Black Sheep

I look back at my friends and co-workers who had numerous sibling in the family, and it seems that one becomes estranged or decides they do not want to be a part of the family anymore. They become unavailable for family functions and/or stopped being sociable. At times, a spouse or fiancé influence their new thoughts about family members. Other times it was only their selfishness or perceived feeling of not being treated equally. They operate on blame and excuses, but ultimately it was their decision to alienate themselves.
 For the longest time I thought my family was immune to this situation. However, over the past few years I have watched it develop with one of my sisters and her husband.

Truthfully, if these individuals were not family they would never be friends. They would simply be people passing through our lives.

 This year the holiday is a good reminder and it reinforces my belief. I will leave the door open for their return, although I am done wasting time and energy on those who have anointed themselves the victims.     

Gratitude

It gets to a point where you do not want to study anymore so of course you check email and read blogs. I ran across this quote and decided it was time to study some more.

Develop an attitude for gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you. Knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.
-Brian Tracy

Kimmirut

One paper and five finals over the next 7 days and they are calling me to work. No thank you that is why I switched to per Diem, because I knew these days would be coming. In fact, two years ago when I decided to finish my bachelors and go on to graduate school, I knew it would not be an easy journey. I evaluated the options of whether to give up steady pay, benefits and insurance in order to put it all on the line with a goal in mind. This is the first round of finals in graduate school and although the hurdles are higher and I may stumble, I will keep going.

 What is Kimmirut? There is a little town of approx. 400 people located above the Arctic Circle on Baffin Island. The thing is they have regular weather updates and a webcam set up looking out over a few houses and a bay. I have never seen a person and I think the ice and snow was gone for 2-3 months this summer. I am a little geeky with meteorology, but why am I fascinated looking at this little Inuit town on the edge of an island in the Arctic, and their 24 hr a day webcam? Somebody walk by the camera already.

Live Kimmirut webcam

Good Luck?

Here is what my instructor emails me last night after hearing my story. “Please remember that a small bad luck prevents a big bad luck and turns into a good luck in the future.” She may be Asian and it may sound like confucious or a fortune cookie, but coming from her it meant a lot.   

It was not referring to my grades, but we will see if it applies after finals next week. She was trying to cheer me up after a long day. I had not slept much the night before and then spent 10 hours out at school and I was tired. Forgetting something, I emailed her a course question. Then seeing that it was 7:30 pm, I decided it was a good time to do a couple quick errands. My favorite little produce store was near Costco so I could grab a bag of persimmons and fill up my tank and no problem back in 30 minutes.

So produce in the back seat and tank filled up I get in to start my car at the Costco gas bar, turn the key and nothing happens. Long story short AAA; drop my car at the mechanics and a 30-minute trip turned into almost 3 hours.

Good thing I use the train to commute to school and I will be waiting for that good luck in the future.

Nature calling

 

Things are just happening so quickly that I have not felt like blogging about work or school lately. However, after practicing in the skills lab this morning I went outside to find that the fog had cleared and it was a nice day.

Walking or anything that resembles exercise has not been a regular part of my routine over the past few months. Therefore, it was nice to get some fresh air and sunshine before heading home. Not sure if I want to stay in the city after graduation, because I like having nature a little closer than a two-hour drive. A patch of grass among the high-rise buildings might work for some, but not me.

This little girl was having some fun, but I could not decide if I was amused or disgusted as I watched her run amongst the pigeons. Not the kind of nature I grew up with.

A truth be told

This was part of the speech given by Steve Jobs at the commencement ceremony at Stanford in 2005, and it was after he was diagnosed with cancer. It kind of motivated me, especially the second paragraph.


No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.


Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary

Overwhelmed

To say this quarter has been tough is an understatement and I don't know if I have ever felt this overwhelmed. Remember that feeling of being a young hormone induced teenager. That peer pressure and feeling of needing to be accepted, of being wanted and liked by that certain person in the front row who maturated a little earlier. Well, that is how out of control, stressed and overwhelmed these six classes have me feeling right now. At times an internal debate is happening as to whether this stress is worth it.

Study Groups

Never been a big fan of study groups because they always seem to turn into gossip sessions instead of productive time to learn. Although a couple of weeks ago, a few us tried to get together and it worked well for the sessions we met. However, now a couple of people decided to make it an open invitation for anyone who wants to join us. FYI, when a study group hits double digits in attendance, it is no longer is a study group. It has now morphed into an accumulation of people wasting time with different ideas of how to accomplish the same thing.  

Where are my flashcards?

Substance Theory

Being around all these students and with the majority of them women, this has its pros and cons. I am reminded of something a co-worker said to me about 10 years ago. While asking me about an acquaintance one morning she said, you won't be happy with her, you need someone with substance. She didn’t go into detail, but I knew what she meant.

Many guys are content with looking at, fantasizing and dating women strictly based on looks.
Don't get me wrong I like to look at beautiful women too. Honestly though, there is something about a woman who can hold an intelligence conversation and has a passion for something in life, besides herself. To me that makes a woman ten times more attractive.  Now that does not mean she needs degrees or a high IQ, she just needs to have some substance, if you know what I mean.



You need a tune-up

Sometimes I am not the brightest bulb in the tree. My car has been sitting for a few days because I take the train into school during the week. Getting home, I decided to run to the grocery store and jumped in my car starting it up. Just then, it starts shaking and I look behind thinking someone is joking around rocking my bumper. Nobody there so I think it is idling rough, but then it stops.

Only at the store when someone comments on the earthquake did it all make sense. It happened over the hill in Berkeley and was only a 3.8, to the 4.0 that happened earlier in the day. I never felt that one either. Only in California would I confuse my rough running car to an earthquake.

To Change Your Future Alter Your Decisions Today

It has been a long time since I have felt this overwhelmed. On top of that, I am making stupid decisions by picking up shifts at the hospital. Staffing knows my school schedule, so they call me on my days off begging and saying we are short can you come in. News flash, you are always short quit being so cheap and hire some more nurses. It is hard to give up the easy money, but just picking up a shift burns you out for the day and makes it almost impossible to study after work. So finally, yesterday I told them I would not be working for at least the next 2 weeks.


