another side of me

Friday, October 19, 2007

byebyeplayingprincess.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

suddenly
everything was doing no good to me
except dampening my mood.
now i just feel down.

i thought i had someone to talk to.
to occupy me for awhile.
but as usual
goodbye was too soon.

why must tonight be this way.

if only.
if only.
if only
you could.
i wish.
silly me.

september was my favourite month.
but i had to fall the hardest.
october was a mountain to climb.
november is gonna fly by.
december just kept me going.
but now all is nothing.

i forgot when was the last time i smiled from the heart.

i imagined the most perfect get away.
i shouldnt have thought it was gonna be different this time round.
at present
i gotta find my own escape.
somewhere.
someone.

for once
i think life sucks.
all optimism has been robbed.

my new blog will be up
soon soon soon.
sure cant wait.

it's strange how some things happen to allow other things to fall into place.
and not all things are bad after all.

daddy hasnt been feeling too well.
so i have been waking up extra early
just to catch the public transport to work.
how precious
those extra minutes of sleep.
waking up to an achy breaky body from gym and training.
get well soon daddy.
in time for your birthday.
sorry you were disappointed.

i hate this cruel world.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

if i dont call you
it's bcos im waiting for you to call.

when i walk away from you mad
follow me.

when i stare at your mouth
kiss me.

when i push you or hit you
grab me and dont let go.

when i start cussing at you
kiss me and tell me you love me.

when im quiet
ask me what's wrong.

when i ignore you
give me your attention.

when i pull away
pull me back.

when you see me at my worst
tell me im beautiful.

when you see me start crying
hold me and tell me everything will be alright.

when you see me walking
sneak up and hug my waist from behind.

when im scared
protect me.

when i lay my head on your shoulder
tilt my head up and kiss me.

when i tease you
tease me back and make me laugh.

when i dont answer for a long time
reassure me that everything is okay.

when i look at you with doubt
back yourself up.

when i say that i like you
i really do more than you could understand.

when i grab at your hands
hold mine and play with my fingers.

when i bump into you
bump into me back and make me laugh.

when i tell you a secret
keep it safe and untold.

when i look at you in your eyes
dont look away until i do.

when i miss you
im hurting inside.

when you break my heart
the pain never really goes away.

when i say it's over
i still want you to be mine.

when i repost this bulletin
i want you to read it.

i got this off ruby's blog.
and repost it here cos it sure is true.
a girl's language.

one more week.

Friday, October 12, 2007

for people who fucking judge me from what they hear or read from my blog.
you are oh so shallow.

people misinterpret stuff
or perceive things differently.
so what right do you have to comment such cruel words
or think such thoughts about others.

i was mad.
but who are you to me.
no one.
so i shouldnt really care.

i know i dont live in a fairytale world.
i dont live for fantasies.
i am a strong and independent girl.
i can stand on my own two feet.
all i needed was for someone to be there when i break that strong exterior.
someone to lean on for once
when everybody else has leaned on me.
but i guess to everybody else like you it seems wrong.
and nobody truly knows the story
of what really happened.
so go on
and judge for all i care.
to criticise.
there's no two sides of the story for you.
no benefit of the doubt given.
no trying to understand.
no compassion.
i was wrong about you.

all i was trying to do was be human.
i've got real friends who've got my back.
they have seen the real me and felt the real me.
they know my heart.
you only know the impression you created of me.
which is not me at all.
and know that im not you.
im not like you.

so buzz off stranger.
im sorry that you did not have the pleasure to get to know the real me.

i shall say goodbye to playingprincess soon.
it's been too misunderstood.

sometimes it's so hard to stay true to yourself.
cos it's hurting what others say
when it's not true at all.
even when it's you.
broken trusts.
broken promises.

today was really pleasant
with a relaxing day at work.
touch on the field with many games played.
i miss that feeling.
i just wanted to go on and on.
alil shopping in the busy streets of geylang.
til that.
what a way to end the day.

but i appreciate the truth.
even when it hurts.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

cut on the left.
blister on the right.
that's what work has cost my hands.

work has been a series of tests.
of skills
techniques
strength
energy
endurance
and may i add courage.
facing or entering a room full of cadavers
or turning a corner or opening a door
not knowing what may be there
is not an easy task for me.
facing my fears everyday.

plus i dont get paid.
and transport is so darn expensive.
talk about going to sembawang soon.
i will be struggling finacially in november and december
when there's no tuition.

fingers crossed.

trainings and weekends.
my escape.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

3 monkey heads down.
67 more to go.

i sprained my thumb.
how am i gonna maneuvre my way through my monkey head tomorrow.
boo.

love fitness today.