To be continued...

It is not the end; in fact, it is only the beginning of the journey.

Photo: http://www.winnipeglovehate.com/

Fork in the Road

I drive by this sign often and sometimes wonder if I should just stay in the other lane today.

Kind of like life and the decisions we make, it is not about looking back, but more about going forward.

So often I do not post now because I use Google Docs, Gmail, Blogger, Google + and have a YouTube account. Actually, Google has well over a hundred products that they have decided to tie together, which makes it easy to figure out who you are. Therefore, like many bloggers if I cannot say things because others know me, so I am debating if blogger is not the right tool to keep using.    

Overwhelmed

To say this quarter has been tough is an understatement and I don't know if I have ever felt this overwhelmed. Remember that feeling of being a young hormone induced teenager. That peer pressure and feeling of needing to be accepted, of being wanted and liked by that certain person in the front row who maturated a little earlier. Well, that is how out of control, stressed and overwhelmed these six classes have me feeling right now. At times an internal debate is happening as to whether this stress is worth it.

Study Groups

Never been a big fan of study groups because they always seem to turn into gossip sessions instead of productive time to learn. Although a couple of weeks ago, a few us tried to get together and it worked well for the sessions we met. However, now a couple of people decided to make it an open invitation for anyone who wants to join us. FYI, when a study group hits double digits in attendance, it is no longer is a study group. It has now morphed into an accumulation of people wasting time with different ideas of how to accomplish the same thing.  

Where are my flashcards?

Substance Theory

Being around all these students and with the majority of them women, this has its pros and cons. I am reminded of something a co-worker said to me about 10 years ago. While asking me about an acquaintance one morning she said, you won't be happy with her, you need someone with substance. She didn’t go into detail, but I knew what she meant.

Many guys are content with looking at, fantasizing and dating women strictly based on looks.
Don't get me wrong I like to look at beautiful women too. Honestly though, there is something about a woman who can hold an intelligence conversation and has a passion for something in life, besides herself. To me that makes a woman ten times more attractive.  Now that does not mean she needs degrees or a high IQ, she just needs to have some substance, if you know what I mean.



F.I.N.O

 Only two weeks ago I was wishing for school to start again because the three months off seemed like an eternity. However, be careful what you wish for. It is not the seven different classes I am taking, the weekly quizzes or the time constraints of it all. It is getting my mind and a daily routine established to the new chaos of this journey. It is freaking me out that books and papers are already in piles on the table, shelf and floor, I need to take a deep breath, get organized and remember.

Remember that this is doable and that hundreds have done it before me, feeling the same stressful feeling of what the hell did I get myself into.

One instructor said to take the philosophy of Failure Is Not an Option. I like that mentality and will fight through until I find my new routine.

Finally

Finally school is starting tomorrow, well at least orientation for new grad students will be tomorrow. Because I really need something different to focus on outside of the generalized bullshit and daily activities that have been going on around me. Ten years ago I never would have thought it, but I am actually looking forward to learning and filling my head with subjects like physical examinations, psychiatry and advanced pathophysiology.

MD vs. Dr.

Has the term Doctor become too generic? Having worked in several health care facilities, I have noticed more doctors are identifying themselves as MD’s on their documentation and even how they are identified by the hospital or clinic.

Here is what I’m thinking. When I was a kid and went to the doctor, it meant sticking my tongue out and saying "Ahh". Followed by some booster shot or needle for whatever was going around. I did not think of the doctor as anything other than medical in nature. Now every time you turn on the news or some talk show there is a doctor of something.

True that anyone with a PhD can call himself or herself a doctor, and I do not take anything away from that accomplishment, because they worked damn hard to get it. However, I don’t associate the PhD doctors of botany, astrophysics, zoology and business with the term doctor I grew up with and recognize.

Yes, maybe Dr. Seuss confused me as a little kid, and I still don't know who he is, but it seems different in how the word doctor is used today. Besides those with a PhD being able to call themselves doctor, in 5 minutes I could think of Dr. Dre, Dr. Oz, Dr. Drew, Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil, Dr. Scholl’s, Dr. Pepper, Dr. Dolittle and the Rug Doctor. Isn’t Dr. Oz the only real medical doctor in this bunch?

Along with that Nurse Practitioners will have to have a PhD starting in 2015. I think I will be happy to just be an NP, even if I get a PhD.

"The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men"

When school ended, I thought I would be smart and make myself available whenever they needed me to pick up as many shifts as possible. I knew that once school resumed in September the last thing I would feel like doing is working most weekends.

Well the idea might have sounded good two months ago, but now they are calling almost every day. In most situations this would be fine, however, now I’m tired of working with patients. Well, it’s not so much the patients, because only a few are the ones who suck your motivation and energy, like the government has sucked the confidence out of the American people. It is more the unit politics and certain staff that make for difficult shifts. You learn quickly who the team players are; they jump in and help when it’s needed. While some are never available, that is unless they need you.

The money helps, but being burned out before school and clinicals even start is not a good idea. So how much is the lottery up to?

