5 Years

I am not really sure how Five years have gone by, and at the same time - it's only been five years? I sat on the couch today with my two babies - one 3 years old, one 1 and saw her sitting there, my almost should-have-been 5 year old. What would life have been like if she weren't so sick? Would I still have my Natalie? Would I have my Noah? I can't imagine life without those two...  Our worlds have changed so much in these five years - we've moved twice - not even close to the city that was all HERs. We've joined the military. We've brought two babies into this world and help on so tightly. Yet I can still feel it - the emotions, the pain, the emptiness of losing her five years ago on this day. I don't know if that will ever go away, or if I want it to.


So to my baby girl who I miss every day... I love you. You are NEVER EVER far from my mind and you are forever and always in my heart. You are the one that will forever be my first positive pregnancy test. You will forever be the one that created all those dreams and hopes for the future. You are the one that made me want a baby in my arms even more than I could ever imagine. And I know that you are the guardian angel over our two little Earthly miracles. The month of May will always belong to you. Thank you for making me the mommy I am. Thank you for giving me patience when I would otherwise not have had any. Thank you for being here, even if it was incredibly too short. I love you.