Fight paper with paper,
At most. Laughter better,
Hurts some more than swords.
Reading about brinacles.
Aftereffects of adrenaline, manager always assumes the worst of me, lies and refuses to listen, enjoys her anger. She had to spit out an "I'm sorry" when I denied all the words she put in my mouth, and I reminded her I did not want to address the subject, but I had a responsibility to speak up on a critical issue of safety. I'm barely able to push words out past my drying mouth, but I held, and did not tear up. Not until I was far away and alone.
Thankfully, I do not have to deal with her often. The issue is, provisionally, addressed.
I feel horrid. Part of that is the terrible air of the inversion. The rest is ruffling up of the ptsd issue. I did better, but my body still reacts. D has been patting me bilaterally, per the therappy, and that works small wonders, I reflexively giggle. Sucks to be silenced, as all the world knows.
She sees me as putting myself first, not taking care of my team. When what I am doing is working for my coworkers and patients. But she sees in me her own sin, that of not backing up her own people. Which is her primary duty.
Yup, anger is the addictive, wrong choice, in response to another feeling. Entitlement and misused power.
We make dinner, and turn the lights on the tree I still haven't taken down. Every little bit.
10 comments:
I'm getting better handling the emotions, but, as you say, the body still reacts, takes its sweet old time getting back to 'normal.' Glad you have D to help you through it.
Oh, Crow,
I wish I could come hug you and make you laugh. The body remembers, even when we'd rather it didn't. Old scars.
Dear Zhoen, bravo. Take good care of yourself, and let yourself be taken care of.
Such wonderful self-knowledge is a powerful tool.
Injustice is so hard to cope with.
Thinking of you.
Hopefully today you are mostly over the after-effects. Have a terrific weekend!
(o)
And Relatively Retiring I love your squirrel thumbnail picture.
Such manipulative, controlling behaviour...like asking one to do something unreasonable then acting hurt or angry when you refuse.
Be true and kind to yourself xx
Thanks everyone. Felt better by the time I went to bed. Able to stop the wheeling thoughts, albeit several times.
gz,
I was describing an ongoing, and worsening issue of crowding in the hallway where we have to pass with patients in gurneys, also a potential fire hazard.
"I know you can go through there, because you do!" She tells me.
"We've *not* been able to get through without moving gurneys, that's what I've been saying."
Which she talked over, so didn't hear.
still catching up. slowly.
you are a light in my world.
flask,
You honor me.
It's nice getting comments on older posts, like a late unexpected gift - a delightful surprize.
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