This whole thing started with Kate. Let's just blame her, or rather, thank her. I was only 38 weeks pregnant, but I was ready to be done--this boy was a rib-bruising kicker.
"I don't want to go to school tomorrow," Kate said. "Can you have your baby so I can stay home and watch Penny?"
"Sure," I said. That sounded like a good idea to me. "I'd better let Seth in on the news. I found him in our bedroom working on an intense game of iPad Scrabble (again blame Kate).
"I wanna have this baby."
"Okay. What's a word that has an 'M' and a 'Q' but no vowels?
"No, like I really wanna have this baby." I started pacing around the room, making sure my hips were moving in nice wide circles. Birthing circles.
"Em, it's too soon for this baby to come. What's a four letter word that starts with 'K'?"
Seth was right. It was too early for this baby to come. Penny was four days early and I was expecting something similar from Teddy, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from doing my best to will this baby out.
"Teddy," I cooed to my ever burgeoning belly. "Mama's ready to see you. If you're big and healthy and ready it's okay for you to come out now."
And with that sentiment I kissed Seth goodnight and went to bed. I woke up five hours later and was shocked at how soundly I'd been sleeping. Recently my back had kept me tossing and turning all night long, and five hours of good sleep was surprisingly refreshing. I should have known something strange was afoot. I didn't. I looked at the clock. 4:50 a.m. Good. Another hour and a half before Penny woke up.
I rolled over to go back to sleep, but 10 minutes later I realized what had awakened me. The tell-tale period cramp. I'd better wait and see if I have another one. Seven minutes later. I'd better wait and see if I have another one. Nine minutes later. I'd better wait and see if I have another one. Twenty-six minutes later.
"Seth, are you awake?"
"I'm about to be back asleep." Little punk.
"I've been having period cramps every 10 minutes for the last hour."
"Eff me." That's my Seth.
"You can go back to sleep now."
He didn't. Instead he rolled over and kissed my head.
"We're actually gonna do this again, huh?"
"Yep." I said.
"Well, let's do it then."
We texted my midwife and doula to give them a heads-up, then got to work. Since Penny was still sleeping we were confined to our bedroom (we're one of those houses that completely shut down when the baby sleeps) so we did what we could in there. Put plastic liners and clean sheets on the bed. Stack clean towels and other supplies in the bathroom. Wait for Penny to wake up.
"Mama."
Seth looked at me with a gleam in his eye. "I wanna be the one to tell her." And he dashed from the room.
"Wait," I called after him, also wanting to be the one to tell Penny. But I had no chance of beating him, or even catching up to him, seeing how I was 8.5 months pregnant and a wide-legged waddle was my current mode of transportation.
"Penny," Seth greeted her. "Teddy is coming today!"
"Milk," Penny responded. I guess 20 months of the same habit is hard to break, even with the impending arrival of a new baby brother. We got Penny the milky goodness she so desired, and since my contractions were coming every six minutes and lasting for 30 seconds we decided we'd better hurry and get this house ready for birthing.
"Start my playlist, Seth. I'm mopping!"
Some people thought I was crazy for mopping my floors on my hands and knees while I was in active labor, but it actually served dual purposes. First, Teddy was posterior and the hands and knees position was supposed to help him turn. Second, and more importantly, I wanted to get the month-old fruit juice/syrup/squished berries/whatever-was-so-darn-sticky off my kitchen floor before my birth team arrived. Pushing out a posterior baby I could handle. I'd done it once before. But having my birth team think my floor was always so yucky (it is) was unbearable. Plus, crawling around on all fours while Adele sings her head off in the background isn't so bad anyway.
"Another one's starting," I called to Seth as I crawled into the living room. I made my way past the birthing tub where Penny was happily playing, and continued my mopping into the hallway. "It's over."
"Em, those are lasting 45 seconds and are four minutes apart. Heather wants you to rest."
"How does my midwife know what I'm doing?" I asked Seth skeptically. Whenever I'm pregnant I have dreams of delivering my babies easily and totally on my own. Seth would never let that happen.
"I've been secretly texting her and Rachel all morning to let them know your progress. They're coming over."
Well, at least he'd remembered to include my doula in his private conversations. I turned my attention to Kate and Penny who were lounging on the couch.
"You'd better get her ready to go." Kate whisked Penny into her bedroom and returned her to me with a combed-out rat's nest and respectable clothing. As I gave Penny a goodbye hug and kiss I instantly started missing her. During Teddy's pregnancy I constantly worried that I would love this new, littler baby more than Penny, but as I labored to get him into this world, I was surprised at how often I longed for my firstborn.
"Heather's here," Seth informed me and I immediately started crying. Happy tears. I missed having my Penny-girl around, but I was excited to have this baby too, and the arrival of my midwife made the situation feel so real. "I'll go help bring her stuff into the house," Seth said.
"I'll keep dancing to my awesome birthing mix." The music was great and the movement was even better. The combination of the two helped keep me relaxed and comfortable, even during contractions. Screw Hypnobabies.
"You look great," Heather said to me as she lugged her mammoth-sized birth kit up the stairs. "And you have great taste in music."
"Seth chose all the music," I confessed. "But to my credit I like it all."
