“Now, why don’t he write?”

When we haven’t heard from someone in awhile, our family quotes this line from the movie Dances with Wolves. Upon seeing a man lying on the ground with an arrow through his chest, the crude, lewd, and socially unacceptable wagon master turns to his passenger, Lt. John C. Dunbar (Kevin Costner), and says, “Somebody back East is wondering, ‘Now why don’t he write?’”

To friends and family, the reason “why Jane don’t write” is . . .

Last week Grace had an ultrasound.  She and Abe had been counting down the weeks till they could find out the sex of their baby. Grace came home from the ultrasound beaming. She was able to talk to Abe in Iraq and tell him what the baby was, but he couldn’t call us until later that night. Grace and Abe had decided beforehand that Abe would tell us the news. Ande and I visited with Grace while we fixed supper. Not once did she let a pronoun slip. When Calvin joined us at the supper table we talked more about the baby. She gave nary a hint as to what it would be. Finally about ten o’clock, Abe called and said, “We’re having a boy!” We appropriately hooped and hollered and then he said, “Not really. We’re having a girl!” and we cheered some more. Grace called her friends and family and told them the great news.

The next day the doctor called and asked Grace to come in to discuss the ultrasound results. After many consultations with the doctor, a genetics counselor, a perinatologist, and another more extensive ultrasound, the doctors have determined that the baby has Trisomy 18, including a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. If Grace is able to carry the baby full term, the baby is not expected to live longer than a few breaths to a few hours.

As the doctors broke the news, Grace laid her head in my lap and sobbed. After several minutes she leaned over against Calvin’s chest and sobbed some more. Heart wrenching sobs. Like all new expecting parents, Grace and Abe had so many plans for their baby and their growing family and those plans are now altered or cut short. And yet through it all, the love of God has been felt so strongly, so tangibly. Abe and Grace tell it best:


Dear Family,

I was crushed when I heard the news about Clara Ann. It broke my heart to know that she won't be the perfect little girl we had hoped for. I cry every time I think that Grace and I aren't going to get to hold our little girl more than a day or two. I'm never going to see Grace rock and sing her to sleep. It hurts so much to know that she's never going to grow up and play with dolls. She's never going to go to school. She's never going to play any sports. She's never going to go on a date. She's never going to do hair and makeup with her mom. It kills me to think of all the things my little girl is never going to get to do. I hate that Grace and I don't get to plan for things like clothes to buy, toys to buy, how to paint her room, taking her outside to play...instead we have to plan on where to bury our baby, what kind of casket to get, what type of headstone. This was not at all what we had hoped and dreamed for. Last night when I was taking a shower, I broke down and bawled for 15 minutes when I thought of everything we couldn't do with Clara and all the things we were going to have to do instead. These past few days have been the worst days of my life.

However, I have learned a lot in the past few days . . .

I never knew I could feel so much love for someone I've never seen . . .

I've also found great peace and comfort in these past few days . . .

I know that Grace and I will have the opportunity to someday raise Clara . . .

I know that the resurrection is real . . .

I know that through the Atonement, Christ has made it possible for us to all be together again. I'm so grateful that he suffered so much pain and anguish to be able to comfort us and ease our pain.

I’m so grateful that we received Clara. I'm grateful that we received such a special girl. This has been a hard experience, but I wouldn't trade it and I wouldn't trade Clara for any other baby. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and is mindful of us.

I love you all.

Abe




This has been the hardest thing Abe and I have ever gone through. It's so hard knowing we were so happy (and) were going to start our little family and we had so many plans . . . We don't get to do these things anymore . . . Our hearts are completely broken. It's unbelievable to me that with all her problems she wasn't miscarried. But she's holding strong, she's feisty . . . and she is fighting this out.

Abe and I know that Clara will always and forever be our little girl. We are so thankful that through the Atonement of Christ our broken hearts will be healed and that through the Resurrection, Clara will receive a perfect body and we will get to hold her in our arms again. We are so thankful to have been married in the temple where we are sealed to Clara for all eternity. She is our special little girl and we wouldn't trade her for anything. Even though this has been hard, Abe and I know that we will learn so much from this, and we feel so honored Heavenly Father would send such a special little girl into our lives. We feel so blessed and wouldn't trade her for anything. I hope that I get to carry her full term so that I can be close to her as long as I can. I ask for your prayers that this will happen. I love this little baby so much and I want to help her keep fighting.

(Before the doctors’ consultations) I received a blessing from my father-in-law saying that no matter what everything will be okay. After the blessing I felt so at peace even though I was still worried out of my mind. I was calm and knew that everything was in Heavenly Father's hands. I didn't think I was going to lose little Clara, but now I know that it is the Lord's will. During the ultrasound the very first picture we got of Clara was a picture of Clara's head and her arm with her thumb sticking straight up. The technician said, look she's giving you thumbs up! We got a picture of it and the technician wrote on the picture, "Thumbs up, Mom!" I really felt as though Clara was saying, "Everything's going to be okay, Mom!" Like I said, looking at her you would never guess she had any problems. She acts like the happiest little baby and is my sweet little girl.

This is so hard, but like I said I feel so honored to be Clara Ann's mother. I know I will be with her again and "everything will be okay!" I wanted you all to know what was going on. Thank you for your support and I ask that you will keep Clara, Abe, and me in your prayers. I love you all.

Grace



And so while we wait for little Clara’s birth, we are grateful for the peace the Savior gives. Peace is better than easy. Peace is even better than painless. The peace of God truly “passeth all understanding” and we’re grateful for it.