I need to smarten up, because over the past two years I planned and budgeted so I would not have to work much once I got to this point.

In addition, I need to start taking care of my old brain cells and body, because I will not even go into how I have sabotaged and turned my eating, exercise and intermittent personal life into shit since school started. Time to get organized and refocused.

F.I.N.O

 Only two weeks ago I was wishing for school to start again because the three months off seemed like an eternity. However, be careful what you wish for. It is not the seven different classes I am taking, the weekly quizzes or the time constraints of it all. It is getting my mind and a daily routine established to the new chaos of this journey. It is freaking me out that books and papers are already in piles on the table, shelf and floor, I need to take a deep breath, get organized and remember.

Remember that this is doable and that hundreds have done it before me, feeling the same stressful feeling of what the hell did I get myself into.

One instructor said to take the philosophy of Failure Is Not an Option. I like that mentality and will fight through until I find my new routine.

Finally

Finally school is starting tomorrow, well at least orientation for new grad students will be tomorrow. Because I really need something different to focus on outside of the generalized bullshit and daily activities that have been going on around me. Ten years ago I never would have thought it, but I am actually looking forward to learning and filling my head with subjects like physical examinations, psychiatry and advanced pathophysiology.

Minnesota, you have to love it

Don't know who the author was, but having spent 15 years in MN and considering it home away from home, it must be a someone who can laugh at themselves because they know the State and people too well.

In case you didn't know...

Minnesota became the 32nd state on May 11, 1858 and was originally settled by a lost tribe of Norwegians seeking refuge from the searing heat of Wisconsin 's winters.

Minnesota gets its name from the Sioux Indian word "mah-nee-soo-tah," meaning, "No, really... They eat fish soaked in lye."

The state song of Minnesota is "Someday the Vikings will... Aw, never mind."

The Mall of America in Bloomington , Minnesota covers 9.5 million square feet and has enough space to hold 185,000 idiot teenagers yapping away on cell phones.

Madison , Minnesota is known as "the lutefisk capital of the world." Avoid this city at all costs.

"The Mary Tyler Moore Show" was set in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and was Mary's first real acting job since leaving the "Dick van Dyke Show. The show about a single woman's struggle to find happiness in the big city was originally titled "Life Without Dick," but that was changed for some reason.

Downtown Minneapolis has an enclosed skyway system covering 52 blocks, allowing people to live, work, eat, and sleep without ever going outside. The only downside to this is that a Norwegian occasionally turns up missing.

Cartoonist Charles M. Shultz was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota and grew up in St. Paul. He was the only artist to accurately depict the perfectly circular heads of Minnesota natives.

The Hormel Company of Austin, Minnesota produces 6 million cans of Spam a year, even though no one actually eats it. Spam is a prized food in Japan & Hawaii--Spam sushi!!

Minnesota license plates are blue & white and contain the phrase "Blizzards on the 4th of July - you get used to it."

Frank C. Mars, founder of the Mars Candy Co. Was born in Newport, Minnesota. His 3 Musketeers candy bar originally contained three bars in one wrapper, each filled with a different flavor of nougat - chocolate, Spam and lutefisk.

Tonka trucks continue to be manufactured in Minnetonka, Minnesota, despite the thousands of GI Joe dolls killed by them annually in rollover accidents. No airbags, no seat belts. These things are deathtraps, I tell ya!

Author Laura Ingalls Wilder was raised at Walnut Grove, Minnesota, and was famous for writing the "Little House" series of books, as well as inventing the "Spam diet" which consists of looking at a plate of Spam until you lose your appetite. Much like the "lutefisk diet."

The snowmobile was invented in Roseau , Minnesota to allow families a means of attending 4th of July picnics.

Minnesotans are almost indistinguishable from Wisconsinites. The only way to tell them apart is to ask if they voted for Mondale in '84.

Now... it is up to you to forward this to all your friends. If one of them does not forward it to others, he/she will be given an entrance pin to attend the Eelpout Festival in Walker, MN, February 18-20, 2012.

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Now, COLD is a relative thing

65° outside
Arizonans turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.

60° outside
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Minnesota sunbathe.

50° outside
Italian & English cars will not start.
People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.

40°
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

35°
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20°
People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close their windows.

Zero°
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Minnesotans get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.

40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Minnesota start saying..."Cold enough for ya?"

50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late

Watson, come quickly...

Remember the attention IBM received when they put their supercomputer up against previous Jeopardy winners and it beat them severely. Well it appears the supercomputer nicknamed Watson has found a new job with a major health insurance company, WellPoint.

Taking test results, medical history and all other information about the patient, the computer can make a diagnosis and treatment plan in approximately 3 seconds. Supposedly, this will be only another tool to help make decisions. I think it could be a good tool and talking to a computer might be an improvement on some doctors bedside manner.

However, dig a little deeper and you find there is also a plan for the computer to take into consideration the patient’s financial situation. Remember this is a for profit health insurance company that will be using this machine. So does anyone think for a second that a treatment plan for someone who is homeless versus someone who is financially well off will be the same?

This reminds me of a time when they said machines and computers will never replace humans on assembly lines or in manufacturing.

Picture of the Day

How to ruin a maple long john

Shopping in Hopkins Minnesota last week and I had a craving for a donut, and sometimes a maple long john is one that I prefer. However, upon approaching the display case this is what I saw and lost my appetite for all sweets. The concept might have been good because warm bacon goes so well with warm pancakes and syrup, but a cold donut with cold bacon on top just didn't do it for me.  

We all need Encouragement

With everything going on there has been a lot of stress in life lately. I know everyone has seen versions of this list, but it gave me a little needed boost.  

1. There are at least two people in the world that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you…take another look.

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks

MD vs. Dr.

