cockroach?...imitiating cute cowboys~...

off,pnee~~

RainBow~

heeee.....let's looks...last week in sban!!....it supposed to be wuuuuhhh huuuu!~!~ but duno y tis round i dun feel d wuuuuh huuuu at all...

i rather enjoy tis round's posting...d ward was great...playing with the kids, handling the small lil creatures, comforting mummy wif big big tummy,witnessing how small lil noti creatures come to tis world of strangers to them...

time flies like it was yesterday i was here...

time reli passed so so fast....i couldnt tell it why or how it pass so fast...two months i've been here d?like js two days i was here....will i miss tis place?for d first time i'm asking myself tis question...hmmm,suddenly my wmp played tis song while i was blogging, it js fits into my feelings rite now...duno why i felt so moved by tis song...so i played it again n again....replay n replay~!!~*why is jay chou so emo?:P*

off,pnee~

Appreciate!

life is like a roller coaster...

today i saw two fetuses!...i mean an abortion type of fetus..complete abortion where i can touch the fetus, who has four limbs...it has 2 legs and 2 hands..all complete...the scalp was soft and the fingers are small...

they came to tis world into the womb with joys...
they accompanied their loved ones with touch and movements...
suddenly they were leaving without biddin goodbye...
they came out from the womb without any early signs...
is tis a joke that God trying to gif to the parents?

appreciate tis word reli gaf me a lot of meanings to me now...duno why but i realised that appreciating wat i haf now is something i reli must learn to do...tho i know its hard...like...

1) appreciating my parents who loves to nag nag on me...but stil they're the one who brought me to tis beautiful world...so thx daddy u mummy:)

2)appreciating my baby back in mlk is somethin i haf to learn oso...someone who works hard when i wasnt around for our future...*i supposed:P* someone who loves me regardless al d nonsense n notiness me...tho he's not d picture of guy tat i ever wanted-in certain aspects but he's stil d best i ever had...those dreamy guys who appear only in dramas are too over dreamy...so back to reality~...hahaha...baby is my life now...without him is nothing in my life:(

3)and not forgetting my kawan-kawan sekalian who brings so much colours into my life..it was js something tat i would never forget...tho sometimes we haf arguements but stil everyone is different..i accepted everyone for wat they are..so i love u ppl~-once fren forever fren!-

loves,pnee~

another day~

duno wanna blog about wat....

suddenly i feel kinda lost, duno wat i reli want....i'm kinda afraid tat i will made lots of mistakes...hmmm,why when i wana gif u something, there's always sound asking me not to...

i duno why i feel so weird nowadays.....weird....

oh ya, who's watching gem of life....do u saw d ring tat constance designed??...love tat ring so much, trying to look around for it....i love the uniqueness of the ring which can be separated and also wear as one...

hmmm...to be cont....

time to go to bed!~

-pnee~

bad obstetric day~

today...is a bad bad day...

went in to labour room at 645am but no patients!!...i repeat again no patients...

then around 8 plus only there's patients coming in....

two major deliveries that were not so good..

1) the first time mother haf a very poor maternal effort...she push a while, then stop a while...so the baby head goes in and out so many times..but after about 20minutes of pushing, she finally made it...it was a baby boy but the baby....hmmm, requires oxygen cause was not crying properly...

2)this is the major major one...happened to a single mother...she was only 21 year old and she was not complaining of any pain at all..when i reach to her, she was struggling wif her legs, and i saw she's bleeding per vaginally....we were trying to get the fetal heart rate which was very low...i asked her is it the bleeding very long ago?..she answered me it was since morning...and js tat timed a staff nurse and a doctor came...and thy saw it's something not right...so they opened up and see the baby's head was almost out....faster put her on labour...then, her baby was out..it was a baby boy...but after the cord is being clamped, the baby was stil not crying..not moving...everythin not!!...i was too shocked, i did the suction as quickly but my hands were shivering i noe...faster we put the baby on the warmer, put on oxygen and do resuscitation for the baby....the baby was not responding at all!!...i repeat not responding at all!!!...my tears almost fell down..but the mother sadly to say, she was not unhappy o watsoever...she can even smile and she didnt even asked how was d baby...

*maybe wat maslina said was oso true...tis single mother would rather her child was born dead and wont gif a damn to it...i felt it was cruel but came to tink of it again..it was good for the baby itself...for he no need to grow up in the orphanage...but...haizzz..*

js now whn i haf my afternoon nap, i kept dreaming of the labour room's condition..how ppl deliver...it ingrain too deep into me d i guess...

-pnee~

Depressed Weekend!!

a bad bad weekend..

i guess my bad omen has not over yet!!!...

yesterday, after fishing wif hay at limbongan, his car was being broken in...the window at the behind left seat was being broken in...

things that were stolen:...
1)my blue back pack...which contains of a lot of my valuable and precious things... my wallet(gift from dajerk for years tat had accompanied me)-including ic, license, atm, money...my earrings box which contains all these yrs earrings and my 916 gold love bangle!!...my spectacles...my fav jeans n short pants, my undergarments!!...my old old nokia handphone!!...all my precious~
2)newly received couple watch from hay's mom...now left mine-his one was stolen:(
3)hay's handcuff...
4)hay's old handphone...

tat fella is a stupid freak!!...i just cant take it anymore..why is all these keep coming to me..

i noe is my fault for putting the bag in the car plus it was in front..making it obvious rather than his behind was fully tinted dark...i felt very bad, sad... when his mom said,"u're reli a trouble maker" tho she didnt reli mean it...i guessed tat his whole family will tink tat cause i always bring him troubles...whn i drove his car, i banged the front part(twice somemore).....hmm, evn tho hay said it's okie js forget about it...i stil feel very bad...everytime new thing will happen...and it was not once nor twice...tis morning i tot if i were to leave him, prob it will be better for him rite?....