"Shall we check you to see how far along you are?"
"Do we have to?" I asked. Internal exams were my least favorite part of Penny's labor.
"Nope," she said. And that's why I chose Heather for this birth. She truly let me make all of the decisions without any pressure or signs of disapproval.
"Okay. You can check me then." She did and I was surprised at how gentle it was.
"You're about a six." A six. That's the other reason I hate internal exams. They're discouraging. I had been in labor for five and a half hours, and though I was still feeling good, I had hoped I was further along. My favorite part of giving birth is being done with it.
"I guess I'll just keep dancing then."
"You could try the tub now." Rachel, my doula, had shown up and I always do what she suggests, but this time I was wary of getting into the tub. I'm convinced it prolonged Penny's labor. Still, I complied, but mostly because Seth and Penny went through all the trouble of setting it up.
Like Penny's birth, the water was nice. I stayed in long enough to get sprayed in the face with a renegade hose, but ultimately knew I had to keep moving. I sat on my borrowed birthing ball and practiced my merengue-hips while
Florence and the Machine sang me through the next few contractions.
"You make birthing look easy." Robyn was my backup doula, and I was glad she was there. She kept my ego nice and big.
"Can I check you again?" Heather asked. "I'm going to let some of my assistants go home if you're taking things nice and slow."
Not the words I wanted to hear. Penny's birth was nice and slow at 17 hours long, and I did not want to repeat that timeline. Still, I let her check me because there were seven people doting on me and that did seem a little excessive if I wasn't really progressing.
"Wow," Heather exclaimed with her hand still inside of me. "You're fully effaced and about nine centimeters dilated. You'll probably start pushing soon!"
Much better. With her prophecy still ringing in my ears, I threw my birthing ball onto my bed and started pushing. Not the real intense pushing, but I could tell in my contractions that things were getting a bit "pushy".
"I hate pushing," I whined to Seth. "I want to be done."
"We can break your water," Heather suggested. This was offered to me during Penny's birth, too, and dismissed without a question. But this time around I hesitated.
"What would happen if you broke it?" I asked. "I don't want my pain to get worse."
"At this point, Emily, your pain is as intense as it's going to get. Breaking your water now would just take off one or two hours of your labor time."
I looked at Seth and he looked hopeful. Let's be done his eyes were saying. "You can do whatever you want," his mouth said aloud.
I turned back to Heather. "Is it safe for the baby?"
"He is so far descended that I'm not worried about cord prolapse. I think everything would be fine, but we'd check his heart rate before just to be sure."
"Let's do it," I decided. Birth had lost the magical qualities it had obtained with Penny's arrival. Now it just felt like work and I was ready to be done.
Seth took his place on Buddy's bed, the lone piece of a leather sectional in the corner of our room, and I sat down on the birth stool in front of him. Heather got out the Doppler and started moving it around my belly.
"He must be really low," Heather said. "I can't find his heartbeat yet."
I could still feel Teddy moving around so I knew he was fine, but that statement put Seth on edge. Heather looked around with the Doppler for another few seconds before she asked everyone to be quiet. "I'm having trouble finding this thing."
And that's when her face changed. Concerned concentration turned into panic-stricken determination.
Everyone was silent.
Except me. I was gasping in pain.
Without warning Heather had jammed her arm inside me, trying to find Teddy's head. She needed to find his exact location so she would know where to find his heartbeat. After a few moments she removed her hand and all signs of fear left her face.
"His heart rate is normal." Cue Seth's tears.
"But yours is low. Most laboring women are in the 90s, but you're so relaxed yours is in the 50s. I was worried it was Teddy's, and then he would have been in serious trouble. But he's fine." Cue Seth's sobs.
"Should we break your water?"
While my doulas attended to Seth's emotional needs, Heather gently inserted her crochet-like hook and released my water. I didn't feel a thing.
"Are you okay, Seth?" I asked.
"Yes," he whimpered.
"Okay," I grunted, and then the real pushing began. Groans and cries and grunts and yelps. Stretching bum. Ring of fire. Tearing perineum. And baby falling out face-down on the bed.
"Grab your baby!" Someone called.
"Oh, yeah!" I said as I scooped my baby off the sheets. "I didn't think it would be so fast!"
I looked down at my new baby boy. He was tiny and had a perfectly shaped head. Just like Penny, my first love.
"And now," I told him. "With you here, I have two loves."
***
End notes:
1. I really have three loves. Seth, of course, is my first love, but so is Penny in a completely different way.
2. A list of how similar Penny's and Teddy's births/stats were:
-both posterior at the beginning of labor, but turned before birth. -both born with hands protecting their heads, thus the perfect circle shape and my torn perineum. -both 21.5 inches long and head circumference of 13 inches. -both weighed 7 lbs. 3 oz., okay, Teddy was 7.4. -both blondies, though Teddy not as much as Penny. I basically gave birth to the same baby.
3. Teddy was born 20 minutes after we broke my water. Best decision ever. Labor was 10 hours total.
4. Reoccurring topic in my birth story--I'm a really calm birther. But I don't think I want to do it again. Two might be my lucky number. Might be.
5. That's all folks. Thanks for reading.
