Review of Purposed Unpowered Vehicle, by Paul

Even with handles, the Car Seat Flying Saucer would
have been difficult to control. The image of being pulled swiftly across
empty farmers fields, by a small truck, or over open water,
by a fast moving boat, was, for a time, a nice fantasy.
However entertaining, the CFSC would have almost certainly lead
to serious injuries and tremendous dissapointment on the part of
Jean Pierres parents who definatly weren't away for the weekend.
In the end the face of skepticism, left of CSFC,
won over the spirit of entreprenurship, right CSFC.

As for the CSFC.

NOT APPROVED

Review of Old Comic Book Mail-Order Stuff, Part Three, By Johnathan

Next up: The SWITCH-BLADE COMB!


Kind of dumb-looking. Bad idea - bet it got some poor kid shivved.

NOT APPROVED

Review of Old Comic Book Mail-Order Stuff, Part Two, By Johnathan

In contrast with the astonishing and glorious POCKET SPY SCOPE (see Part One), may I present:

The X-RAY SPECS, a heinous and cynical exploitation of the same nerdish lusts served so faithfully by the altruists behind the POCKET SPY SCOPE.
Though an invaluable kitsch resource and generally cool-looking eyewear, the X-RAY SPECS are their core an example of the tendency of humanity to exploit the weakness of its fellows for the dubious pleasure of reaping stacks and stacks of cold, hard cash. The specs operate by optical illusion, and allow one to see 'bones' when peering through them at a hand or an arm. But look at the ad! It says that you can see through clothes! There's a buxom lass in the background! The clear implication is that one can employ these spectacles to play the voyeur on the sly - and how many of our nerdish forebears had their hopes dashed as a result? How many horn-rimmed, bryl-creme'd, zit-encrusted youths gambled their dollar on the specs, figuring that they would ogle their secret crush (and make no mistake - all of their crushes were secret) in public with none the wiser, only to find to their disappointment (six to eight weeks later) that these traitorous lenses simply didn't work as implicitly advertised? How many of those same intrepid, gawky lads had no money left after this soul-crushing betrayal, and were unable to purchase the POCKET SPY SCOPE? How many boys crouched in the undergrowth, pockets protected, squinting forlornly at the lighted window in the distance, where was visible only the occasional and oh-so-tiny glimpse of rosy girl-flesh, rather than the orgiastic/voyeuristic inadvertent strip-show that was their due? How many virgins wept in the rhododendrons?

Geeks of yesteryear, I acknowledge your sorrow.

NOT APPROVED

Review of Web Browser Inconsistencies, by Paul

Hi there,
is there anybody who can tell me why the header of this page results in mislayout using Firefox, while works ok with any other browser (I.E., Opera, Netscape)?
...

Why is not good mix em and px? It's a bad CSS design or just because you I not have idea what the resulting width will be?
...

I just plain stink at positioning unless it is fixed. The float property has always given me grief for some reason. I know the look I want can be achieved as I have seen other layouts that work in Firefox but for some reason, something in my coding somewhere isn't allowing it to happen. Just can't figure out what that is. LOL
Thanks for the info. I will keep playing and see what I can figure out. :)
...

This is not a right or wrong thread, just two way of doing things and the reason for that.

...

Dear forum guy,

I have had your problem with _________ as well, and wow there sure are a lot of ____________ problems. Dont give up. THe best way to achieve the effect you are going for with your web page is actually quite strait forward. Dont be embarrased guy! Any time you see one thing in FF and Opera and another in IE, you can safely bet that its time to cut the web off of your page.

1) Go to the Office supply store and buy a pad of blank paper. Get a lot because there are millions of people on the internet. They all have the same problems as you.

2)Buy a ruler, a compass set and a pack of colored pencils. I have been using these woodless colored pencils: http://www.artstuff.net/woodless_colored_pencils.htm
A lot of people will tell you that you just can't get some resolutions with them, but I think they weren't pressing hard enough. If you can't afford these you can always get a 12 pack of crayolas. Sure there are only 12 colors, but they are affordable and you can get them anywhere. If you are just trying to display text as you say then a 12 pack of crayolas should get you started.

3)Your font woes are familiar territory. THis plastic stencil will sink that battle ship BAM!









4) Now you are ready. Once you are done your page throw it out side and let the world wide do the rest.


NOT APPROVED

Review of Old Comic Book Mail-Order Stuff, Part One, By Johnathan

Part one in a series of close looks at the sort of things that people used to try to sell kids who read comics. Our first guest:

There's only the faintest of attempts to disguise the fact that this device was only ever going to be use for one thing: voyeurism. Watching sports? Counter-spying? Pshaw. This thing, for the low, low price of $1.75, enabled early-60s nerds (possibly the dorkiest nerds of all time, studies indicate) to gorge their pasty, lustful eyes on beehive-ed maidens en boudoir. Until I learned of this, I was troubled and confused by the insistence of the authors of the era on describing undergrowth as 'sticky.' Now, however, I am troubled and proud, knowing that as I read I am witnessing the legacy of my nerdish forebears - and the indomitable POCKET SPY SCOPE!

JOHN APPROVED

Review of bezoars, by johnathan

Bezoars are formed when undigestable material accretes ith the stomach of a human or animal. there are several different kinds, classified by the type of material that forms the bulk of the mass. Bezoars can be formed of hair, plant fibres, and even the gel capsules that medication is delivered in. Trichobezoars, pictured here:
are the hair-based type. They often build up in the stomachs of young girls who chew on the ends of their hair. Trichobezoars are packed with partially-digested food, and therefore smell terrible. As you can see, the bezoar conforms precisely to the shape of the stomach, and usually must be surgically removed.
Bezoars have a long mythic history - they were traditionally believed to be proof against poison, and European royalty frequently had them set in gold, like gemstones.

...

Bezoars are incredibly gross.


NOT APPROVED

Review of kid sidekicks, by Johnathan

I'm not totally opposed to the notion of youthful sidekicks for superheros - the Robin series has turned out okay (except for the *ahem* unpleasantness with Jason Todd), and I'm sure that I could think up another if I spent a few seconds... Speedy. He's okay. Except for the smack.
Anyway, if you do happen to begin adventuring with a coyly elfen boy-child, and your collective weakness just happens to be a phisiological need for regular moistening, and you are required to avail youself of the milky bounty of a mountain goat or die... try not to make it lok like you're grimly shooting hircine ejaculate into the gleeful face of your hot pants-clad boy toy. Because that's gross.
NOT APPROVED

Review of Lex Luthor, by Johnathan.

Ok, so he doesn't have anything to do with the ray, but still: it's a ray! From space! An unexpected one! Luthor is friggin' cool as a cucumber here, in what might be classified as 'incredibly bizzarre circumstances'. Even the ape-faced murderer in the background is kind of weirded out, and he's ray-free. But Lex... dude would be smoking a pipe if he had one.

JOHN APPROVED.

Review of this tiny version of Photoshop that I got, by Johnathan

So I had some picture that I needed to edit, but I've rapidly been filling up my computer with comic books - space is at a premium, yo. The solution, an incredibly small version of Photoshop. Seriously, you can run it off of a usb storage device. It's really wee, is what I'm saying, which leaves more room for comics, and more room for comics means that I'm going to find more stuff like this:



















Superman doing a Flavor Flav bit in the 60s. This guy has always been ahead of the game.

Tiny Photoshop: JOHN APPROVED.

Super Flav: JOHN APPROVED.