depressed pnee~:'(

PreGnaNT~

feelings the kicks of the baby in the stomach...i've been wondering how it feels like to haf a small lil creature in u...dont they sound like an alien that invade n crept into the body...and if it's born thru vagina then wouldnt it be like some alien cropping out of ur body?or if thru caesarean wouldnt it be sounds like bringing out an alien from the body??

it's so miracle how life was made...

recently i loved seeing and hearing babies cries..they haf different cries which indicates particular meaning...i loved to guess wat they always trying to say when they started to cry or just stare at u quietly...

back to mommy...all i noe is delivery is super duper pain...how could another one understand how pain it is when they've never gone thru it?how on earth can a dr ask the patient to be relax when she's in deep pain?how she/he could understd a mom's pain whn they nv gone thru any??...why on earth thy're ppl who acted tat thy are experts in dealing wif babies and post partum care?...haizz....

but i do feel it's reli a miracle and a gift from god that u can haf a small lil creatures in u for the 9months...altho it's tough and painful but it worth a thousands...(if only the child is wat u're expecting~) but i feel pregnant mom is super SEXY~:P

teenage pregnancy~....hmmm, i saw a single mom who is only 17years old today...she was SINGLE...the very fact tat i cant accept it is tat why is the guy so irresponsible and not why is she pregnant at tis age...i dun mind if it's teenage pregnancy but if it's single...wtf is tat guy doin??the baby has to refer to social welfare...so sad rite?

another surprising case...a mom who is hmm 18 years old...can u imagine tat she was a divorced and now she's a mom to the second husband??....18 years old; two husbands!!....she was married for 7months and divorced, after 2 months of divorced, she got to know the second husband and they got married 5 months later!!....

everything is possible in tis beautiful scary world~

pnee~

Emo song~

awww.....too touching...EMO again~...

Day 1 Obs~

off i haf to wave goodbye to all the kids~~

then pregnant mommy, here i come...first day in obstetric ward was my major disaster!!...

1) i cant hear the fetal heart beat using pinard(a small cone thingy tat put on mommy's stomach to hear the fetal's heart beat)...*so frust tat i cant hear at first*...but before i leave the ward, i managed to hear two~....

2)i cant felt the contraction on the mommy's stomach...at the end of the day, i still cant felt~~ cant cant n cant....

3)i made a house officer being scolded by a medical officer...heeeEEee...so in the end i put up all my courage to say sorry to her...she was shocked to hear it from me; she told me it's ok and it's not my fault....
wat happened is tat...i wrote on the observation chart tat she had noted tat thr's a mom's blood pressure was high after caessarean...but she did not input anything in her notes...so the medical officer scolded her tat, if tmr thr's anything happend to the patient ur head wil be on d choppin board and it's js because "dr gan noted"...i felt bad for writting it...so i told her...tho my fren said it's okie as i'm doin my job....
so HAIZZ...

4) i was being scolded by a staff nurse!!...i dont understd !!!ish!!
there's tis baby who cant feed on her mom's milk...and he was crying and crying...so the staff nurse say js give the baby formula milk instead...but the formula milk took more than half an hour to arrive and the baby cried all the while...thn the family member said tat the baby is oso thirsty plus hungry...so wat came thru my mind was prob can give few sips of water using spoon to the baby...so the family member give few drops of water using the spoon...suddenly the staff nurse came over and shouted!!....she said no giving water to the baby as will cause the baby to chocked and baby will turn blue...then later the baby will haf infection to the lung...at tat moment i wasnt thinking...i kept quiet~...then whn i came to tink again, they're giving the baby formula milk and it's using syringe and sometimes cup feeding...wouldnt the baby chocked as well??...
okie, prob too much of water may cause harm to the baby....but her explanation makes me super frust about everything!!...

hopefully today will be a better day...

-pnee~

Madagascar 2!!

i just came back frm cinema after the movie "Madagascar 2"~~...


yo, as i expected din disappoint me at all..it was a great comedy cartoon!!...superb cuteee....

i would rate it 8.5/10~

Secondhand Serenade:)

currently...i'm fell in love wif secondhand serenade's songs...long time din hear group like them, songs wif beautiful meaning and beats~

plus thanks to keat how for recommending d mtv (fan made) of "Your Call"...superb sweet...makes me falling even more in love wif it~...arghh....

yet, i still love "Fall For U" more~~

loves,pnee~

Wonders of Life~

haf u ever tot of getting into a stable relationship...thn married...starting on a new family on ur own?...

haf u ever tot of becoming someone's parent?...

these days during my posting in paeds ward, it reli makes me wonder a million...how many pregnancy will turn out to be a successful one?...i saw lots of unsuccessful babies wif multiple problems..some js dun like staying in their mom's womb, therefore coming out earlier than expected..*pre term babies*....we always heard tat pre-term babies are smart...but do u noe tat they are struggling every second in their life..their every second is like hours while the days are like years to them..coming into tis world wif malformation is not wat they want nor wat the parents want...the small lill creature fight wif all their might to survive..not easy, reli not easy!!...thy are reli too fragile...depending on every single thing which are super huge to them for survival...

seeing how each parents accepting their newborn is reli an eye opening...some js can accept it but some just couldnt and even would abandon their babies....this is how some abandon babies come abt...prob they js cant accept the newborn wif so many probs....all these nv came across their mind...

so before getting pregnant...plan and plan first!!...important!!!... most things to do for both mom n dad...
1)healthy diet... which means no fast food!!
2)healthy lifestyle....no smoking...(mutate all the genes...leads to chromosomal defects!)
3)follow up wif check ups!!...

AND

haf u came across in ur mind if you are unable to conceive when ur partner want a baby so much??....is not easy, when u cant satisfy ur loved one's needs u will always felt there's some things missing in life....
for girls...if unable to conceive, there's always a thing call in-vitro fertilisation(IVF)...or many other opt to take...so dun be disappointed...and guys dun gif up on ur wife...u marry her not barely to make babies only, you marry her because u love her and want to spend ur whole life wif her...there's lots of other means in gaining happiness!!
for guys...dun worry your gal will understd u...there's always a thing call sperm bank or...adoption...