Has the term Doctor become too generic? Having worked in several health care facilities, I have noticed more doctors are identifying themselves as MD’s on their documentation and even how they are identified by the hospital or clinic.

Here is what I’m thinking. When I was a kid and went to the doctor, it meant sticking my tongue out and saying "Ahh". Followed by some booster shot or needle for whatever was going around. I did not think of the doctor as anything other than medical in nature. Now every time you turn on the news or some talk show there is a doctor of something.

True that anyone with a PhD can call himself or herself a doctor, and I do not take anything away from that accomplishment, because they worked damn hard to get it. However, I don’t associate the PhD doctors of botany, astrophysics, zoology and business with the term doctor I grew up with and recognize.

Yes, maybe Dr. Seuss confused me as a little kid, and I still don't know who he is, but it seems different in how the word doctor is used today. Besides those with a PhD being able to call themselves doctor, in 5 minutes I could think of Dr. Dre, Dr. Oz, Dr. Drew, Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil, Dr. Scholl’s, Dr. Pepper, Dr. Dolittle and the Rug Doctor. Isn’t Dr. Oz the only real medical doctor in this bunch?

Along with that Nurse Practitioners will have to have a PhD starting in 2015. I think I will be happy to just be an NP, even if I get a PhD.

"The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men"

When school ended, I thought I would be smart and make myself available whenever they needed me to pick up as many shifts as possible. I knew that once school resumed in September the last thing I would feel like doing is working most weekends.

Well the idea might have sounded good two months ago, but now they are calling almost every day. In most situations this would be fine, however, now I’m tired of working with patients. Well, it’s not so much the patients, because only a few are the ones who suck your motivation and energy, like the government has sucked the confidence out of the American people. It is more the unit politics and certain staff that make for difficult shifts. You learn quickly who the team players are; they jump in and help when it’s needed. While some are never available, that is unless they need you.

The money helps, but being burned out before school and clinicals even start is not a good idea. So how much is the lottery up to?

Gratuitous cute mouse picture 

Cure for Type II Diabetes ?

The diabetic educator was talking about this research at work and I am surprised we don't hear more, because it seems relevant and another statement about our dietary habits. An English study points out that when people are put on a strict diet for eight weeks that included low calories and mostly non-starchy vegetables, many could actually reverse their diabetes. This is not the first study suggesting these findings and that  by eating this way you can purge the pancreas of a lot of its’ built up fat. In simple terms, this gives the beta cells and pancreas enough of a break from the fat that they produce sufficient amount of insulin again.

Not saying this works for all Type 2 diabetics, or for the 10% of the people who have Type 1 diabetes. Although research has shown for years that most type 2 diabetes is obesity and lifestyle related.

Here is the problem. Most people should decrease the amount of fat built up in our livers, pancreas and bodies in general. However, as Americans and really most of the industrialized world, we cannot change our fat ass lifestyles. We have no will power to the marketing of cheap foods that are laden with salt, saturated fat, sugar, chemicals and preservatives that are thrust in our faces daily in order that food companies can make billions in profits. 

Just my opinion, now off to Costco because I’m sure I need some mega bag of something they are pushing today.

You're So Vain *

Information is starting to arrive for the graduate program and I am excited and scared at the same time. Even though tuition and books are relatively expensive, it does not register as a negative because it is part of my end goal. It also looks like there will be no rest as clinicals start right away in the first quarter. Among this information, there was a list of 10 names, along with that of an instructor; these are the people will form my clinical group.

As NP students, I know we will be practicing in many forms including sim labs, the real world and on each other. However, for some reason as I read that we will be practicing full physical exams on each other (Minus genital, breast and rectal exams), I felt a little self-conscious. Reading over the names in my clinical group, I notice that I am the only male listed. Now call me crazy because one of the reasons I like nursing is getting to work with mostly women, but that was not the issue.

The issue was the vain thought that crossed my mind of needing to lose 5-10 lbs by the time my peers started poking and prodding me in September. Maybe I have been working around women too long, because my mechanic would never think that.


*Thanks Carly Simon for the post title.

Don't try this at Home

This past Sunday night a wife called 911 worried about her husband who decided to do a little surgery, on himself.

It appears a 63-year-old man was tired of having his hernia protruding from his abdomen, so with a butter knife in hand he went outside and lay in his lawn chair and started to operate on himself. That is when his wife called 911. Police arrived to find the man with a butter knife sticking from his gut. As they watched, he pulled the knife out and put a lit cigarette in the wound.

As I heard this story on the radio like many I thought drugs or alcohol would be involved, but he was sober. Although, no surprise that they put him under a 5150, which is California’s 72 hour psychiatric hold and observe law. In the end, he was admitted to the hospital and will be having his hernia fixed.

Personally, I will clean and dress big nasty wounds and do most things for patients without a second thought, but for some reason trach care and hernias make me uneasy.

Stop Making Excuses

So tired of some people and their excuses, including some patients and even one of my family members.

In reality, we all make half-assed excuses for things like not eating well or exercising enough. However, some people just seem to have excuses for everything.

Look at these two women who have been in the news lately and should be role models for people living their lives without excuses.

Jaycee Dugard, was kidnapped, mentally tortured and sexually assaulted for 18 years from the time she was 11 years old.

Elizabeth Smart, was kidnapped and mentally tortured for 9 months, when she was 14 years old.

When their ordeals ended these two amazing women did not make excuses and say “poor me” my life is ruined because of someone else’s actions. They moved forward and are living life to its fullest and not letting past circumstances dictate how they live in their future.

Most of us know individuals who blame family, friends, the government and history for all their problems. Instead of spending energy moving forward in life and bettering themselves, they make excuses as to why it is everybody else's fault. So blame or make excuses if it makes you feel better, but chances are until you realize it is you have control, things will not change.

Hurry up and wait.

Like everyone else I hate pulling that tab at the DMV and getting a number like 73, when they just called 42.
However, I'll try to remember this line I saw while walking near the campus yesterday, and not stress so much about my wait times. Because, these poor people were just trying to get into the building and get a number.

