FAT CHICKS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!

If you are a fat chick, do not buy a Chrysler. The guy at the dealership tried to charge me for a fat chick seat belt extender.

"Ya, I don't have any in, I can order one for $61"

"Excuse me? Uh, Ford gave me one for free."

"I don't know what to tell ya."

As I march my fat ass through the showroom, "I guess you are telling me that you don't sell cars to fat chicks!"

I went home and purchased one online for $17, pretty much the cost of shipping.

As fat chicks, I think we should boycott Chrysler.

The upside of owning crappy stuff.

No one wants to steal it.

Took Milton out for his morning constitutional, and found my passenger side door wide open as well as the glove box.

The keys were on the seat where I left them.

Note to would-be thief: You could have at least tidied up. And where were you raised? In a barn? Close the fucking door!

Luckily the dome light has been busted for a while, otherwise the battery would be dead.

Everyone is always so proud to show off a new car or a new phone or new whatever. I have a little crappy car. It works, and nobody wants to steal it.

Are you getting tired of hearing it?

I just realized how many posts start 'I haven't been blogging in a while' and I feel ya...its starting to annoy me too.

So, how goes it in butt-fuck-nowhere Nova Scotia? It goes better now that I have my car back from The Boy. His piece-of-shit Focus has been out of commission for more than a year and it is finally drivable.

I know that we should have given up on that thing a long time ago but after you spend so much money...well you have to know when to quit, but we didn't. After a couple of grand, I wanted it fixed just on principle so I could 'drive' it off a fucking cliff.
It was just one thing after another and in retrospect, we could have saved money if we had just replaced the motor. Oh well...what's done is done.

I am mobile now, even though I really don't go anywhere and now that I am not smoking I actually have money to spend. A couple of times I actually forgot it was payday. You don't realize how much money you spend on cancer sticks til you quit. I actually have money left over at the end of the month instead of the other way around.

If you are thinking at all about quitting smoking, think about it. Or email me...I will hook ya up.

It's getting old.

Sure, its funny to hear about but when you live with it, it gets old really fast.

The Boy is stomping all over my last nerve with this car.

-He goes out every single day and vacuums it. Every day.

-We don't have a hose so he takes two buckets outside with him. One with soapy water and the other with clear water and washes it. Oh, and a t-shirt... to dry it. (No, it is not a Porsche or a Ferrari.)

-He doesn't like the condition of the driveway (mud puddles, rutts etc.) so he parks it on the lawn. He has no idea why that would upset me. Aside from the fact it kills the grass, it is just so Trailor Park Boys.

Now he wants me to take it to the garage because one of the tires has the writing facing in instead of out like the other three. I kid you not.

Maybe he is afraid someone will start humming the 'one of these things' song when he drives up. That would be humiliating.

I am a friend of Bill.

I believe my crazy addiction faze has run its course.

I don't usually succumb to those sorts of all-consuming activities. Well not since my 36hour HTML coding marathon. I was surfing the net, way back when, and thought I should try this HTML shit. I bought a book and sat at the keyboard for almost 36 hours straight, I think I napped a couple times but it was like as soon as I got to sleep my mind would work out the problem I was having spacing the tables correctly and I would snap awake and have to go right back to the computer.

I guess it happens at the beginning of anything interesting for me. I can't seem to find a happy medium. When the FarmTown thing started winding down, meaning I had the biggest farm I was ever gonna have and more money than I could spend, I started looking at other things that I could do to fill the time between harvests. I dabbled in YoVille and BarnBuddies, but I think I am over it now.

So, what has been happening around me while I was single-mindedly tending to my fake life online?

Well, The Boy got a car, you knew that. But he has yet to move back with his father. Don't get me wrong, I love The Boy, but I was living the life while he was gone. My house was never more dirty than I made it. There was no obstacle course on the way to anywhere (ie: towels, socks, clothes, shoes). There was always something to drink when I opened the fridge and I was never surprised with an empty carton of ice cream.

While he was gone for that year, my power bills were cut in half and now I know why. The washer and dryer have never stopped since he walked back in. He takes two showers a day and has to make sure the bathroom is full of steam (nice and warm) before he even steps foot in it.

He never says where he is going or where he has been and forgets to say 'luv ya' now when we part company. He won't take the garbage out or clean a dish or even just pick up after himself. He goes to school when he feels like it and takes a fit if you say anything about it. And he lies! I am not sure why, but he lies about everything, stupid things that don't even make any sense to lie about. It's almost pathological.

I have figured it out, seems that the person he is living with is the person he shits on.