PLUS

why i dun see any borders when i'm wif those babies?...when i'm changing diapers for them, i can js forget to wear gloves! but not to adults...prob they're confirm disease free...but the dirty thingy are stil there and the same...miracle,i js dun understd myself...thy too cute for me to be mean to them i guess...but i guess babies are great!...i'm loving them more..

pnee~

spoilt!

laptop spoilt~.........

why??....suddenly, i mean out of sudden!!...cant detect wireless!!....

then??....send to repair which takes more than 2 days!!!....stupid rite??

now??....using room mate's laptop!....

cant believe my 99th post will abt my laptop....depressing!...not good thing abt my laptop but it's a bad thing...

bad luck are js on my way now!!...are those bad omens?...is it due to halloween?...but it passed ad...pls...shu shu away...i duwan u~

depressed,pnee~

Paeds chap 2~

babies...are they angel or devil?...

recently i was being posted to paeds ward...everyday have to see sick children...argh..today a doc told me working in paeds ward is much better than treating adult...but i told him no cause i dun like to see sick children...

persuading them to take their medication is like end of the world to them, taking blood from them is like worst than end of the world...their cries and shouts reli make me weak!once there's a mom who said that i'm too weak..not competent in giving medications....i took take as a compliment and i'm sure i've showed improvement:P(confidence!) wat to do that time was the first time giving medication to kids and my first day in ward!...

although it wasnt that fun at the first week, but nw i'm kinda enjoying...see those lil fingers, toes and things...my hand are way too big for them but tat experience was great!...i love being with kids...anyway, i'm so fond to all the kids nowadays...whenever i saw kids around i'm superb happy!!:) their existence reli brightens up my life..

so to me, babies are angel although they're are devil at times:)

luvs,pnee~

pediatrics~chap 1...

off to paeds ward....cute lil noti creatures~....

sad n stress:(

Mood for today: Sad + Stress!!

Reasons:

1) First day in pediatrics' ward...the children there are cute but when come to medicine or treatment time, their cries will kill me off...i tried giving a 1yr plus kid her medication...tried to convinced her to take medications, i tot i can do it...but it's js so difficult, no matter how hard i try, she'll cry no matter wat oso..whenever she saw my medication, she will cry!!....then her mother asked me force the medications in only, but i js cant bear to do it...the mother said that, "ini nurse lembut la....mesti panggil yang keras sikit baru boleh"...i'm so sad n even more stress out at tat moment....but i din gif up, tried again...but now a bit harder, force a bit with her mother help....

2)second incident...tis baby boy who is so cute..but was diagnosed with HIV positive and he was abandoned~...no one cares about him and i can feel tat he's lack of family care n luv...whenever i touch the him, he's js so relax n smiles....cute!

3)third incident, as a sem 5 student and being in ward for so long d...i can forgot so much things!....i felt tat i dun fit to be there at all...not competence at all...can even be worse than a community student nurse...arg!! frustrated to tink about tis!....must polish all my skills and knowledge now!!!!

so conclusion is....SAD + STRESS!

-pnee~

Happie burfday soo hui!

Happy 22nd Birthday to Soo Hui...

May all ur wishes come true...happie happie always!!....

Miss u muchie...love,pnee~

updatez a lil~

after so long...*phew*....there goes my posting in hospital bahagia ulu kinta!....(yea jul, hospital bahagia is a mental hospital)...


hmm, actually mental hospital is better than normal hospital..i mean those patients...they are more friendly compare to those normal patients...probably they lived in their own world without realising the reality...it was really a great hospital, all we need to do is js play with the patients...play with them monopoly, carrom, mahjong, snake n ladder, musical chairs, etc etc...all those games n songs that were left during the schooling days were dig out again there...

we cant take any pictures there as it was not allowed by the director of the hospital...but the noti me taken some of it to keep as a memory...

oh gosh...i'm so lazy wana blog d....

wil continue tomorrow...now i'm in sban, so can online everyday d cause house got line:)

posting....

now...posting in tg rambutan...hospital bahagia....reli a "bahagia" place for everyone there...

due to inadequate tine,i'm unable to explain how the people there behave...

oh btw,do u now how big is hosp bahagia??

it's....547 hectars!!!

cont next day....nee!

afraid!

i'm afraid....worry....

ling has his police force duty till 11pm...he called ard 6plus but i din answer cause i was helping him to clean his car...ard 730pm i called him, asked him why....d only thing he told me is tat, wait for me to call wil die...then he said he got things to do d....til now, 2.53am...he didnt cal o answer my call...msg oso dun haf...both phone d same...

called n msg more than 10 times...din he know that ppl wil worry??....wana go out to find him but duno whr he go...wana go his house but too late d...so haf to stay at home and wait for his call...and i keep trying to call...

i am so afraid tat something might happened to him....so afraid that he might met wif accident...i even imagined wat if he died...all sorts of imagination running wild over me....i wana talk to him right now!!...very scared...scared....i'm afraid cant hear his voices, laughters anymore....cant feel d warmth of his hugs.....

scared....pnee~3am.

240908~

exam stress....stress!

and stomach pain again today~dunno why....i wan someone to hug on...but...forget about it.......

js when i'm about to be ready for everything...crashes happen! i reli hate it, hate tis so much...i guess i reli need time to be alone wif myself.

well.... after exam hoilday for one week then goin to ipoh-tanjung rambutan!!!!...so nervous about it~i thought of taking the pictures there but cant...too bad:(

back to studies...stop and.

