Five Things I'd Tell the Teenage Me

What Things Would You Pick?

1. You are neither as cool as you seemed in sixth or eleventh grade nor the klutzy nerd you seemed in eighth or tenth. So don't get a big head, but don't hang it either.

2. Boys "things" don't fall off if you don't have sex with them. They are not in mortal pain either.

3. Girls can be good at math--if they pay attention. Don't listen to those male math teachers. You will be the star in your math class in college at age 48. Sadly, it was the math you should have learned at age 14.

4. Spend more time with your parents. The kids you are with at 16 will disappear from your life forever.

5. Don't smoke. It is not as easy as you might think to quit.

Cliches

Took the little boy to see THE UGLY DUCKLING in a less than a sterling production. Couldn't they at least have costumes more complete than beaks for Pete's sake?

But within the play was a stereotype I am growing very tired of: the black woman with attitude. Did they even mean for a duck to have attitude or is now part of an acting style?

This cliche has been around for a long time now and perhaps black actresses like Wanda Sykes and Queen Latifah and a host of others have not grown weary of it. But I have. The body language itself is a cliche for me.

What other stereotypes would you like to see less of in books, tv and movies? How about the annoying parents that visit?

Pulp Ink Free on Amazon

In preparation for PULP INK 2, PULP INK 1 is free on Amazon for five days.

PULP INK 2 will be raising money for a charity that offers talking and play therapies to children in schools.

Farewell

Cranks

The dictionary defines a crank as someone with odd or strange ideas. But beyond that, a crank needs to constantly air those ideas, obsess over them. Phil is doing an article on cranks--his are political cranks, of course, and no one we have heard of.

Who are some famous cranks? Does everyone have it in them to be a crank should the right cause rear its head. What do you come closest to being a crank about? Does a crank cease being a crank if you agree with them? Does a crank whose issue is solved find a new issue or does he fade away?

Is Al Gore a crank because he's obsessively worried about the environment?
Is Ron Paul a crank because he is obsessively interested in downsizing government?

Looks like Margaret Millar beat Agatha Christie. How about Friday, June 1st? Perhaps next we'll go Simenon in mid-July. He came in second last time.
And Christie, late August?

Brian Busby Shortlisted

Our good friend, Brian Busby, who contributes to FFB and writes an enjoyable and erudite blog, has been honored:

The Association for Canadian and Quebec Literatures (ACQL) is pleased to announce the shortlist for the 2011 Gabrielle Roy Prize (English Section), which each year honours the best work of Canadian literary criticism published in English. This year’s shortlisted finalists (in alphabetical order) are Brian Busby for A Gentleman of Pleasure: One Life of John Glassco, Poet, Memoirist, Translator, and Pornographer (McGill-Queen’s UP), You can find it here.

Nightclubs?

Okay, how did I miss out on all this? Was it purely the demise of big band music? Did rock music kill having this much fun. Rock music certainly doesn't lend itself to sedate viewing, fancy clothes, even dancing.

I know there are a few places like this still around but when I was a kid I babysat for a family who came home at five in the morning because a night out was at a nightclub for them.

Almost every movie about a certain sort of person in the thirties and forties had a scene in a club like this one. Have you ever been in a nightclub? I went to the Latin Casino on a date at 16, but that was it for me. Too bad.

My story "A Game of Hide and Seek" is up on Yellow Mama. Thank you Cindy Rosmus.

Male Society

Male Society.






Phil is teaching a class on utopias and dystopias in the University's Honors College. He has 18 women and two men in the class. This configuration is not unusual in the Honors College. Women here seen to be willing to work harder in general.

He asked them last week, what would an all male society look like. I'll tell you their thoughts after you tell me yours.

What attributes would you list?

An Idiot Abroad

(Someone's bucket list)

An Idiot Abroad is a British show, which I noticed on Fleur's blog, is an amusing and interesting show on the Science channel. The idea is that a list of 100 things that would appear on many bucket lists takes our guide to various places and challenges. It's basically a travel show played for laughs.