Gratuitous cute mouse picture 

You're So Vain *

Information is starting to arrive for the graduate program and I am excited and scared at the same time. Even though tuition and books are relatively expensive, it does not register as a negative because it is part of my end goal. It also looks like there will be no rest as clinicals start right away in the first quarter. Among this information, there was a list of 10 names, along with that of an instructor; these are the people will form my clinical group.

As NP students, I know we will be practicing in many forms including sim labs, the real world and on each other. However, for some reason as I read that we will be practicing full physical exams on each other (Minus genital, breast and rectal exams), I felt a little self-conscious. Reading over the names in my clinical group, I notice that I am the only male listed. Now call me crazy because one of the reasons I like nursing is getting to work with mostly women, but that was not the issue.

The issue was the vain thought that crossed my mind of needing to lose 5-10 lbs by the time my peers started poking and prodding me in September. Maybe I have been working around women too long, because my mechanic would never think that.


*Thanks Carly Simon for the post title.

How to Blog

A friend will be starting nursing school this fall and after reading about so many other people's journeys back into school. I thought she should document hers as well. So what kind of advice would you give a new blogger, or an old blogger for that matter?

Let’s face it school, work and life can be stressful. Some bloggers including myself believe blogging is beneficial to relieving some of that stress and providing a way to process all of the positive and negative emotions. Reading other people’s experiences and insight may also help because they have been through it.

Personally, I would say there is no right or wrong way to blog, just start writing and your style will develop. Everyone is different in what they like to read, so at first write for yourself and not what you think other people want to read. You are not writing an academic paper to be graded, so enjoy yourself. Although, I have noticed that bloggers seem to have better writing skills than most. ( Maybe not mine)

Some people want others to read their blog, while others do not care because they are writing for themselves. There is a follower’s widget and by following someone, they may follow you. However, the best advice I can give to gain followers is not my own, you have to click here and read this older post by Red Means Go. She is a fun read and does not take herself too seriously. With over 2200 followers, she understands that followers do not equal readers.


The blog roll is something I’m indecisive about and always changing mine and playing around. However, it is good to look at other people’s blog links and click on them, because you might find other blogs that you really like.

People can be very creative with their blog templates, while others like mine are somewhat boring. I really need a change. So play around with the backgrounds and layouts.

Then she needs to decide whether to be anonymous or use her real name. Privacy is a big thing in health care and if you make accusations, bitch or say something negative about a patient, staff member or the facility, it can come back to bite you.

Any other ideas or advice?

Put it on a stick and deep fry it. It's done.

Downloaded and handed in a hard copy of my final paper, which ended up being 33 pages. Funny, how the minute you hand in that final paper and complete that final exam, you forget how awful the last 11 weeks have been. Nevertheless, it is over now.

Twelve weeks with nothing to study and no assignments due until at least September. (Look a fragmented sentence and I don’t care). I can read something for pleasure and not because it is required. If I had crappy cable TV, I would be watching it. Note to self don’t get cable. Should pick up some extra shifts at the hospital, but probably no more than required to pay the bills. I’m sick of working too.

Heading to Minneapolis in August to visit family and friends. Might need to get some Sweet Martha’s Cookies too, along with some other various edible things on a stick. The MN State Fair is a uniquely gross, and yet tantalizing event. So many future overweight cardiac cath patients in one place, eating and eating and eating. However, that's the tradition. They started eating and doing this fair thing before the Civil war, so who's to argue with tradition. I wonder what they deep fried back then?



Pull the Plug Already

I'm to the point where I'm sick of school and burnt out, at least for this quarter.

I've been in universities that use the semester system and ones that use the quarter system and really, I don't think it makes a big difference. Because, like a slow death the closer you get to the end of the semester or quarter you just want it to end. Pull the effing plug already.Talking to another student who was also a travel nurse in her past and I compared school to a travel assignment. When you travel nurse you sign 13 week contracts with the hospital and it is exciting, at least in the beginning.

The first couple of weeks you are in a new city, learning a new floor, a new system and meeting new people.

Then next few weeks you still ask many questions and start falling into a routine. You get to know your co-workers and who to trust and who to avoid. The same with the new city your living in, you learn where to go and what to avoid.

Then for the next four or five weeks, you can coast a little, being sure to cover your ass and not be blamed for anything. You know what doctors to call when there's a problem and who to bother to get a patient discharged, that should have been gone days before. In town, you have learned the good places to eat and the parks and tourist areas to explore.

Then that last week or two you relax and stop giving a shit. Not about the patients, but the politics of the floor and hospital where you are working. It really is sad that it only takes a few weeks to get involved in the politics; the regular staff is always looking for a new person to listen to their complaints, and take their side.

Well, I am into the last week of school and the I don’t give a shit phase. I really need a break.

Old Nurses

I was not sure whether to be flattered or slightly depressed, as the financial aid seminar progressed. The counselor explained how she liked nursing students and had a soft spot for them, especially after the recent hospitalization of her mother and the nurses who cared for her. Well the majority of nurse are likable I thought. As she explained further about her financial aid department doing everything possible to assist us in not worrying about money for school. That helps, because the added stress of money on top of everything else is too much for some people. She then started clarifying the demographics of the students making up the university, including the old nurses.