-pnee~

Miracle of Life~

have u ever thought of having a disabled or handicapped child?or have u ever thought of their feelings?

yesterday,i went to Taman Megah's Special Needs Center in Kelana Jaya~i was greeted by few kids who their features were slightly different and few who are normal looking...

the moment i step into the living room, i was so dumbfounded...the children with cerebral palsy were all lying together on a big piece of yoga mat...all this while, i was only noe wat is cerebral palsy and dint expect that to be tat bad...the most oso i saw it in pictures that those people always bring around asking for donation...to be exact, i never ponder about them whether how they feel or even how they will carry out their activities of daily living before...but not until the visit...

this is how a few of them looks like....

they were all together sleeping on a big yoga mat...

they looks normal and cute...but did u ever realised that their feet can never touch the ground?

this is how they were placed so that they won't fall off...and it's also a kind of therapy, hoping that they could sit up without support one day~

do u ever expect a 12 year old kid who supposed to be running around and going to school to be just lying down...where they cant even lie straight...and u can see all their bones...

i can feel this boy's rib cage...and he was flexed like this all the while~...

some who are just like normal kids who are supposed to be going to school and communicating, playing with their friends were just retained here...this is due to those premarital sex without PROTECTION which are esclating now....don't they ever think about all the consequences?....these kids who are settled here are because they don't have birth cert!...they have to stay there, wait for their birth cert to be done under the home name...

-i met with one boy who is 14 y/o...i chatted with him for a while and this is how it goes....

me: boy, what's ur name?b

boy:ng kah how...(looking at his magazine)

me:how old are u?

boy:14...(still flipping through his magazine)

me:hmm...why are u here?

boy:no one in the house....

me:hmmmmmmm.....so who send u here?

boy:my mom....(looking at the magazine)...boring!....i wana play games...

me:hmmm...wat games u wana play...i can help u find~

boy:boring lar...(slammed the magazine on the floor and walked off!)

i was so shocked and din noe what to do...probably i asked too much questions till he was kinda frustrated....my lecturer saw it and she also got a shocked...she asked me why and i told her...she said those are abandon kids...they are usually more aggressive...but i do feel they need care, love like what other child has...worst of all, they are staying in a place with strangers who cant talk or behave properly...it's such a stressful life for them~i felt so helpless again...din noe how to help these type of patients...wanted to do so much to help them, making them happier but...kids are difficult~

these are also kids who are abandoned with no birth cert...practically they were staying there js to wait for their birth cert to be done~so that they can go to school like normal kids....all of them wanted to study so much~

this how it looks like....all of them were js sitting on the floor....some were lying....

the white shirt guy is the one who i was talking about js now~

this boy's body will never be straight like normal kids anymore....see how curvature it was~

lil vivian~

this lil gal, i love her so much....even thought of getting her as my adopted gal...she was also a cerebral palsy patient, if u can see the first pic has her whole body picture...her both legs were curved in....she cant talk, can only babbles, smiles....her parents were divorced...and she was sent there since she was one year old...currently she was 6 year old...i reli din noe how to help her besides doing much of the things for her...but would she feel happy?*my lecturer said that probably they will feel happy when we thought they are sufferring...maybe to them, having people to massage and do everything is a happiness~*....sounds quite rite tho~....

everyone want to have a beautiful life....beautiful family n sorts....everything perfect....but how many are there...but things are on our hands...we can try every possible way for things to be perfect or more precisely i would say...things goin on smoothly~

-pnee~

10months~

another week....i'm having my test later!.....aiks, i supposed to study but cant go in anymore....

let me update everything....

it was 10months and was a real good surprise one for me....i never expect anything from him cause he was so busy wif his work...but i was surprised he send me a sms wishing me happy 10th month anniversary in d middle of the nite....wat surprised me d most on tat day was his email~...i almost cried when i was reading the mail...i js felt like hugging him tat moment and cry...

then, when i went back mlk for mid autumn festival...he gaf me even more big surprise~we went to dp...but as i noe is for no reason...all i noe is i need to use their toilet to do big business...then we went to carrefour and bought few things~....oh we bought eggs then i cooked herbal eggs!...hmm, i din noe whether it taste nice o not cause his mom said i put too much water....so not nice~....but hay said it was okie~:P

back to his surprise, when i got in the car...i was wondering why my books were in the back seats as i open the back door to put the things...but i din think much...later i open the front door...i saw a voir paper bag...i was so shocked, i asked him ....but he js ignored me...he made me open it and i saw it was d shoes that i wanted to buy...

he went to buy it when i was in the toilet~....i was so touched and gave him a warm hug...but his nottiness....hmm,was too cute~hehee....

darling, thanks for everything...i reli do appreciate it~...i loved every bits of things that u had done for me:)

p/s:i shall take pic of the shoes...hehe...okie....then i shal post up:P

luvs-pnee~

catch ups~

weeks gone....

stil i dont know what am i supposed to do...

well, mid autumn festival is coming!!...yea..lanterns n mooncakes....*but should i go back?i felt i just want to stay here and study for my upcoming tests on mon and fri!..but i will kinda miss celebration of tis festival!..i wana take lanterns!...actually bought it d but waiting to play....*

and not forgotten,i'm totally broke now!....went out whole day during the weekends to do so much things...went to try wendy's...wendy's...better one than mcd, the portion is super big...their medium is equals to mcd's large~~...and they even haf the potato like the kfc wedges...overall,it's nice~...but i stil prefer mcd's mcflurry oreo mudpie~*superb*

went to watch money not enough 2 and death race!...

hmm,money no enough is funny if u reli understand hokkien, for me it is not a problem at all as hokkien was wif me since young...so the jokes are funny but it was potraying more of filiality of the children towards their mother...it was kinda real in showing attitudes of the youngsters nowadays, how they actually treat their parents~...it was touching!....

death race!...cars are super duper cool, not sport cars but more of those transformers' type...but wif weapons...the main actress is S-E-X-Y!:) well,basically it was kinda gruesome tho~

met up wif ml and eugene oso...went to zen in mid valley to haf our dinner...zen in mid valley was pretty bad because...1)bad service!....2)food is cook using microwaves and toasters!....3)is in the middle of everything!....so hmm, not that so preferable to go....