I fixed his wagon as far as school is concerned. If he misses one more day this year, I will have his father cancel the insurance on his car. No exceptions!

So, I am just waiting for TBF to get his shit together and get his house built so the boy can move back. Hopefully I will not be wiped out financially by then.

Proof of life.

Finally got a chance to get some pics of The Boy's new car. He was 'detailing' it in the driveway.

The Boy has a plan.

This plan might work and would most definitely work if not for one thing. The Boy's Father.

The Boy is jones'in over this car.


Most likely strictly because of these rims.


His plan? To have TBF co-sign a loan for him to purchase this car. Twenty-five hundred bucks, you're thinking, not a big deal, especially for a guy that just bought a Porsche for cash, right?. For any other father out there, probably wouldn't be a big deal, but I don't think The Boy should hold his breath.

I wish he had seen this car before I spent the income tax refund, I would have bought it for him. I fear that this is as close as he is going to get to this car if TBF has anything to say about it. Somehow when it comes to The Boy, TBF is loathe to part with a quarter. I have no idea why that is, but it is.

Don't hold your breath.

A truly affordable car for absolutely everyone in North America?

India's Tata Motors launches super-cheap Nano car

The tiny car measures about 3.1 metres, has one windshield wiper and is outfitted with a 624-cc rear engine. It will cost buyers about 100,000 rupees, or US$2,050.

Not fucking likely. This car will probably go the way of the one that was proven to get 127 miles to the gallon. The prototype was purchased by Chrysler and buried.

Mind you, the car isn't much to look at and you couldn't do any real highway driving due to the maximum speed of 70 kph, but for someone who has never owned a new car, I wouldn't mind it.

Where is Noah when you need him?

Was all set to take my car in this morning to have it fixed. That is my repair shop...on the left. Across the pond.


And this is my mechanic, on this side of the pond with me.


This person didn't make it too far. Flooding hits around the county.


Guess I am going home, since I can't park 'er here. LOL



MORE FLOOD PICS




UPDATE 1:50 p.m.: 3D Auto is flooded with approximately 2 1/2 feet of water and a large piece of ice has crashed through the bay doors. (Great, that is my mechanic. Might not get the car fixed tomorrow either.)

SOLD!

The old girl is gone. I have to say Kijiji rocks! (Sorry Tena)

I really didn't intend to sell so quickly. I had planned to put it in the Barter and possibly the paper and see what I could get for it.

Then someone said, "You should put it on Kijiji." Since I was bored at work with nothing to do, I listed it.

Before I got the activation of my account complete, I had 4 emails on it and someone actually stopped by to see it. By the next morning, someone was making arrangements to come by after work to purchase it.

Less than 24 hours later, the old girl was driving off into the sunset with her new owner.

A woman car scorned.

I am now in possession of (count 'em) two cars. (That's the old girl, in red)


Its just too bad I can't drive either one of them. Neither is inspected and the new one has no plates.

In order to transfer my plates to the new car I need to first get it inspected. Now, as long as there is nothing wrong and that goes smoothly, I can transfer my plates to the new car. Simple, right?

Yeah right! Problem is that all this will cost in the vicinity of three hundred dollars. Do I have three hundred dollars, you ask? No, I do not.

So, 'that's okay' I say. I can just drive the old girl for another two weeks.

ME: "You and me for a couple more weeks, Old Girl."
OG: "Fuck you bitch! You parked that skank whore in my yard and expect a little sum'in sum'in from me? You better back that shit up right there!"
ME: "But sweety..."
OG: "Don't you fuckin' sweety me!"

I tried to ignore her, start her up and drive away. She literally wouldn't shut up. The roar that came out of her you would not believe. There is no way I can drive that through town without turning some heads.

OG: "I don't know what made you think you could play me this way!"

His name is Murphy, and I live by his code.

New to me.

Got my new car today. Well, it's new to me and only had one other owner, Nurse Darling.

It's a 1998 Toyota Corolla, 5 speed.

I have a laundry list of things I want to buy for her. Wheel covers, being the most obvious. But I also need seat covers and a steering wheel cover, etc...

I am selling the old girl. A 1997 Chevy Cavalier. Shame really, I just had a shitload of work done to it. Breaks, shocks, struts, muffler. But Nurse Darling had told me she wasn't getting a new car until next year, so I put all my money into fixing the old girl.

However, as soon as Nurse Darling saw this little beauty, she couldn't resist. I asked The Boy if I should sell the old girl or did he want it. You know what he said?

"Go ahead and sell it." WTF?

Does he think he will get a better offer than 'free' for a car? Sometimes I don't understand what is going on in that boys head. So sell 'er we shall.

Anyone interested?