Is this a "Just Culture"

This story was sent to employees email accounts a few days ago with a link to read it. It has since bothered me on so many levels.

First, this is Kimberly Hiatt and she worked at a hospital that  followed a so-called “Just Culture” model, "which recognizes the need to use errors to identify and correct systemic problems, rather than focusing on penalizing individuals”. Many hospitals around the country follow this model today, especially when it comes to medication and surgical procedures.

Kim Hiatt, made her career at this particular hospital for the past 24 years. Last year she made a medical error and gave an infant 10 times the ordered dose of calcium chloride. The infant was not doing well before this incident and did pass away 5 days later, but it is not clear whether this contributed to the baby death. Also, the parents of this baby understood that it was an accident and did not want anyone to take the fall for the mistake.

So here is the kicker. In this so-called “Just Culture” hospital, this nurse was immediately escorted off the hospital property and subsequently fired. She gave 24 years to this hospital and never had a serious mistake prior to this. This happened at Seattle's Children's Hospital, but the truth is it could have happened at any hospital.

Kim committed suicide.

Reading the whole story it appears that there were other contributing factors as to why the hospital was so quick to fire her. Because, even though her co-workers loved her and say she was a good nurse, the hospital appeared to have a problem with her lesbian lifestyle. I am sure there were other contributing personal and professional factors, but that does not excuse how the hospital went above and beyond to penalize her.

Nurses are scared to report errors the way it is, and that should not be the case. However, nurses also have to remember that hospitals are going to look after themselves first. That is one of the big reasons for so much paperwork, hospitals are trying to cover their asses. This makes nurses and doctors do the same thing and try to cover their asses as well.  

This story is wrong on so many different levels

Circumcisions. Just a little off the top please

The Jewish and Muslim people have teamed up to fight an evil enemy. An enemy they call racists. An enemy they call anti-Semitic to both the Muslims and Jews. However, this fight is not taking place in the Middle East, but in the city of San Francisco, and over a little piece of skin.

A group has successfully collected enough signatures for a measure to be added to the November elections. So if passed it would make San Francisco the first city in the US to ban male circumcisions.

Maybe it's a health issue, as studies have suggested and that circumcisions prevent future health problems like STDs, HIV and UTIs. On the other hand, maybe it is only a personal choice or a religious preference.Are we infringing on the rights of parents?

The ancient Egyptians performed circumcisions, and if done in infancy is it really traumatizing? Personally, I do not remember having it done and I have never talked to a guy who remembers it happening. I am sure by now some lawyer would have used a traumatized circumcision defense if possible. The only problem is, if it was removed as a baby no guy remembers it happening.

I guess we will let the people decide in November.

How to Blog

A friend will be starting nursing school this fall and after reading about so many other people's journeys back into school. I thought she should document hers as well. So what kind of advice would you give a new blogger, or an old blogger for that matter?

Let’s face it school, work and life can be stressful. Some bloggers including myself believe blogging is beneficial to relieving some of that stress and providing a way to process all of the positive and negative emotions. Reading other people’s experiences and insight may also help because they have been through it.

Personally, I would say there is no right or wrong way to blog, just start writing and your style will develop. Everyone is different in what they like to read, so at first write for yourself and not what you think other people want to read. You are not writing an academic paper to be graded, so enjoy yourself. Although, I have noticed that bloggers seem to have better writing skills than most. ( Maybe not mine)

Some people want others to read their blog, while others do not care because they are writing for themselves. There is a follower’s widget and by following someone, they may follow you. However, the best advice I can give to gain followers is not my own, you have to click here and read this older post by Red Means Go. She is a fun read and does not take herself too seriously. With over 2200 followers, she understands that followers do not equal readers.


The blog roll is something I’m indecisive about and always changing mine and playing around. However, it is good to look at other people’s blog links and click on them, because you might find other blogs that you really like.

People can be very creative with their blog templates, while others like mine are somewhat boring. I really need a change. So play around with the backgrounds and layouts.

Then she needs to decide whether to be anonymous or use her real name. Privacy is a big thing in health care and if you make accusations, bitch or say something negative about a patient, staff member or the facility, it can come back to bite you.

Any other ideas or advice?

Put it on a stick and deep fry it. It's done.

Downloaded and handed in a hard copy of my final paper, which ended up being 33 pages. Funny, how the minute you hand in that final paper and complete that final exam, you forget how awful the last 11 weeks have been. Nevertheless, it is over now.

Twelve weeks with nothing to study and no assignments due until at least September. (Look a fragmented sentence and I don’t care). I can read something for pleasure and not because it is required. If I had crappy cable TV, I would be watching it. Note to self don’t get cable. Should pick up some extra shifts at the hospital, but probably no more than required to pay the bills. I’m sick of working too.

Heading to Minneapolis in August to visit family and friends. Might need to get some Sweet Martha’s Cookies too, along with some other various edible things on a stick. The MN State Fair is a uniquely gross, and yet tantalizing event. So many future overweight cardiac cath patients in one place, eating and eating and eating. However, that's the tradition. They started eating and doing this fair thing before the Civil war, so who's to argue with tradition. I wonder what they deep fried back then?



Pull the Plug Already

I'm to the point where I'm sick of school and burnt out, at least for this quarter.

I've been in universities that use the semester system and ones that use the quarter system and really, I don't think it makes a big difference. Because, like a slow death the closer you get to the end of the semester or quarter you just want it to end. Pull the effing plug already.Talking to another student who was also a travel nurse in her past and I compared school to a travel assignment. When you travel nurse you sign 13 week contracts with the hospital and it is exciting, at least in the beginning.

The first couple of weeks you are in a new city, learning a new floor, a new system and meeting new people.

Then next few weeks you still ask many questions and start falling into a routine. You get to know your co-workers and who to trust and who to avoid. The same with the new city your living in, you learn where to go and what to avoid.

