hermm

When I woke up this morning, I felt thankful and guilty..
Thankful because I still have the opportunity to breath and see this world once more.. Guilty because I didn’t do anything to repay for what He has given me all this time.. To be honest, I really feel that I’m nothing, but a stranger who stranded in the world that He created..I’m much more smaller from a dust if I compare myself with His power and knowledge.. Allahu Akbar..It’s been a long time that I forgotten my creator.. Without him, I’m nobody.. All I have now is His gifts.. Everything in this world happens with His will.. Kun Fa Ya Kun..
Me? I don’t know..As time goes by, I become more reckless and distracted with this world..Ya, earth that full of sins and deeds.. Sometimes, I’ll feel sad for what I’ve done.. For all my sins, all my fault.. I ask myself, when I’m happy, did I remember Him? When I was sad, I’ll find Him.. is this what should I do? Definitely NO!! I gone too far, and I don’t know how to undo that.. Repent? Ya, but it’s not easy.. My iman is not strength enough to do that..I always fall to nafsu and devil’s seduction.. what a muslim suppose to do? I know the answer, but, did I live in this world according to the answer.. 5 rukun Islam, 6 rukun iman, al-sunnah, al-hadis and Al-quran..this should be my policy,my rule, and my guidelines in my life,the guidelines that I should obey..
And know what, most of those things that I mentioned, not much I’ve done..my prayer, my act, my way are totally miserable..Ya Allah,forgive me.. you never abandon me, but I? Because of You, I still able to breath, still able feel love from my parents, still able to have everything that I have..
I’m totally different if I compare my past and my present..I don’t know where is the old Eizzat.. ya, the one who grown up with enough knowledge and awareness..the one who on the right track of the guidelines.. Me now? I have the knowledge, I still have the sense of awareness.. but I’m totally lost, far from the track of my guidelines..
When I writing this, I can’t control my tears…
Dear readers, life is about choices. When we were born, we are clean and everyone is start from zero.. Nobody was born as a sinner, as a killer, as a rapist, as a gay, as a cheater, as a dictator and other bad characters(some people think they are bad,before they know the real story).. and nobody was born as a imam, as a good people, as a fair leader, as a honest person and other good character(sometimes they look good outside,but sometime not inside).. It’s a about choices.. We are the one to chose, what we will be..We are the pilots of our own lifes..we are khalifah in this world.. the world will affect our choices, but that should not be the reason for us to follow the world..Even the world is against us, u should know that He is the one who we should obey,and He has given the guidelines.. Follow the guidelines, and we will be safe here and after.. so readers, choose wisely, what way will u follow..and remember, even we are lost too far,He still with us, and repent will have its door wide open for them who realized their mistakes, the prove that Allah love His followers, no matter who we are, because we are all the same from His sight, we are just like other human being.. designation, wealth, and popularity are meaningless..
I’m not perfect,that’s why I’m writing, for me to remind myself and others too..
(* ignore all my spelling or my grammar mistakes, I writing this honestly)