the weird bonding

seriously, i hate it when anyone write things that touches me.
like one my sister did.

Jasper Tam Techik

it only cause me to be homesick. now.
and heard that he's been missing for several days.
i really want to go back home just to make sure he's safe.

"moktam, balik rumah cepat. along dengn angah risau."

a little note, on monday morning.

as long as there is moon and sun,
i'll be the one who loves you sincerely.
just so you know.

i will never let all this took it away.
i love you, dearly.

writing things down here, again and again, and again.
is like useless.
because sometimes its just tiring of repeating the same thing over and over again.
i guess i have stop seeing things clearly just because i decided to.
and i stop to believe in such relationship because most of it don't do with me.

for some reason, i don't hate you.
for some other reason, i hate you the most.
you, all of you.

for giving me both pain and happiness at the very same time.
for giving me life and death also at the very same time.

if we have to choose, than choose now.

if i have the choice, i'll break us all.
live separately.
then only we learned the lesson.

15th of 22nd

we begin with the first thing. first of all, today is 22nd december.
in another 2 months, it would be my 23rd birthday. yeay for that.
getting older and should be smarter.

the best coincidence of the date is that, today is when the result is coming out.
(i'll tell more details on it downwards)
another coincidence of it that, today is also 15 Muharram.
a mixed event on one day.
and oh yes, a baby was born today.
a baby boy. congratulations angah shafiza, and from now on,
i have someone who would call me "makcik".
make it sounds better, cik reen. stands for makcik reen. -_-"

aaa yes, the results.
to tell you the truth, i expect of failing one of 4 papers i sit for.
i woke up as early as 8.30 am.
i insisted to took a shower first,
i switched on my laptop and was 1st checking on updates on facebook, and
logging on to unimap's portal.
after several trials, i get passed through.
tadaaa~ the result was unexpected.
i felt like crying, screaming, jumping, laughing.
all at once.
and the very first thing i did was texting both ummi and abah.
for the very first time, i score above 3.0 for my cgp.
its like winning a grammy award trophy.
its like the whole world belongs to me.
its my very first time out of 7 semesters.
minus 1, the one with internship. left out 6 semesters.
i didn't want to spread it out.
and i was expecting for the best for the rest.

sadly, through out the day, not everyone did as well as they expected.
some do have flying colours result, and some didn't.
still, i am grateful enough. i knew i work pretty hard for previous semester.
with internal conflict and all kind of stuff.
not to include lack of time to sleep cause of some project, mini project, assignments,
tests, dancing trainings.

and by the end of the day, i have this one particular question that keep coming in and out.
of course, with NO answer at all.

so while having dinner, i texted someone i knew that she's also in her own hiatus world.
i just have to. i asked her,

"kakak, what's the point of being happy when you have no one to share it with you?"

and she replied me,

"what's the point of being dead with nothing to remember of?"

i was left with numerous of questions. and i think i have a point of view. so i texted her again,

"should i say, this is about living life and sometimes its just time of living it alone? to learn how to actually living life."

she replied me,

"better live a sucky life than dead. share it with none but you. then, you'll see more coming. May not be the one you want tho"

i breathe in hard with such a completely mixed feeling.
as i exhaled, i realized that,
perhaps, i couldn't make things becomes too perfect.
where the concepts of sharing is caring and all that was not really applicable to daily basis life.

i went back.
cried hard and letting of all things out through the tears. wrote this down.
(so that i would never forget this day ever.)
and start to think about rewarding myself like suggested by a friend of mine.


come to think about it again,
i think, its ummi and abah are one should be rewarded.
that includes the three musketeers at home too.

life, is about living the unexpected, not over-expected.
toodles~

let say korang kapel kan.....korang ade gf/bf, korang rase ok x kalau pasangan korg tu jauh dari korg, n d sebabkan dia jauh, dia kuar poye2 ngan org len...tp pd masa same, diorg syg kat korg...korg rasa wajar x dia buat mcm tu???knape???

bila couple, bercinta, kahwin atau berkongsi hidup dengan pasangan, apa-apa pun ada wajar dengan tidak. bergantung pada pandangan dan cara masing-masing. asas hubungan tu kepercayaan, jadi kalau ada rasa percaya yang masing-masing memang betul sayang, foya-foya la macam mana pun, jaga diri. semua akan jadi okay je,(harap-haraplah) wajar tak wajar, tepuk dada tanya selera. kalau tak suka, terus terang. selepas kepercayaan, satu lagi asas hubungan, komunikasi. cuba slow talk kalau tak suka. kalau berulang, belajar terima dan mendidik secara berhikmah. awak lelaki yang akan memimpin. awak harus tahu macam mana nak mengemudi dan macam mana untuk selalu selangkah di depan dalam berfikir. :)

go on, just ask!

higher

i am now somewhere higher than ground.
pretty packed and cramped.
here and there.
above all,
i know i can get through it all.
i just need time and space.
enough, to go.

and i smiled,
each time before i went to bed,
and every single morning as i wake up.

step by step

for things that might not slip easily off your life.
learn to face it slowly.
patiently.
it will be a bonus if you could stay calm at all time.
things will run smoothly afterward.

there were time when i wish i could stop doing everything i am doing now,
all at once.
dancing,
studying,
being in a circle.
being in the middle.
being rely and relying on.
i wish i could just stop.

i wonder if life is about something sometimes.
i wonder if it does ever want me to do something in return,
for what ever it gave me through out this years.

there's no use to go with the flow at all time, ey?