Okay she didn't exactly say old nurses, what she said was that the average age of the students in the nursing programs, was 10 years older than that of the average age of those students in the school of medicine. Again to self, that explains why those residents and new doctors keep getting younger every time I go to work.

I should give a little more background about this university. It is attached to a large medical and research facility and consists of only medical, dental, pharmacy and graduate nursing programs.

So anyway many of these old nurses entering graduate school have been working for years as registered nurses, before coming back to school for their masters or PhD. The counselor went on to say that they are more likely to have established themselves in life and have families, children and a mortgage. This meant their financial worries and stresses were a little different. Whereas, the medical students tended to be younger, more flexible and probably more willing to move for their careers, while trying to establish themselves in the medical field.
Not sure, what these average ages were, maybe 28 and 38, or it could be just a few old nurses or young medical students dragging the curve along with them.

Thinking again, this is a different stereotype than exists in the outside world, where people usually think of old doctors and young nurses.

Extreme Couponing

Extreme Couponing, has anyone seen this, because after listening to a couple people at work talk about the show and saying how much they love it, it made me want to get cable TV again. Everybody has seen the people on TV who go into a store and buy $100 worth of groceries for less than a $1. Well, I guess TLC has taken it to a new level and shows people who make it an obsession and full-time job. They don't pay for anything.

This kind of mental illness reality TV I can handle, like Hoarders or Intervention. You can keep the Bachelor, House Wives of whatever city and those Jersey people. Although, I think those whiny Jersey people have some mental health problems too.

Yes, I have been called cheap a few times over the years, although I prefer the word thrifty. You know a Costco, Target somewhat thrifty kind of a person. Being in school full-time doesn't help either with the money situation, and if I can get a coupon or good deal, I’m there.

The funny thing is that most of the people who call others cheap, are usually cheap themselves and in some kind of denial. Coupons are a good thing and there is a reason companies spend money putting them out there.

OK, these are a different kinds of extreme couponing, but feel free to use them.

Party Like a Nurse

  Today is the 105th anniversary of the 1906 San Francisco earthquake that pretty much leveled and burned the city to the ground.
However, one of the aftermaths of that disaster was the establishment of one of the oldest nursing schools in the country at UCSF. With a proud history of graduate and research nursing that has lasted through two world wars, financial meltdowns and political fighting, it helped make nursing a respectable occupation.

The flip side:

Advance for Nurses is a company dedicated to making and selling products to nurses and health care professionals. Yet, they play right into spreading the stereotype of being the good time party nurse. Thanks for spreading the professional image and making a buck off us at the same time.

Frustration with school

Haven't been posting about school lately because frankly I'm not liking it. Between the PowerPoint presentation and final papers I would rather be doing than just about anything else, including cleaning up incontinent, confused and restrained patients.

Plus, an instructor who I used to think was wonderful, has transformed into one of the biggest bitches in my life, which is saying a lot.

As nurses you are always told to leave you personal issues at the door, and I understand that we all have bad days from time to time. But, to our detriment her bad days and personal problems have lasted for months now and were tired of hearing about it.

Amendment 3/27: Sorry I usually don't like to read about others complaining and I did the exact same thing :(

Keep moving forward

One group project this quarter and of course all the obligatory papers to write. Although looking forward to our a service learning class that needs to be completed in the community. Basically volunteering for over 60 hours in your chosen field and then writing a paper about it, and when they say over 60 hours trust me it will not be much over that, because this is not even part of the graduate program yet. Mostly I'm looking forward to being in a different health care setting besides my current hospital, even if it is just volunteer work.

But, why is it only february and I feel burnt out already.

Winter quarter 2011

So glad to be back because it means one quarter closer to the end. Even though it has only been a few weeks it is good to see familiar faces again, and really I do enjoy school. As I mentioned to another blogger it is one of those controllable parts of our otherwise uncontrollable lives, because it is your choice to study, attend and participate, or not.

I don't know how people do online only school? I like the social interaction and being able to see the actual faces of people asking questions and being able to ask questions myself in real time. At least for now in health care you have to deal with actual physical patients, no online avatars or texting your way to a diagnose. Although that would cut down on me coming into contact with unwanted body fluids.

In real world school it only takes a class or two to figure out who is going to be that annoying person who asks questions every time the instructor takes a breath. Some classmates will roll their eyes, but I don't give a rat's ass there is too much to do. I start scanning my textbook or writing down ideas for papers because this part is controllable in my life.

I made the mistake of telling staffing that school would be finishing December 15, and I would be able to work when they needed me. That was a stupid mistake or early onset dementia, either way they said OK and booked me every day for the rest of the schedule. I quickly told them to take me off for a few days around Christmas, then I will also take a week off to re-energize before classes start again in January.

Need to finish getting my paperwork together for the graduate part of the program and prepare for my Mom's visit in a few weeks, I just want to make sure she has a good time and hopefully it quits raining. If it ever got cold enough to snow here we would have had about 10 feet this past week.