Tuesday, January 03, 2006
new year's resolutions:
1. resolve the Israeli - Loyalist conflict that's absolutely ruined Cyprus
2. boil things that normally require frying
3. write down everything i don't say and say everything i don't write down
4. discover a new colour and forget to patent it
5. eat an arse, with chips and peas
6. update anti-virus software to protect against online bird-flu
7. whenever I see a dead bird i can't identify, consult my Observer Book of Dead Birds, my most useful xmas gift this year
8. take a photo of a photo of a photo
9. stop humiliating myself in private
10. accept Jesus into my life, then reject him, just to see his face
11. dig my own grave, fill it with a bejewelled golden hair and publish the co-ordinates in a cryptic book of perplex mysteries
12. hide my feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy under a thin veneer of showbiz success.
13. spend more time blogging and less time noodling around on myspace.com
14. stockpile Vaseline in anticipation of worldwide Petroleum Crisis
15. stop coveting my neighbour's ox though i really can't help it. that's some fucking good ox there.
16. fight to clear Albert Schweitzer's good name
17. stop thinking of nipples when i hear the word 'Chestnuts' used in polite conversation.
18. and stop thinking of discharge when i see 'Bird's Custard' in the supermarket
19. shall i even bother with Daddy's Sauce?
20. spend more time campaigning against religious tolerance
21. stop listening to people
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1. resolve the Israeli - Loyalist conflict that's absolutely ruined Cyprus
2. boil things that normally require frying
3. write down everything i don't say and say everything i don't write down
4. discover a new colour and forget to patent it
5. eat an arse, with chips and peas
6. update anti-virus software to protect against online bird-flu
7. whenever I see a dead bird i can't identify, consult my Observer Book of Dead Birds, my most useful xmas gift this year
8. take a photo of a photo of a photo
9. stop humiliating myself in private
10. accept Jesus into my life, then reject him, just to see his face
11. dig my own grave, fill it with a bejewelled golden hair and publish the co-ordinates in a cryptic book of perplex mysteries
12. hide my feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy under a thin veneer of showbiz success.
13. spend more time blogging and less time noodling around on myspace.com
14. stockpile Vaseline in anticipation of worldwide Petroleum Crisis
15. stop coveting my neighbour's ox though i really can't help it. that's some fucking good ox there.
16. fight to clear Albert Schweitzer's good name
17. stop thinking of nipples when i hear the word 'Chestnuts' used in polite conversation.
18. and stop thinking of discharge when i see 'Bird's Custard' in the supermarket
19. shall i even bother with Daddy's Sauce?
20. spend more time campaigning against religious tolerance
21. stop listening to people
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