Review of Tedium, By Johnathan

Hey, all. Remember how I said that the posts would come fast and furious once I finished that SARLSH malarkey? We,, I probably should have added an "unless I get tied up in the longest and thired-most-hellish move of my life" caveat. Because that's what happened. On the up side, it's done, I have a new cat roommate, and the Internets are back in town. I guess I could have written some stuff while I was offline for later posting, but that smacked of effort, man. One thing, however, did stick in my tired, bitter craw: last week's Action Comics No. 864. Well, one aspect of it, at least (Lightning Lad vs. Batman was great). Let's watch:

So the big-reveal surprise villain in Action Comics this month was a) not a huge surprise and b) the friggin' Time Trapper. I hate the friggin' Time Trapper. He was an interesting villain for all of three Silver Age stories, I swear, back when he was basically just a reason that the Legion could go into the past but not the future, even with all of their Mighty Technology. In fact, he was entertaining for exactly one story, the one that also introduced the equally-hateful Glorith, when he managed to turn a third of the Legion into irritating babies and kicked Invisible Tot around. Ever since then, the Time Trapper has functioned almost exclusively as a gigantic, nigh-unbeatable threat, trotted out to shake up the status quo with a few shocking deaths or resolve some continuity point with a time quake or something. He's featured in more angsty, dreary storylines than the entire cast of Dawson's Creek. And no matter how many times he's tediously defeated, he just keeps coming back - which isn't much different than, say, Darkseid, but at least Darkseid is fun.

BAH! NOT APPROVED.

Well! I was certainly filled with vitriol, hey? Needed a little more sleep? Well, I'm well-rested now, but I basically agree. Every time the Time Trapper shows up in a story I heave a little sigh and prepare to slog through some boring comic book. It's like... like reading a late-eighties crossover event. Or 8 out of 10 early Image comics. Don't get me wrong, I'm not writing this story off just yet. I'll be the first one to applaud if anything interesting is added to ol' TT's story - I just ain't holding my breath.

This is what I meant when I was talking about him kicking Invisible Moppet. Kicking Silver Age DC toddlers = comic gold! This one instant of the Time Trapper's life is:

JOHN APPROVED

Review of that last review, by Johnathan.

You know what? That last review, it's all over the place. If you haven't read it yet, wait a day or so. If you have... maybe try it again in a bit. I'm off to edit.

NOT APPROVED

UPDATE:

I'm much more happy with it now. It reads much more smoothly. I'm not saying it's Keats or anything, just that it no longer looks like it was composed by an angry bear with a keyboard.

JOHN APPROVED

Review of Long-Lasting Computer Problems, By Johnathan

NOT APPROVED, duh.

Now that I'm back on track, though, well, just you wait and see.

Tomorrow's either going to feature Command Kid or Slam Bradley, and if you have a preference then leave a comment. Otherwise you'll take what you get.

Review of Construction Guys Who Hammer What Sounds Like Copper Washtubs Early in the Morning While I'm Still Asleep and Then Don't See the Need to Ham

mer For the Entire Rest of the Day, By Johnathan.


Raurgh!

NOT APPROVED

Review of Some Outsider Art, by Johnathan

So my job mostly involves talking on the phone to Southerners (subreview: people who say "Huh?" every time that they can't hear you on the phone and you have to be polite even though you want to hunt them with knives - NOT APPROVED) which leaves me somewhat parched, as you can no doubt imagine. So I drink a lot of water, and as a result go to the bathroom a lot. And in the bathroom that I go to, I've noticed a thing: someone has drawn a little face on the wall in greasy fingerprints. This is fine. However, this greasy little face has been drawn directly above the urinal, which forces me to conclude that it has been drawn using ball sweat.


-NOT APPROVED

Review of ankles, by Johnathan.

Ankles are good, in that - like all worthwhile joints - they help you to move. Plus, they're handy for use in jokes about how old someone is, as the fetishes of yesteryear (ankles, wrists, knees, post-marital sex), are totally good for a laugh. Ankles are also home to anklets, which are slightly questionable as jewelry, but have a totally bitchin' name. Anklet. Without ankles, we'd all be tottering around like poorly designed robots, which would be hilarious for a couple of days, but would probably get old quick.

However, I twisted my ankle something fierce this morning, so:

JOHN DISAPPROVED

Review of smells, By Johnathan.

Not all smells - that would take a while.

OK, so last week Paul was away and I didn't know when garbage day was and now there's a bag of garbage lurking in the kitchen, waiting to be taken out. There are smells hiding in this bag and sometimes when I am nearby they ambush my nose in an unpleasant manner. Plus, last week was kind of rainy and cold, so I closed all of the windows in the apartment as a survival tactic, resulting in a buildup of 'man smell' in my room. The apartment, in short, was not an olfactory symphony. It was more like... nostril muzak.

NOT APPROVED

Review of being unemployed, by Johnathan.

This one is a mixed bag I am afraid. On one hand you get to sleep in, plus you can watch movies all day if you want. On the other hand you'll get kicked out of your apartment pretty soon and won't be able to eat. I wish that I had a good scheme to get some cash right quick, but all that I can think of is 'get a job.'

So, until I get rich, NOT APPROVED.