Do you have a bucket list--things you want to do before you die? I hope some of you are more daring than I am.

I have almost no sense of adventure in me. Or at least adventure that demands physical or dare- devil acts. I am working on a list but so far I am stuck. How about you? I could say I would like to learn to play the piano but I know that isn't going to happen. I would think there has to be some sense I might do it to put it on the list. Some chance I would at least try to make it happen.

Okay, I thought of one. Drive the car. You can see where I am coming from.

Our Neighborhood Murder

I want to add a warning here that this is not a news blog and some of these details are unsubstantiated.


And you have to ask why the Jane Bashara murder, which took place on Middlesex, the street made famous in the Jeffrey Eugenides book of that title, gets so many local, state and national headlines when Detroit, not a mile away has murders every day and gets none. Maybe because only a Charles Willeford, Elmore Leonard or Joe Lansdale could write this.

Interesting details include: Bashara had an S & M club in the basement of a local bar; he is also featured on various S & M websites; he took a very large insurance policy out on his wife just months ago; the hitman (Bashara's handyman) who confessed to the crime appears to be of limited intelligence and has been picked up by surveillance cameras taking a bus home after the murder; the deserted Mercedes has her handbag still in it-wallet too; Bashara is reported to have signed autographs as a local greasy spoon yesterday; Bashara had a long-term mistress and was making plans to introduce another woman to their relationship.

There is more, much more. Any good murders in your neck of the woods lately?

Nostalgia Index

If 10 indicates you are consumed with memories of the past, and zero represents the past is dead to you, where would you put yourself on the scale and what in particular ties you to the past? Or doesn't.

I'd say 6.5. And it would be memories of old movies, books and TV shows rather than people or places.

Phil picks 3. I'd better not leave the room.

Retail v. Online

We had two things to buy: a pair of dress slacks for Phil; a moisturizer for me. Several shopping trips did not yield these items. The cosmetic counter at Macy's was always undermanned; the rows of black dress slacks spread throughout the store. His size never seemed to turn up.

I hate cosmetic stores because someone grabs you and before you know it the moisturizer has turned into a bunch of stuff or you're sitting in chair like the prize pig at the county fair.

And who wants to go into store after store looking for black dress pants.

Yesterday, I went online and in ten minutes ordered both items at a lesser price, with no shipping costs or tax. They had Phil's exact size; the cosmetic company threw in a gift for my $35 purchase.

Now how can brick and mortar compete with this? I hate this. I hate that online retailers are get such a break. But dang where is the upside of brick and mortar.

Would like to remind everyone of Gerald So's 5-2 Poetry Weekly where I read a very fine sestina by Kiberly Potevin this week.

Flash Mobs

I am sad that flash mobs disappeared before I got to be in one. Or even got to see one in person. It really appealed to me on every level: spectacle, surprise, dancing. What more could you want?

I also wanted to say "you go, girl" once before it became passe. Didn't happen.

Don't you hate it when something goes away that quickly. Were zoot suits a one-week wonder? I know Nehru Jackets were.

What fad really spoke to you despite its quick demise?

Obsessions

There are a lot of people that spend their lives writing/talking/thinking about another person. This is especially true of scholars. Norman Sherry has spend his life writing about Graham Greene for instance. Similarly there are people who are obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe, Arthur Conan Doyle, Lyndon Baines Johnson (Caro), John Adams (McCullough). And on and on. Countless scholars have studied every move Shakespeare made.

What person could inspire that devotion in you? Who's interesting enough to write books about in your opinion.

Who comes closest to being your obsession?

BOAT MAGAZINE's second feature is on Detroit

Check out their website here. Nice video. This is Detroit. I just ordered it, have to see how they cover it after living here for months. From Bosnia to Detroit. I guess Somalia is next.