Then for the next four or five weeks, you can coast a little, being sure to cover your ass and not be blamed for anything. You know what doctors to call when there's a problem and who to bother to get a patient discharged, that should have been gone days before. In town, you have learned the good places to eat and the parks and tourist areas to explore.

Then that last week or two you relax and stop giving a shit. Not about the patients, but the politics of the floor and hospital where you are working. It really is sad that it only takes a few weeks to get involved in the politics; the regular staff is always looking for a new person to listen to their complaints, and take their side.

Well, I am into the last week of school and the I don’t give a shit phase. I really need a break.

Goodwill Deal?

There is a Goodwill store on the way home from school, so yesterday I took a tour looking for any deals. Although, in my annual visit I never seem to find anything, and I am not interested in owning other people's dishes or wearing their clothes. I get enough second hand stuff at work from patients, like advice and body fluids

There on the shelf at Goodwill sits an incentive spirometer, why would someone donate that and why did Goodwill not throw it away? I understand wheelchairs, walkers and maybe a commode, but trying to sell an incentive spirometer for $2.99. Do people even know what the hell it is or how to use it? Do they understand that someone sick enough to be in the hospital also had their lips wrapped around it. I like a bargain, but I think I will stick to Target.



Old Nurses

I was not sure whether to be flattered or slightly depressed, as the financial aid seminar progressed. The counselor explained how she liked nursing students and had a soft spot for them, especially after the recent hospitalization of her mother and the nurses who cared for her. Well the majority of nurse are likable I thought. As she explained further about her financial aid department doing everything possible to assist us in not worrying about money for school. That helps, because the added stress of money on top of everything else is too much for some people. She then started clarifying the demographics of the students making up the university, including the old nurses.

Okay she didn't exactly say old nurses, what she said was that the average age of the students in the nursing programs, was 10 years older than that of the average age of those students in the school of medicine. Again to self, that explains why those residents and new doctors keep getting younger every time I go to work.

I should give a little more background about this university. It is attached to a large medical and research facility and consists of only medical, dental, pharmacy and graduate nursing programs.

So anyway many of these old nurses entering graduate school have been working for years as registered nurses, before coming back to school for their masters or PhD. The counselor went on to say that they are more likely to have established themselves in life and have families, children and a mortgage. This meant their financial worries and stresses were a little different. Whereas, the medical students tended to be younger, more flexible and probably more willing to move for their careers, while trying to establish themselves in the medical field.
Not sure, what these average ages were, maybe 28 and 38, or it could be just a few old nurses or young medical students dragging the curve along with them.

Thinking again, this is a different stereotype than exists in the outside world, where people usually think of old doctors and young nurses.

Note to self, don't over think it.

Graduate school. I keep repeating it to myself, because sometimes I don’t believe it. So many times in my life, I could have taken the wrong turn and ended up dead, and too many times, I did take that wrong turn and just got lucky. I am sober now, but I gave a fair share of my money to the liquor industry over the years, and when younger tried just about every street drug available. Probably a good thing for bad experiences or I might have taken things too far.


I have thought about this on and off over the last few months and it came up again last night while eating with a friend. She was telling me of her personal conflicts from the past and although different, good life lessons. I understand people who have lived life and been to the edge, I think it makes them appreciate and understand things better.

Memorial Day



Thanks to all those who have served and their families.

Looking at other countries around the world fighting for their freedom I realize how lucky we are. I am free to go to school, have my own thoughts, express them openly, and make mistakes without being persecuted for them.

Extreme Couponing

Extreme Couponing, has anyone seen this, because after listening to a couple people at work talk about the show and saying how much they love it, it made me want to get cable TV again. Everybody has seen the people on TV who go into a store and buy $100 worth of groceries for less than a $1. Well, I guess TLC has taken it to a new level and shows people who make it an obsession and full-time job. They don't pay for anything.

This kind of mental illness reality TV I can handle, like Hoarders or Intervention. You can keep the Bachelor, House Wives of whatever city and those Jersey people. Although, I think those whiny Jersey people have some mental health problems too.

Yes, I have been called cheap a few times over the years, although I prefer the word thrifty. You know a Costco, Target somewhat thrifty kind of a person. Being in school full-time doesn't help either with the money situation, and if I can get a coupon or good deal, I’m there.

The funny thing is that most of the people who call others cheap, are usually cheap themselves and in some kind of denial. Coupons are a good thing and there is a reason companies spend money putting them out there.

OK, these are a different kinds of extreme couponing, but feel free to use them.

Bombing for Peace is Like...........

Sometimes in class you just shut your mouth or wish you would have when certain discussion happen, and there have been some good ones over the years, when I just sit back and bite my tongue wanting to say something. As practitioners in the health care field they say listening is sometime the hardest thing to do. So last night I put in my quick two cents, then told myself to shut-up as the class got into all kinds of different political and health care funding talk. However, I need to get out of my system what I wanted to say.

Certain politicians instead of going after Wall Street billionaire stealing from the middle class, still want to cut programs like teenage pregnancy prevention and family planning. Yes, that includes Planned Parenthood. Where a huge 3% does actually go towards abortion, but that mean 96% apparently, does not. Instead, it is used for things like education, contraception, cancer screening, STD prevention and treatment, and other health issues along with family planning.  You can read their annual report here.  If politicians want to stick by their belief that is fine, I can even respect it at times.

However, some of these same politicians also want to cut programs like women, infant, children (WIC) and Head Start for low-income families with children.

Therefore, these individuals want to take away alternatives and figuratively force women to have the babies, but they don't want to do anything to help them once they do?

It seemed a little hypocritical and does not make sense to me, it also reminding me of the old saying,

Bombing for Peace

 is like

Fucking for Virginity

People should really read the law of Title X

People are People

Over the years of reading blogs, I have see individuals complaining about how they feel like their clinicals or community work is akin to free labor. Maybe they had a bad day; however, I hope I don't become jaded like that, because one of the best experiences I am having right now is volunteering at a free clinic.