then yst went to klcc...and end up in sakae sushi~....hmm,not the first time i tried but that was the first time i sit inside!....last time i went is to the curve's and i haf to sit outside wif pouring rains...and is also because of my boink boink who wanted to be d addict!:P most impressing was they haf their own computer for u to order food, which means they dont need to haf so many waitress and you no need to raise your hand for them to come and take order for u....food there...portion is big but definitely cheaper than sushi king in some terms!....

tat was another weekend gone...i felt i kinda bad gal nowadays...knew that money is not enough d, stil wanted to enjoy so much!...how to earn money at this stage?anyone know?...haiz~

-pnee~

B**ch Pr*s!

fri..suddenly i received a sms from soohui....*i must scare her off by my previous post*...sorry gal,but i'm hmm kinda fine now!...hehe....went out ml n kell last weekend..so a bit cheer up d:)

i din noe wat to blog today, practically so blank...js wishing for my merdeka holiday!!...altho it is js 3 days...but still 3days!!...hohoho~...wish it could be longer..haiz....

recently i really got culture shocked!i was almost fainted when i found out something...well,how could anyone in tis world would stay at home, never study, never work for like...hmm years d?depending on parents n bf or should i say guys which are close to her?tis i should relate back to my past post-'Nowadays'...the gal who can sleeps around n this is tat gal!...oh my..oh my...i js cant take tis!...
i js dun understd how on earth there's a such girl?...is she selling herself or earning some side moneys from her body?*i'm sorry tat i'm being so sarcastic or rude to this type of girl which i cant even respect a single at all...*-"Freedom of Speech Here"...can anyone answer me why there's such person ar???....i seriously dun understand...is there any guys will want this type of girl ar?or is she training herself being a housewife?...oh gosh...i js dun understand...worst of all,i dun understand will there any guy want to marry her?oh, probably she can satisfy them sexually...-sex are basic needs according to Maslow Theory-...so probably there are...oh gosh,i js cant cant accept there's such girls!!!....one word...worst than a commercial sex workers!..so she suits more to a "B*tch Pro***tute"...oh no....

okie, i should stop blogging about her...i js couldnt believe thr's such thing happening~....peinee,stop tis!...

wel,chaoz from now...let me clear my mind wif tis type of girl....

From the inmate~

nowadays,i feel that my emotions werent as stable as it could be....duno whether is it due to attending too much psychology classes and self preparing to hospital bahagia....

~panicking was my major problem now, heart beats so so fast each time i started to explore my feelings and then...i will break down...what i mean break down is cry,tears will just roll down without it getting control...so many doubts that i always wanted to clear,tat's why i explore but i js couldnt take it~

life had been so difficult for me...being up and down so many times in a day, it wasnt tat easy..*trust me*....i dint know why or how these feelings will come about to me...i'm so afraid each time i started to feel emotionally unstable...i was so afraid that i might go into depression and i might need medication to control it..

*last night, i couldnt close my eyes to sleep at all...my brain js cant stop thinking of every possible things tat come about...i woke up,get a cup of milk...hopefully can sleep better wif it...after drinking, i went back to bed...turning round round the bed, thinking of a lot of things*practically sad things*...then i started crying...then i try calm myself down,gettin up again to the toilet this time...had a face wash and back to bed...i put on headphones and listen to my mp4...trying to sleep but js couldnt!!!...till my mp4 run out of battery...i haf to off it,then i stare widely at the ceiling,wanting to wake up and study...but i know nothing could go in...adrenaline was running high all the time-effect of it was js couldnt get away!...*

i occupied my free time nowadays wif lots of activities...swimming, sleeping, online....and every possible thing that i could do so that nothin will run wild...i really need to learn a good coping mechanism and i need SUPPORT and LOVE!...thanks tat thr are stil few frens around who are so willing to support me,hoping that i wont crash myself down...

falling down from high high place,*phew*...i never wana try it again cause i know how it hurts...and how it feels like...getting up and walking back isnt easy after falling wif bruises...

hopefully i can recover fast~

p/s:written from a mentally challenged patient.

Protection@

tears are rolling and staying to protect the eyes...

ground of happiness to protect the vulnerable heart...

growing with nothin but blood...

that bleed from deep down in d heart...

smiles tat used to have...

are those that covers everything left...

-pnee-

in d midst~

life is js like a roller coaster...

sometimes it's up and sometimes it js goes down~doooop!~

should i go back mlk tmr o js stay in kl and study?.....haiz....how how?....

if i stay in kl...i haf to study!....but i will rot n rot n rot~

if i go back, then i wil play n play...study hmmm less or maybe none....

how?

do i miss u...i do n i do:(

-pnee-

Previews~

weekends...back to mlk....

nowadays i was so into movie....everydy movie all week round!...my latest movie...wall-e!

it was kinda cute n surprising to me because at the beginning of the movie i thought it was kinda boring but it turned out to be great~~..i din know that robots could fall in love and haf feelings!....agrh~it's js so sweet**

oh ya..not forgetting, i tried on the couple seats in gsc dp mlk...hmm,it was kinda spacious unfortunately it has the hand rest which can brings up and it was very irritating because altho u bring it up,it hits onto ur back which hurts!....

then, the next movie is star wars!

well, it was kinda nice but all the while is jedi jedi and jedi....and lil stinky~....haha....and u havent learnt about wat is three moons appearing at one time, u can see it in this movie!...if u're a star wars fan, i bet u must watch this....if u arent star wars fan....hmm,i guess go for another movie....

and guess wat, when i went to watch star wars, there''s only 10 people occupying the whole big cinema which can fit up to 200+ people~...phew!...we went to buy the ticket an hour earlier and they told us they might cancel the movie because only 4 people bought it!....but we insisted on buying cause if they really cancel, they will refund us tho~....well, we were fortunate because the movie was on...haha...

-pnee~

"tong"...

this is all i see during lectures today....

all because of the gastric pain since yst....

........i hate tis!........

