Things I don’t know

I’m a writer. An author. And not only do I openly admit it, but I talk about my writing and my hopes and dreams quite a lot. And in very public forums. (Like blogging.) Because I’ve been into this for a while, people have a tendency to ask me things. Sometimes, I have answers, but more often than not, I don’t. Not yet, anyway.

There are a lot of things I don’t know.

1. How do you get an agent?
(Um, I can tell you how I’m trying, but since I have yet to be successful in this never-ending endeavor, I might not be the best person to ask.)

2. When is your next book coming out?
(Hm. I’d love to say 2013, but since I’m not feeling the self-publishing vibe, I have no idea.)

3. How does a midlist book make the bestseller lists?
(My guess: good writing, strong word of mouth, and some brilliant marketing from the author. But I’ve never been there, so…I couldn’t really tell you for sure.)

4. How can I make a living as a writer?
(Uh, I’ll have to get back to you on that. As soon as I find the secret, I’ll be happy to share it, because I’m nice like that.)

5. How long are you planning to keep writing / submitting?
(Indefinitely. Because I’ve tried to quit. A few times. Recently, even. Never works for long, so I guess I’ll write forever.)

6. Who is your favorite author?
(Answering this question would be like diving into the ocean and trying to pinpoint a favorite starfish. But I have a particular love for young adult authors these days, so I guess I could start there.)

7. Where did you learn how to write?
(Everywhere. Practice. Lots and lots of practice, and classes, and critique groups, and conferences. But again, see the above questions. It’s entirely possible that I don’t know how to write—maybe that’s why I don’t have an agent and/or book deal and am not making a living as a writer.)

But even with all the stuff I don’t know, there are a few things I do know.

1. I will never get to where I want to be if I don’t try.

2. Trying sometimes = failing a whole lot of times.


3. Winner/ loser/ reject: there are people in my life who will always be there, and they will love me anyway.

4. People will always be more important than money or deals or success.

5. I am the only person who can decide how I act, how I treat others, and how much I value the relationships in my life.

6. I have written a number of full-length novels. Someday they will be read by people who need to read them. It’s okay if that someday is far away.

7. Even though I am not necessarily where I want to be in my writing career, I am already successful. I have done things most people will never even attempt. I have met people and formed relationships, and experienced things I didn’t even dream when I was young. And I am teaching my kids the value of the phrase never give up.

8. Someday, I WILL have the answers to the questions on my don’t list.

Sometimes what we know and what we don’t is a matter of perspective.

Sometimes You Have to Get Wet

A couple weeks ago we took our daughters and a bunch of their friends boating. Just as we got to the lake and paid to park my car (took 2 because we had so many kids with us), the sky opened up and it rained on us. Because we were at a reservoir surrounded by mountains, we didn’t have the advantage of being able to see very far in any direction, so there was no way to know if this was going to be a long storm, or if it would pass quickly.

At this point, we had a few choices. We could a) turn around and go home or b) huddle in the car and wait or c) take the travel covers off the boat and prepare to launch, hoping the storm would pass.

We chose to prepare for launch and hope for the best.

David Wolverton (aka Farland) once told me a story of a time when the publishing industry struggled to hold on. After several very lean, dry years, many authors gave up their craft and found other jobs. During that time, some authors stopped writing altogether, while others kept writing, but nothing of much value, believing that the opportunity to publish books had passed. One particular author never quit. Indeed, he kept writing as vigorously as he always had.

Many years passed. Guess what happened? The publishing industry pulled out of the funk it had been in, and agents and publishers looked hungrily for publishable works. While everyone else scrambled to get back into the writing game, the author who never quit now had something like 20 manuscripts polished and ready for submission.

Guess who had the best success rate?

At the lake that day, we ran through the rain, pulled the covers off the boat and loaded our gear. Wouldn’t you know it, ten minutes later, the rain let up and the sunshine came out to push the clouds away. We spent four or five hours as one of maybe 3 boats out there, and had some very happy kids.

Storms and famines will come. And it may take some time, but eventually they always pass. So today I ask a rhetorical question. Will you be the one packing up and leaving before you ever really started? Or will you get wet uncovering the boat while you wait?

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Better get to work then!

Quitter, Quitter, Quitter

Some days, I wonder why I ever decided to become a writer. What was I thinking? Oh wait, I know. I thought it would be easier. And probably that it would happen more quickly. And that my life would change dramatically.

Well, at least I was pretty close on that last one. My life has changed. Not in ways I ever expected, and most definitely not like I pictured, but it has definitely changed. And for the better even. So. That’s good.

But easy? Huh. Not on your life. Or in my life. Or anyone else’s either. It’s more like giving blood for a living. You go into the office, hold out your arm and tell the nurse, “Okay, hook me up.” (Ahem. The first time I gave blood—passed out cold for several minutes afterward. Have not given real blood since.)

And quick? Right. Since when has anything really, truly good happened fast? Patience is the story of my life. But I often find myself wondering if I should just give it up and go work at the gas station down the street. At least I’d have a ready supply of Dr. Pepper handy. (And chocolate. Black licorice. Gum. Yeah.)

Why do I bother? Why do I try so, so, so hard? Why do I torture myself, day after day after day?

Because I don’t know anything else. I don’t know how to quit this thing.

Because when it comes right down to it, I’m a writer through and through. And from the moment I first realized that, I’ve known deep, deep down in my innermost self that this is it for me. It’s who I am. And you can’t just stop being who you are. So. You keep going, because there’s no such thing as quitting when it comes to being who you are.

So I guess I’ll keep going. Even when it’s hard. And I’ll keep bleeding even when I want to pass out from the pressure (or lack of it). And I’ll keep writing, even when I think I suck.

When was the last time you felt like quitting? Did you try? What made you change your mind?

**Check out my review of Chocolate Roses by Joan Sowards and enter to win today!**