In reality, some of why I am enjoying it so much has to do with the years of dealing with stupid hospital politics, catering to patients and families and documenting everything. Yes, I know it is important to chart positive flatus.

As for this clinic, it is very basic and just above street level care with volunteer doctors, nurses, pharmacists, social workers and most importantly interpreters. I love my interpreter, because she understands my weird sense of humor. Anyway, they operate in donated spaces and even out of an elementary school gym one night a week. These are not places for checkups or handing out pain meds; we have signs everywhere letting patients know there are no pain meds on site. These uninsured individuals who cannot afford to see anyone for things like uncontrolled diabetes or hypertension, and they just need a little help and maybe a prescription.

No politics, no bean counters, no egos and no kissing ass, just basic care for people who fell through the cracks.

Things work out

It feels like things are finally starting to fall into place, in the academic world anyway. The bachelor’s degree will be done next month and the acceptance letter to start the graduate program in September has been confirmed. In addition, there is financial seminar next weekend, to learning where the money is coming from, one stress I do not want to deal with.


Even though my finals and papers are coming due, graduate school is right around the corner, my sisters and I are starting a lawsuit against our stepmother and I have no health insurance, my stress level is really low right now.

Maybe it is time to start dating again after a self-imposed hiatus, or go visit some distant family to ratchet up the stress and release of some cortisol.

A Real Mother's Day

What would every mother like for Mother’s Day, maybe a complete and professional makeover of her hair and makeup?

Well, that is what happened in the city yesterday to 25 women, but these women were not part of a win a makeover for your Mother on Mother's day contest.

No, these 25 Mothers called one of the local shelters home and next week they will be receiving job training and interview skills. When you have children, the last place you plan to call home is a shelter. Therefore, although I wish all mothers a happy mother’s day, I wish these ones a little bit more of one.

Happy Mothers Day - Sort of

One day all our Mothers will be this age, so let's enjoy them while we can.

Dead bodies and Recipes



As nurses you become desensitized to a lot, but once in a while a wtf moment hits you.

Yesterday, because of sick calls they had me helping in the cardiovascular ICU. Halfway into the shift an elderly Asian gentleman passed away; it was not unexpected as most of the family had been called and were at the bedside.

After he passed, the family wanted to spend more time with him and have their 6-year-old granddaughter come into the room to say goodbye. The patient had been on a ventilator with lines and tubes inserted into every possible orifice and extremity. It would have been a scary site to most, but why subject a 6 year old to this?

Anyway we had the family go to the waiting room as we fully gowned and masked up. Because of his condition we knew there would be extensive body fluids everywhere; also bathing and turning a dead patient requires a lot of contact.

The air in the room smelled horrible as we started pulling lines, tubes and clean up the man's body. Then the two nurses with me started exchanging recipes for some type of bread pudding dish.
I laughed a little and found it is sad, because while cleaning up that poor dead man's smelly fluids, their talk actually made me hungry.

750 Words.com

There is a site called 750 words and it kind of describes why I started blogging, but it is not a Blogging site or Facebook. It is a place where you write 750 words a day to yourself, and nobody reads it. Kind of like the old days when people kept journals or diaries about their thoughts.

By writing 750 words a day you release some of that inner energy, creativity or frustration. You can write in the mornings to get your mind working or at the end of the day to let things go. They call it "a daily brain dump" and creative or not it probably helps.

To write freely and say what is really on my mind. That's my problem I recently started worrying about what others would think or want to read and see.

http://750words.com/

Party Like a Nurse

  Today is the 105th anniversary of the 1906 San Francisco earthquake that pretty much leveled and burned the city to the ground.
However, one of the aftermaths of that disaster was the establishment of one of the oldest nursing schools in the country at UCSF. With a proud history of graduate and research nursing that has lasted through two world wars, financial meltdowns and political fighting, it helped make nursing a respectable occupation.

The flip side:

Advance for Nurses is a company dedicated to making and selling products to nurses and health care professionals. Yet, they play right into spreading the stereotype of being the good time party nurse. Thanks for spreading the professional image and making a buck off us at the same time.

Special Place in Hell

Maybe I'm noticing it more or maybe it's happening more; those stories in the news that make you think how could somebody do that?

A wheelchair van is stolen.
An elderly 90-year-old woman is pushed down to the ground and assaulted.
A greedy pharmacist dilutes cancer medication to increase his profits.
Cemetery grave markers and headstones are destroyed by a bunch of drunken partying idiots.

Now this, three girls in Georgia were running a lemonade stand to raise money for their two-year-old cousin who is sick and needs surgery. Two losers decide they are going to steal the $130 dollars the girls had raised and run.

Good people always seem to step-up in these situations by donating to make things right. Just a sad commentary on some people these days. Someday in Hell they will wish they had some Lemonade.

Forget You

It came out last year and sorry if it offends anyone, but I still love this song by Cee Lo and the 50-60's Motown style and feeling about it, and I think we've all had someone like this in our past.

Also next time you get cut off in traffic, disrespected, or just happen to be dealing with someone who is rude, recite a couple key phrases in your head. (Out loud if appropriate). Guaranteed you will feel better.

 (Sorry this is not the dumbed down edited radio or Glee version.)



Remember when he did Crazy  in Gnarls Barkley

Attitude

I've been stressed lately and there is no reason for it, because life is good. Even though I have this quote by Charles Swindoll stuck on my fridge as a reminder of how important attitude is, sometimes I forget.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.


The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.


And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes

-Charles R. Swindoll

Buy your Friends at Usocial

 A company called Usocial will let you buy your friends and followers in bulk.

Yes, for $87 you can buy 1000 Twitter followers or for $197 1000 Facebook friends, not bad less than .20 cents a friend, and much cheaper than buying friends at your local campus bar during dollar drink night.

So I was thinking of alternative ways they can advertise and sell their product.

Are you a talentless Hollywood reality star who wants to prove that other people really care what you think? Well, now this is your chance by showing them that you have thousands of Twitter followers who pretend to care.