Nowadays~

SMOKING~...


smoke the smoke...and the habit is called smoking!


smoking is a habit or an addict or js a style of presenting self?to me, smoking is nothing but just harming self...but to think twice, consume alcohol is also an act of harming self...i drink but i dun smoke, yet i still harming myself rite?


recently i went out wif a few frens of hay...few of them i expected them to be smokers, but wat for girls which are younger than me and looks kinda decent?...i know of the phrase,"don't judge a book by its cover"...but to my surprise, they wasn't as what i think they was...wat had happened to youngster nowadays?

SEX~...

feel the Lust and Excitement...and the act is intercourse...

not only smoking takes place, multiple sex partners are also happening around us!...just that we're ASIAN who always sweep everything down the carpet...some do talk about it openly, without feeling embarrass of it but feeling it as an act of grandeur!...when they were sexually aroused, everything just don't go through their thinking part...everything can be consider later but not to push away the feeling of lust and excitement that are coming on the rise..don't they afraid of all the sexually transmitted diseases (STD) which are escalating now? and how often one couple can be honest to each other?

incidents that strucked me for a moment to ponder but ending up no clues or ideas to it~...

1) Let's name this girl A.
She was a 20 y/o college girl and looks decent*in my eyes*...She was from a broken family where her parents were divorced years back then...She was quite pretty tho and has a boyfriend back in her college...Once i went out wif her, she took a box of cigarrete (Large Pall Mall Light!) out from her bag. I thought it was her friend's but it turns out to be hers. She took one stick out and lit it up. She started to take few puffs...Then continously, she smokes when others do~...she said she is a "social smoker"....what does this social smoker means??


2) Let's name this girl B.
She was a 20 y/o girl and she looks decent too *in my eyes at the first sight*...background of her i wasn't that clear because i wasn't close to her at all*precisely i dint even want to know about her*she has a bf and things she know shocked me deeply... she was telling about how does few drugs look like*i mean those drugs that they will take in clubs,pubs,etc*...she then took out a stick of cigarrete and started to puff all way through..."social smoker" it seems~....then i found out that she do go sleeps wif other guy without letting her bf knows of course!...worst of all, she still cheats on her bf!...thn i heard from my fren said that she tells everyone that she stil love her bf and appreciates her relationship!!!....*omg i was like, what type of girl is this?*...only word that came thru my mind at that moment was..B-I-T-C-H...i was wondering from guy's point of view, if you're that guy who is her bf wat will u do if u found out?...and if you're the guy who she slept with and hiding all the while from her bf, what will you do?...

what is wrong with people nowadays?..is it that the one second of happiness will kills away your whole lifetime sufferings?i really just dun understand...where have all the faithful, innocent and down-to-earth girls hide to?

-pnee~

L-ame!

it's wednesday...no rain, no sun...so we went swimming! guess what, i wore my bikini and i reached thr...thr was like two guys sitting down doin nothing but staring at us...then i looked at my fren, we smiled and say how are we suppose to take out our clothes le?...hmm,i look at them and say wat are you all wearin,none wearing bikini!...oh gosh...then they wentto the side and took out...so i have to take out oso lar...so faster jump into the coolin water pool...wow,long time din swim, a bit tired now oso...

and thn went over to janet's house and bathe...haha...i realised i lose about an inch!!....the pants that i cant wear last time..i can wear it again!!...woo hoo~...

after that went back to campus...to see the rehearsal of the singing competition...my god, the sound system was like shit!...the sound is too piercing into my ears till i dun even want to hear...i called hay and asked him how, so he told me...then i went and tell the people, so they realised that...then things a bit better and i'm like the sound engineer there...telling them to cut off the sound more...*cheeky me trying to act smart*...haha...maybe cause i followed hay too much and learnt a lot from him d,but still cant get the perfect sound...if he was here, things would definitely be better:P

but nowadays i feel like filling up my time wif every possible things in the world so that i dun tink so so muchie...tat's y haf to go here and go there....try to do lots of stuffs...will it be successful if i really dun tink so much anymore?...

btw...i'm goin out wif xia shien to william!...he's d fault for making me gaining weight now....

so gtg nw...til thn...pnee~

First day~

first day back to class and lectures...

phew*...feel a bit awkward after so long of holiday and being away from imu...

after we haved our session with the dean of health sciences, he told us tat imu was awarded as the third placing for malaysia best architect...i dun understand tat at all til he said that it's because our building colours and stuffs like tat!....oh imu is so nice huh?...hehe...

then tis sem i was kinda free...a lot of times class ends early till i dont even know what am i supposed to do now...online oso like boring...so blog!...am i right?....i'll be back for a few weeks then i will go off again for postings and stuffs like that...d worst thing is that during the new year...i mean the 1st of jan i have to stay at home n study!!....cause the following week will be my finals for tis sem...i hate tat the most...so much of holidays....so much of time now, can i donate some away or keep it in d future when i'm out of time? i dont want to have too much time now!.....hate it....

so...i have 4 subjects tis sem...
a) paedtriatics!
b) mental health
c) obstretics
d) gynaecology

did u realised all is about woman and kids except mental health....

off of my studies a bit...back to my classmates...hmm, few good things that had occur to them during this holidays!....first, alicia managed to lose 7kgs in 6 weeks!!!!...omg....tat was practically amazing rite?...but then everyone pula say i thin down again...i hate it, i tink i got some kind of sickness or depression tat makes me eat but din add to my weight...it only adds to my fats...wat the...
okie...then, esther(our kinda lady like gal in class) she got a bf!!...hahaha...the guy he met during the kk trip one month back then...this guy is one of our fren's fren...thy got teased by our friends and today when we asked her, she said they were together d!....omg, tat guy now is currently in ums studying...she said she told the guy tat they wil only get to meet up like in one yr time...oh my...so kinda long distance relationship rite?...if it's for me, long distance relationship is kinda hard to maintain...i have to see my the other half with me but too close oso not good...had experienced all tis..so d best one is not too close by sticking around all day and not too far by not getting to see each other for weeks o months...

then i made a new resolution for myself...that is to be concentrate on my studies, only on my studies and enough of playing...so basically have to be "kwai lui"...bad influences all out with those bad omens....shuuuu all u go....

okie i tink i better stop now...talked too much for now d...

signing off..pnee~...

