A beautiful disaster

Okay, Okay....



Its just so hard to find time to post. I dont even know where to start. I guess I will just go over the big things.



First and foremost...



Nathans Grandmother passed away at the end of April. I don't really know where to begin with this post. How do you sum up a loved ones life. How do you thank her for who she was and the difference she made? How do you put into words the emotions you feel? Nathans Grandma raised Nathan from the time he was a toddler. So, this loss is deep. However, We know that we will see her again. Dealing this is all so new for me. I have never lost a loved one that I was close to and I did truely love her. I think the hardest part of her passing is that Nathans Grandpa is literally having a breakdown without her around. I wish there was some comfort to give him but we dont have the same religion so how do I convince him that this is not the end.. its only the beginning and then plant a seed of faith that he can live with her through eternity? He once told me that he only has faith in one thing and that is himself. Well, I hope that through all of his suffering he is able to find comfort in knowing that we are all here for him and we need him.

A few years ago I created a professionally bound book for Nancy. It took me about 18 months but I collected several stories and pictures from friends and family and what they all had to say about her. I gave it to her for her 76th birthday and she wrote me the most beautiful card expressing to me that it was her favorite gift that she has ever gotton. It made me cry. In making the book I got to know her even better than I had before . I loved reading her story. I loved knowing about her hardtimes and her good times. About a child she lost in infancy about several marriages and finally finding the love of her life. I love knowing about her rollerskating escapades with Nathan and seeing pictures of her with her small children. What an amazing bond all mothers have! What Nancy didn't realize is that the book that I gave her was really just a glimpse of the gift of memories that she gave all of us.

Next...
Just recently, like yesterday, Nathan decided to quit his job at the hospital. He wants to get a Masters degree in Hospital Admin. but there are no programs for it in Utah. We are looking at Tennessee. Who knows what will come of all of this. We both feel really good about him quitting knowing that he can't get any higher in Healthcare Management if he doesnt have a Masters.

Actually, We have been tossing this decision around for several months. He was scheduled to take the GRE for admission to the program in Tenn the same weekend that his Grandmothers Funeral Mass was. So everything is delayed but still in full force. We will see what kind of a score he gets on the GRE. UNLV has a program that is our second choice if Tenn. falls through.

So,... hopefully at the end of July we will know what our future holds.



Lastly, Marcus turns one next week and I can't believe it! I love this little guy. He is such a pleasant baby. They grow up way too fast!