Or when you're arrested for being a serial killer do you want to be like the others and hear the police and your neighbors saying, he was a quite loner who kept to himself.   No, then prepare and prove them wrong with your countless Facebook friends from around the world.

But wait, if you act in the next 30 minutes we can double your order of friends at no additional cost. Because think about it, your real life friends may be cheap, but these ones are cheaper, and they won't borrow your stuff or steal your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Frustration with school

Haven't been posting about school lately because frankly I'm not liking it. Between the PowerPoint presentation and final papers I would rather be doing than just about anything else, including cleaning up incontinent, confused and restrained patients.

Plus, an instructor who I used to think was wonderful, has transformed into one of the biggest bitches in my life, which is saying a lot.

As nurses you are always told to leave you personal issues at the door, and I understand that we all have bad days from time to time. But, to our detriment her bad days and personal problems have lasted for months now and were tired of hearing about it.

Amendment 3/27: Sorry I usually don't like to read about others complaining and I did the exact same thing :(

Exercise, Sex Can Boost Heart Attack Risk

that was the headline on WebMd today.


Well, eff me I was going to start exercising tomorrow.

Makes me wonder....

Am I strange because the rest of the planet uses Facebook and I don't? I have no desire to collect more friends I will never meet.

As I get older isn't eating preservatives a good thing?

Why do we label people?

Now with cell/smart phones I can't remember phone numbers.

I wonder why doctors are the worst at washing their hand before going into patient rooms?

A woman leaving Target the other day with one shopping bag and she stops a foot from the double doors, looks around and walks to the right so she could use the automatic ones.

If you can't text and walk, what makes you think you can text and drive?

Why many medical centers employ more people in the billing and collects department than they do doctors.

And thanks for the shout out today Estelle at Word Lust, you don't make me wonder, well maybe a little.

I think I know this patient

I don't know why but I have to click & pull the play button back a few seconds to hear the audio.

Local Media Hype

First, let me say that what happened in Japan was horribly sad and people should help if they can.

I don't understand the local media; although you would think living in the Midwest I would be immune to all the hype they portray. It was kind of a strange phenomenon that we used to joke about at work, and any chance a TV stations got they would break away from programming to tell us about a thunder or snow storm. Even if there wasn't a tornado, but conditions were ripe for one, it was like the start of the Apocalypse with their maps, radar and news trucks.

However, most people would continue golfing, fishing or gardening until trees started to fall around them, because this was the upper Midwest and conditions were always ripe for bad weather. It's kind of like saying it might be overcast and misty in Seattle, newsflash it's always overcast and misty in Seattle.

So today I witnessed this type of reporting here in the Bay Area. The media is like that friend who wants to make everything about them or put a local twist on it. Most people know of Chinatown, with the largest Chinese community outside of Asia, but there is also Japantown. In fact over 30 percent of the city of San Francisco is made up of Asian people. So instead of reporting about what was going on in Japan they had to tie-in some local hardships.

From their news helicopters and vans they showed the marina with the boats getting tossed around, but then not being dramatic or emotional enough someone must've decided it was a good idea to take their vans to Japantown and find distraught relatives. It was sad, instead of preying on those hurting how about telling us what we can do to help.

No wonder people feel depressed after watching the news.

 

Japantown (sfcitizen.com)

Eeyore needs Prozac

Your mind wanders when you're doing research papers for hours on end, and I thought about how as a child I had a stuffed Pooh and Eeyore, and I always liked Eeyore the best. However, these days I'm surprised they haven't said Eeyore is not a good toy for children because he suffers from depression.



  Then again maybe Pooh's inability to stay focused and he would be diagnosed with ADHD and they would recommend Ritalin or Adderall.



Should have been a Veterinarian or Marine Biologist

I ran across this blog about someone training to become a marine biologist and seeing the pictures of the animals and being able to work outdoors while breathing fresh air made me think, I should have done that. Guaranteed the next time I am assisting my aid with cleaning up a patient with c-diff I will be thinking of that fresh air.
You could find a hundred ways to compare human and animal patients, but that wouldn't be fair to the humans.

Growing up I was fortunate in that we always had animals and I was able to spend a lot of time outdoors. Then as a teenager I spent 18 months working for a veterinarian, because I thought that was the field I would pursue.
However, life happens and time passes fast; then you go into an occupation that you know is stable and will always be needed.

After graduation maybe I can find a place of employment that affords us a little hobby farm with some goats and chickens or we can adopt abused animals. Plus coming home to animals after working with people all day would also be a great stress reliever.



*&#@+#$ Computer Virus

The last few weeks of the quarter and here I sit in the schools computer lab, because my computer is with the Geek Squad at Best Buy. So let me thank the low-life piece of shit who's big contributes to society is using up oxygen and inventing  #*+&@^# computer viruses. You're smart enough to mess with millions of people's computers, so why not instead try to do something useful with your life.

It's been five days so I stopped in to ask how things were going and the woman said to me it was post-op and would be ready tomorrow.  Post-op I said as she looked at me and explained, all the systems had been worked on and they would run a diagnostic test over night.

I thought it was kind of cool how different terminology intermingles into different professions. Pre and Post op were probably military terms before medicine adopted them. So not only can my computer catch a virus that can spread and needs to be operated on, but it can get worms and a Trojan horse. Now don't think of a horse wearing a Trojan, that's a different website. Alright back to work so I can get out of here.

Stereotypes

Frequently patients or family members think I'm a doctor as I walk in the room at the beginning of the shift, or they ask if I'm doing this until I go to medical school. Maybe it's because males are less than 10% of nurses or it could be my boring blue scrubs and demeanor. Face it women nurses tend to wear happy scrubs with lots of colors and patterns. Yes, that is a stereotype and that's my point. As a male nurse we are stereotyped a lot.

Everybody stereotypes or jumps to conclusions about something or someone, its human nature. We do it with individual people, races, cultures, communities and even whole countries, and of course the occupational stereotypes.