For mom n dad~

Going back to KL in few hours more…I’m waiting for time to pass…

So decided to blog….

I love my parents!... although sometimes I bluffed them, they didn’t not scold me or beat me. They are really someone who will always be there for me. When I was down, they will be there supporting me. My family is just a moderate family, my dad is willing to give his everything to his children despite any difficulties. He will never disappoint us or say a N-O to us no matter how difficult is it for him to do it. I might be their hope to carry on and seeing me success is what they always wanted. They will the best thing for me even though they have to suffer for that. They will exchange anything just to see me smile and happy. My dad is the most wonderful dad although he might scold me at times but I realized it was for my good. My mom will always there supporting me no matter what I do, believing in me that everything will be alright.

Sorry dad and mom for always making both of you angry with me.

Love..pnee~

L-O-V-E

L-O-V-E

What does this four letter word means?

Is it a feeling or is it an infatuation? Does that mean that your heart will tremble and mind goes off when the four letter word comes to u? Is it long lasting?

If it’s yes, do the tremble of the heart and mind goes wild will be forever there? Does that mean that the tremble of the heart and the mind goes wild will always be there when we saw the person we love? Or is it come once in a while or is it come once then slowly fades off when we got used to it? What does tremble of the heart means? Is it because we’re scared or is it because we just felt it? Is it the tremble the same as the feeling of scared like when we sit on roller coaster or doing adventurous things? So if it’s yes, how do we differentiate the different feelings?

If it’s no, then when do the four letter come about? Is it that they come when we felt that’s the time to say it out?

Love can conquer your fears.

Love can wipe away your sadness tears.

Love can makes you do everything.

Love can makes you do nothing.

Love can carve a smile on you sorrow face.

Love can sweep away your bad memories.

How about….

Love can make you shed tears.

Love can makes you go crazy.

Love can makes you do whatever you don’t wish to.

Love can makes you take the wrong path.

Love can makes you die…

Some found their true love early in their life and appreciated it.

Some found their true love but they wanted for true and pure love, so they moved on to another.

Then they found their pure love but they lost the true love, so they moved on to another hoping to get true and pure love.

After that, they found the true and pure love, but they realized they want true, pure and lasting love so they moved on to another.

So, they found the true, pure and lasting love but they are afraid of commitments. What will they do then?

Then, they will let go everything because they think they are still young bearing in mind, I’ve found true love, pure love and lasting love and I guarantee when I’m not afraid of commitment and ready to settle down, then the right one will appear.

Hmmm, at first this sound wonderful and right to me but then to think back…how long do we have in this world? Yes, love is nothing but it is one of the basic needs!... When you have love, then only you can move on to the higher stage of the needs. If you’re able to reach the maximum stage, that’s very good and successful rate in doing things will also increased (Maslow Hierarchy).

In conclusion…what I could say is…

Love is not a word that you need to express out; you might just need to take actions in delivering your this four letter word to your partner. It will appear in your mind automatically when you feel what is love but not the tremble of the heart or the mind running wild.

Appreciate the person you truly love. Appreciating is not a word again, is an action that we have to take in order to deliver the message. They might appear once in your life but not twice. When you missed the first bus, it’s always takes you very long for the second bus. The second bus is always worst than the first because we always wanted a better one when we’re already having the best. But if we’re fortunate enough, then the second bus will appear to be better.

Wishing you all could find your true, pure and lasting love with HAPPINESS! :) –seeing a smile in your face brightens up my day:)

From a lad perspective-pnee!-

back to d point...

finally after so so long........

i got back to my blog!....

phew*...it's been so long i didnt blog...suddenly feel so weird and awkward, dunno where to start...i guess i start it from today la, easier....

hmm,my class starting back on monday...which means i will haf to go back kl!...dont know why i actually feel kinda happy that i can go back there, and for the very first time i feel that holiday for 6 weeks is too too long for me...js dun feel to be back here in mlk...

updates:...soo hui js went back to australia:( we actually spend some beautiful time when she's back...i was superb happy tat i tot i will never find those happiness again...realised that it's true tat our friendship are forever!...cheers to tat:)
mingling is back here too...she will stay here and go back kl to continue her studies...so hopefully thr wil be more time spending together...

more to come ltr...now brain hang...hehe:P
-pnee~

holidayzz!

yea....holiday~...

but then,thurs is the day...the day to determine whether i die o stay on....so afraid of the result....*sigh*....

but i was very happy n excited for this holiday....soo hui is back in mlk!!:)*since so so long din meet her up d*....

okie wil update more....

jul,are u stil in mlk?

p/s:xs come back mlk d let me noe k:)

chaoz...~pnee~

a way out.....

yeah...finally i found a way to get rid of unnecessary spy on my blog!....so i no need to shut down my blog...yeah!!!....

wel,i reli js dun understand why do some ppl need to be so busybody, read my log then nvm but wana go tell the whole world about it...aren't thy brainless o wat?...

hmm,tis semester is reli a havoc for me...evrythin is goin up n down even more worst than the roller coaster...

i have one more last paper to go then i must reli relax but thn i'm super duper worried that i will fail tis sem...i dunno why i slacked so much this sem....everythin js din seems to be on my way tis year...evrything is coming faster n faster....

during march,my dad had heart attack n went for angioplasty...tat gave me a full blast of shock n even trembles me till the tip of my heart...
thn everything was kinda smooth...no heart attack for me...til recently....
i failed my community health paper n even in my assignment!...i was extremely dumb founded when i got to know tat...i was so afraid that i will tis semester...during my study break,fought too much with sh and almost wana gif up him...came along someone came to my blog n read my feelings...read ad nvm,go tell ppl about it?...wtf!i hate spies!!....then during my finals,my mom called and told me tat my aunt was diagnosed wif lung cancer..i was js so upside down tat moment....everything wasnt on my way....
few times i tought of suicide!....can u believe tat i'm doin something like tat??....
well,i gtg now...will cont next time....
chaoz..-pnee-

closing down....