Bill Crider says this helps, so if you have a spare minute, go over to Amazon and click like for Monkey Justice.


I need all the help I can get and thanks to anyone who's bought it or blogged about it or reviewed it on Amazon.

And congrats to Tiger, Justin Verlander. Cy Young and AL MVP. That's a rare thing.

Kevinisms 4 7/8

Kevin "You're a teacha, right, Poppop?"
PP-"Right, Kevin."
Kevin "Can you explain to me why it is dark in China when it's light here?"

Kevin, "You're a teacha, right PP."
PP-"Right, Kevin."
Kevin. "Can you explain to me why horned toads shoot blood out of their eyes?"

Kevin. "You're a teacha, right PP."
PP "Right, Kevin."
Kevin, "Can you tell me what the fastest land animal in Asia is?

Kevin "I want to be a teacha too."
PP. "What kind of teacher do you want to be?"
Kevin. "A swimming teacher."

Who Are You a Fan of?

One more story to read from Seana called THE NORMANDIE.
And another story from Painting with Footprints.
A check for $125 winging its way to Union Settlement. Thanks for all writers that took the time and effort to write a story. If your story took as long as mine did, it amounts to about $.25 an hour, generous wages for the thirties. You are the best!



This is a topic I have been kicking around all week, asking my book group, dinner partners, everyone we have made contact with--who do you admire?

Who are you a fan of? It doesn't have to be a perfect person and you do not have to be a fan because someone is a world class philanthropist.

Either living or dead counts. Just someone who inspires you in some area.

I am just going to choose two because after that it become an avalanche.

Hillary Clinton, who got lemons and made lemonade. Despite disappointment in her marriage, and in 2008 as a candidate for the Presidency, she went on to be a terrific and tireless Secretary of State. She supported the man who defeated her with, at least public, full-hearted support. She is smart and an advocate for many important causes.

Jeff Daniels, who has done so much to support the state of Michigan and the City of Detroit, by remaining here, opening a fantastic theater which performs plays from local writers and has outreach programs for kids, doing fund-raising for various local causes, being a spokesperson for the State. And for defying our notion of actors as being narcissistic. No one in Michigan is not a fan of Jeff's.

And
Randy Johnson chooses North Carolina congressman Brad Miller(Democrat) who helped displaced workers.
Charles Gramlich, his wife and fellow writers and bloggers
George Kelley, Chan Gailey, Buffalo Bills Head Coach & writers who take on difficult topics
Chris LeTray, ,Yvon Chouinard, Founder of Patagonia
Jeff M. Paul Newman
Kitty, Her mother

Eugenides' Vest

One of the funniest twitter accounts ever. Go on--try it out. Or on.

And he found the perfect sixties' shirt to compliment it.

Since THE MARRIAGE PLOT stands at #11 on the Amazon chart, I think a little teasing is not out of line.

And this is one of those days, I will do anything rather than put words on paper.

Six years and still scanning the Internet for your pleasure.

Professors Get Emails Like This Every Week

Hello Professor Abbot this is XXX from your PS XXX class. Unfortunately, due to the flu I'm unable to make it to class today, if you don't mind may you just email me some of the points you're going to go over in class today so next week when I go to class I won't be as lost. Have a great weekend.

Now why would a student think a professor has the time to send a student his lecture via email? Did you ever do this in school? Obviously this is something new with the advent of email.

Students out there: Know that this immediately puts you in the pain in the ass column on the grade sheet. GET THE NOTES FROM ANOTHER STUDENT.

My Mystery

This is not a riddle or a joke. I have puzzled over this for days now.

I was walking down the street to the library and pharmacy. Three teenage girls came around the corner and moved in front of me. Each girl had one bare foot and one shod foot. (same foot). The shoes were not the same.

Each girl was carrying, in her right hand, a shoe. But the shoe was not the one that matched her shod foot. Instead it matched one of the other girl's shoes. Can anyone make sense of this?