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We wonder, sometimes, on days when we have made each other laugh so hard we can't breathe, or right after a stranger comments on how cute and funny we are together, or when we see other couples who seem so serious or cross or vaguely distant, are we that odd? Yeah, we are odd, no question there, plenty odd.
We can come up with examples from our coupled friends who are funny and affectionate, Dave and K, and my cousins E & E - who have been together for a couple of decades and are still amused and delighted with each other. All have been through strange beginnings and hard times, and proven themselves to each other.
But, it seems unusual, aside from the people we most know. Perhaps other couples hide their humor in public. Or don't have a joint wit account. I certainly was not so funny before I got with D. A fellow Guard member, and RN at work, who I think is one of the funniest people I have ever known, once told me he thought D and I must make each other laugh a lot at home, because we were both so funny. I took this as high praise from an expert. Dear Beezer, I so miss working with a man who wears flowered nurse jackets and his kids sunglasses, just to see how others will react. He told me that his wife didn't think he was that amusing, which didn't seem to be a joke.
We speculate it has something to do, in our case, with having been close friends through difficult times, the love affair only being a discrete part of our relationship. All those hours and days and months with little to do but complain, chat, and simply spend time together quietly. Catching each other's eye in formation, letting an eloquent eye-roll suffice for swearing. Humor buoyed us up, our saving grace, and not just then. When I got to D at the instacare when he'd shattered his elbow, I readily got him laughing - to the bemusement of his nurse. There would be tears later, but at that moment...
And we wonder if happy dates aren't the culprit, jokes at a nice restaurant to show how funny one is, cannot be the same as grim mutual amusement at exhaustion and hunger and grief, pain and extremis. Or maybe just people marrying when they are still so young that they eschew childish things. We have no difficulty with appearing silly, to each other or anyone else.
So, tell me, are you in a coupled pair, and are funny? Or, are most of your married (sic) friends funny? And, why, do you think? Feel free to answer here, or link to your own blog. Your choice. This has been a conundrum to both of us for many years, how any couple could survive without big dollops of laughter applied liberally.
11 comments:
Martha and I make each other laugh all the time. People comment on it a lot. I can't offhand think of any other couple we know who seem to operate with that much laughter. I'm sure it wouldn't suit everyone.
Often it's a particular laughter, I think, that isn't of the same type as that at a really clever joke or hilarious film, it's laughing because we're happy, mostly, not because either of us is being desperately witty. Tom's quite straightforward in many ways, inclined to be intense(as am I, I've just schooled myself out of it), doesn't always understand irony or sarcasm, a lot of up-to-the-minute references pass him by, deafness doesn't help. He wasn't brought up to laugh and in his first marriage there was very little fun of any kind, so he's learned a lot late in life; his humour was always there but had no chance to grow. We too got together out of adversity when there was less to laugh at, though there was always a twinkle, a relaxed complicity. We do catch each other's eye and laugh together in company, which indeed not that many couples I see together do.
I'm not funny, but my cat is quite the wit. We get on fine.
hmmmm...now you've got me thinking about our relationship in a way I've not done before...actually, my husband and son both make me laugh, sometimes to the point of tears and sore stomach muscles, but I don't make either of them laugh...still that's ok, because what they both need is an audience and what I've always loved to do is listen...
We share some kind of invisible humor thread. We can look at each other and just know...like how yesterday the kid with the box at the bus stop was ridiculous, and we both laughed at the same time. He is reserved in public and among most company, unless a couple beers are involved. I long for his funny, quirky side to come out more often, to show him off to my friends. "See? he's not so quiet after all." But on the other hand, it's nice to have a secret only we know.
Oh, I think you're right on target with the dangers of eschewing childishness. There's a simple delight in small things that we still cultivate; it's not a belly laugh, but it gives us great pleasure.
So, it is a real phenomenon, but not necessarily indicative of any lack of joy. Style, experience, and of course, species, may inhibit obvious amusement - if not it's subtle expression. Sound about right?
Of course, many couples simply aren't that happy together, but it's not as dire as it looked to us, when the other possibilities are considered. Thanks, this actually makes me feel much better.
I think a sense of humor is important to a relationship. It's one of the things I value about my husband. During his recent kidney stone and surgery episode, for instance, we were both worried and ridiculously exhausted, but despite the fact that he was in a great deal of pain, he still kept making really inappropriate jokes about the body parts that were involved. Joking around helped keep us sane ....
That is a great photo.
I like the concept of a joint wit account. But I think Dale's right -- it wouldn't suit everyone. Tant pis.
I think to each their own...but J and I have always shared an odd sense of humor. I think it comes with being friends and lovers both...I often wondered if we were the odd ones out, as we don't know anyone else like us-part of what I love about him so much is how childish we can be together and how he can make me laugh when I need to or least expect it.
Glad to know there's more people out there who laugh together...:)
I'm sure there are plenty of great marriages/relationships that are sustained by something other than humor, but they probably wouldn't work for me. Ted and I love to LAUGH.
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