Teaching is still a women dominated profession and we keep hearing about the ones getting caught doing a little extra curricular activities with their students.

Is there anybody who doesn't know a lawyer joke or have something positve to say?

Body building and steroid use equals small testicles. Does anybody outside of bodybuilders think this is a profession?

Doctors have that God complex. Personally, I notice this trait more in the Neurosurgeons.

Try not to stereotype a secretary, cop, construction worker, flight attendant, cook, trucker, librarian, farmer or architect. They are all noble professions, but it seems every occupation can bring up some stereotypes so don't go postal on me.

If you are offended or agree then good, because nurses still have the worst stereotype. Look at this ad I found in the Vegas phone book a while back.

For every one person who associates Florence Nightingale with nurses, one hundred think of this stereotype.



Why does Jesus hate religion?

 Last visit home I saw this sign and had to take a picture. I'm more spiritual than religious and I don't know why Jesus hates religion, but I think it has something to do with the people who preach the word in order to profit from it. I can understand that and actually commend this church for putting it out there.

Many independent studies have shown the benefits of prayer, religion, spirituality, faith or whatever cultural practices you believe in, do in fact help in the healing process.  

Survivor vs Biggest Loser

For the first time in a long time I watched a whole episode of Survivor and the show has changed. Remember when contestants actually had to show some survival skills and maybe eat a bug or two. Now it seems like they pick people who look good in bikinis or are controversial. My ideas would be different.

I want to see a real survivor show, so how about dropping these people in Canada or Northern Minnesota in the winter and seeing how they survive.

The contestants do lose a lot of weight over the 39 days. So how about combining the show The Biggest Loser and Survivor together, can you imagine the mind games on that island? Now I would watch that every week.

Shift Report

As a new grad nurse shift reports were one of those nerve racking parts of the job, but over time like everything else it becomes routine. You have your nurses who expect you to tell them everything about the patient, even as far as doing their whole shift assessment. Then you have the veteran nurses who just like you to hit the abnormalities.

Last shift I was taking over for a nurse who just worked 16 hours and I told her hit the highlights and go home. Her report for the first patient was short and sweet as he was a fresh heart cath, then she started with the second patient saying he was a 55-year-old morbidly obese Hispanic male who was crossing the border when he ate a burrito and experienced an MI, but he's fine.

I looked up from my paper because what I just visualized a Chris Farley comedy moment.

She may have been tired but this was too good to let go. I look at her and said, you just told me that an overweight Mexican was crossing the border when he ate a burrito and had a heart attack. I let her think for a minute before she had the same visual I did and laughed.

Nurses have a warped sense of humor and this patient is fine, but sometimes you need to take care of your co-workers and if you can lighten the moment then do it.

Later I looked at the doctors H&P and saw that three days ago he was crossing the border with some friends in a truck and had eaten a burrito while waiting. He then started experiencing some chest pain, and after three days of this intermittent chest pain he decided it was a good idea to go the hospital.

Dead Blogs

Haven't been in the mood to write lately so I have been reading other people blogs from all over the world, and it has been interesting to say the least. I wish I could be creative and write like some of these people, but we all can't be like the Estelle's  of the world. Shit most of my writing involves school and research papers that I love it and hate it at the same time.

Although, one pet peeve I keep noticing is that most people list others blogs on their sites, which is a good thing. But, so many have blogs listed that I would consider dead, you know they have not had an entry in over a year

I clicked on one of these links recently that has not had a post since 2008. Obama was still running, the Jonas Brothers were on top and some people actually thought Sarah Palin had something to say. Who knows maybe that blogger really is dead?

Keep moving forward

One group project this quarter and of course all the obligatory papers to write. Although looking forward to our a service learning class that needs to be completed in the community. Basically volunteering for over 60 hours in your chosen field and then writing a paper about it, and when they say over 60 hours trust me it will not be much over that, because this is not even part of the graduate program yet. Mostly I'm looking forward to being in a different health care setting besides my current hospital, even if it is just volunteer work.

But, why is it only february and I feel burnt out already.

Egypt

As I watch the continuing news coverage on what is happening in Egypt I feel so happy for the people. They are making their destiny and for the most part in a peaceful manner; which is amazing for a country so large with over 80 million people.
If that happened here the rioters and looters would be out of control, heck it take a lot less than that, sometimes just a little alcohol and a sports championship to ignite the stupidity.

I'm sure we will hear about incidents, situations and lies that a dying government will try to use, but I wish the people well on this new journey and may it stay peaceful now and into their future.

Update: I wrote this yesterday because today things turned and the pro-government thugs moved in and started clashing with the demonstrators.

Borderline

I have the specialty I want, but sometimes I think I should have applied for a nurse practitioner in psychiatric and mental health care.
It just seems to be that more and more patients are presenting with mental illness and it's not limited to any specific floor. I float everywhere; oncology, cardiac, step-down or the surgical unit, and I receive patients with mental health issues. These are not dementia or certified psych patients just those borderline cases. Having worked with this population before becoming a nurse I take it in stride, but it can be funny watching how they manipulate some of the staff including doctors.
I actually kind of enjoy most of them, but then again some might say I am borderline.

Yin Yang

Sad that Jack LaLanne pasted away, he did so much over the years to encourage people to get off their asses and move.
I could use some of that encouragement now, with school and work it's so easy to just say I'll exercise tomorrow even knowing you feel so much better and think so much clearer when you exercise today.

But my life always seems to be in that Yin Yang flux where one cannot exist without the other.
Unlike the west where people equate it to good and bad I adhere to the Taoists theory in that they balance each other out and are intertwined, just like night and day need each other.

I buy my old fashioned oatmeal, then purchasing one of those strategically placed slices of chocolate cake on the way out. How can one be good or bad?

I exercised inside today because it is was foggy and chilly outside, then read a textbook with a bowl of buttered popcorn. So I can stress about school, but feel satisfied with a buttery treat.