i'll close down my blog very soon!....

dear readers:...i'll keep in touch wif u all!

weekend trip!

wow....it's like been a month i din blog....

well,last weekend i just went to penang....then travel to taiping and ipoh....altho i haf my finals in one week time....why i go thr???....well,is because sh got some business stuffs to do there, so i accompany him thr...hmm, wat upsets me the most tis trip is...he told me,"maybe i'll come up to penang to set up a branch here"...thn everything tat pops up my mind is,tat's for sure gonna for quite a while and i wun be able to meet him so often...then in penang, for sure he'll be darn busy with his things as things are just gonna start up thr...i din say cant, i noe is a good opportunity for him to success, but i dun bear to see him going sooo far....to cut the story short...i oso din noe how...haiz:(

these are few beautiful pics i got from taiping...hmm,lazy to upload more here..can view in my facebook cause easier to upload there....

btw,haf to go now cause haf to study lazy wana blog d....exam is js next week!!...

after exam i'll blog more often...*hopefully*....












chaoz...pnee~

HAPPIE NURSES' DAY!!!

today is NURSES' DAY!!...

so we went to the ward in tung shin for the very first time....

i was so surprised by the settings there,it was even more worst than the seremban gh!....can u imagine tat?

the beds are old,the cupboards are even older....everything was so old type compare to those in sban gh....

patients there were so left out especially those who are bed ridden....no one care for them,i mean those proper nursing care!....thy develop pressure sores so often...they were neglected like those in d streets...*ok,i noe i'm exaggerating...but it's true n true!...*

then nvm,the staff nurses there were so young!....i guess some were at my age!...oh my,compare to those in the gh?

another thing is the charge!....deposit for admission is rm1500!!...while the room is only rm30 per day excluding the charges like simple thing...nursing care!...they even charge for nursing care....wat a hospital setting i was wondering and pondering the whole day there,trying to figure out things that we haf to charge them...shirts n sarong tat changed oso charged...bedsheets o blankets that are soiled by us are oso charged except for certain days which is tuesday and friday which is on the house....basically, i have to be so cautious in taking things for the patients cause everything was being charged and the stock haf to be balanced by the end of each month!....unlike in gh,everything was free of charge!....


one more is the patients there!....wow...so demanding*i mean some*...first time, patient hit me asking me to go away when i was trying to bed bathe her!....wat the....i'm trying to clean u up but u treated me this way?....arg.....nvm,it's ok, i said to myself!....

i tink tat's wat i felt for the very first day in a partial private n government hospital....

ok,back to nurses' day....we were given cakes by the cafeteria of the tung shun hospital...so kind of them rite!...

but the bad thing is that....we haf to dance for the nurses' day celebration in sban!!wat the!!!....haiz....thy want us to take a day off and set off to sban js to perform for them...and replace the day on sat!....which means tat sat i cant go home!....hate it whn they always force us to do things....

okie,i haf to go now....too much for today d...haf to sleep early tonight too cause....tmr i haf to wake up at 5am!....to catch the earliest train which is around 6am....so tat i wun be late...haiz....

which is better?tung shin o sban?....*puzzled*

again....HAPPY NURSES' DAY to all the nurses around the world!....

-pnee-

HAPPIE MOTHERS' DAY!

yesterday was MOTHER'S DAY....

well,i went back mlk as usual during d weekends....thn sunday came by...hehehe:) *as if sunday wasn't in every week* but tis sunday is a very special sunday....

i went to haf brunch wif hay's granny....thn we went to a shop which sells cake only in mlk raya*opps...i forgot the shop name cause ling oso cant remember it*...we bought a cheese layered cake for his mom...i wanted to buy flowers for his mom too but he said no need...*wat type of son rite?*....so we went over to his mom's place....his mom was so surprised that we bought her fav cake,unfortunately she cant take much cause cholesterol level too high!!....i asked her mom to blow d candle and make a wish*like birthday only*....hehehe....thn took pictures...*but pictures were all wif ling cause we took using his new iphone!;P*

after all about his mom....come to my mom!....
i didnt bought any cake for mom cause she js dun like cakes!....so i brought her for a dinner....

for d very first time, i celebrated mother's day for so many mothers....and for my mother, she felt like having an extra son!....she was js so happy having an extra son altho tis son is quite noti...

specially for ling....

from the very serious u....i just love it!...

to the cutest part of u...i stil love it!:)

til the worst part of u...i'm stil tryin to accept it but stil love it!:P

if ling ever saw tis...he must be extreme shocked cause he didnt noe tat i ever took these pics of him!...*hmmm,ling dun be angry o shocked whn u ever saw tis,k*

i wrote this out of no reason but js the ohmm and the drive inside me which push me to haf the courage to write tis...

without realizing how time flies...it had been half a year:)

al this while u reli do brighten up my day...altho at times we may fight for stupid reasons...*so sorry for tat:(*

so many times, things happened between us without anyone could predict or expect...misunderstandings,fights,everything tat unhappy came between us...tho sometimes it's pretty hard to accept but i've always choosed to trust u than anyone else...

and there's so many things we made promised to do it together....from the small lil bits of my life to the major parts of everything....i'm reli looking forward for every each thing that u said n promised...*u noe wat i mean,rite*...i reli do hope it could turn out to be a reality,not now but slowly one by one...day by day:)

ling...i just want u to noe....

i just love the way u wan to be pampered....
i love the way u throw ur temper*by looking at the stars?...or acting like a elephant/dino*...hehe,tat's the way he is...
i love the way u caress me....
i love the way u did things for me....
i love havin u by my side each day.....
i just love d way i am being wif u!

i'm blessed to haf u wif me:)
thanks for everything,ling!

-pnee-